Fighting the Fears

Sacred Phoenix

SP: I'm sorry it took really long… as I'm getting older, I get more and more school work… gomen nasai!

Kai: Don't make this too long…

SP: OK! Um... oh yeah, I use two song lyrics in this chapter so yah… disclaimers below

Sacred Phoenix does not own Beyblade or any of its characters.

Sacred Phoenix does own her OCs.

Sacred Phoenix does not own "Iris" – Goo Goo Dolls, or "My Immortal" - Evanescence

- Thinking

- Bit beast talking

"" – Talking

Chapter 8: Melody of Remembrance

Leila had looked all around the hall for her not-so-secret red-haired crush. But he was nowhere to be seen, along with the rest of his team. Leila sighed, she had wanted to see Tala so much, but she hadn't even got a glimpse of him yet.

I know he's here, she thought, pouting a little, I heard the Demolition Boys being announced when they entered the hall, but that was when we were meeting the new teams. Damn them! They made me miss Tala!

Slowly, she resigned herself to her misfortune and went to find Ally, since Sharon refused to do anything except sit at their table and stare into space. Ally met Leila half way up the grand staircase, looking thoroughly pissed off.

"What's wrong Ally?" Asked Leila worriedly.

"I'll tell you what's wrong!" Ally hissed, her voice quiet and deadly, "What do you mean by signing me up for performing AND the leading dance? Huh!"

"Oh… oops," Leila's eyes widened, realisation dawning on her face, "I forgot! I did that on the spur of the moment." Seeing that Ally was silently fuming, Leila sighed, "Don't be mad Ally, you can sing, You're good at it in fact. And for God's sake, if you're so damn worried, I'll do a performance too. Happy now?"

"Gah… whatever," replied Ally, turning away towards backstage, "but you're performing first."

Leila nodded understandingly and followed Ally behind the crimson curtains.

The lights dimmed and the hall quietened. Everyone's attention turned towards the stage where there was single spotlight beaming down as though from the heavens on a slim figure glowing with enchanting emerald light – Leila. Then, she began to sing.

"And I'd give up forever to touch you

'Cos I know that you feel me somehow

You're the closest to heaven I'll ever be

And I don't want to go home right now"

Leila smiled sweetly, skimming the crowds for Tala. When she was with him, everything seemed to fall into place, everything just seemed… right.

"And all I can taste is this moment

All I can breathe is your life

'Cos sooner or later it's over

I just don't want to miss you tonight"

Finally she found him, standing near the back, flanked by his team members, Spencer, Bryan and Ian. He had the slightest trace of a smile on his face, as he fixed his ice blue eyes on the girl who was looking straight at him, her emerald orbs gleaming with contentment. Leila sang, solely for Tala.

"And I don't want the world to see me

'Cos I don't think that they'd understand

When everything's made to be broken

I just want you to know who I am"

Does he understand? Thought Leila, willing him to just… know. These words were close to her heart. She had always masked her emotions from the world, because unless they had gone through what she had, they could not possibly comprehend what she felt.

"And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming

Or the moment of truth in your lies

When everything feels like the movies

Yeah you bleed just to know you're alive"

Flashback

"You're just a girl!" A beefy man shouted and threw a child against the wall.

"Dad…" Leila whimpered, sliding down on to the concrete floor.

"You do nothing but drink our water and eat our food! You are nothing compared to your brothers! Lazy! Lazy! Lazy!"

Leila heard the door slam and the click of the lock. She reached up slowly and touched her forehead. A sticky substance was slowly trickling down.

"Blood…" Leila murmured, "blood…"

/Flash/

"You useless piece of crap!" Boris hissed, his eyes narrowing dangerously, "I did not feed and clothe you so you could lose your matches! Laziness! That's what it is! And it won't go unpunished!"

"Boris, I'm sorry for losing the match! But I'm not lazy! I'm not!" Protested Leila. Boris had slashed right across an old wound that had not quite healed.

"Don't contradict me! You little brat!" Boris took a step closer to Leila and shoved her against the wall.

