Story: My Diary
Author: J.E.A.R.K.Potter (Jackie)
Rating: R
Disclaimer: I own the plot.

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Thanks to my reviewers!! Erin from J.E.A.R.K.Potter, LunaLovegood, NightDreamer13, brit, sugas love, and THREE new reviewers!!! AuthorChick, Meaka and xo-missy-xo!! Thanks, ya'll!!

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(A/n -- The reason why this entry is so long is because most of it is Padma and Hermione's conversation... -- Jackie)

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Entry 42
11-5-97

Dear Diary,

If Harry, Ron, Ginny, Fred, OR George... Oh and me... If we mess up one more time around home, not at school for four of us named, we're dead. We'll go to what muggles call juvenile hall or something like that. So... No more Ron and Padma having sex on my bed. No more taking the Red Ragtop. No more smoking pot or cigarettes.

Seems like a peachy life, right? I just hope I get to see Harry still! What if Lupin makes him go back into training? I'll just die...I mean, come on, I'm a teenager! We all think our life revolves around that one special person. There's only one thing, though. Mine really does.

He, Diary, is the only thing in my entire life that makes me not want to kill myself. I mean, my friends somewhat do, but not really. I still love them and all... But Harry is the ONLY thing! Aunt Jo's taken Dawn from my life. Remember last time I tried to actually kill myself I mentioned Dawn and Harry? They were the only things...

Padma and I talked over the Internet that Dumbledore gave to us. I'm going to write down the important things in our conversation, because they're suppose to make me happy, you know... I'm Granger7, of course, and Padma is Patil2.

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Patil2: Well, just remember that I'm going to make sure that you two fuck. Even if I have to stay in the room!! LoL.

Granger7: LoL. I remember that part all right... (Harry) "We can fuck on our own, Padma!" (Padma --eyes covered--) "I'm not trusting you! Just get it over already and fuck her!" (Me) "I'm in the room, too, you know..."

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Patil2: Oh and when you see Ron tell him that I love him and I always will, okay? Cause I didn't get to talk to him today...

Granger7: Got it. I'll tell him for you.

Patil2: Did you talk to Harry today?

Granger7: --shakes head-- I saw him, though.

Patil2: I'm sorry. Well, I'm going to make him go back out with you, but he's going to want to in the end.

Granger7: What do you mean by he won't want it to end? What if Ginny or Cho like... Yeah?

Patil2: No, I said he will be saying yes in the end after I get the idea in his head that you two will go back out and if they do anything to him when you two are going out, I will freak out on them, okay? How is that?

Granger7: LoL. Sounds good... I guess. As long as I get another two
minute kiss... LoL.

Patil2: (U) (Y) (X) (L) that's how it's going to work.

Granger7: What's that? All I know is what the (L) means and that's a heart... This computer that Dumbledore gave me sucks!

Patil2: Oh. It's a broken heart, which leads to a boy plus a girl, which equals a fixed heart. Okay?

Granger7: Okay. That sounds good to me. I still can't believe what Sara said, though. About the whole she thought Bret still liked me... Other than what you told me earlier about the kiss and the way he was touching me in the pictures --smiles--, is there anything else really that makes you think that, too? Like, has he said anything?

Patil2: Um... I don't know. Well, remember when you showed him your dress and he told you to go put it on cause you probably looked hot in it? What about that? Remember?

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Patil2: Did he tell you that he loved you when you two were going out?

Granger7: Yes. Like... a lot of times during the first round. Then the second time it wasn't as much, but he still told me that he loved me.

Patil2: Well, if he said it before, he's always going to mean it. You can't love someone one day and not mean it another. Once you say it, you're always going to remember and mean it.

Granger7: You know I just want to know where my heart's being led to the junkyard or heaven. You know... I want to know if I should like... Give up ALL My heart to him. There's just a little bit in there that's not been taken by him... Yet. Yeah, that's true what you said. Thanks, Pad.

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Patil2: HARRY LOVES HERMIONE!

Granger7: LoL!!

Patil2: Where did you go?

Granger7: Nice, Padma.. Nice. Oh, I just went to the bathroom.

Patil2: Oh. What did I do? That HARRY LOVES HERMIONE? Well, it's true! It always will be, too, because it takes a minute to meet someone, a day to like someone, and a week to love someone, but it takes a lifetime to forget someone.

