Chapter 25
The days appeared to flow together in one, seamless haze.
Lily loved me. Pathetic as it may sound, the thought of being loved by somebody, especially Lily, made me. . . happy. Well, as happy as a Malfoy could get, anyway. I was quite aware of the fact that people did not love me; they feared me, and, therefore, managed a certain amount of grudging respect, but they didn't love me.
Love was something for equals, and those that feared me certainly weren't what I normally considered my equals.
If Severus noticed a change in my behavior, he said nothing about it. He'd been much to busy trying to get those pesky brats (Potter and Company, of course) in trouble. Sad to say, he hadn't been very successful.
All this contentment was enough to make me almost forget the secret society I would soon be joining. Almost.
As I'd once mentioned, a certain teacher had been giving me strange looks. Of course, I'd ignored these looks, pointed though they were. If I could ignore my father's glares, I
could ignore Garednon's.
However, a not-so-subtle hint popped up, quite unfortunately, when my essay about Counterjinxes was returned to me. I'd gotten an A.
In stupid muggle terms, that would be a considerably good score, I suppose. Which only goes to show how stupid muggles can really be. In the Wizarding World, Hogwarts, specifically, A stood for Acceptable. It was the passing mark. Well. One did not just go around, giving Malfoys A's for no reason at all. Scrawled hastily at the upper right corner of my paper were the words:
See me after Class
Hardly a cryptic message. What an insipidly idiotic teacher he was. He could have just told me to meet him after class; why had he decided to let my grades suffer? That essay deserved nothing less than an O (For you muggles out there who have no idea what it is, it means Outstanding). And it was a N.E.W.T year too! I was going to murder that bastard one day.
But, as of now, no matter how unfortunately, he was still my teacher, and so, as the rest of the class filed out, I stayed behind once more. Did he really have to make a fool out of me in front of the Gryffindors? Again, this statement does not imply that he ever made me into a fool, literally; it merely implies the fact that his efforts made me feel like one.
Now, all those Goody Gryffindors would be gossiping behind my back about how stupid a Malfoy had become in Defense Against the Dark Arts.
Well, gossip meant nothing, really, but it could ruin my carefully made reputation.
"Mister Malfoy," Garednon said loudly, for the other students to hear, "your grades appall me. How could you be so careless as to write counterhex, when we all know there's no such thing? As I discussed last meeting, the word counterjinx prevails, as the jinx was the first Dark Spell discovered, not a hex. Countercurse is often used. However, as it branched from flagrant misuse and therefore incorporated itself into wizarding vocabulary, I could hardly count it as correct. Now, tell me again, Mister Malfoy, what is a jinx?" His tirade ended the moment everyone had filed out. He performed a silencing charm, and spoke to me.
"Have you made your decision? You've dawdled long enough--"
"Yes--"
"I told you he doesn't like to be kept waiting." He hissed, his face contorting into something I'd never seen before: evil. And hatred. I tried to sound as calm as I normally would.
"He doesn't? Oh well. Gar—Professor, I mean, these grades you gave me, they're simply revolting--" I was cut off as he continued.
"He performed the Cruciatus on me, Mister Malfoy. He wondered what was taking so long. Be glad I didn't tell him you were off gallivanting around school, bold as brass, with your little mudblood whore--" the bastard never finished his sentence; I'd pushed him up against the wall, my wand at his throat.
"Never call her my mudblood whore," my voice was so filled with rage, I barely recognized it as mine. No one called Lily a whore. She was the farthest thing from it. I'd expected a curse from him, but nothing came. He was shaking. And not from fear, either. From laughter. Disgusted, I moved away from him.
"Expelliarmus." The spell was said almost lazily, and I was thrown back against the table. He caught my wand deftly, smirking. "Love weakens you, boy. Only fools fall in love. There is no love. You understand that, don't you? Because if you don't--"
I gritted my teeth in annoyance. Of course I understood. But Garednon was wrong. Love did exist. Almost as if he could read my mind, he continued, mockingly, " 'Love knows no boundaries'? That's an erroneous saying; anything that doesn't cover the whole of a topic is erroneous, as I've so painstakingly discussed in class. Though I highly doubt you ever listened. Love knows no boundaries because it is infinitesimal. So small it needs no boundaries; so small, it is non-existent. That is the whole truth, is it not?"
I said nothing. "But maybe love is different in your case." The way he'd said love had sounded exactly like the way I'd when I'd asked Lily if she loved me. The same sardonic twist, the same mocking tone. I would never say it like that again.
"Love. . . it angers you, doesn't it? My Lord always said you would be useful, with the proper manipulation. . . just like your father. . . he aids us, you know, only he isn't aware of it. Maybe we could use this little mudblood infatuation you have to our advantage." He looked closely at me as he said 'mudblood'. He wanted to see how I would react, just as he'd done the last time. I was no experimental rat, to be gawked at and dissected. I stared at him, devoid of any expression. If only I could have kept my voice that way as well.
"No one uses Malfoys, Garednon. No one." I growled, refusing to address him with the title 'Professor'. It was too good for him.
