Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter

A/N: I know, I haven't updated in forever, please don't kill me! -Cole


Whe we were little we used to love eachother. That much is a fact, that much mut be made known. When we were younger we really did love eachother. When we were little and not even Andromeda was in Hogwarts, we loved eachother than. Even as we grew up we still loved eachother. Even when Andi was sorted into Ravenclaw we still loved eachother. Ravenclaw was below acceptable, but it was still passing in the House of Black. Hufflepuff wasn't, it most definately wasn't. And Gryffindor meant disownment.

We even loved eachother after my sorting though. You have to understand that even after I was placed in Gryffindor we still loved eachtoher. Bella would stare at me, call me the foulset of names, criticize every aspect of my life in public. But at night, after the rest of the castle was quiet and fast asleep, we would sneak out and meet eachother, her and Andi and I, and then Cissa when she came, followed by Reggie later on. We would sit in the deepest part of the kitchens, the part where noone else besides the houseelefs would venture. And we would share butterbeers and talk like nothing was different.

But slowly things changed. Andi left school and I was all alone. I was the only 'white' Black left, and it hurt me so much. After Andi left Bella and Cissa and Reggie became more wary towards me, they didn't want their parents to find out.

I lost Cissa first. She fell in love with Lucius, or so she believed. I knew she didn't love him, I could see it in her eyes, but she had convinced herself that she was meant for him. And so she picked up his views, but she remained indifferent. She no longer visited me but she didn't hate me either. She just...she just didn't care.

Reggie went next, I was broken when I lost him. He was my little brother, he meant so much to me. No he would have noone to protect, and I would have noone to protect. I would cringe inwardly everytime I heard his name. He was the perfect Black, but I know he didn't want to be.

Bella was the last to leave me, and she was the hardest. Next to Andi, Bella was my favorite cousin. They were my everything, without them I would have been totally lost.

Bella said goodbye in fifth year, the following summer I ran away. Bella came to me the night I had told her I was running. I knew she wouldn't tell my parents, I knew she wouldn't tell Reggie, and that is why I told her I was leaving. She looked up at me with those stone cold blue eyes, and I swear there were tears forming. I never knew that Bella could cry, I didn't think she had the emotional capacity to do so. But the day I left them she was crying. I looked at her, saphire eyes meeting ice blue, and I hugged her.

"I love you Sirius," Bella stated as I put my arms around her.

"I love you too Bella," I replied, I didn't ever want to let go of her.

"Do you have to leave me?" She whispered as I grabbed my trunk.

"I'm not leaving you, we can still talk," I explained, a plea in my voice.

"What if mum and father find out?" she asks, worridly.

"They won't." I promise.

"Where are you going?" Bella demanded, she was afraid, afraid for me and for herself. Now we would be completely alone in the world. Bella and I were best friends, and now we would never be bale to go back.

"To the Potters," I replied as I pulled my chest over to the fireplace.

"Good bye Sirius, I really will miss you," Bella said, tears flowing freely. I almost stopped, I almost turned back. My stone cold cousin was crying! But I didn't.

I gave her once last smile and said, "I'll miss you too, My black bella, I'll miss you too."

We would write letters to eachother, Bella, Andi, and I. We continued this until the winter of Seventh year. Bella had been found with a letter from me. She was whipped and told if she was ever found conversing with that blood traitor again her parents would kill her.

So we stopped writting letters, but we didn't give up hope. We still met in secret, but even that came to an end. At the end of seventh year Bella was made a Death-Eater, and she couldn't stand me anymore.

I remember the day I found out about Reggie's death. Bella and Cissa had come to my door step, and they were about to leave a letter when I opened the door. I invited them in for tea, but they both smiled sadly and turned away. They couldn't let me know that they still loved me. Bella couldn't let me know that she still wanted our friendship.

I was invited to the funeral and I went. Andi, her husband, her little girl, and I stood off in the corner. Both Andi and I held black roses, they stood for the ignorance of being a black. After the funeral was ended, Andi and I laid the flowers on Reggie's tombstone, where they still lie today.

And then, and then Bella killed Andi. I couldn't believe it when Remus told me. I was in tears, how could my perfect cousin kill her own sister? Would she kill me too? Would I fall by her wand?

Bella found me that day, I don't know how, but she found me. She found me and she ran to me and even though I wanted to turn around, I wanted to scream at her, tell her she meant nothing to anyone, that she was scum, I couldn't. She kept saying over and over, I didn't want to Siri, I didn't want to. She was my sister. Sirius why did she die? Why did I kill her?"

I held her as the tears fell, I held her until she once again regained her composure. Then she smile at me and kissed my cheek and said, "I still love you Sirius. I know you never gave up on me." And then she walked away, a cold smirk planted perfectly on her face.

A year later I was thrown in Azkaban, and when I escaped Bella was a cold, heartless bitch and Cissa was an indifferent block of ice. But Tonks was perfect. She looked just like her mother when she was in her birth form. I loved Tonks, and I hope that she loved me too.

I was free, but I was dead inside. James was gone, Peter was a backstabbing traitor, and my Bella was the head of the Death Eaters. Remus felt much the same way and we would comfort eachother.

Bella once told me that I would always be a Black. She would say that no matter how far I ran, no matter how fast I moved, I would always be a Black at heart. She would even go as far as to say that I'm the worst type of Black, I'm the type of Black that pretends to give a damn when he knows that he doesn't. And she's right. She's always right. I am a Black, no matter how much I deny it. I try to be good, to care, but I don't. The death of muggleborns doesn't phase me, watching innocents die is cruel, I understand it, but I don't feel the pity, the sympathy towards them. I feel numb, I feel numb because I hate Darkness, but in the end, that's exactly what I am.

In Harry's fifth year I fought my cousin. I fought Bella to the death and I lost. I still remember her look of shock as I fell into the veil. I still remember her whispering my name. I still remember the tears glistening in her eyes. And at that moment I realized that she was not numb, and neither was I. We could still feel. I thought that James' death and Peter's betrayal had numbed me, iced me, but I was wrong.

I watched as Bella turned her back, grief-stricken tears welling up in her eyes. I know she still loves me, and I...I still love her. My black Bella. She and I were best friends at birth and sworn enemies at death, but she was always my favorite cousin, my best friend, even James didn't come close to her. She was always my best friend, and I was always hers.