Disclaimer: I own nothing
Warnings: Chapter Rating – PG-13
Pairings: To be decided
Song Selection: What you waiting for? – Gwen Stefani
( xxxx )
Chapter Two: What You Waiting For?
/Like a cat in heat stuck in a moving car
Scary conversations,
Shut my eyes, can't find the brake
What if they say that you're a cutter? /
Remember two months ago, when I had said 'one time thing'. Well, I had thought wrong. I was still cutting. The inside of my wrist looked like I had run my arm through a paper shredder. I hated myself.
But nobody knew that. People thought I had just become more mature. I rarely fought with Yuki, I was always quiet. I think Yuki suspected something, but Tohru didn't even notice. She was happy that I wasn't fighting with Yuki.
Now, Shigure on the other hand kept giving me these weird looks. Like maybe I was insane or something. Well, I finally figured out why he was doing all that. He confronted me one day, when Tohru was off at work and I didn't know where the hell Yuki had gone.
"Kyou," Shigure said simply, sitting down beside me. I was outside, lying on the porch like I usually did. He crossed his legs and kept staring at me.
Stop staring; I'm not some side-show freak.
"What?" I said, an agitated edge in my voice.
"Something's different about you," said Shigure, "You don't fight. You don't complain about anything. Is something wrong?"
"No."
Yes.
"Are you sure that something isn't wrong?"
"No, nothing is wrong."
Yes, everything is wrong.
"You're sure? Because if anything is ever wrong, you could always tell me," he said, gripping my shoulder in a friendly matter. I sighed.
"I know," I said simply. He gave a little smile before retreating back into his study, like he usually did. I lay there for a few more minutes, before deciding that I should've picked Tohru up. I pushed myself off of the porch and headed off down the path.
(xxxxx)
"Kyou!"
That cheerful voice scratched like nails on a chalkboard through the ever-present silence. The girl known as Tohru bounced up to me, her cheerful self, but I think I brought down her little spike of happiness with my scowl.
"I-is something wrong?" said Tohru.
"Nothing," I replied, "C'mon, let's go. It's getting cold outside."
"Oh, alright," said Tohru, skipping ahead of me.
We walked in silence. I didn't feel like talking that night. I kept my mind back in the short conversation that Shigure and I had. 'Because if anything is ever wrong, you could always tell me,' is what he said. Maybe I should tell him.
Would he think less of me, because I'm taking the easy way out?
Before I knew it, we were back at Shigure's house. Tohru jumped right inside, and I heard Yuki's voice. I followed her inside, my mood bringing down the happy atmosphere. Shigure kept giving me glances, and Yuki was the next to confront me.
People really must fucking want to bother me today.
I had accidentally pushed him while making my way to the stairs. He pushed me back. He seemed so anxious to fight me ever since I had stopped fighting him. Maybe I was just his entertainment?
I just kept walking. Yuki pushed me again, harder, made me fall. I got up and kept walking.
"Fight back, you stupid cat," he snarled. I just kept walking. "You're so pathetic. Why don't you fight anymore? Finally figured you couldn't win!?"
"Yes."
I kept walking.
(xxxxx)
The rooftop, the place I could brood all alone.
3 am, the time I wouldn't be bothered.
The knife, the plaything.
I brought the sharp object to my inner wrist. Yuki just made me so depressed. I was half the person he was, not even that. I deserved this. I deserved pain.
Mutilated were the words to describe my wrist. The flesh was gashed open, no such thing as a clean cut. It hurt every time I put pressure on any area around it. It was all bruised, because me being as rough as I am.
I cut again.
I bled again.
But it was different this time.
Someone saw.
/Like an echo pedal, you're repeating yourself
You know it all by heart
Why are you standing in one place?
Born to blossom, bloom to perish/