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Patil2: But, I love Ron to death and I'm serious, Hermione. I never want to lose him because I'm not sure what I would do... Since he's been in my life, I can't remember being happy prior to him.

Granger7: Same with Harry. Except, I did in a way lose him... I turn into a psycho person when I see him with Cho or Ginny or if I hear him talking about Lavender. Any of that sort, you know.

Patil2: Yeah... You just need to bloody talk to Ginny about that because that's bull. She knows how you feel, so she needs to back the fuck off! AND IF YOU DON'T TELL HER, I WILL!

Granger7: But then she'll start in on how she technically knew about him first and how she did met him before I did. Then, she'll tell me how she 'loved' him before I did...

Patil2: Well, you dated him before she did. You had him before she did and he loved you, no, loves you, before she did or had.

Granger7: I think... I hope.

Patil2: You did. I'm sure.

Granger7: You are? Did you ask him? Or her...?

Patil2: Well, I will and I'm probably right cause I think that Harry thinks of Ginny as a piece of arse that he won't tell anyone about. Just don't tell her I told you that, okay?

Granger7: Okay. I won't. I personally think all he wants from her is head... Just like I think that's all he wants/ed from me, what he wants from Cho, and what he wanted from Lavender and such...

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Granger7: You know what the best part of sleeping through the night with them (with clothes)?

Patil2: The fact that they hold you all night or those they're there when you wake up?

Granger7: Well, that too, but laying your head on their chest and hearing their heartbeat. Knowing that you want to spend the rest of your nights hearing just that heart beating in your ear while he holds you tight.

Patil2: Oh my god. Hermione... I'm going to bloody start crying because I miss Ron so much! I've wanted to fall asleep like that for a long time, now, with Ron. Seriously! No lie...

Granger7: I'm sorry. I just... I just always remember that.

Patil2: Well, I'm not going to cry. It's not your fault. I just miss Ron.

Granger7: Cause you know that one night that you, Ron, Harry, me, and Ginny all tried to sleep on the couch?

Patil2: Yes, I remember that. My head was lying on Harry's legs all throughout the night. What, did you use his chest as a pillow or something and listen to his heart?

Granger7: I was all curled up, laying on Harry and all... Ginny was grabbing him (the little bitch) but anyways... During one of the many times I tried to get comfortable, I laid down on his chest, his arms were around me. I swear, at that very second, I mean I'd thought about it before and all, but I knew for sure all I wanted to hear every night for the rest of my life was that heart being.

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Patil2: Yeah... --sighs-- The only reason I did what I did with him is because I was trying to show him how much I love him.

Granger7: I know the feeling of that. Feel like if you don't do that, maybe if you don't even want to, they won't understand how much you care for them?

Patil2: Yeah.

Granger7: I think that's what Ron told me Harry broke up with me for. Actually like I either didn't want to 'put out' or I didn't 'put out'.

Patil2: Well, did you or didn't you?

Granger7: Most of the time, I did. Again, though, some of the times Ginny was around. She gets in the way of things when it comes to Harry. Really? It fucking sucks but I feel like I got to be a good friend and respect her feelings for him, too.

Patil2: Well, he's missing out on something incredible, Hermione. I can tell you that because Sara and I were talking and she popped up and started talking about how beautiful she thought you were and I had to agree with her because it's true.

Granger7: Really? I don't see myself like that. I see you all in front
of me. You guys all mean more to me than I mean to myself, you know.

Patil2: Yeah. That's how I feel. I would put a higher price on all of you then I would on myself.

Granger7: Same here. That's what it comes down to with Ginny and Harry, too, you know. I want to give him to Ginny because if I don't then I feel like I'm not being a good friend. If I do that, though, then I'm hurting myself in the process.

Patil2: Hey babe, I know that you want to be a good friend and everything, but you can't do that to yourself. If it came to it, I would advise you to take him because if Ginny is a real friend, she won't let a guy come between you two. I should know because of Parvati...

That's what our conversation went like for the day. This is only little parts of it, though, because my hand hurts from writing out all that I did!! Our actual conversation is like... almost eighteen pages long in size 12 font from the thing that muggles call the Internet. It's a really useful thing, truth is told. Well, I'm going to go to bed.

-Hermione