"Boris! Please! Why are you doing this to me? Why do you do this to all of us? Is this what your parents did to you? Are you trying to make each and everyone of us suffer, because you did?" Leila cried, yet not a single tear graced her cheeks.

Boris started, and turned deathly white, "don't… don't you ever…" He turned on his heel and left the cell. Leila would think back later, and realise that she had found Boris' own weakness, his own reason for being the way he is.

The only source of light in the cell was through a little window high up near the ceiling. White light poured in from it, as if it shot straight from the heavens. Leila crawled towards the light and sat up in the centre of the beam. She felt around until she found what she was looking for – a piece of jagged rock. Shivering a little, she drew it across her arm, once but hard and dipped her finger in the red liquid. Quivering, Leila drew a circle around her. And there she lay, her eyes blissfully shut, a small smile dawning on her face.

"I'm safe."

End of Flashback

"And I don't want the world to see me

'Cos I don't think that they'd understand

When everything's made to be broken

I just want you to know who I am"

In her hard childhood, Leila had witnessed everything around her break and fall away; not just material objects, but the things that make humans more than just any other living creature, the things that make humans, humans. Broken was hope, faith, pride, courage, strength, human spirit, even… love. Leila had witnessed the Ally-Kai saga right up close. She saw them go through everything together, getting through everything because of each other. This she was certain was so strong, so intense, that it could only last for eternity, never to be broken. But she was wrong.

"And I don't want the world to see me

'Cos I don't think that they'd understand

When everything's made to be broken

I just want you to know who I am"

Now, she wanted her own shot at love, maybe it would end like Ally and Kai, but as they say, it is better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all. She had chosen Tala. Leila loved everything about him; his sarcasm, his solitude, his skill, his kindness to those selected few, his past that was guarded away like Leila's own… everything; and who could not fall victim to those azure orbs? Leila yearned for Tala to understand, to know…

"I just want you to know who I am

I just want you to know who I am

I just want you to know who I am"

Tala! I'm singing this for you! For you alone! Do you know? Do you understand? Tala please! I don't know how to tell you, I just need you to know. I just… want you to know who I am…

At the back of the hall, Tala was also deep in thought, Leila's changed… a lot. I remember…

Flashback

Tala sat on his bed, cleaning Wolborg meticulously. He had won yet another battle that day, yet all seemed lost. Hiwatari had left, but so had Dawn, his Dawn. Without them, there was no competition. Without Dawn… there was no life. Tala sighed and put Wolborg aside. He opened a draw in his desk and took out a photo… it was when he was nine and Dawn was eight, just after the competition that she had won. They had their arms around each other grinning cheesily for the camera.

Good times, he thought, even though he had never been anything more than a friend to her, unlike Hiwatari…

There was a knock at the door and Tala started, dropping the photo on to his desk. He half expected Hiwatari to walk through the door. Kai demanded as much, fearing him even in one's thoughts.

Not that I fear him, Tala reassured himself. But instead of the two toned blue and slate unruly hair, came a neatly groomed auburn. Leila was dressed in her best uniform and it was obvious that she had spent ages getting ready. Tala raised a dismissing eyebrow.

"Tala… I… well… " Leila stammered, getting redder by the second.

Tala was oblivious to all this as he sighed, putting a hand on the desk subconsciously, obviously very impatient.

Leila gulped, she had already gotten him annoyed. Her emerald orbs strayed to his hand, and spotted the photo. He had obviously been looking at it just before. Her heart sank to the bottom of her stomach, which seemed like a bottomless pit at that moment.

Why does Dawn get everything? Leila fought hard to stay under control.

"I just wanted to say that… well, good bye." With that, Leila fled from the room, tears streaking her cheeks, her feelings that were to be confessed to Tala were stuck inside her heart that was threatening to explode with too many emotions.

Tala stared after her, utterly clueless.

Late that night, Tala was awakened by alarms sounding. Cori, Leila and Sharon were gone, and so were all four Black legendary bit beasts. Ally had kept her promise.

End of Flashback

Is it possible that she was going to tell me that she liked me? Tala pondered, because it looks like she's singing that song for… well… me. Ok, maybe Dawn's right, my head is REALLY getting too big. So he quickly dismissed the thought that was actually right on track. Well, that's Tala for you.

