I was sitting on the kitchen table, while Lily and her mother bustled behind me, preparing dinner. I almost felt sorry for them, with no house-elves, or servants, at least, to cook dinner. When I thought about it, I knew my parents were probably in the drawing room, my father dissecting every part of the Daily Prophet, and my mother doing absolutely nothing.
"No, that's paprika, that's the chili powder," Lily's mother was saying absentmindedly, her voice a welcome intrusion in my otherwise depressing thoughts. "Lucius, could you stir this for me? I've got to go give Richard his medication, you know." Before I could refuse this menial task, I'd been ushered to the stove with a gentle hand and a warm smile. There was no doubt as to where Lily had inherited her persuasiveness.
Reluctantly, I began to stir. This was quite similar to making a potion, I reflected, only it smelled better.
"How's muggle life so far?" Lily had sidled up beside me, a large silver bowl balanced on her hip, as she too stirred a gooey looking substance. Noticing the look on my face, she said "Cookie dough", as if that explained everything.
"Hard work, that's what it is." I muttered grumpily, as the vapor rose up to meet face.
"Well, you haven't—" She didn't finish her sentence; a loud BANG! Resounded throughout the entire house. Footsteps could be heard, going from the far end of the hall towards the kitchen.
"Mum, Dad, I'm home!" The voice called out. Lily sent me a glance that clearly said 'watch out for this one'. This was, of course, none other than the Dreaded, and not to mention Infamous, Petunia. A blonde head popped into the room, smiling. The instant she saw us, the smile slipped off her face so quickly, I thought I'd imagined it. Smiling, she'd been almost pretty. The prominent frown she wore now made her nothing more than a human horse (very unbecoming, if I say so myself). "It's you." Her eyes swiveled towards me. "Your boyfriend, is it?"
Now, let me tell you, I don't take lightly to being called an IT. By a muggle, no less. I grabbed my wand menacingly, but instead of hexing her to oblivion, as I should have done, I performed a spell to keep the spoon stirring. Petunia turned an amazing three different shades of white. Looking at her with my haughtiest glare (yes, topping even that delivered to the clerk), I gave a slight bow, moving my head a mere fraction of an inch. The look on her face told me she might have tried to chop off my head, if I'd given her the smallest opportunity.
"Lucius Malfoy." To irk her even further, I let my cold gaze sweep over her. From experience, I knew this made people uncomfortable. Who on earth wanted to be assessed by a creature as close to perfection as myself? As expected, a pale blush crept over her cheeks, and she shifted nervously to her other foot.
She ignored me. That bloody muggle ignored me! The nerve of that—
"Where is my mother?" This question had been addressed to Lily, who had been standing quietly, stirring her cookie dough.
"She's my mother too, you know. She--"
"I'd like to forget that little bit. I rather detest the fact I'm related to something like—like you--" No one interrupted Lily like that. No one.
I swooped forward in front of Lily, in a surprisingly Severus-like manner (minus the greasy hair and dark robes), my glare strong enough to paralyze anyone. And paralyzed, she was. I used this short little hiatus to my advantage.
"Muggle, don't you ever, ever, speak to her like that again. Her sister you may be, but witch you are not. If there's anything to be ashamed of, it's you." I spat the last word out. From my limited experience with muggles, I'd realized something. Some were good, while some were, undeniably, disgusting. Sad to say, Lily's own sister fell into the second category.
Petunia was wide-eyed with surprise for a moment, before she turned on her heel and left.
Lily stared after her, and slumped down helplessly onto the chair.
"I don't know what to do with her. She hasn't been civil to me since I got my Hogwarts Letter. You think I would have gotten used to it by now. It's just. . . we used to be so close."
Using the same charm I'd used on the bowl of soup (or what I thought was soup, at least) on Lily's Cookie Dough (whatever that was), I sat down beside her.
"People change, Lily. She used to be nice, but now she isn't. Too bad for her. It's hardly your fault."
"I suppose it's not. I just expect her to pop in our room, with the smile on her face, the one she always used to give me, and sit down for a chat, you know?" She shrugged, and stirred the hardening lump of cookie dough.
Seeing her resume her duties aroused a pang of guilt in me for neglecting my own, and I stood up hastily to attend to my task.
"How's the soup?" Her question made me to choke. The soup, despite all the magical stirring placed upon it, had the pungent smell of something burnt. I realized, all too late, that I'd neglected to regulate the heat.
"Superb." I answered immediately (after I'd recovered from the short choking spell), placing the tip of my wand just above the mist rising from the now-reddish liquid. This revealed the ingredients (to my wand at least), so that I would be able to duplicate it. At least, I hoped I would be able to. Magic was a bit unstable.
As usual, luck was on my side, because the new substance smelled like the old one, without the burning smell. It seemed I'd finished my quick replacement just in time, as Lily's mother popped in to check up on us. Honestly, mothers (all but mine, anyway) were much too overprotective. What did she think I would do, pounce on Lily and shag her right then and there on the kitchen table? Mothers gave us all too much credit.
"Mmm, the soup smells delicious. Lily, your friend; Jillian, is it? Yes, well, she called while you were upstairs with the trunks. About tomorrow?"
