It Was Only a Kiss

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter. OR unfortunately Remus Lupin…but I'm working on it ;) !

Author's Note: Surprise! Quick update…I was in a writing mood today so here you go. A good amount of drama and fluff…warn me if it gets to fluffy though…well read, review, and enjoy! Thankyou everyone for all of the supportive reviews!

to answer a review comment, the whole love being rushed thing...as you said it happens sometimes, this is just one of those connections that is immediate...like love at first sight, but instead at first kiss...


Chapter 3: So This is Love?

What was supposed to have been a routine meeting of the Order of the Phoenix had becoming something much more, something terrible, yet wonderful all at once. The time was approaching, Luna Lovegood, who had become one of the most revered and talented seers of the time, had a vision. A snake had been hiding in a tree when a lion had passed it by, the snake ha lashed out against the lion, unprepared the lion had received a deadly bite, but with it's dying breath had crushed the snake under its mighty paw. There was a certain irony to this, Voldemort would die, but they'd lose Harry too, Hermione had always secretly worried that was the meaning of the prophecy.

After Luna had finished speaking, Ginny the youngest member of the Order, a special exception to the age limit for some extraordinary bravery on her part, burst out into tears and wrapped her arms around Harry. Many of the faces in the room had gone ashen. All except Harry and Dumbledore in fact, who looked between each other as if they had both understood this for a long time, and were simply uncomfortable with the others' reactions.

"I promise mate I won't let them come near you." Ron said fiercely.

Harry smiled sadly and nodded, "Thanks Ron…but it won't make a difference, what is meant to be is meant to be." Hermione could've sworn she just saw Remus look over at her when Harry had said the last part. She shook her head, clearing her mind of all other thoughts besides her best friend.

"Harry there must be something you can do to stop this, I know very well that there is nothing set in stone. We always have choices." Hermione said seriously looking at her friend ready for his response.

Harry looked at Dumbledore with a strange expression; Dumbledore looked back at him and shook his head slightly. Harry rubbed his temples in frustration, for a moment Hermione could see thin wrinkles that had began to form across her friend's forehead, the stress was destroying him, his bright emerald eyes had become a deep, ominous cloudy green over the past year. "No Hermione…there's nothing…it's sort of destiny." He said sighing.

Ginny was still crying heavily, Harry was rubbing her back to sooth her. Ron was standing now and pacing in an angry fashion. Tonks and Moody were trying to calm their trainee down. Neville who hadn't spoke once all meeting, only looked up briefly at Harry for a moment, stood up and excused himself from the room saying he felt ill. Remus and Hermione were both silent, lost in thought, confused, depressed, and helpless. Molly was crying slightly her hands covering her face. The only noise in the room was the sobs of mother and daughter, and the eerie humming of Luna Lovegood.

"Harry I swear if you think of anything I can do, you better tell me." Ron said gravely, his face still blotched with red and white from anger and shock.

"I will Ron…I promise." Harry said tonelessly, his eyes holding an empty stare. Ron embraced his friend tightly before leaving the room with Tonks and Moody, muttering that he had something stuck in his eyes.

Dumbledore left next stating he had to get back to Hogwarts, Ginny, and Hermione would need to leave with him, they would floo to his office most likely. Harry whispered something to Ginny before she stood up, and shyly she kissed him on the lips. Her face bright red, it was unclear if it was from crying or blushing. Molly looked completely dumbfounded, but everyone else smiled slightly for the couple. Hermione had known for a long time that they had been secretly dating, needless to say Ginny couldn't quite grasp the concept of a secret, and Hermione was certain Mrs. Weasley was probably the only person unaware of her daughter's relationship with the famous Harry Potter.

"Are you two…? Molly stumbled with slight astonishment.

"Yes…" Harry replied tousling Ginny's hair slightly. The shadow of a smile had lit his face, but it was a smile like Sirius' had been, it didn't seem to make it to his eyes.

"Oh how wonderful!" Mrs. Weasley exclaimed. "You shouldn't keep a secret like that from me Ginevra." She scolded laughingly. It was nice to have the mood lightened, even if only slightly.

Remus stood suddenly at left the room without looking at any of them, muttering a quick good bye.

