Forever to stay…?

After a while, James Potter and Lily came back to the Tower.

Sirius and Remus had gone of to their classes, as was Peter.

'Harry?' James asked gently, knocking softly on their bedroom.

Harry opened the door, making sure they could not see his face, nor his eyes.

'Yes?' He said, with a voice shaking of such grief, nobody was fooled.

'Why did you left so sudden?' Lily asked from down.

Harry looked at his mother. 'I… I couldn't - Again - Whole…'

Lily nodded. 'I thought it would have been something like that.'

Harry felt so secured, he went downstairs and went sitting next to Lily.

She comforted him and hugged him.

'Lills…' James said. Lily looked up. James had never called her like that before.

Harry, too, looked up and saw his mother and father looking at each other.

Lily with a kind of gleaming look, and his father with love in his eyes.

Harry suddenly realised what he had seen.
He had seen his parents fall in love, a real love which would last forever.

His heart was growing so big, he didn't knew how to behave, so he kept laying still, breathing as heavily as Lily was doing.

'James…'

Lily said and Harry knew he wasn't supposed to be here.

He wasn't supposed to see this, to know this… Yet he did not went away.

The only thing he did was letting go of Lily. She never noticed it, nor did James.

Lily stood up and walked slowly to James.
James opened his arms, as if they were speaking to each other what they should do and have done.

Lily walked in to them and James closed them forever, to never let her go again.

'Till death departs us.' He whispered… Harry felt as if he was being faded away…
He didn't knew what happened, but he wasn't alone anymore.
He didn't felt alone anymore.

Somewhere far in the distance a Phoenix-song was to be heard, but Harry never noticed it, even though it was playing in his own mind, making him feel so alive.

After a while James and Lily stopped embracing each other and they looked at Harry.

'What do we need to do?' Lily muttered to herself.

Harry didn't looked up.

'Why should we do anything?' James muttered to Lily.
Harry had heard that.

'What?' He asked astonished and unbelievingly.

James looked at his son.

'Well…'

Harry never wanted to hear it.

He stood up and made for sure he got away from his father.

He ran and kept running, even though Lily was calling his name.

Harry went straight to the Library, followed closely by his parents.

'Harry!'

Harry didn't listen. He couldn't believe his father had said that!

What an unbelieving idiot he was, Harry thought. How could he had believed that his father was a hero.
Sirius had told him, when Harry had been in Snape's memories.

His father had been a big-headed boy in school, even more than Draco Malfoy now was.

'Harry! James, stay away!'

Lily yelled and she came after Harry alone.

Harry stopped after the next turn.

His father… Didn't wanted to help him?

Lily ran by him, but didn't saw him in that dark hallway.

Harry didn't called after her.

He decided to ask Dumbledore to Erase all their memories and Harry would Erase Dumbledore's. It was the best thing to do.

Harry realised that now. It was the best thing for hem, too. For making sure he wouldn't have changed his future and making sure his parents would be murdered and he not.

Voldemort would be at least gone for a while then… Maybe he will return, but not if Harry could have prevented it. It was his own faith to relive all those actions, things and feelings. That had made him the young man he was today and that was going to stay like that, Harry thought.

'Dumbledore!' Harry yelled furiously at his staircase.

It opened as magic and Harry felt amazed.

Why didn't it opened before? He had been raging against it…

Harry didn't pay much attention to that question now, he ran the stairs up and went in without knocking.

'H… Hagrid?' Harry asked. It was true, Rubeus Hagrid stood there.
Harry hadn't seen him anywhere before he had come in now.

'Yes, James?'

Harry didn't even explained to him. Harry looked at Dumbledore and he nodded.

Dumbledore looked astonished with that simple action, but he understood.
'Hagrid, could you please come back in a couple of hours? I need to discuss something with young mister Potter here.'

Hagrid nodded and when he left, he patted "James" on his shoulders.

'Need to discuss something, hè?' Harry nodded and smiled.

At least Hagrid had stayed normal. His own, normal, a bit dumb self.

Hagrid shut the door and Dumbledore looked at Harry.

'Yes, Harry?' He asked.
Harry took a large gulp of breath and started telling everything.
His whole idea of Erasing everyone's memories when they would find a way to send him back.

'I'll Erase yours, if I may… It's the best to all of us…'

Dumbledore knew Harry had it tough by saying that one sentence, but he didn't interrupted.

'To make sure everything happens, like I know it.'

Dumbledore nodded.

'I mean… Making sure everyone gets killed and Voldemort rises again.'

Dumbledore nodded again.

Harry didn't understood.

He was condemning hundreds and thousands of people to their certain deaths…

Harry was condemning hundreds of families who would be torn apart by Voldemort's actions… And Dumbledore just stood still?

'Maybe…' Harry said. 'This isn't the good solution… Is it?'

Dumbledore was startled by this question.

'What do you mean?' He asked.

Harry didn't repeated.

'I think that the good solution is the one you think is right… Do you want your parents dead and Voldemort too? Or do you want your parents alive, but by doing so, Voldemort too…'

Harry nodded. He understood what Dumbledore wanted to say.

'The first.' Harry said.

Dumbledore and Harry kept talking till late in the night.

Harry was learned a good Erasing-spell and Dumbledore was talking to the other portraits, asking how they could return someone to the future.

No one knew, except the great- uncle of Sirius.

'Maybe…' He said when all the other portraits and Dumbledore where thinking.

Dumbledore looked at that painting.

'Yes?' He said, sounding eagerly.

'Maybe…' The great-uncle repeated, feeling flattered with all that attention.

'This young boy should search the cause that had brought him here… And undo that action.'

