This fic is dedicated to Cecelia and to all my other wonderful readers reviewers.
"I am dead.
Cold and empty and lost.
I am a five foot two blond with blue eyes and a cracked smile.
I am your sister, your mother, your girlfriend, your lover...
But I'm not.
I was once.
Everything that a woman should be.
Everything that a woman could be.
But not now, not anymore.
I'm dead.
I have no love, no friends, no family, no nothing.
Anything.
I am alone.
Completely.
I'm not empty though...there was once a time when I had a million important things to say and a million un-important things more.
But now I don't.
Anything I say will sound stupid and truly no one listens.
And those that do just write me off as a percentage and I'm tired of trying, I really am.
Very very tired.
And I'm slowly running out of thoughts, because they're all muddling together and...well, I...don't remember things the way I used to.
and...
Let's stop now please...
I'm not cold.
I can't show empathy for others because I will and when the time comes they won't and I'll be hurt and alone again.
And I don't want to be alone again, please no more.
And no one cares and no one bothers.
Not even my own son.
...so I'm a bad mother...
And have you ever watched "Body Snatchers", there's this line where the woman says, "Where ya gonna go, where ya gonna run, where ya gonna hide. Nowhere. Because there's no place left. There's no one like you left."
Or maybe something like that, I can't...my memories not what it used to be and the most simple things...are so hard to remember.
I've never felt quite like this.
Everything's in black and white and no one understands the laws of my world.
You can't come in. You can't make a mess. You can't disturb anything.
That's the most important one of all, don't you DARE disturb what I've managed to build up, all that I've managed to build up.
And there are...people everywhere, crowding me and stealing my air...leaving me to cower in the dark.
I'm lost.
Somewhere between here and yesterday.
Today and tomorrow...I got lost.
And everything disappeared and my world ended without me knowing.
...Funny thing, that.
If you look at me I guess I'm cute.
I have pale blond hair and blue eyes, and pale lips and a small body.
Except my hair falls down in my face and keeps people away from me.
People who will always hurt me.
Always, always.
My eyes are dull and there's not a lot behind them. I died on the inside and my eyes tell the tale, the long miserable tale. I get nervous and scared and I don't work well with people and I mess things up a lot. I break things and things don't go well when I'm near and...well...that's me.
If I sound like a mess it's because I am.
I'm this scared, shaking, pile of mess and...
No one can help me.
Thanks for trying and if you're not.
Well, at least thanks for listening.
Thanks for that at least."
Yami bit his lip and did his absolute best to keep from screaming as he stared down at the ruined paper and disturbed words...and...that was it.
He couldn't leave her by herself anymore.
Gia was...how strange he had known all this time but now he...he was in love with someone that was suicidal.
Suicidal.
Someone that had a desperate urge to kill themselves, to end their existence, to be gone...to...
She would.
Gia would kill herself one of these days and Yugi would...
Broken heart, beautiful violet eyes filled with tears upon tears, sobs that wouldn't stop and...
And then he would too.
And then they would all be alone...but they'd also all be together.
Dead and in their caskets, but maybe...with the last vestige of his magic...he could a soft bed, an eternal slumber but all three of them wrapped up in each other's arms and sleeping off the pain of living.
Together with every other person on this earth, because what right did they have to live if his family died?
What right did they have to exist if he couldn't have his paradise?
They would die, the ground would rip itself open the monsters would soar through the air and rain down destruction onto those who didn't know why their god was punishing him.
It would be a silent destruction...
And...he looked up and stared at the pure smile she giving him.
There was not a trace of malice in her...
She had thought this would make him happy.
Explain some of the things that had been left empty and vague between the both of them?
Dear Ra.
She thought that even though it was her secret, her special book of thoughts that if she shared it with him then perhaps things would get better, even in all her psychosis she still...
...still...
And that was why he loved her.
With a deadly sometimes mad passion.
He loved her.
Because she was who she was, and she would always be that person no matter how clouded things got.
Pretty wife of his standing and looking like a wise old woman in such a small young body.
He held out his hand and she came to him then, her smile widening quite a bit. She sat down in a warm ball next to him and he pulled her even closer pressing his lips to her forehead in a fierce show of possessiveness. The words were dancing around in
his mind but should he ask...?
Dare he ask?
When things were so close to being perfect, so close to being ruined...
