Chapter 2 Defiance.
The Red Ribbon
by enkie
It was early spring, and the morning air in Konoha was crisp and frosty, trickles of dew clung indecisively to the window. Shizune shivered involuntarily as she pressed her naked feet to the cold floor; the tiny hairs behind her neck prick ominously. She sat still at the edge of her bed, planting her feet firmly to the ground and winced as her body got used to the change in temperature. She knew the ominous feeling came not from the cold, but from within. It was the same feeling she got every time before heading off to a dangerous mission.
Expect the worst, hope for the best, was her coping strategy.
Shizune held an unwavering conviction that it was the necessary for Tsunade-sama to come back to Konoha village, and lead the people in this difficult period, but she did not want to come back herself. She, at the time, forgot coming back would mean she'd become a Konoha ninja; something that wasn't all that desirable. She chuckled helplessly at the twinge of regret that sprung up whenever she felt events were out of her control.
"Regrets and doubts are for fools." She said defiantly to her empty apartment. Her voice echoed from the lack of furniture in her small studio apartment. Her cat, Snow, mewed in agreement as he rubbed up against her back and curled his tail around her arm. She smiled at her furry companion and affectionately stroked his expectant head. In her cold, lonely apartment, he was a beacon of comfort.
Her smile quickly dissipated as yesterday's events pounded her memory like a cataclysmic avalanche.
"Tsu…Tsunade-sama, I cannot possibly…"
"Don't argue with me! You know just as well as I…how important it is for this mission to succeed." With her hands clasped behind, Tsunade's eyes challenged Shizune to defy her orders further.
Shizune stared at the wall to her far right, refusing to make eye contact. Her nails dug angrily into the palm of her hand; a trickle of red escaped her enclosed fist and dripped soundlessly to the floor, its vivid color lost in the muted dark wood floor. Her body shook uncontrollably. Silence suspended in the air as imaginary space stretched endlessly between them, creating a chasm that never before existed. Tsunade, her mentor, closest friend…and surrogate mother figure, was asking the impossible from her.
After what seemed like hours, Shizune finally conceded and nodded her head. She kept her gaze averted and bolted for the door.
"Shizune!" Shizune paused at the door with her back turned to the Hokage. "Remember, there may come a time when…sacrificing one of your team members becomes necessary."
"Is that so? Tsunade-sama. Maybe you forgot about Dan and what you had fought for." With that, Shizune was gone from sight.
With anger fueling her speed, houses and people became a dizzying blur as Shizune sprinted as fast as she could away from the Hokage's office. Eventually, she stopped at a random spot, as her heart pounded wildly from physical exertion and her breathing came in rapid pants. She rested one hand on a nearby tree and the other on her thigh as she doubled over in coughing fits. When she was finally calm enough to survey her surroundings, she found herself in the playground near the Konoha Academy. In the distance, she made out a familiar figure sitting idly on the playground swing.
It was Genma, one of her teammates for tomorrow's mission.
She quickly gathered her composure. Even though she fought with the Hokage about the mission, she was still Tsunade-sama's loyal confidant and she must wipe all traces of the argument from her face before approaching Genma, lest he suspects the mission is more than what is.
Genma was one of the more enigmatic characters on her team who made it difficult for others to discern what he was thinking. He often hid under a mysterious stoic exterior and gave away little indication of his personal feelings. The way he chewed on his toothpick as he regarded her made her uncomfortable; his gaze always made it seem as though he was contemplating and weighing her words for its worthiness, like a merchant scrutinizing a silver coin for flaws. It was a little arrogant, and, truth be told, made her feel small…and a bit angry. But she had her own way of dealing with him, she discovered that whenever she acted chirpy and smiled aplenty, he'd become awkward and clumsy. Ha, that will show him that his arrogance doesn't intimidate me. She stuck her tongue out at the long figure and tiptoed slowly towards him.
"Genma-san, what are you doing in the playground?" Shizune inquired loudly.
"Oh…ohhaiyo, Shizune-san. Nothing, I was just thinking about tomorrow. And, you know, all the secret thinking spots are taken by the others." He stared at his shoes.
Ugh, he can't even be gentleman enough to look at me while I'm speaking to him. She thought with annoyance. Seeing that he had nothing more to say to her, she decided to scoot out of sight.
"Ano…ok. I saw you zoning out and just wanted to say hi. I'll see you tomorrow at the briefing room." What a prick, I hope you trip and fall on your face.
She strolled dejectedly toward her apartment; with most of her previous anger gone, she was left with a feeling of emptiness. She knew what she had to do was necessary. She was a ninja after all. But deep down, she was soft, vulnerable to hatred and violence. She hated killing, and that was why she preferred the healing arts. Every time she sunk her kunai into an enemy, a small part of her died with him. Intellectually, she knew she had to, but that's different from knowing emotionally. After each mission, she'd spent sleepless nights in her bed, tossing and turning, unable to keep her mind from reenacting the way the spark of life was expunged from the eyes of faceless enemies. Their final moments of agony haunted her. What had they lived for? Who were they? Did they have loved ones? Those were the questions that she sought the answers to, only to encounter stone-faced replies from her peers and superiors. It's best not to know. It was your duty to carry out the mission. You must separate your personal feelings. Better them than you.
She didn't agree with them. The world didn't exist in black-and-white; it was in shades of grey. She knew that her questioning made her an inadequate ninja. After all, ninjas were soldiers, designed to carry out their orders, not to question them. They were little, insignificant chess pieces amid a battle masterminded by a few. Puppets on strings.
What AM I fighting for? She was tired from questioning. Ultimately, she knew they were all on the same side, fighting for a common cause, for a better future for those they loved. Those she loved.
But it doesn't mean I have to like it.
She faced tomorrow's mission with a mixture of dread and resolve.
Shizune shook her head to stop herself from contemplating yesterday's events any further. What's done is done, I've agreed to this mission. It's now my duty to see it through. With renewed determination, like a soldier welcoming inevitable doom, she quickly dressed herself and headed off to meet her teammates in the briefing room.