He permitted himself a small, condescending smile. "Obviously we've broken tradition then. Your father is a fool, Lucius. You know it. Only you refuse to admit it. You've always refused to see things right in front of you. Isn't that right, Lucius? ISN'T THAT RIGHT, LUCIUS," he repeated, and, at my refusal to answer, he raised his wand. "Imperio." I felt myself nodding. "It'll be the Cruciatus for you next time. My Lord might find you useful. Might. But, all in all, I'm more valuable. I've been his follower from the beginning--" My anger had reached its boiling point.
"That's what you're good at, isn't it? Following? Why? You can't make your own--" A curse hurled me against the wall. Garednon was walking forward, closer to me, his hand trembling in barely suppressed anger.
"Watch your mouth, boy. My patience can only take so much." He raised his wand, his boyish blue eyes juxtaposing the malevolent glint that shone in them.
"Crucio." I expected to feel pain rack my body. I expected to be blinded by it.
This was not what I had expected.
It wasn't me twisting in pain, begging for it to stop.
It was Garednon.
A heavily hooded figure stepped out of the shadows, wand raised. I knew, without a doubt it was he (or she?) who had cast the curse.
"Now, now, Garednon. Revenge does not take you far, and jealousy takes you nowhere."
"Master, please, I am sorry, I was only--"
"You were only what? Ready to kill Lucius here?" The tone of voice did not change, but, from the way Garednon continued screaming, I could tell his pain had been magnified tenfold. "I can do a great many things, Garednon, but I'm afraid forgiving is not on that list, long as it may be."
My would-be murderer was twisting on the floor, mewling pitifully like a child.
"But. . . hmm, maybe Lucius has still retained that exemplary abilty. Maybe." The figure turned towards me. "What do you say, Lucius?" It said, as casually as one discussed the number of sugar cubes in a cup of tea. "Should I kill him?"
Much as I wanted to, I felt no pity for my teacher. He'd wanted to subject me to this kind of pain. He'd told me things I didn't want to hear; about myself, and about my family. He'd called Lily my MUDBLOOD WHORE. I wanted him to suffer. With every fiber of my being, I wanted him to die. No one called Lily a Mudblood whore and got away with it. Almost painfully, I remembered Lily. She wouldn't want him to suffer like this. She wouldn't even want me to let him suffer like this.
I sighed loudly. "A few more minutes will do, I think. He deserves it." My voice had turned cold and sneering.
"I would let him die, but. . . as you say. You must remember, Lucius, that generosity is not always good. Postpone a curse, and you may get one in return."
I watched, emotionless, as Garednon writhed on the floor. His cries would reach no one's ears save ours; the silencing charm he'd placed earlier ensured absolute privacy.
Abruptly, the noise, which had been getting quite annoying, stopped. The curse had finally been removed. He lay on the floor, whimpering, a complete joke compared to what he'd been doing earlier. I wondered how he'd felt, as all his power had been taken away. Not so strong anymore, was he? And not half as brave either.
The still-cloaked figure was, undeniably, scrutinizing me from beneath its cover.
I'd had my. . . suspicions, about who this was. Who else would Garednon have called 'Master'? It wasn't until the figure stood before me, and threw back its hood, that I knew my suspicions had, indeed, been correct.
I was staring straight into the eyes of Lord Voldemort.
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Disclaimer: the chapter title was derived from David Usher's Black Black Heart. I was listening to it, and it sounded so. . . evil, hehehe. :D
Author's Notes: I haven't got much to say, really. . . um . . . oh, hope you all noticed in the previous chapter when he called Lily a very 'smart woman'. Remember how he used to argue with himself before, about her being nothing but a 'girl'? :D
And before I forget, thanks to Dark Rose for telling me about that minor glitch I had : There was a part in Chapter 19 (My Quarters) where Lucius was asking Lily about Petunia, and he mentioned 'never having had siblings of his own'. I changed it to 'never really having had siblings of his own'. I guess he never considered Iole as a 'real' sibling since he didn't remember very much of her; you know how it is, almost everything in our early childhood seems like a dream :D
Paige—thanks for reviewing!! :D It was a little hard, to have him to do that. In a way, I consider Lily as his conscience; without her, he's pure evil (well, not exactly pure, that would be Voldemort). With her. . . well, he's the Lucius we all know and love. :D
Chelli—thank you!!! *sigh* your review totally cheered me up (post-filipino quiz depression. . . ugh). This chapter isn't fluffy at all. . . I think it's a bit dark. Or very dark. Notice Lucius didn't feel anything when Garednon was being crucio-ed like that? But then Lily popped into his mind, and the smallest bit of human emotion was dragged out of him. I shudder to think what he'd be like without her. . . *sob*
Dark Rose—OMG thank you sooo much!! *smiles sheepishly* I told you all school was frying my brain! :D I changed it now, but not much; it now says 'I wanted to know, never *really* having had any siblings of my own.' It might sound the same, but the really sort of adds room for possibilities :D I'm glad you liked that chapter; it was one of my favorites too (the long ones usually are :D)
Nanne/Dwen—teehee, Lucius can be sweet when he wants to be :D Yes, the Malfoys are ruthless, Lucius included (as you can see in this chapter). See, they were too 'attached' to their morals (if they had any) to really kill Iole; so they just let her die. It was more negligence than murder, really, so they had their hands clean, so to speak.
Sarah—you're soo lucky!!! Waah, I'm still stuck with glasses. I want contacts too, but I'm not allowed. . . waaah. L
