I remember when we were little girls. I remember when Bella and Cissa used to look up to me, used to love me. I remember when things weren't black and white, good or bad. I remember when mum and dad used to love me, they really used to care. I remember, I can't stop my memories, but that is all that they are. They are simply memories nothing more. I can't have my Bella or my Cissa or my parents back.
My parents, I lost them first. Bella still loved me, as did Cissa. I remember Bella's first day on the train. Sirius was going with her, my favorite sister and my favorite cousin were going with me. It didn't matter that I would only have this bliss for three years, Sirius and Bella and I would be inseperable, or so I thought.
I was never a a perfect Black. I was a 'mudblood lover' as my mother so kindly put it. But I was smart, unlike Sirius, I knew how to play it off like I supported them until I was ready to leave. I was a Ravenclaw, yes, but I was also a Black. Bella was too, but she was perfect at it. She was sorted before Sirius, B always comes before S. She was sorted to Slytherin like a good little Black. And Sirius...
Sirius was sorted into Gryffindor. His parents almost disowned him and would have if I hadn't said something. Sirius and I became closer, Sirius made me feel, Sirius made me human. But as we became, closer Bella and I became farther apart. She no longer spoke to me, she no longer smiled. She was indifferent.
Three years later, the year of my graduation, Cissa came to school. She too was sorted into Slytherin, she too became a cold bitch. She got tight with Bella and her friends and they ignored me together. After graduation I left them, and Sirius followed three years after me, and I visited him often. We were the only family eachother had left, and I knew that we were the true Blacks. We would do honor to our names.
Bella killed me. She killed me first. She almost took my baby, Nymphadora was six at the time, but Bella left the child. Maybe she wanted Nymph to have a choice, maybe she wanted a good Black to live on. Whatever the reason, Nymphadora lived when I didn't.
The last words my sister ever said to me were, "I don't want to Andi, I don't want to. But you left me, you left me all alone."
I looked at her, my saphire eyes meeting her icey blue ones, "I didn't leave you, you bitch. You left me all alone. You went cold."
She looked at me, her eyes bore into mine, she was looking for something, she was looking for the love I still had for her, "I went cold because you stopped caring. Avada Kedavra."
My eyes went wide, but I was able to get one thing out, one last thing. I don't know if she heard it, but at times I like to believe she did, "I never stopped caring, nor did Sirius."
My eyes became lifeless then. I lost my husband a few years later, or maybe I gained him, it doesn't matter, he's dead. Many would hate a sister after that. But my family was brought up cold, I understood why she did it.
I don't think about them much, I force myself not to. I love them, I always will. I will always hate them though. I will always hate how they changed.
But I remember a time before I went numb. I remember a time before our last name meant anything. I remember a time when Reggie and Sirius and Cissa and Bella and I would play with eachother outside. I remember when the world was innocent and pure in the eyes of children. I remember a time when I truly loved my family, and that is why my heart has not frozen, because I can still remember love, even if I do not feel it.
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-Cole
