Disclaimer: I finally own the box-set of DVDs, but that's it.

Warnings: Chapter Rating is R for petting, mentions of semi-consensual sex (semi?), language and yaoi-lime

Pairings: HaruxKyou for this chapter.

Notes: I'm still deciding on which pairing to make this fic, but it probably will turn out a HaruxKyou the way I'm going. If it does, I promise I'll write a ShigurexKyou for all of you later. Because I really really really like that pairing, and it's underdone. Sorry for taking forever to update. I'm too tired to write a lemon, so you get a wonderful little lime.

Song Selection: All That I've Got - The Used

( xxxxx )

Chapter Four: All that I've got

/I need something else
Would someone please just give me
Hit me, knock me out
And let me go back to sleep
I can laugh
All I want inside I still am empty
So deep that it didn't even bleed and catch me I../

Haru leaned in closed, grin still in place, and whispered his twisted little wish into my ear. I made a sound between a scoff and a gasp. Oh, so now he wanted me to be suicidal and his little whore?

"No fucking way," I stated, trying to sound as forceful as possible. Maybe he would… leave me alone?

"Well, unless you want me to tell everybody else your pathetic little secret, you have to play by my rules," Black Haru said, sounding rather calm. Did I ever tell you that his Black side really pissed me off?

"God I hate you," I muttered, slumping over in defeat. I didn't want to, hell, I wasn't even gay. And having Haru live out his fucked up sexual fantasies with me was only a slightly unnerving thought.

"I know. But I can live with that," he muttered, letting go of one of my shoulders and sliding his knee between my legs to keep me from escaping. With his free hand, he grabbed my chin and kissed me. He. Kissed. Me.

I, by reflex, tried to struggle away, push him, anything to get him off of me. There were about a hundred things wrong with this situation. It just occurred to me that this would make a good Hollywood scandal. 'Cousin fucks suicidal boy in exchange for silence.'

I was quite preoccupied with his tongue probing my mouth, that I didn't notice that the one cold hand that had once been on my shoulder was now sliding up under my shirt and moving against my flesh. I involuntarily shivered.

His other hand had moved to grab one of my wrists, and he brought my arm over my head to have better access to my body. I tried struggling again, and succeeded in getting my lips away from his.

"Don't…" I muttered, trying to sound forceful, but failing miserably. He rammed my wrist against the doorframe, and I had to suppress a scream. That hurt. With my wrists all mutilated, any pressure whatsoever made it feel like I was dying.

"Shut your fucking mouth, and take me up to your bedroom," growled the ox, "I know you aren't completely against this…" The hand that had been against my skin now ghosted across the crotch of my pants where a half-formed arousal lie under the material.

The bedroom seemed like a pretty bad idea. Hell, that all seemed like a bad idea. But, a bedroom was where normal people made love. But then again, since when was 'making love' to your cousin normal? Define 'normal'. And I don't think I could call this 'making love'. It was more like… savage fucking.

Well, I eventually did as Haru told me to. Took the bastard up to my room and let him fuck me into the floor. I really didn't care. I just sort of lay there. It would be funny if Yuki heard. He'd probably laugh at me. Hell, he laughs at me anyway.

Haru left right after he was done with me, probably to calm down, turn back into White. I, however, could barely move. I started to laugh. It was nearly 6:15 AM, my normal waking time. I was still laughing 15 minutes later. Hysteria was funny. This was all funny. I don't even know why.

/I guess, I remember every glance you shot me
Unharmed, I'm losing weight and some body heat
I squeeze so hard
I stopped your heart from beating
So deep that I didn't even scream fuck me, I../

(xxxxx)

An hour later, I was still lying there, sore and paralyzed, but my laughter had died down. Now it was time for the self-loathing to take action. And it did. I really wanted something sharp. But then I remembered I couldn't move. I tried to lift up my foot, and hallelujah, it worked after about 15 minutes of trying. After another five minutes, I got the other one up with it.

I knew I wanted a shower. I also knew I needed to wash my sheets.

Tohru was already up, I deduced, as I could hear her making breakfast downstairs. Yuki was probably just getting himself out of his damn bed. Or willing himself to. Shigure, I could care less about. I was just happy that Haru was gone.

I went and took my shower quickly. On my way out, I didn't even glance at the mirror. I always avoided the stupid things. They just made me feel more depressed about myself. I got dressed (long sleeves of course), and then hid my sheets in my dresser. I'd deal with them later.

I made my way downstairs and Tohru was just setting the table. "Good morn- Ah, Kyou-kun. You… you don't look so good. Are you alright?" said Tohru, giving me her worried look. I shrugged and sat down at the table. No pity-party for me, thank you.

The morning passed relatively silent, with the occasional question from Tohru or prod from Yuki. He was still trying to get me to fight with him. Why doesn't everybody just get on with their own lives and leave me alone?

(xxxxx)

We finally got to school. I took my spot in the back of the classroom, near the window. Now it was time to think. Did Haru remember any of it? Probably some of it. Ugh, damnit. I couldn't concentrate on school. What if I saw him at school. I don't think I could even look at him.

All these thoughts were spiraling out of control in my head, bouncing against my skull and ricocheting against my brain. My head doth wanna go splodey.

Well, maybe eventually I'll be able to sort out my thoughts.

"Sohma Kyou! Pay attention!"

Shit.

Pay attention Kyou, pay attention Kyou.

Nah. I'd rather not.

Hey, sensei. You try paying attention after you've just been fucked by your MALE cousin. Bite me.

(xxxxx)

"Kyou, are you okay? You've sort of been ignoring everybody all day."

Oh, now the stupid rabbit had to follow me home and interrogate me. He was coming over to see Tohru, but I had hung behind the little pair of Yuki and her. Momiji had stayed behind with me, much to my chagrin.

"I've just had a lot on my mind," I muttered, looking the other way. It looked like it might rain. I sure hoped not.

"Yeah, I guess," said Momiji, crossing his arms behind him and staring at his shoes as he walked beside me. We didn't talk. I was glad. He wasn't trying to pry or anything like everybody else had done.

It did start to rain. But thankfully, it was just after Momiji and I had gotten into the house. It tired me out, possibly more than I already was. I was tired. So tired. Tired of everything.

I hid up in my room.

Now… where was my knife…?

/I'll be just fine
Pretending I'm not
I'm far from lonely
And it's all that I've got/

Tah-fucking-dah. XD

Next chapter is GO. I went with the first option, just because. I don't even know why. It just seemed the best way.

Thank you for all the reviews. I really appreciate them. They've helped so much. n.n Thank you so much everybody. I love you all! -tackle glomps everybody-

Um, while I wrote this I was listening to Static-X's I'm With Stupid so if it seems a little odd, I blame that song. XP

Sorry for taking forever to update. I lost my inspiration and then gained it again, and then my fucking computer broke down and I lost the file that I had saved it on and then had to type it again. BLAH.

I'm so lazy.

Next up: Encounter with Haru at school.

xoxo - Snuck

PS. I have this weird idea that could make this turn out HatorixKyou. That would be odd. o.O