"I'll call her back." Call? She was going to walk all the way over to her friends house? It was getting late—
Well, of course, I should have considered muggle technology. She walked over to a strange looking contraption, and picked it up. Seeing the strange look I cast at her, she said "Telephone" apologetically. What the bloody muggle was that?
I was even more shocked when she started talking to it. Was it a muggle pet? Like an owl, maybe, except it relayed verbal, instead of written, messages?
"Hi! Yes, tomorrow. We can go to the pictures, maybe, and have a bit to eat at that cute little café we used to go to? Ooh, really? So you're going to bring him? Johnson, hmm… he sounds familiar, isn't he that guy who got caught flushing cherry bombs in the loo? Oh, that was Johnston, wasn't it. . . yes, okay, see you tomorrow then, okay, bubye." She put the thing down, and smiled at me.
"What was that?"
"A friend," she answered serenely, placing large spoonfuls of rounded goo on a metal platter. Her shoulders shaking with what I suspected to be silent laughter.
"I didn't know you transfigured your friends into objects, and I didn't know transfigured objects talked back." She was laughing, there was no denying this now.
"It's a telephone, Lucius. Surely you've heard of these before? They're better than owls, you know--"
"What do you do with it?"
"Well. . . er, it's like the Floo Network. But instead of saying the name of the place you want to go, you just dial a number, and, somewhere else, the phone rings, and well, the person picks it up, or someone else picks it up, and calls the person you wanted to talk to." This sounded a little. . . er, strange, but I just pretended to look pleasantly surprised. I wouldn't be caught dead talking to a stationary, muggle, object.
"And you were talking to your friend about?"
"Well, um, you know--" She pretended to be caught up with goo scooping.
She was nervous.
Obviously.
"No, I don't know, what is it?" I had a sinking feeling it was going to be something I didn't want to be do. Something horribly muggle.
"Well, you see, I thought we would. . . er, have a bit of. . . er, muggle fun, you know, and. . . er, well, yes." She gave one of her smiles, which, when caught off guard, could have the same effect on me as my glare had had on Petunia.
It was such a shame, then, that I wasn't caught off guard.
"What's your point, Lily?" I said this as patiently as possible.
When I start sounding patient, you know something is definitely wrong. Usually, I sound like that because I'm trying desperately to reign in my temper. Trying, being the key word. My temper has never liked being reigned in.
"We-ell. . . I made plans with my friends before I invited you, so, you know, Itoldthemyouwouldcome." To anyone else, the last part was nothing but a blur of incoherent words. But, I was Lucius. I heard her.
"WHAT IN THE NAME OF ALL THINGS WIZARD DID YOU DO THAT FOR, WOMAN?" I shouted, jolted into uncharacteristic coarseness.
Lily gave a muffled squeak.
That was when I, Lucius Malfoy, the Supreme Leader in the Yet Unseen Court of Muggle Haters, relented.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Lucius' Notes:
Good Day, muggles. As you've noticed, I've changed the regular, boring, Author's Notes, to Lucius' Notes. Much nicer sounding, no? Well of course. That muggle girl I have under my employ to type this story down is nowhere to be found. She left a note, saying 'Post Midterm Madness', so I suppose she's finally succumbed to muggle stupidity after all. Her little e-mail box had a few reviews, and I've always had a. . . er, you could call it a soft spot on my cold little heart for reviewers. And so, after laughing cruelly at her love letters (or lack thereof), I set to work, typing the chapter on a terrible muggle object called a kee-board. It's up to your standards, I presume? If not, well, I could always curse you. *evil snicker*
Again, this is LUCIUS speaking, not the muggle girl. *shudder* Never mistake me for a muggle. . . EVER.
Dwen—yes, muggle living was as horrible experience, one which I do not wish to repeat again without Lily. *shudder*
Tv-fan-06-- *bows graciously* I'm glad you enjoyed the chapter.
Runespoor Oracle—Apparently, that muggle girl has a sadistic streak. She enjoys keeping people in suspense. *evil smirk* So do I. About the hair, you brew a potion of Armadillo Bile, added to two parts of Carbonated Water, and after you boil it for two minutes, you add in crushed Beetle Brains. Strange, isn't it, that Severus, who is rather good with potions, can't even make this one? Or maybe he likes the greasiness. The spell is a Malfoy family secret, I'm sad to say. The potion will do just fine, however. It's just a tad bit more complicated.
Briana Marie—Lily did all the muggle money exchange for me beforehand *reminiscing Lily smile* I'd like to thank you for all those reviews as well *bows graciously* I'm glad you enjoy the unlikely-ness of our (Me and Lily's) story; surprises are always so much nicer, aren't they?
Addy—Most of this. . . er, 'fluff', you called it? In the story is bittersweet. I suppose it's because I'm the one telling it, and those terrible, sad memories creep in when I'm thinking of the good ones. *bows graciously (I always bow graciously, *smirk*)* Thank you for the review.
Jess—I'm glad you enjoyed the story *smirk (which is as close to a smile as you can get, with Lucius Malfoy)* And thank you very much for reviewing. *bows graciously*
If I've neglected anyone, I'm very sorry. I'm sure the muggle girl (who staggered in, smelling of intoxication whilst I was typing) is also sorry she didn't type this up earlier. But as I explained, she's succumbed to muggle stupidity, has she not? Poor muggle. *bows graciously again* Read, and review.