Harry rose an eyebrow at Lupin's odd behavior but shrugged it off; Remus didn't seem exactly comfortable with emotions. "Well…Mrs. Weasley if you think that's wonderful, maybe there's something else I should tell you all." Harry said looking slightly nervous. Ginny's face had gone white, and she looked as if she would faint. "I've asked Gin if she would marry me after she graduates." Harry said looking Mrs. Weasely in the eyes, praying she wouldn't turn mad.

"And?" Molly said waiting for the rest.

"I said yes." Ginny squeaked, her cheeks burning red.

"Oh how excellent! We'll have to start planning the details and such of course soon. I'm assuming you two will want a wizarding wedding?" Mrs. Weasley said, maternal joy bursting in her voice.

"Well…" Harry said scratching his head thoughtfully. "I hadn't given much thought to details. All that I know about wizarding weddings was what I saw at Bill and Fleur's last year, and that was a French version wasn't it?"

"Yes. But in essence they're all nearly the same." Mrs. Weasley said smiling. "Oh I'm so excited for you two!" she paused carefully and added, "Though I must say I'm rather shocked this seems…sudden."

"We didn't want to wait…the future seems so uncertain, all we knew is that we wanted to spend whatever time we have together." Ginny's voice cracked while she said this, and Hermione felt herself tearing up as well.

Harry squeezed Ginny's hand and the she wiped her eyes and smiled. "Well I suppose I need to get going. I don't think Professor Dumbledore will wait up much longer." She said trying to sound calm.

"Yes…we should get going," Hermione said quietly. She felt very…odd. Her best friend was getting married to her best girl friend. This was all so sudden, so surprising, she had known they were dating but…she hadn't known they were that serious.

Ginny kissed Harry and her mother good bye. Then hurried out the door to meet Dumbledore by the fireplace to floo. Hermione sat at the table for a moment, unsure of what was wrong with her. She felt sick, like someone had punched her in the stomach, she couldn't quite breathe right, her throat felt constricted. She realized just in time what was wrong and she practically ran out of the room before anyone could see her.


She attempted to make her voice sound strong, and called out to Dumbledore, "I'll meet you there…I'm not feeling so well, and I don't have a class for another hour. Just tell Professor Flitwick, I'm going to miss lunch so he doesn't wonder where I am."

"I will Hermione. I hope you feel better." Albus replied.

Hermione sighed and slumped against the wall. She needed to think. She was going to be sick. What was wrong with her? She knew where she'd go, she only wondered if she could find it again.

Fortunately the turns that winded through the hallways to that magical, serene place had been burned into her memory. She needed the soothing solace it offered her, and at least she'd be left alone. As she made her way through the hallways she gradually lost her grip on all the feelings that were swirling like a torrential storm inside her. The floods of tears burst from her eyes as she turned the knob on the door to the garden room. She wiped her eyes as she stepped inside and closed the door behind her. She sat down on the ground and buried her face in her hands.

What was going on, this was all so messed up? Yesterday she had a normal life, everything was stable and predictable, and now… everything had changed, overnight. Two of her best friends were getting married; one of which was inevitably going to die at some point in the near future. She was having romantic feelings for her ex-professor a werewolf with a drinking problem, and serious emotional issues, and to top it all off she had an awful headache. She laughed slightly. Then she laughed a little louder, until she was eventually gasping for air in hysterical laughter for no apparent reason.

"Hermione…" a familiar voice wrenched her from her delusion.

She stopped laughing abruptly and jolted her eyes open.

They stared at each other for a moment without speaking.

"I'm sorry." She whispered.

"You have nothing to be sorry for." He said softly. "You've seen me worse."

This was questionable, he had been drunk surrounded by chocolate frog cards looking through a photo album. She had just been laughing hysterically, her face covered in tears, rocking back and forth her arms wrapped around her knees.

"Do you want to talk about it…whatever's bothering you…or anything at all?" he said quietly staring at the ground.

"Who do you think I am?" she said suddenly looking up at him.

"You're Hermione Granger." He replied slightly confused.

"No…who do you see me as, you know, how would you describe me to someone?"

"Well you're excessively intelligent, responsible, careful, patient, generous, and kind…" he then looked at the ground rather embarrassed and added, "And you're absolutely beautiful."

"You're wrong." She said her voice shaking. "I'm stupid, irresponsible, selfish, and horrible." She laughed then. "And I fear you're going blind, because the only other person to call me absolutely beautiful is Dobby the house-elf; and well, he likes my knitting, so that says a lot."