The audience exploded into applause at the soulful performance. Leila smiled politely and looked nervously towards Tala. He wasn't even clapping.

He looks thoughtful, Leila convinced herself, he's probably thinking about something. Besides, it's Tala, surely I didn't expect anything.

But you did,- said Black Driger, -You wanted him to look at you like… like you look at him.-

Ok, so maybe I did, I'm not going to be in denial like Ally, but could you stop sounding so sappy? I think I'm melting with all the cheese, Leila replied sounding much more cheerful than she felt.

You can't fool me, Leila chan,- sighed the white tiger, -I'll be sensitive and leave the topic for now. But don't forget, we're due for a chat.-

Sensitive, uh huh, whatever you say, retorted Leila, but hey, by all means, feel free to leave the chat for as long as you wish. She felt relieved, after all, she had the rest of the night to get through.

Subconsciously, Leila had walked off stage and into the wings. There Ally was having a panic attack. She really really, like really did not want to perform.

But I'm Ally Hikaru, leader of the Shadow Rangers, and it would not look too good for me, or my team if I backed out of this. So, I guess… Ally sighed, ladies and gentlemen, ready or not, here I come.

With that final thought, Ally stepped uncertainly on to the stage and found that she calmed down almost immediately. Leila knew her too well; she had turned down the lights in the rest of the hall so that the audience was covered in darkness, that way, Ally could sing to a supposedly empty room.

Ally smiled a little and swayed gently to the beat as the familiar piano tune began to play,

"I'm so tired of being here

Suppressed by all my childish fears"

Flashback

The air was getting filthier by the second, and it was no wonder really. She was locked securely in a punishment chamber smaller than a dog kennel and definitely more torturous. Ally crouched in this cell clutching her knees tightly, wishing desperately to switch position but knowing it was impossible. The stench entwined with the darkness, gagging her, choking her at an impossibly slow speed, as though it took pleasure in her pain. All this suffering, just because she didn't train hard enough, according to Boris?

End of Flashback

"If you have to leave

I wish that you would just leave

'Cuz your presence still lingers here

And it won't leave me alone"

Ally looked up at the lights that bore down on her, that revealed her in front of all those people and wondered… wondered if he was watching her, wondering if he knew…

"These wounds won't seem to heal

This pain is just too real

There's just too much that time cannot erase"

Flashback

"Dawn, stop moping around!" Scolded Tala, frowning, "He's not going to come back, get over it! It's better without Hiwatari anyway."

Ally's eyes flashed, "take that back Tala! You know I care about him so, so much…" her voice descended into a whisper.

"He's made you weak!" Tala retaliated, "Where's the Dawn who defied Boris at age 6? Where is she?"

"She's dead," replied Ally, huddling even closer against the wall.

Tala knelt down beside her and willed her to look at him. She didn't. He sighed and put a hand on her shoulder,

"Dawn, I'm sorry that Hiwa… I mean Kai didn't come back for you. But shouldn't that wake you up? He left you because…"

"Don't you dare say it Tala! Don't you dare! He loved me! He still loves me!" Ally screamed, slapping Tala's hand away.

"No! You listen to me! He doesn't care about you! He's selfish and used you to get out of here! He's forgotten all about you! He doesn't care!" Shouted Tala, shaking Ally by her shoulders.

Ally fought out of Tala's grip and ran out of the room, letting the door slam behind her. Tala took Ally's place against the wall, head in hands,

"he doesn't care, but I do…"

End of Flashback

"When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears

When you screamed I'd fight away all of your fears

I held your hand through all of these years

And you still have

All of me"

Flashback

Ally twisted and turned, struggling to face Kai. They were hanging side by side from the roof beam in chains. As though that weren't bad enough, Kai also had sandbags hanging from his feet, courtesy of Boris. She could hardly breathe, let alone move but still, she knew that whatever she felt, Kai had it a thousand times worse.

Suddenly, the chains dropped and they crashed down on to the stone floor.

"Ouch," said Ally, wincing as she sat up, flexing her arms and immediately regretting it as a sharp stab shot through her entire body.

