Disclaimer: Blah blah, you know this all already. Okay, I own 'The Fainéant Five', but the people in the team are real people in my life. Hopefully, they won't take any offense to how they act in this story, I may occasionally take them out of character so. . .don't sue me, people I'm using! XD I don't do it on purpose. . ..

Chapter 14

"I agree with Chang, we should hurry up and do something, we're running out of time fast!" Quatre said, looking worried as the clock chimed another hour away.

"Okay, we still have 22 hours to think this thing out. This army must be recruiting men somewhere so we should have our men work on getting on the inside. Obviously we're too well known by them to try ourselves so-" Milliardo mused.

"It would be an honor to go, sir! We won't let you down!" Mike barged in, saluting. The other two Mikes merely acted like he was some unknown lunatic while Chris jumped in and said, "Yeah, I mean, I know how to get into places like nobody's business!"

"It's true, he's always getting into those strip clu-" Mike started.

"GAH! IT WAS FOR A MISSION! SHUTUP!" Chris pummeled Mike and everyone stared at him in confusion.

"I don't know if I can count on you five to be resourceful enough. . ." Milliardo said, watching the 'men' brawling on the floor. Dexter kicked them and said, "GUYS! Collect yourselves and be more mature. . ."

"Oh fine. . .okay, we'll be good. Now, we need codenames cause it's gonna get pretty darn confusing with three Mikes around. . .Mike, you're Playa." Chris said with a grin.

"Why me, you're the lady's man. . ." Mike muttered, frowning.

"I think it's great, heh." Mike said, fixing his clothes after his skirmish with Chris and putting his shades back on.

"Well then, you'll be Iceman. . ." Mike said sarcastically.

"Awe geez, I haven't heard that name since Sr. High. . .you're gonna get it." Mike hissed.

"And Dexter can be Dextosterone. . ." Chris patted his brother's shoulder.

"Why do I get a codename? I'm not named Mike. . ." Dexter complained.

"Too bad. Well, we need a name for Mike. . .but I don't know any of his nicknames. . ." They all looked at the quietest of the Mikes whom was uncomfortable under their gazes.

"Miguel." They heard a small voice call out from the back of the crowd. Turning, they found the source to be Mike's friend, Stacy.

"Awe, it's so cute! Miguel it is!" Chris announced happily.

"Sounds kinda Don Juanish. . .are we hiding something, Miguel?" Iceman said in a mocking tone, elbowing him with a wink. Miguel sighed as he slunk behind the group to hide his embarrassment.

"Okay, let's go out there and find the enemy! Come on, guys!" Chris started toward the door when Milliardo crossed his arms and said, "What about your nickname."

"Yeah, Chris doesn't have a nickname! Dextosterone, he must have a nickname you used to call him." Iceman said, getting glared at by Chris.

"Well, come to think of it. . .I remember we used to call him 'Sopher, the sexiest gopher'." Dextosterone mused.

"Awe, Deeex. . .why you gotta rat me out like that? Now they'll call me that forever. . ." Sopher whined, throwing his hands up and letting them fall on Dextosterone's chest, grabbing his shirt and pulling it a little as he sunk down dramatically. The guys snickered and stifled laughter at the nickname, trying not to give Sopher an excuse to attack them.

"Alright, enough of the drama, get going! You're wasting time." Milliardo commanded impatiently. They all stood at attention and saluted, saying in unison, "Yes sir, Wind, sir!"

"Wind?" Duo cocked an eyebrow and glanced at Milliardo.

"Long and disturbing story. . .get out of here!" Milliardo waved to the team of guys looking like grinning idiots in the doorway. They bumped into each other as they made their way out into the lobby where they met Chang as he came down the hallway.

"Well, if it isn't the 'fainting five'. . .what are you bakas up to?" Chang said sarcastically as he folded his arms.

"We are 'The Fainéant Five', feign-A-ant. . .not fainting." Iceman pronounced the name slowly like Chang was 2 years old. With a frown, Chang said, "I'm not ignorant, you fool!"

"Well, we're not bakas!"

"What's a baka?" Playa asked.

"I do believe baka is Japanese for 'idiot'. . ." Dextosterone explained, being the anime expert that he was.

(Writer's note: How can anime exist in a world that is anime? Well if the kids from 'Digimon Tamers' can watch 'Digimon', then anime CAN exist! Maybe our world is a TV show to them. . .OO)

"Oh. . .hey, I'm not an idiot. . ." The others shook their head and Chang chuckled, saying, "In the words of one very smart man, 'Tis better to remain silent and be thought a fool then open your mouth and remove all doubt'. . .now, I have more important and intelligent things to do than waste my time talking to you blundering buffoons." Chang promptly walked away and left Iceman seething with rage and Sopher smiling.

