CHAPTER THE THIRD
Author's Note: I am sorry if anyone is displeased with what happened to Erik, but I cannot change the past, (I am merely a 2nd class wizard.) If you want the past changed, ask Gandalf at But who cares about Erik? This is the story of poor little Chippy, and a squirrel is better than a psycho any day. Wouldn't you agree?
I was obviously startled at having such a bushy hand placed upon my person. I whirled about and pulled out my can of pepper mace. "Hold it right there!" I commanded.
I was staring into the masked face of a dark-haired man in dress clothes. He looked quite surprised. "Goodness, gracious me!" he said, "You're not Christine at all, at all!"
"Excellent Observation, Watson!" I said dryly.
"You don't even VAGUELY resemble Christine!" The man added, "My name is Erik, by the way."
"I didn't ask!" I snapped.'
"Oh, um, yes. Well, I just though EVERYONE is interested in me." He replied, "And I'm dreadfully sorry about confusing you with my darling angel! You see, this dmask gets sooo in the way of my vision! And besides, I need glasses!"
"Whatever." I said, wondering if I should suggest that he go to a laser hair removal place of some sorts.
"Well, I best be going now!" Erik said, "I've murders to plot, money to steal, music to write, songs to sing, sad memories to revisit in order to make myself look more pathetic to my girl phans, a fop to catch, and a beautiful –if dim- girl to find. I'm simply booked! Booked! Oh, and I need to polish my long nails. I'm growing them out –you see- for scratching purposes. Toodle-loo!"
For the briefest of moments my conscience wavered. After all, if Erik, (whom I was convinced was that phantom fellow,) went down to his lair he would be cut into tiny pieces by a bloodthirsty mob! Then the thought of mobbing struck me as quite humorous, and I left the Phantom to his fate. If you think I am cruel, I am not. If Erik was left to live, poor Chippy would be without a job for life! Choose the lesser –and funnier- of two evils I always say!
However, now I had to find Chippy and see how the poor dear was. I continued down to the cellars when a voice cried out "Christine! Is it you?"
The voice was squeaky and flat, like a bike tire without air. I despised it!
"No I am NOT you silly, fool-of-a-Took, bratty diva-wanna-be!" I snarled, "I so happen to be ." I stated my name here, which I will not do in this fan fic because my identity is a secret that only the selected few know.
"Oh my!" The squeaky voiced man said, "You're the lass who's identity only a selected few know! I am honored!"
"Don't be." I stated. I eyed the man. He was short, squatty, and rather on the gaudy side. His aqua-marine coat was decked with bells and bows, his pants were plaid, his shirt frilled, and the toe of each shoe was curled like a leprechaun's. He had blond hair done in Lord of the Rings-elf stile, and he wore a top had.
"I am Raoul le Viscount de Chaney de France de Europe de Earth de Milky Way CXVII. I am from a wealthy family from France in Europe, on Earth, in the Milky Way. I work a job as a Viscount de Chaney de Europe de Earth de Milky Way. I work the job of being a Viscount de Chaney de Europe de Earth de Milky Way, in France, in Europe, on Earth, in the Milky Way." The fop said.
"Oh." I said, uninterested.
"I knew you would be interested!" he squeaked.
"Please go away!" I growled.
"Oh, dear!" Raoul sniffed, "Another anti-social person! I seem to run into those a lot! But I don't mind a tinker's d! I have a positive attitude! I am Raoul le Viscount de…"
I left hurriedly. I must find Chippy! I thought.
Suddenly I came upon an old sign that pointed an arrow toward a small passage. The sign said, "Chippy's Lair, KEEP OUT!" That was it! I had found the lair! "Good old Chippy!" I cried, plunging into the darkness, "I'm coming old pall!
Extra disclaimer: I do not own the Lord of the Ring, (duh!)
Author's note: Thank you for all the reviews, Chippy is pleased. Do continue this positive response to the unfortunate squirrel, little animals don't deserve the sorrows!