What the hell did he have to lose?
Her?
Oh, his lover was already gone and he wouldn't let her hurt herself anymore.
So...so maybe if it meant getting back some semblance of his life...and Yugi would like this...wouldn't he?
"Gia?", a soft sound came to his reply and she pressed herself against him her body warming his so well as only she knew how to...and he sighed, he was going to kill this mood just as soon as he had gotten her to be happy.
"Lover?
...will you...
marry me?",
he waited, breath high and trapped in his lungs, he knew she would leave, he knew she would scream, he knew she would-
But she didn't.
She came even closer, pressing that warm soft body to his own and he felt her form silken and smooth and round in all the right places, and he smiled, she felt so good, wrapped up in his arms and her bare legs tangled in his and brushing against his leather.
Pretty.
Sexy.
...he had missed that as well...perhaps that would come back?
...because he was so very hungry...
But no answer.
Pure silence, no screaming...but no laughter no words, emptiness.
Her pulled himself back and carefully gently pushed her away to look at her, her smile was so wide and pretty, still there not yet gone...her eyes were guarded as they always were...and he couldn't tell if... if she had even heard him, but he didn't much care in a moment, because in a moment she had crawled forward and she was sitting in his lap and brushing away the strands of hair that covered his eyes...and she kissed his forehead...and his lips...
...and curled her form around his own and buried his face into the crook of her neck, letting soft nothings slip past her lips and running her fingers through his hair.
Ra...
...that felt nice.
She hadn't said yes or no, hadn't said anything at all...hadn't even pushed him away, had simply smiled and been nice...
Much nicer than she had been in quite a while...and he had the scars to prove it...
So maybe this...this was all for the best.
So he closed his eyes and ignored the shattered dishes not so far away and the broken furniture, and nuzzled her soft skin and hair and pressed a kiss blooming with longing into her neck...his lover.
His.
No one else's.
His.
And when he was suitably calm and safe and pleased, and so very still she very gently pulled him away from her neck.
His head lolled backwards, eyes closed, hair slightly limp from the day's exertion.
Darn.
...he seemed so much more fragile and soft this way, skin that was honeyed and strong seemed paler, weaker.
He seemed so easily...breakable...
Not fair.
She sighed as she looked at him, she was hurting him and no matter how many times she tried to stop she didn't couldn't.
She only made everything worse...it was all she was good for...
Bad things.
...so why did he stay...?
Why, why, why?
And she didn't know...it really bothered her sometimes...being confused was setting yourself up for someone to hurt you...but...
He didn't hurt her...he snatched away the knife when she wanted to hurt herself...and didn't hate her for throwing dish after dish at him, many smashing against his skin him...he didn't hit her when in trying to subdue her she smashed furniture against
him...he didn't hurt her.
He should.
She was bad.
He should hurt her...because she hurt him.
He should hurt her...
He should!
...that wasn't fair...
She glanced at the torn room and then back at her truest love shaking slightly, she felt like crying...but she couldn't, her diary had said it all.
She couldn't...she just couldn't.
Not anymore.
She couldn't feel anything after all.
She kissed his lips again, hungry and willing, waiting for something to strike her in the motion...
Something to strike her in life, something to make her want to live.
She wanted to feel something, to know that there was something more to this.
But nothing did.
...Nothing ever did.
She smiled and shook her head, she was a fool...and he was too, and Yugi...Yugi was an unfortunate victim.
Such a shame...but these things happened.
Little children lost their mothers all the time, sometimes from the very moment when they were ripped from fleshy wombs.
Death and sadness was everywhere.
She pushed away his bangs and smiling as she stared down at that almost innocent face she whispered the damning words.
"No thank you".
She would never marry him ever again, she couldn't even bring herself to say she loved him, how did he expect her to stay she'd always be with him.
Wouldn't happen...couldn't happen.
But...maybe...
Maybe she could stay here with him, right now right here, and not be bad, but good, and give him all the things he wanted in his dreams.
And with that she curled into her husband again and proceeded to fall into sweet sleep.
And now for responses, Cecelia I didn't realize that you liked this ficage so much, why don't you leave your email address or IM or something so I can reach you when I get stuck in writing something or need to answer a question, also thank you for reading my other stories.
Everyone else you know I love you for taking the time to read one of my stories, please review.
And if you really liked this please feel free to read my other stories.
