Chapter Fourteen:
"Did it hurt, chere?" a sharp looking gentleman with a distinctly Cajun accent asked suavely.
"Excuse me?" the woman next to him replied as she tried to order a drink.
"When you fell from heaven, no?" Remy continued the bad pickup line with confidence.
The woman rolled her eyes and shoved past him, not even dignifying his attempted flirtation with a response. The rejected man sighed unhappily and immediately began to search for his next prospect, hoping his luck would turn around. He reached into his jacket pocket and tapped his lonely playing cards. Zero so far...out of all the ladies in the club...
This was no longer simply drabbling poetry for the fun of dances and conversation. This was business. He had been challenged by a formidable opponent, and Remy was not about to shirk at a bet. He and Sid had made a friendly wager...who could collect the most phone numbers by the end of the night from the feminine portion of the crowd. And Gambit was not about to lose the game he was best at.
However, his current tally did not bode well in his calculating mind.
Unbeknownst to his competition, Sid was not doing so well himself. While his shrewd tactics worked incredibly well among older ladies of wealth and society, they certainly did not impress his present crowd of peers.
Sid leaned against the bar and scowled openly as he gazed around the room. He ordered a drink, just as the Cajun X-Man sauntered toward him. Remy did his best to seem over-confident in the wake of Sid's annoyance.
"So, ami..." he began with a grin, "I assume by your desolate look that you are losing our little bet..."
With the skill of a business tycoon, all the doubt melted from Sid's face and he sneered at Remy.
"If that's what you'd like to believe...go ahead," he said, "It's going to be a shame when you find out how many women I've added to my cell phone tonight."
Remy nodded, almost sadly, "Oui, of course. And it will be terrible to disappoint you, considering all of those pity-numbers you've go gallantly won..."
"The only pity will be from everyone else when they are watching you pay up," Sid shot back, "Then, you'll be broke and alone..."
Remy chuckled cynically, "Well, when I'm escorting one of the many beauties I've met tonight back to her place, I'll leave you all the extra papers with the extra numbers so you have something with which to dry your tears..."
"Oh, really?" Sid replied also chuckling smugly.
"Very real, ami," Remy agreed.
They laughed haughtily, almost to the point of embarrassment, until they both took and long breath and frowned, downcast.
"Big fat zero?" Remy asked unhappily.
"Yeah, I got nothing," Sid answered honestly, the scowl returning to his face.
"Ah, well," Remy said shrugging, "These ladies are...how to put it? Below us, yes? After all, we are worldly gentlemen of...the world. We have wooed the finest women in the most glamorous parties. Women of beauty and fame. Do we really need this kind of feminine companionship, when we leave acres of powerful femmes weeping for our attention?"
Sid stared at him sympathetically, "Does that kind of bullshit really help your ego?"
"No, not at all," Remy admitted mournfully, "In fact...it's making me feel worse..."
"You have a least a few sure-things," Sid said and Remy glanced at him curiously, "Nancy and Rebecca would give you there numbers just so I'd lose..."
"Oui?" Remy asked, and then straightened his tie, "I'll be right back..."
Sid laughed, "But...if you want a real challenge...how about trying to get Mystique to write down those seven little digits."
"I don't know about that," the Cajun replied warily, "Remy thinks she would rather stab him repeatedly with an olive fork."
Sid nodded, actually able to clearly visualize the event. Both of their gazes strayed to the currently blonde beauty.
"She is stunning," Remy admitted.
"Agreed," Sid said and then narrowed his eyes, "So how about double-or-nothing?"
Remy raised a curious eyebrow, actually considering the offer, when screams began to erupt from the front of the club. Both mutants turned, as did the rest of the crowd, and watched in surprise as a large swarm of growling creatures began to spill through the front doors. The twin bouncers who had so diligently guarded the patrons were lifted into the air and hurled across the dance floor.
The crowed surged backward, away from the stage, until a second wave of attack came charging in from the rear halls. The high-pitched shrieks of female patrons echoed from the ladies' bathroom as they were roughly ushered in with the rest of the crowd.
After a few chaotic moments, one of the creatures stomped angrily forward, and held his hands into the air.
"Silence!" bellowed the King of the Trolls. His followers echoed the sentiment rudely to their captives until the frightened screams and crying fell quiet.
Relish flashed his massive lower teeth and grinned wickedly.
