Story: My Diary
Author: J.E.A.R.K.Potter (Jackie)
Rating: R
Disclaimer: I own the plot, that's it. The made up people actually own
themselves.

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Summary: Hermione's Journal. Rated R for sexual drugs, alcohol, and
attempted suicide (most is non-descriptive).

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A/N-- I'm sooooooo sorry!! I have been without Internet for the past few days!! I've had many, many days where I tried to get on, but since my little cousin Dylan spilled water on it, it's wrecked. Now, I'm stuck on a webTV that's in my kitchen!! :'( --Jackie)

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Thanks to my reviewers!! Anafics (chapter four), Miranda G. Potter, Erin
from J.E.A.R.K.Potter, a new reviewer by the name of BubblyBubbles365
(awesome name!), scorpio-1983, and missradcliffe!! For all of you, THREE entries since I've been gone so long!!

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Entry 8
9-30-96

Dear Diary,

I don't know what the fuck I have, but whatever it is, it makes me 'like' who ever Ginny is crushing on. Yeah, Dean Thomas was with Ron, Ginny, and her friend Kayla today, right? I took a walk, found them, then sat down and talked to them. I never knew that Dean thought I was hot...

Okay, yeah, he asked me to give him head. Thank Merlin there was nowhere to go for that! He asked me out, too. I noticed Ginny over crying to Kayla. I know, Diary, I should have been a better friend and asked her what was wrong. It's just... Oh all right! I'm selfish... Dean was holding me, actually, he was playing with me, and all I could think about was how no one besides Harry ever liked me a lot. Plus, what better way to get over the ass anyways...

Diary, I don't know what to do any more! If I have one more break down...

Oh, my nightmares! They're getting so detailed... They're so gruesome any more!!

Back when I was five, I found my Papa dead in the hallways. Yes, I've been able to see the threstles. Of course, with my wonderful reading skills, I knew why and came to accept that. Now, with my nightmares...

Each time, it starts out with me walking down the hallway in my little white dress, just like it was back then. When I reach halfway, I notice I have a huge butcher knife in my hand, and I'm walking straight towards Papa. I split into two people. One of me has flaming red eyes, go figure she's the one with the knife, then there's the other, curled up in a ball, crying... The evil one stabs Papa, then they adjoin again... Them are my wonderful nightmares!!

I wish Ha--- No! He's mean... He broke your heart... Oh who cares? It's just you, Diary. It's not like no one other than me is reading you, right? I wish that Harry were here. Remember how I never had them nightmares when I was with him? I sure as hell do... It's just so hard to get him off my mind, you know. I love him with all my heart!

This is the only other person besides my Papa I've loved so much I've cried myself to sleep over. Sleep. That sounds really good at the moment, but nightmares... Them don't.

-Hermione

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Entry 9
10-1-96

Dear Diary,

Well, yesterday was our first trip to Hogsmeade's. I wasn't going to sit with Dean, but I did. Ginny seemed to get pissed at me because I said yes to him today. I actually let him... I fell really embarrassed saying this, but I let him 'play' with me on the train ride there under my jacket. Yeah, I know, SLUT! Right? ---Sighs--- There's only one thing that bothers me. Dean's going out with some girl named April, or something like that. Change that, HE WAS!

You see, whatever her name is found out Dean and I was going out, so, she dumped him. Just so you know, I was his play toy. She wouldn't put out, I would, and I thought he was a way to fucking get over Harry. Well, he broke up with me, hoping to get her back. Well, everyone got broken up with today, now, didn't they?

I never really even liked Dean. I wonder if Ginny is still my friend? I know if I were her, I wouldn't be my friend now. I've been a royal bitch to all of her feelings since I first started the journal...

-Hermione

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Entry 10
10-20-96

Dear Diary,
I remember now why I love Harry James Potter so much. Dumbledore's
started this thing where 5th years and up can go places over the weekends, as long as we're back for classes on Monday. So, this weekend, Ron, Ginny, and I went to Lupin's. Everyone was there. Minus Dudley, finally. My mum and I got into a huge ass fight, and she ran off. Luckily, I had time to cool down with Ginny and Christine.

Now Mum's never been the woman to stay out past 10 o'clock, so I had Lupin call over home for me. No answer. I started getting worried because Dad is always home and reading why it's past 10, and he has work the next day. I gave Lupin Mum's cell phone number and he dialed it. It wasn't Mum who picked up it was a stranger. The man and Lupin talked for a long time. By now, I was so worried, Ginny and Christine had to sit me down on a couch. Ron and Harry were in the hallway, listening
and watching.

Lupin got off the phone and looked at me. I knew right then something was horribly wrong. I screamed, "I don't want to hear it!!" and started to run to Christine's room. I didn't make it, though. Harry caught me.

Diary, the second I felt his arms around me I just collapsed into his arms, crying. Harry had never seen me cry before, so I'm sure he was shocked. While Lupin told me Mum was in a muggle hospital getting her arm patched up from an accident, Harry just held me. He let me cry on his shoulder. He told me loved me! He kept my hair out of my eyes, and my tears wiped away the best he could.

Needless to say, I think last night was the only night Lupin was okay with Harry and me sleeping in the same bed, me wrapped up in his arms, all of this, in Lupin's house.

Mum is home now, but I have to leave for school tomorrow again. I won't be able to see Mum or Harry for two more weeks... I've never dreaded school this much.

-Hermione

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A/N-- So, what do you think of these three entries? Erin, I want you to keep quiet. Ron, Ginny, and Colin are staying the night... -- Jackie