"Wow. . .that guy's pretty smart, he can think of multiple insults without reusing a word! That quote was a nice touch too" Sopher said cheerfully.

"How can you be so happy, he just called you names!" Playa said, looking confused.

"Does that mean I still can't admire him?" Sopher asked curiously.

"Can we go? We don't need Wind on our backs. . ." Dextosterone said as he walked toward the door.

"Actually, that sounds nice. . .I wouldn't mind the wind on my back. . .nice cool wind. . ." Sopher fantasized being at the beach as he grinned.

"No cracking jokes about the bossman!"

"Okay, I will no longer crack Wind."

"Thank goodness. . ." Iceman said.

"And being the boss I will not attack him, so no cutting Wind either." Sopher winked.

"Yes, wouldn't want to do that."

"Would you guys knock it off!" Dextosterone said, getting annoyed.

"Awe, stop taking the Wind out of my sails!"

"What's he doing there? I thought the Wind was in the lobby. . ." Playa commented.

"Nah, just a bunch of hot air." Sopher laughed. Dextosterone put him in a headlock and held him there until he pleaded mercy.

"Do you think we can count on them?" Rachel asked, hearing the arguing and laughing leaving the building. Milliardo sighed and walked toward the hallway to the bedrooms.

"Where are you going?" Quatre asked.

"To get some Aleve, I have a headache. . ." Milliardo groaned, touching his head.

"Is its name The Fainéant Five?" Duo asked sarcastically. Milliardo groaned louder as he stalked down the hallway muttering about something regarding a hammer and some peoples' heads.

"Danielle, where's that baka I haven't fired yet!" Hilde walked up to the secretary's desk, resting a hand on it with the other placed firmly on her hip. She scowled at Danielle who jumped, quickly saying goodbye to her friend on the phone and slamming it down on the receiver.

"You mean Mr. Duo Maxwell?" Danielle asked, trying to recover her cool after the surprise visit. Hilde stood up, crossing her arms over her chest with a glare, saying, "No, I mean Mr. Dead Meat. Yes, him! Where on earth is he? And where did he go yesterday! He was only here for half an hour before he disappeared!"

"I'm not sure where he went off to, he just came in here and took a file and left. . .hasn't returned since."

"Took a file? What file?" Hilde frowned.

"The Mariemaia account, ma'am."

"What? That's our biggest account and he ran off with the papers! Why haven't I fired that stupid little-" Hilde clenched her fists angrily.

"Because he's your partner in the business? You. . .can't fire him. . ."

"Oh yeah, throw that in my face! I'm gonna hunt him down if it's the last thing I do! Duo!" Hilde stalked out of the room. Danielle quickly jumped to her feet, rushing after Hilde and shouting, "Ma'am, I'll make some calls to find him, you should stay here in case someone asks about the account!"

"Ugh, I suppose. . .but if you find him, kick him for me." Hilde said, quickly making for her office to dwell in her fury. Sighing, Danielle muttered, "You'd better thank me later, Duo. . ." She walked back into her office and sat in her chair, picking up the phone and dialing his home phone number. Waiting, it rang endlessly until she finally gave up and called his cell phone number. The answering machine picked up.

This is Duo Maxwell, I'm being pestered by Zechs or with my girlfriend having-DUO MAXWELL! DON'T MAKE ME HURT YOU!-Er. . .leave a message, bye. Come on, babe, I was only kidding. . .beep"

What a moron. . .why is she still with him? Danielle thought as she rolled her eyes.

"Duo, this is Danielle from work, your hide is gonna be cookin' if you don't call me back. Hilde's steamin' mad! Hope you have a will. . .bye." Danielle hung up and shook her head, saying, "Where did he go? He does this all the time. . .it's like he's living a double life or something. . ."

"Alright, guys, this is how it's gonna go down. Iceman and I will work on infiltrating the ranks of this organization and get close to the men on top. Dextosterone will be our outside contact keeping track of our progress and giving us info whenever we need it. Playa and Miguel will be our backup if we ever need someone to invade or do other duties of spyatude. . .everyone got that?" Sopher announced. The group nodded in unison.

"I found the location of the last known recruiting station. It's in the United States, specifically Williamsburg, Kentucky. They seem to base their operations near Cumberland College and get most of their men from there. The sighted flow has been reported to eventually end up in the area of Cumberland Falls. No further information so far. I can book us a flight out by 5:30 PM and we should arrive in Paris-De Gaulle for our departing connection to Atlanta by 8:30 PM which will take until 5:30 AM to arrive there. From there, we'll fly to-" Dextosterone said as he read off the documents saved in his palm pilot.