"That is the understatement of the year," grunted Kai, following suit.

"We've had worse," replied Ally, attempting a grin, "remember the story I told you?"

Kai managed a nod as he remembered all those nights during punishments when Ally had told stories to help them rest.

"Well, we're like the characters, we can't stop hoping, because sometime in our lives, we're destined to do something great, and that's when we'll bring light to the world," Ally said, her eyes lighting up.

"We bring light to the world," repeated Kai, feeling as though an anchor was cast on his heart, "but who will bring hope to us? To me? To you?"

Ally smiled bravely, "We will. " She reached out and touched Kai's cheek gently, "because I'll always be here for you, and I know you'll always be there for me. I'll catch you when you fall, knowing you'll do the same for me. That's all. That's enough."

End of Flashback

"You used to captivate me

By your resonating light

Now I'm bound by the life you left behind

Your face it haunts

My once pleasant dreams

Your voice it chased away

All the sanity in me"

Flashback

"See this whip Kai?" Whispered Boris into his ear, "it's dipped in salt water, and soon, it's going to rip someone's skin apart."

"You think that scares me?" Sneered Kai, "do you really think a few whip lashes will break me?"

"Who said it was your skin?" Asked Boris silkily, "but you will be involved yes, but as a spectator."

Ally faced Boris, her hands and feet tied so tightly she could swear it was cutting off her circulation. She was to be whipped, she knew, and could not care less, the important thing was that they were punishing her, not Kai. Footsteps came from the doorway, the ordeal was about to begin. Ally drew a deep breath and held her head high, preparing herself for Boris' smirk that was soon to come through the door.

The door creaked open, it was… Kai. Ally gasped, but was cut off by Boris,

"So, I believe I have made myself clear. Kai, your grandfather, that is to say, Master Voltaire, had given me permission to do all it takes for you to swear to have nothing more to do with this girl, and leave for Rubtsovsk, Siberia immediately."

Kai made no sign of hearing him, instead, he stared at Ally, as though he thought that if he stared long enough, she would be replaced by someone else, anyone else.

"Very well, let's see how long this will take."

The whip showered down on Ally and she cried out in pain,

Why did Kai have to be here? Why? If he wasn't I could stand this, I could stand anything. But I don't want him to see me like this!

Kai struggled against the guards holding him back. They were punching him, kicking him, doing everything they could to stop him from reaching Ally and he could not break free. Finally, he could bear it no longer,

"Stop!" He shouted, and silence fell, the drop of a needle could be heard.

"Say it Kai, and you could stop her pain. Just say it, and sign here," coaxed Boris, holding out a formal looking document.

"Don't! Kai!" Screamed Ally, distress ringing clearly in her voice.

"I…" he stammered, for once in his life, lost for words.

"Kai, don't you see, these lashes, they are nothing, nothing at all. These cuts are only skin deep, and time will heal them. But if you say it, if you agree, you'll be gone forever, and I will have hit rock bottom. Because… nothing, nothing hurts much as… here," Ally reasoned quietly, lowering her head towards her heart.

"Very well, continue," commanded Boris icily.

Kai saw his chance, and he took it. Sprinting towards Ally, he hugged her tightly, shielding her from the recommencing blows.

Tears that she had been holding back overflowed, "Kai…"

"Shh…" Kai whispered, touching her cheek, "we're in everything together, remember?"

"Kai… aishiteru," whispered Ally in a language that Boris could not understand, burying herself into his arms.

Kai smiled, and leaned forwards slowly. His lips caught hers, and in that magical moment, all the lashes faded away, everything faded away, because nothing else mattered, nothing except them…

"I love you too..."

End of Flashback

"These wounds won't seem to heal

This pain is just too real

There's just too much that time cannot erase

When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears

When you screamed I'd fight away all of your fears

I held your hand through all of these years

And you still have

All of me"

Ally looked out towards the darkness, and smiled at that sweet, sweet memory,

"I tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone

But though you're still with me

I've been alone all along"

SP: Too many flashbacks? Probably. Uh... I had to rush the last bit cuz I felt bad making you wait but schoolwork's getting more and more as I get older -sigh-