Harry and Dumbledore looked at the painting.

'That is the best you can come up with?' Another painting asked.

'Can you find a better!'

Dumbledore shook his head.

'He is right.' He said to the other painting.

'That is the best we have.'

Dumbledore and Harry went downstairs to the library, but ran in to Hagrid and Harry's mother, Lily.

'Here you are, H-!'

Harry shook his head for a split of a second, to make clear Lily shouldn't say his name.

'H-James!'

Hagrid nodded to him and asked Dumbledore if he had time now.

'I'm sorry, Hagrid. I have to help James here. It's important.'

Hagrid went away, looking a bit sad, yet he understood, Harry knew it for sure.

Hagrid wasn't offended at all. He would do anything for Dumbledore.

Even give his life, which Harry was sure he would do someday in the future.

Harry didn't looked forward of loosing him too, but he knew it had to happen.

'Let's go.' Dumbledore said and he and Harry went on, followed by Lily.

'Harry, what's happening?' Lily breathed while she was running.

'I'll explain later.' Harry breathed back.

They slowly stopped running and started walking, trying to look as normal as if they were just going to the Library with the Headmaster as if that was the most normal case in the world. Harry knew better.

They went to the Forbidden Section and Dumbledore looked at Harry.

'You said you were in this Library?'

Harry nodded and retold the whole story again, while explaining it too to Lily.

'And… Do you know the title?'

Harry shook his head. 'I can't remember… It was a large book and it looked really, really old.' After Harry had said that, he looked at the shelves and saw thousands of really, really old books. He sighed. This was a lost battle they were trying to fight.

He was bound to be stuck here forever.

Even if they would find the book, he still didn't knew what he had done then.

Harry, Lily and Dumbledore were looking for over a couple of hours when suddenly James and Sirius joined them.

'We looked the whole castle for you, Harry.'

They said and Harry looked at his father, with anger in his eyes.

'I didn't meant that, Harry… I don't know why I said that…'

James said, looking at his fingernails. Harry was reminded of himself when he was telling something to Dumbledore in his second year. He had to grin and James had seen that.

'We OK then?' Harry nodded and he hugged his father.

James just hugged back, he already knew how important that was to Harry.

'Where's Lupin?' Harry asked.

'He'll be here in a minute… Don't worry, Peter won't.'

Harry felt a bit ashamed, but he was glad Peter wouldn't be there when he left.
Harry would never forgive himself if he had seen Peter again, without killing him.

He nodded and looked at Lily.
She was explaining the plan to his father and godfather and after that she searched on.

Sirius and James helped, but after a couple of minutes they both stopped and looked at Harry.

'You'll leave?' Sirius asked.

Harry nodded. 'I have to…'

James looked sad. 'Father, I have to go. I have to fulfil the Prophecy, it is my duty.'

James softly whispered that he knew it, but he sounded worried.

'Why are you worried?' Harry asked.
Lily and Dumbledore stopped searching.

'Because… I don't want to be murdered and leave you then all alone.'

Harry had to grin.

'I survived it all.. I'm a fighter.. Got it from you both… You will be heroes when you die. Everyone was really sad and angry and wanted the one who did that in jail for the rest of his life! Hagrid told me.'

'Hagrid?' James asked grinning too.

Harry nodded. 'Yes, he looks after me when I'm in school.'

James looked happy and Lily said they'd better look further, cause else they would never find it.

Their search went on.

Sometimes Harry found a strange book, or his father or Sirius did and they had to laugh. But one book Harry had read before.

It was with the PolyJuice in and he had to grin widely.

'What's the matter?' Sirius asked and looked at the book where a women was looking in pain and with tentacles sprouting out her hair.

'You think that's funny?'

Harry shook his head.

'Ron, Hermione and me made this potion in our second year… Hermione had taken a wrong hair. It was a cat-hair and I remember the look of her after she had taken in the potion.'

'Oh dear…' Remus said, who had joined them a bit earlier.

'Is she alright?'

Harry nodded. 'Yes, she had to stay in the hospital-wing for a while, but she's fine.'

Lily laughed.

'As I can hear it, you and your father are exactly the same! Both trouble-makers and ignoring the rules.'

'I don't ignore them, I bend them a bit.' Harry and James said together.

They said the same at the same time and they burst out in laughing.

'We have to go on..' Harry hiccuped. James nodded and Harry had the familiar feeling he had when he and Ron laughed.
It was as if he and James were best friends, as he and Ron were too.

'Is it this?' Lily asked.

Harry looked. It was the closest to his memory he had of it.

'I think so.. It looks like it.'

Harry took it and opened it.

Peoples faces came out, they looked familiar to Harry but they all screamed really hard of pain and sorrow.
It was the book Harry had seen in his first year.

Harry's heart stopped for a moment and he fell on the floor.

'Are you alright?'

Harry nodded.

'That scared the wits out of me!'

Sirius nodded. 'Out of me too.' He laughed.

'What's the title of that book?' Harry heard Remus ask.
Harry looked.

'The Feelings-book.' He read out loud and he read the first line under it.

'Reflects the reader's deepest and hardest feelings, which he feels all the time.'

'They do what? Reflecting your feelings?' Remus asked again.

Harry nodded.

They were silent for a while and then Harry stood up and putted the book away.

'That wasn't it, clearly.' He tried to laugh, but it didn't really work.

Was he really so torn inside? Was his soul so scarred with pain and regret?

He didn't thought about it anymore, but looked on.

For that day they didn't find a thing.
Harry felt as if it was hopeless, but he was secured by the thought of being a bit longer with his parents and their friends.