"Dex, dude. . .we only have 21 and a half hours left till innocent lives are blown to heck! This whole flight would take us like. . .12 hours or more to get there, leaving us only 9 hours to actually find the recruiters AND get officially signed up AND gain enough access to find the hideout the hostages are being held in! By then they'll be dust bunnies!" Sopher interrupted impatiently.

"Then how do you presume we get there, smarty-pants!" Dextosterone asked, looking indignant.

"By supersonic jet!" He answered with a big grin.

"Dude. . .where in the world are we gonna get a-" Iceman began to protest to this seemingly outrageous remark.

"Jet? The Wind might be of some assistance. . .seeing that he owns one by the name of Bullseye. And I just happen to be licensed to pilot it, so come on! With this baby, it'll only take us 5 hours to fly there instead of a day and part of a night!" Sopher proudly led the group to their van outside so they could get on their way to the secret location of the jet plane.

"You're just full of surprises, Sopher. . .now if only you'd share these surprises a little sooner so we wouldn't waste so much time talking over plans that will be invalid anyway. . ." Dextosterone complained.

"But then it wouldn't be a surprise and I wouldn't look so ingenious. . .takes away from the mystery that makes me the sexiest gopher. . ." Sopher winked. With an eye roll, everyone got in the van and Dextosterone drove while Sopher guided. Within 30 minutes, they arrived at what looked like an ordinary lakeside cabin. As they got out, Iceman said, "This just looks like some run down cabin in the middle of nowhere. . .are you sure you know where you're going, Sopher?"

"Patience is a visa, dude." Sopher said as he pulled out a set of keys and sorted through them.

"Don't you mean virtue?" Playa asked.

"Nope, cause you can get anywhere and anything with patience. . .just like a visa." Sopher winked and went on to open the front door. The group walked into the lob cabin and followed Sopher back to another door that he opened and revealed an elevator.

"I haven't seen too many log cabins with elevators. . ." Dextosterone said, entering it with the others. Sopher punched the "B" button on the keypad and the elevator quickly descended with a final ding. The doors opened with a whoosh of air and the group of men stepped into a large hangar deep under the ground.

"Woah, dude! This is like something out of a spy movie. . ." Iceman said, his mouth salivating over all the technology within his grasp.

"And now, ladies and gentlemen. . ." Sopher strode over to a power box on the wall and opened it.

"Hey, who you calling a lady!" Iceman looked indignantly at Sopher, his hands on his hips.

"Hmm. . .I present, the Bullseye!" Sopher announced, not commenting on the question previously asked. He flipped a switch and spotlights reflected against the hull of the jet before them.

"HOT! What's it made of, Titanium?" Dextosterone asked, feeling chills running through his spine.

"Nope, even better: Gundanium!"

"You're kidding! How in the world. . ."

"Anything seems to be possible when it comes to the big man upstairs. . .shall we?" Sopher walked toward the 40-foot long supersonic jet, digging out the keys to the ignition system.

"It makes sense for it to be made out of Gundanium alloy. Gundanium is sleek, aerodynamic and perfect for mach speeds through Earth's atmosphere. This jet should logically travel faster with this type of material encasing it." Miguel stated in a monotone voice. Everyone stopped and stared at him in shock and he merely blinked.

"Wow, that's the most I've ever heard you say. . .I didn't know you were into aeronautics!" Sopher exclaimed joyfully. Miguel shrugged and continued on to the plane, opening the hatch door and climbing in. Everyone exchanged glances momentarily before joining him aboard their ride. Sopher jumped into the pilot seat, flipping switches and pushing buttons as the jet began to roar to life.

"Um. . .I hope this isn't a dumb question but. . .how are we getting out of here? We're underground. . ." Playa asked as he strapped himself in.

"Correction, we're 'underwater'." Sopher said with a wink.

"Wha?" Iceman exclaimed. With a triumphant swirl in the air, Sopher let his finger land on a green button near the com button. The ground trembled beneath them and they began to panic as water rained down on them, soaking through the grated flooring at the base of the cave.

"WAH! The cave's flooding!" Dextosterone exclaimed, frantically looking around.

"No, that's just the lake coming in, the doors will be open in a second and we'll be ready for take off." Sopher said cheerfully. The engines roared to life and the jet began it's vertical ascend through the air, floating up through the open hangar doors and out into fresh air.

"Hmm. . .I didn't know jet's were capable of vertical takeoff yet, fascinating. . ." Miguel commented.

"We should take you on more missions, dude, you talk more! Alright, here we go! RIDE LIKE THE WIND, BULLSEYE!" Sopher exclaimed.

"Wow. . .that REALLY doesn't sound right. . ." Iceman commented just before Sopher shoved the steering into full throttle, taking off into the sky and tearing through the clouds as they went on their way to the U.S.A.