"Silence your tongues or we'll tear them out!" he cried, and then pointed one finger out at the cowering mass, "We've come for your treasures! We've come for your silver! We've come for your gold!"
Each demand was accompanied by triumphant calls from Relish's army, their eyes glittering with anticipation for their king's final demand.
"We've come..." Relish said, savoring his words, "...for your shoes!"
Instead of a raucous cheer, one single shriek made the Trolls reach for their ears, and the rest of the crowd turned to stare at the blonde vampire with terrified confusion.
"No!" Harmony shouted piteously, "These are Prada limited editions!"
Back at the bar, Sid sighed and shook his head, "I better go find Becca. You stay here..."
"Oh, oui?" Remy said, glancing between the incoming menace and his retreating comrade, "And what exactly do you think I should do in the meantime?"
"Stall," Sid replied, before he began to force his way toward the back of the club.
"St..." Remy began, gaping with disbelieve, before turning back toward the creatures with annoyance, "Merde."
When the terrified shouts began, everyone in the Malloys' private booth watched the growing panic with an eerie readiness. Mary stared in horror as the creatures began to appear around them. The haunting echoes of her vision danced before her eyes...
Toad leapt to his feet immediately, and heard Rebecca mutter irritably.
"Oh, crap," she said, glancing over at Nancy, who simply gestured toward the incoming hoard and nodded contemptuously.
"Oh, no, not trolls...it couldn't be trolls..." the witch mocked their earlier doubts bitterly until Rebecca rolled her eyes and shoved everyone out of the booth.
"Come on. Let's get closer to the stage," she said, leading them through the stampeding clubbers and avoiding their new, violent guests.
Toad noticed for the first time that the band had disappeared. By the time they reached, the other side of the room, Oz and Lance had already secured a suitable hiding spot. The mutant bassist was staring around the room with surprise but Oz was simply reclining against the wall, looking thoughtful. When he spotted the others approaching, he smiled and acknowledged them with a slight nod.
"Hey, guys," Rebecca said with a grin, "Mind if we join your cowering?"
"Not cowering," Oz replied, "Just...reminiscing," The others stared at him with blank confusion until he continued, "Reminds me of home..."
Toad shook his head and glared angrily, as Harmony's shriek suddenly sounded over the rest of the noise. She shouted something about 'Prada' (a word that had absolutely no meaning to the green mutant and he decided was probably too ridiculous for him to care) and then the creatures began to order people to surrender their footwear.
"What the 'ell they want with shoes?" he finally asked, growing dangerously tired of this entire situation.
"They're trolls," Nancy explained with annoyance, "They like shoes."
"And disco," Rebecca added with a grin.
"Bloody rubbish," Toad muttered. He then noticed the others glance apprehensively over his shoulder until felt someone tap him roughly on the arm.
Remy watched the creatures begin to shove patrons away from the bar, when he suddenly had a brilliant thought. Sid wanted him to stall, huh? Fine. He would stall.
"Pardon, good sir!" Remy began to shout over the crowd. He eased past several snarling trolls as he approached their leader, excusing himself repeatedly and politely, presenting rare civility among the frightened crowd.
"Please, monsieur," he pleaded as he approached the Troll King, "I believe I may be of some help to you in this situation..."
The other trolls laughed and ordered him back, but Relish ordered them to halt, and allowed the Cajun to come forward.
"You say you want our treasures," Remy began, "Our most valuable possessions?"
"It is why we have come," Relish agreed, and then glanced around with an air of contempt, "Are you the...leader...of these blubbering fools?"
Remy blinked with surprise, and glanced around at the rest of the crowd, who had made a point to step far away from him. If Remy wanted the job...no one was going to argue with him.
"Um...oui. Yes. Yes, I am the leader here," he said, although unconvincingly, "And I wanted to...um...extend you an offer...of peace..."
Relish erupted into a roar of horrid laughter, which was quickly echoed by the others.
"Peace?" the Troll King spat the word as though it had a nasty taste, "What kind of game do you think this is?"
Game...cards...shoes...idea! The words chimed through Remy's mind so fast, he barely had time to register the meaning.
"Yes," Remy replied, and then drew himself up confidently, "Because when you see what I will offer, all thoughts of war will leave your mind."
"What could you offer, you pathetic worm, that would satisfy our warrior hearts?" Relish asked in an overdramatic fashion.
