The door swung open showing him, yet again, his life. He knew Luke had been here, taken away his fish, cleaned up, and rummaged around, Jess discovered, removed every knife and relatively sharp item from the apartment albeit his father's pocket-knife, still sitting harmlessly between the tiger and the pocket watch. Jess picked it up and felt it in his hand, he snapped open the blade, starring at it for a moment, remembering how often he had longed to hold a knife, any knife, but now that it was in his hand, it felt stupid. He closed it, and put back own amongst the menagerie. His books lay stacked by the bed. Jess sat down beside them, ran his fingers up and down the spines. Glad to be home, glad to be free. He dug in his pocket and pulled out the pack of Lucky Strikes he had bought on his way home, he lit up and leaned back, against his bed, feeling free and feeling happy. He had a smile on his face, he couldn't reason why, and he couldn't remember a time in the last year, he'd felt like this. There was a timid knock on the door, in a flash his old insecurity was back, his heart pounding at who it could be. The door opened, revealing Astoria, strangely changed in a way that Jess couldn't put his finger on. He noticed her, her hair had grown out from the stylish layered cut to just brown hair that was tucked behind her ears, she was wearing a sweater and a jacket that looked oddly shaped on her. Had it really been so long, that he had truly forgotten what she looked like? As if to assure himself he looked up at her eyes, her characteristic eyes and they're they were, bright, endless and sad. Astoria.

"Hey." She said smiling a little, crossing her arms across her chest.

"Hey." He replied.

"You're out."

Jess nodded. "Just today."

"I have to tell you something. Something important." Jess perked up, stubbing out his cigarette looking up at her from his spot on the floor.

"I wanted to tell you when I met you for coffee that day, but I could tell that you were so fucked up, I didn't have the heart to lay anything on you, and then I found out what happened. I tried to write you letters, I even tried to visit you. It got to the point where I just wasn't going to tell you, was going to let happen what was going to happen. But I can't. I'm pregnant Jess."

Jess stopped breathing; all he could hear was the sound of his own heart beating. He coughed, he swallowed hard.

"Excuse me?"

"I'm pregnant."

He felt like his lungs were going to collapse in his chest that his heart might break out through the skin.

"'Toria I just got out of the loony bin couldn't you have told me tomorrow?"

She down beside him, rubbed his arm and held his hand. "I couldn't put it off anymore."

He started to feel better, started to breathe normally again.

"How far...along?" Jess started out, loosing steam and breaking his question off.

"Five months, too late for an abortion."

"No. No, I didn't mean it that way." He didn't, he honestly knew in his heart that it was his kid. That he would have to be there for that kid.

"What are we going to do?"

She squeezed his hand tighter. "That's why I'm here."

"When you were gone, and I was... alone, I was feeling really down I guess I need someone to talk to. To reassure me, I guess. I called my Mom." Jess breathed in a deep sharp breath.

"She reassured me, invited me over, until my Dad got home. Out came the bible, the priest came over. I can't escape them now; it's as if I'm 15 again. Jess, I'm 17, in the eyes of the law my parents own me, my parents are taking me to court, they are going to have my baby taken away, and they're going to put it up for adoption." Tears were rolling down her cheeks, her eyes glistening, her voice breaking. Her head was on his shoulder and he ran his fingers up and down her shoulder, touching her hair, trying his best to make her feel better, when in all honesty, he had no idea what he was doing. The words he was hearing seemed so far away seemed so confused.

"What can I do?" He asked, anxious to end the moment.

"Take him."

"Huh?"

"Our baby, my parents will give him to you if you disappear, and I sign some papers. At least I'll know he's safe!"

"Our baby? How do I know Astoria, how do I know its mine?"

"It's yours, there was no one else." There was a flash of something in her eyes as she looked at him, as if she wished there was someone else. As if she wished there was someone better she could lay her problems on. But there wasn't just the two of them and all they had in common was their sadness.

Jess pulled away, violently.

"No. No! No!" He pulled himself to his feet, retreating to the farthest wall.

"Jesus Christ Astoria! I'm goddamn mentally unbalanced, I am not all there, I am heavily medicated, I have to call my probation officer and I cannot raise a kid!" She was crying again.

"Yes you can."

Jess reached into his bag and pulled out the bag that contained the four bottles of pills.

"You don't believe me, read those labels. Those are fucking anti-psychotics and sedatives, I can't do it. I CAN'T DO IT!"

In a second she was cold, standing on her feet, starring him down with hard eyes, still clutching his pills.

"You going to be like your father Jess? You just going to let your kid go, not give a damn about him? Fine, fine, FINE!" She threw his pills back at him, the bottles hitting the floor, not satisfied she reached over and started grabbing his books and hurling them at him as fast as possible.

"I hate you!" The next moment she was gone, the bottles rolled on the floor, the door still shuddered, book pages fluttered. In a moment he was alone, and crying. Tears rolled down his cheeks like they hadn't in years. He wouldn't become his father, he wouldn't, he tried to reason with himself. He could barley control what he was doing, barely control as he ran across the room, wretched open the door and ran after her, calling her name, as she struggled walking into the fall wind that not an hour ago and felt so refreshing to him, that just felt repressive.

"'Toria wait." She kept walking, not even looking back.

"Astoria wait!" He ran harder, trying to catch his breath, trying to make his mind work, trying to understand what was going on. He reached her and grabbed her shoulder harder than he had wanted.

They stood face to face, the wind whistling in their ears, in that moment for Jess, time stopped as he looked into her eyes.

"What?"

"I don't want to be like my father." He replied breathlessly.

It almost looked like a smile on her face. "But I don't know if I can't do it alone, you can't help me? You'll be 18 in five months, can you help me then?"

She shook her head, tears running down her cheeks. "I can't."

Jess ran his hands through his hair, and took and deep breath. "What do I need to do?" He rubbed his arms, cold in the fall air, still feeling the cuts under his fingers with the premonition he was making a huge mistake.

"You just have to come to the court date."

Jess walked home in a daze, his apartment was strewn with pills and books. At the moment he couldn't see himself wanting either, he felt so forlorn, and so alone.

He dialled the numbers as quick as his shaking hands would move.

"Luke? Can you come and get me?" There were pills, books and blood on the floor when he slammed the door to meet Luke's green truck.