"You are beautiful Hermione…and those other things, well I've never seen you act that way but, then again, we all have our secrets, our darker sides we shut up in closets." He said darkly. "For instance…I'm sure you never imagined me as a total wreck who couldn't get over a few losses, so he drinks himself to sleep, nearly every night. Hoping one day he may just not wake up, so he wouldn't have to deal with all the…shit…life throws at him." His voice was rough, bitter, and his eyes had a deadened look in them.

"I don't want Harry and Ginny to get married, because I want them to be my friends. I want them for myself, and don't want to share them. I don't want to be left alone." Hermione whispered ashamed. "I…I…for a second I thought I hoped Voldemort would kill him for being so selfish, for being in love with her, and wanting to marry her." She whispered tears welling up in her eyes again.

"I hate Sirius for dying." Remus said simply. "I hate him for it, he was always so reckless, he never thought of himself, what he meant to others…I hate myself for hating him…but I can't stop it." He smiled up at her and laughed.

She wasn't sure why, but she couldn't help but laugh too. They both sat there laughing together for ten minutes until the laughter turned to tears, and the tears to sobs of anguish. They held onto each other desperately, afraid to let go, afraid to open their eyes. When they had finally cried until they were empty, they opened their eyes and looked at each other. Their faces were red, and wet, their eyes puffy and blood shot, and neither had ever felt more attracted to a single person in their entire life.

Their lips meant passionately, the feelings they shared were intense, they were painful, they were exquisite, and they were beautiful. His hands were running through her mess of curls, get tangled up, pulling them closer together. Their chests were smashed together, and she was running he fingertips along his back lightly, creating an odd contrast to the fierceness of the kiss. They seemed to be like this for an eternity, yet it seemed to only last a second. When their lips slowly pulled apart, they were both panting for breath. Hermione knew if she didn't leave now, something was going to happen, something she may not be ready for.

"I…have…to go teach…now." Hermione gasped. Remus pulled her back and kissed her once more lightly.

"We should meet sometime, when both of us are…a bit more stable." He said with a slight smile, his eyes had a dreamy look in them.

"Yes…we should…definitely." She was still having trouble breathing. She had never felt so conflicted in her life. Part of her wanted to run away, and another part was begging her to stay desperately. "Goodbye." She said, as she turned to leave she heard him say softly.

"And you are beautiful Hermione…the most beautiful thing I've seen in my entire life."

She shut the door feeling strange feelings surge through her. So this was love?


After the incident in the garden, Remus had trouble concentrating the rest of the day. His guilt over her age had gone away with that conversation, he had nothing to feel guilty over, she was as much of an adult as he was, she understood him in a way no one else ever had, and it was wonderful, and absolutely terrifying.

He had never felt quite this way about a person before. He was worried it was only because of the situations they encountered each other in that they had such passion. If it was only their pain, that was their connection. Though Remus had been in very few relationships due to his condition, he was certain that pain was not a good foundation to base one upon. He was certain they had other common grounds, he just needed to make sure they existed in a lighter scenario. For instance he loved reading, and he was nearly positive she did as well. Perhaps they could go to some little café in Muggle London and drink tea and read together. It would be easier for them to sort out their feelings about each other with out getting everyone else involved.

He wrote a letter inviting her to a café by his apartment tomorrow night. Well actually he wrote about five letters inviting her, the first four he hadn't liked his writing, wording, or the paper it was written on, and on the fourth one he had decided signing it "Love, Remus" might frighten her. So for the final copy he settled on "Yours Truly". He sent it out to her office at Hogwarts with his old barn owl. After he was done working he paced around his apartment for nearly an hour waiting for a response. When he finally heard the swooping of his dusty old owl he had never been happier to see it in his life. He read her response his eyes scanning the paper making him smile slightly.

Dear Remus,

I would be delighted to join you at the café tomorrow night. Can you pick me up from my house? I don't have a car, and it's not quite safe to apparate in the middle of Muggle London. I've attached directions on the back of this letter. Well, thank you for the invitation, I can't wait to see you tomorrow.

Sincerely,

Hermione

Remus held the letter in his hand and smiled…well it wasn't quite love, but it was definitely a start. And for her he'd wait as long as it took.