Disclaimer: No, I do not own Xenosaga. Monolith Soft and Namco own Xenosaga, and the movie extras that were supposedly going to be handed out if you reserved XS2 but never really were…

Warning: Minor XS2 conclusion spoilers. Be warned.

Chapter 2: Albedo's Diabolic Return

Resuscitated as Wilhelm's faithful testament, he roams our dimension again. The insane, the regenerating, the effeminate, the child molesting…Albedo. Once again, he seeks the crew of strong wills and his other half to make them repent, but this time, he has a plan!

"So what you are saying is that you are going to cross-dress and disguise yourself as a 'M.I.L.F.' to throw off the suspicions of these necessary victims during their stay on 2nd Milftia? As a tour guide? Perfect way to begin your trickery, my weaver of Zarathrusta. I feel that you are going to finally fulfill your full potential that I have speaking of to everyone else."

"Sir, where can I find a suitable crimson push-up bra?"

"I happen to be wearing one. Borrow mine, eternal weaver of Zarathrusta."

"I'd be glad to have that honor! Gimme, sir, gimme now!"

Albedo places his bra over his futuristic implants

"I hope you have knowledge that those special breasts are top-notch technology. You can change the size, texture, and shape of the individual breasts for better camouflage. But beware, White Testament; these breasts…Breasts of the Apocalypse…will disappear by midnight of tomorrow. Use these breasts to their full potential, my homo-erotic weaver."

"I love you, sir."

"Now…Be off!

"Jack off? Okay. I shall…jack off!"

Removes cheerleading mini-skirt

"NO! STOP! We didn't remove your male genitals; that would be…evil. Be off."

"Aww…you disappoint me, sir. Albedo out."

Albedo runs off as a skimpy milf

Meanwhile…

Writer: So, we have the crew of the Elsa and our characters running about on Planet 2nd Milftia. Let's see how we are doing, shall we?

Capt. Matthews:Ya moron! I protest...my crew ran off without me. I need my bags!"

Writer:You will probably feel much better when you aren't drunk. Just sit on the bench, wait it out, you'll see.

Capt.:But…I'm afraid.

Writer: Of what?

Capt.: Albedo's return! Albedo is coming back!

Writer: What gave you that idea? I mean, he was lifted into his afterlife by a couple of Kirchwassers, so why would you fathom such a foolish thing.

Capt.: The chapter title?

Writer: I forgot you could read…Okay, scratch that. Where were we? Okay, let's see what happens!

Hammer and Tony pondered together while sitting cross-legged on the nearest bench to the docking bay.

Hammer: What are we supposed to do here anyway?

Tony: The writers appear to want you to search for your lost homosexual lover while I hit on milfs. Sorry, nerd.

Hammer: Why are us magnificent otakus such as myself always persecuted and assumed to be homosexual?

Tony: Because you have no life and get erections when you watch "Spirited Away".

Otacon: Heyyyyy…I resemble that remark!

Tony: You aren't supposed to be here!

Otacon: I'm here on vacation; Snake is in the caravan having an orgy with my incestuous step-sister and Raiden.

Hammer: Goody! Where o where would this gift from the gods of Final Fantasy be?

Otacon points to what seems to look like a medieval Suburban from the 90s in the dark corners of the forests and Hammer runs off

Tony: Let's go hit on milfs.

Otacon: Shya, boi.

Meanwhile, within the dark depths of downtown.

Shion, MOMO, and Allen, against his volition, are walking around the park together, being interrogated by milfs everywhere. They would walk up to the female pair saying things such as "Heh, you are soooooooo underdeveloped!" and "Let the kid get implants, you milf wannabe." Slowly and surely, the three are getting irritated, especially Allen, who wants to accidentally send a knife in the back of his ex-love effort's head.

Just then…voices are heard.

:I can help you realize your wild dreams in this place. You want to get back at those perverted little children that hurt you so? I can help you.

MOMO:Show yourself!

:Okay, here you go. I'm the beautiful, super erotic, super magical, super-large breasted Albedina!"

And so very large-breasted this mysterious Albedina was. So large breasted that they jiggled in the wind, and this was as sexy as it was suspicious. "I'm your tour guide," she whispered, as she strutted towards them.

chaos:O, yes! Where under God's world did that hunk of a man learn to STRUT down towards them like that?

Writer:Shut up, transvestite. No one cares about you. Hehehehahaha!

chaos: No one understands! No one understands me! sob

Writer:Okay, that's a wrap. Until next time, folks!