Ok, this is it. The last chapter! 24,000 words, numerous computer problems and a few cases of major writers block and it's done.

Thanks to everyone who read and reviewed.

CHAPTER 28

The who's who of the burg, the 'A' list gossips, the crème de la

crème of the grapevine crammed themselves into the pews of the church beside the curious onlookers eager for a good show; the pleased, but quietly cautious family members and the friends who still couldn't believe this was happening.

The church was full. Between the invited guests and the curious it seemed that everyone in the Burg had turned out to see my sister marry Joseph Morelli. Whether it was to witness the elusive and legendary bad boy bachelor tie the knot, or the beautiful bride, who no one expected to re-marry after the scandalous end of her first marriage, let alone marry a Morelli. Or maybe it was the inevitable entertainment value that any combined Plum/Morelli occasion was assured to provide.

Whatever the reason, this day was already destined for the pages of burg history - the day that Valerie Plum married Joe Morelli.

The wedding ceremony was beautiful and more importantly went off without a hitch. The bride wore cream (totally acceptable for second marriages – especially if the first husband was an ass) the groom wore a tux. They exchanged traditional vows. The mother and grandmother of both the bride and groom cried. I think the Morelli women were crying because they were thankful that Joe had found himself a woman who was willing, and more importantly able to cook. Hell, I even think that they were happy that she came with a ready-made family, because they had already started to drop less than subtle hints about babies.

Now all we had to get through was the reception.

Ever see the wedding singer? Well that pretty much explains it. The reception hall was virtually identical. Even the fashion was similar, even though the film was set in the 80's - it's New Jersey what do you expect.

The kitchen ran out of food and we had to call Pino's for Pizza and the cops all drank too much.

Ranger and I where enjoying a slow dance to " Endless love" Valerie's favourite song, when my cell phone rang. It was what I had with equal parts been dreading and anticipating all day. Ric kept us moving as I answered. It was a short conversation. My end consisting of only " hello, yes and thankyou" When I hang up Ric pulled me closer 'so what did the doctor say?' is what he said to me without actually saying it – I had been working on my ESP.

'Negative'

If at all possible he held my tighter and danced toward the far side of the room.

'awwh Babe' he rubbed my back comfortingly

'Its what I wanted. But still…'

'I know'

And right then in the middle of one of the most important moments of my life a food fight broke out.

Flying pizza crusts, chicken wings and bread sticks

'Ric?' the food was flying, yet we still danced.

'Yeah Babe?'

'You know how this time it wasn't so much as planned as a surprise?

'Uh huh'

'And how it turned out to be a false alarm

Wolf grin

'I was thinking, that maybe, if you wanted, that maybe next time

'Next time' the wolf grin was growing

'Yeah, next time maybe it wont be so much of a surprise'

My only response was the full 1000-watt super smile before he kissed me… and I was hit in the back of the head with a meatball.

The music got turned up and the food fight escalated.

I caught a glimpse of Grandma Mazar using her fork as a rocket launcher and Carl was in the process of mashing a handful of already mashed potato into Bigdog's hair, Joe's mother was running in circles her arms waving above her head screeching and dripping peperoni pieces. My mother on the other hand was propping up the bar and well passed drunk, I could read her lips even from this distance, she was repeating " why me, oh god why me?" Even Dad was in on it; he had a pizza box and was using it as a Frisbee. I couldn't see Lula, but that probably meant she was doing something completely crazy.

I scanned the room as Ric twirled me. There were drunk cops using their training to plan attacks on a bunch of kids, mostly Joe's nieces and nephews, hell I even spotted Mary Lou's two terrors - those cops better watch out. I think I even saw Angie politely toss a breadstick. Mary Alice on the other hand was elbow deep in the mush on the floor. The happily married couple where at a safe distance, sitting at the bridal table. I thought that Valerie would be having a fit – her perfect day ruined – but I was wrong – she was in hysterics, her and her new husband were both doubled over in howling laughter. And I could only watch on in horror as grandma pegged a meatball at the priest. It was okay because he returned fire, and hit smack in the middle of her face.

Ric twirled me again, we were still in the middle of the dance floor – still dancing, only now goo covered. But hey I was used to it.

'Babe if we ever decide to do this, I'm hiring out the McDonalds again.'

'And why would that be?' I returned as yet another meatball landed in my hair.

Ranger, still in his spotless designer black suit raised one eyebrow and plucked the meatball from my hair

'Because'

I wrapped one arm around his neck and pulled myself in against him, making sure to have full body contact from chest to hip

'Because why?' I asked innocently

'Because everyone we know are complete animals' and at that moment the love of my life, smeared my face with whipped cream.

The sneaky bastard where had that come from.

He threw his head back and laughed.

Oh he was going down!

I hadn't done all that training for nothing.

While he was busy laughing at me, I wrapped my leg around his, low under the knee and did this twisty thing that tank had shown me. And hey presto Ranger was on his back, lying in a puddle of squish.

Only thing he was still laughing.

And seconds later I joined him on the floor, well not quite. I landed on top of him.

And he was still laughing.

Here he was lying in a puddle of indistinguishable food products in a designer suit that cost more than most people in the rooms cars, at Burg wedding reception minutes after finding out his girlfriend wasn't pregnant, but wouldn't mind being so one day. A food fight of epic proportions raging above his head. He was a day away from closing a major property settlement. His Hippie mother would be coming to stay later in the week. And yesterday he had returned a big time homicidal maniac to the legal system.

He may not be a complete mystery to me any more. But he is still an enigma.

And he was still freakin' laughing

God I love this guy.