"Shoes," Remy replied, with a secretive smile, "Only the finest footwear in this world or the next! The most valuable possession our small minds could possibly...possess..."
Relish narrowed his eyes, but rubbed his chin curiously, "Go on...where might I find this incalculable treasure?"
"Why...right here," Remy replied, "For they are being worn...right now...by the most beautiful woman in this room."
Relish glanced around doubtfully. Human woman were all hideous in his eyes, so he would not know who the red-eyed man was speaking of.
"I will bring them to you..." Remy said, stepping carefully back toward the bar, until he reached Mystique.
The camouflaged mutant was glaring at the X-Man for his apparent stupidity until he knelt before her and held his hands into the air.
"Oh, fairest one," Remy declared dramatically, "I know you dread to part from your most precious of...um, footwear! But your sacrifice may save us all!"
Remy reached down and took Mystique's foot. Suddenly, his eyes widened, when he remembered that her shoes might not be shoes.
"Oh, desole," he muttered and then glanced up at her coyly, "Are they real?"
Mystique made a scoffing noise in her throat and kicked off one white shoe after the other. They fell into Remy's waiting hands and he grinned broadly.
"Thank you, chere," he muttered, and began to charge the shoes' kinetic energy with his grasping fingertips, "Your sacrifice will not be in vain..."
"You better be right, X-Man," Mystique said aloud, glaring between Remy and the pillaging trolls.
When the shoes were noticeably glowing, Remy spun to his feet and held them dramatically in the air. A collective gasp came from the trolls, and Relish's eyes began to shine with greed. He had shoes of invisibility, but he had never seen magic shoes that glowed with such beauty. They must be incredibly powerful...
"Voila," Remy said with mock sorrow, "I offer you our most valuable gift! The most perfect shoes! The most famous footw..."
"Give them to me," Relish hissed, ordering Remy forward. The Cajun grinned broadly, his red eyes suddenly beginning to glow with power.
"Well, ami," he said darkly, hoping Sid had some kind of plan beyond 'stall', "As you wish..."
Toad had not moved, but watched the faces of the others carefully. The tapping came again, followed by a gruff ordering voice.
"Oy! You deaf or something?" one of the trolls shouted angrily down at him, "I said get to your feet!"
Toad frowned, and rose slowly out of his crouched position. The others followed his lead, and he noticed with irritation that most of them were trying not to laugh. The only one who still seemed frightened was Mary. Since she seemed the least insane in the group, he was going to have to trust her expression and approach his new enemy with caution.
"Now!" the troll said, giving Toad another rough shove in the back, "Give me all your treasures!"
The voice of the creature was grumbling, vicious and very low. But not low in pitch...low in regards to where the sound was coming from. Toad turned and stared down in surprise at their foe.
Bloody hell, this guy's shorter than me, Toad though with bewilderment. The troll seemed a little taken aback by the green mutant's appearance, and Toad took great pleasure in watching the creature recoil and gape upwards at him.
"Well?" the troll stammered, "Well? What're you waitin' for?"
Toad glared at him, getting ready to tell this little imp where he could shove his bleeding treasure, when a familiar voice rose over the crowd. Toad squeezed his eyes shut and shook his head. The Cajun was trying to negotiate or something with the leader of these creatures, and while their own little pillager was distracted, the only thing Remy's bantering ever did was give Toad a headache.
"Sid's looking for us," Rebecca said quietly, "We've got to think of a way to get these people out of here..."
"Don't suppose any of you have slayer training?" Oz asked, and when no one replied, he sighed, "No...me neither. You don't realize how convenient a slayer is, until you go without."
"Slayer or not," Rebecca continued, "We've got enough fire power between all of us to at least give these guys a good fight..."
"Maybe we won't have to fight..." Lance suddenly added, a curious expression on his face, "Looks like that guy's making them and offer..."
"One they can't refuse?" Rebecca said with a nervous laugh, "Oh, crap...we should take cover."
Toad had been listening to their conversation, and then looked back into the crowd to see who they were talking about. When he spotted Remy holding a glowing pair of white high heels, he cursed softly and spun around, following the others to the back of the stage.
"I think those are Mystique's shoes," Rebecca said as Toad crouched down beside her.
Toad grinned with wicked amusement, "Good. If the trolls don't kill 'im, she will."
