Chapter Nine:

            Officer Patterson had no idea how he got into this mess.

            He had received a call for a 64 (armed robbery) at approximately 7:30 p.m.

            As he was en route to the scene, he received a correction from headquarters stating that the crime was a 464.

            464? Patterson had thought, Armed robbery...with explosives?

            But, he was NYPD, and nothing was ever unexpected.

            Well...until tonight...

            Officer Patterson watched helplessly as the group of the strange creatures wreaked havoc on the once orderly Payless Shoe store.  It would not have been so bad really...entertaining even, if he had not currently been suspended upside down.  His shoes had been removed, so as his feet started falling asleep he was able to wiggle them a little.

            Not enough to reach my gun though, he thought, uncertain whether he should be terrified...or just go into utter hysterics.  Instead, he just waited, turning slowly in a circle as he dangled from the ceiling, and listened to the creature's conversations.

            --------------------------

            "Blaaah," Blabberwort complained loudly, "Not leather!  It says leather.  Fakey-fake!"

            Burly grinned at his sister over his large teeth and then mocked her tone.

            "Fakey-fake..." he said in a grumbling sing-song voice, "Stop 'ur mouth or I'll tell Dad you pocketed those shiny boots!"

            "Aw, suck an elf," Blabberwort muttered to her brother and then tossed a shoe the third of their sibling trio.

            "Ow!" Bluebell cried angrily, hissed at both his sister and brother, "Knock it off!  If you idiots don't stop playing around Dad'll kick you both back to the 3rd Kingdom before you can..."

            "Shut up, Suck up," Blabberwort remarked angrily, "Always so crafty gettin' on Dad's good side."

            "Yeah," Burly added, "And I didn't see you gettin' to near the sparkly sticks when we put 'em near the front door..."

            "And burned up half the booty, yar boogy dwarf!" Bluebell shot back, "If we were back home, I'd toss ya in the..."

            His words were cut off as pounding footsteps began to approach from the back of the store.

            The three troll siblings exchanged frightened looks, and got quickly to their feet.

            --------------------------

            Officer Patterson was still swinging from the ceiling, but kept a steady eye on the situation.

            --------------------------

            Relish, king of the Trolls, approached his children slowly, and glared at them with disapproval.

            "I heard raised voices..." he began sternly, "Is there a problem, my three dearest?  I see the prisoner has not escaped.  Has he been properly tortured?"

            --------------------------

            Now, Officer Patterson started to get nervous.

            --------------------------

            "No, Father, sire, highness," Blabberwort blabbered quickly.

            Burly stared wide-eyed and continued after his sister, "We're waitin' for you, dad!  To begin the interrogation!"

            Relish glowered at his children for a moment, but then sighed heavily and marched toward the dangling prisoner.

            "No need to wait," Relish said, beginning to twirl the prisoner faster, "Though we'll have to make the torture quick, for we are pressed for time."

            Relish sighed heavily again and looked entirely disappointed.

            "But," he announced loudly, "Under other circumstances, this would have been a good lesson.  What is the first rule of torture?"

            "Rush a torture, ruin a torture," the trio replied, trying not to sound too bored.

            "Very good," Relish said, and then crouched to look the prisoner in the face, "This man is a guard of the 10th kingdom.  It may prove to be difficult to get information out of him..."

            --------------------------

            Officer Patterson was beginning to feel nauseous from all the spinning.  Little lights danced before his eyes as the blood that had rushed to his head began to spin along with him.

            --------------------------

            "Now," Relish said calmly, staring the bound officer in the face, "Tell me...and I warn you...my children are skilled at persuading the truth out of you if you lie..."

            The Troll King frowned viciously, but from Officer Patterson's point of view (and in his dizzy state) the expression looked like a pleasant smile.  Suddenly, he found himself with a face full of pink dust.

            "Okay..." Patterson said, slurring as he came under the influence of the Troll King's magic, "Sure...wha'da'ya'wanna'know..."

            "Where can we find...the nicey-nicest of your finest footwear?" Relish said in a growl.

            "Um...the mall?" the lightheaded officer muttered as the Trolls started to spin him faster, "Or...a...nightclub...?"

            Relish and his children all put hands on the man to stop his twirling.

            "Night...club..." Bluebell repeated, perplexed.

            "A club you can only use at night?" Blabberwort inquired quickly.

            "Magics, huh, Dad?" Burly said, very proud at his understanding of his mystery.

            "No, you fools!" Relish shouted, and the trio flinched.

            The Troll King turned the officer toward him again, "Tell me where I can find one of these...night...clubs..."

            Officer Patterson rolled his eyes woozily and stammered.

            "Uh...all over the city...lots of...nicey...nicey...nicey..."

            Relish smacked the man's head.

            "Nice," Patterson finished, and then grunted, "Ug...where are my toes...I can't feel...ouch, my face...that wasn't nicey-nice..."

            Relish sighed heavily again and stood up.  He scratched his head and turned back toward his children, who were anxiously awaiting his next order.

            "Night...club..." Relish said thoughtfully, and then shouted to all his followers, "Come, those of the 3rd Kingdom!  We go...to the night club!"

            A series of cheers and rowdy calls rang through the store.

            Office Patterson began to clap, "Yeah...night club...bring your blue suede shoes..."

            Relish spun back toward him.  He took a hold of the officer's uniform and lifted him up.

            "You will tell this to no one," he hissed in the man's face, "Or you will suffer my wrath."

            As Patterson jerked back downward, the rope holding him snapped and he landed roughly on a pile of empty shoe boxes.  He watched as the growling creatures stalked out of the store, and he waved as they left.

            He sneezed, and a cloud of pink dust puffed from his lungs.  He rubbed his head, and winced as he touched a welt forming on his temple.  His vision began to clear, and he reached for his police radio clumsily.

            "HQ, come back," Patterson reported slowly, ignoring the growling creature's threat to stay quiet.

            "This is HQ.  Come back, unit 26."

            "Unit 26," Patterson said, "Engaged prowler from earlier 464, come back."

            "Do you need assistance, 26, come back?"

            "Uh...no..." Patterson replied, "But I've gotta add a 243 to that, HQ, come back."

            "243, assault on officer, confirm.  Weapon description, 26?"

            "Ladies, size seven and a half," Patterson said, "I think I was a Stiletto..."

            --------------------------

Author's note:  Wanted to include another thanks for the reviews... as for the previous chapter... Telumiel, you asked for it!  :-)  Do you think the fact that the Troll King is named 'Relish' is a subtle tribute to Al Bundy's skill at outdoor grilling?