Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter
A/N: I no, no update in forever, but...oh well! PLease review-Cole
Perfection. Cold, empty, hollow perfection. That is what I am. I am the coldest, numbest girl that will ever grace you with her presence. I can't help it, really, I was brought up this way. I can't help it, but I can hate it.
I hate the way I've become so icy, so hard, so emotionless. I hate the cold smirk I show to the world. I hate the mask I wear everyday. The mask that shows no pain, no happiness, nothing. It shows only the numbness, the only feeling I have left. I hate the expectations, the popularity, the royal treatment. But that is what I am, royalty. I am the Slytherin Ice Princess, just like the Slytherine girls before me. I can make the world stop for me if I wish, because I have everything. I have everything I ever wanted, but I don't want any of it.
I don't want the money or the fame. I don't want the friends, the followers. I don't want the expectations of perfect grades. I don't want to be cold and emotionless. I don't want to carry on the family tradition, to grow up to be just like my father, just like that bitch Bellatrix. I don't want to lie on my bed everynight, silently crying myself to sleep. I don't want to watch as people around me die, as I die. Because that is what is happening isn't it? I am dying. Ever so slowly I am loosing my free will, my breath, my heart, my very soul.
But I am used to this, all Slytherins go through it, all Slytherins loose their lives, their hearts, their very souls. They loose everything that ever made them real so by the time they leave this God forsakened school they will be as cold and as emotionless as their parents. They will become like ice, nothing makes them feel, nothing makes them thaw. Nothing except fire. But I have no fire.
I look at the cold, gray walls of my room and I think Would I die for happiness? And I know the answer, the answer is Yes. I would die for happiness, I would die if it meant I could leave this place, this pain. I would die for a way out.
But it's not going to happen, so the most logical thing to do would be give up. And I sometimes feel as if I already have. I sometimes feel so numb, so emotionless that it doesn't matter anymore. But I know that that is not true. I know that I can still feel, I know that I still feel the pain, the pressure of being the Slytherin Ice Princess. And I know that Draco feels it too. But Draco is stronger than me, Draco will turn. He will join Potter and those light-loving fools. He will join them because he can change.
But I can't. I can't change and I know this. I will never be able to break away from my family, I will never be able to dissapoint my parents. I will never be able to fight the pressure the world lays on my shoulders every single day. I'm in too deep, I never knew how to swim against the current and now, the one time when someone is offering me a lifeboat. When Draco says, "Come with me Pansy, come with me and we can run away from this Hell." When I finally have a chance to get out, all I can do is smile and say, "I won't go with you, but I won't tell a soul. I want you to live, but I can't." And I give him one of my small sad smiles, the only smile I know how to make. And he looks at me with pain in his eyes, with longing, with need. But he turns away, he turns away because he know it's true. I am too far gone, I'm so far that not even he can save me. He could have once, when I first came here, but that chance is gone now. And so I smile another small, sad smile and walk up the stoney stair and into my room.
Then Millicent comes and tells me to get ready, she tells me that classes start in an hour. And I look up at her and glare, I glare becasue I've become so numb that I just don't care anymore. I've lost Draco, I've lost the only person I ever loved, the only person who ever loved me back. I let the tears slide slowly down my face. Soft, silver tears. And then I get up and pull on my robe. I style my perfect midnight black hair, I stare into the mirror, into my ice blue eyes, and I cry. I cry and cry because I know that this is what is left of me, this is all I am and all I will ever be. And this pains me, it pains me because I want more, I want so much more.
But the tears soon run dry, they run dry because Slytherins aren't supposed to feel but when they do it's always short, powerful episodes. And so I wipe my eyes and put on my best icy glare, then I walk down the stairs, head held high, and I face another day. I show the world a superior smirk, but inside I'm screaming, inside I feel worthless.
Inside, I know all hope is gone.
