Promise of a River
By: LadyRainStarDragon
Chapter 14: Aramitama, Nigimitama, Kokoro
Rain owneth not ye Spirited Away.
The Aramitama of Nigihayami Kohaku Nushi was banging his head against the copy of the desk that resided within the constructs of his mind, his chin-length locks swaying in time with the currents of his anxiety. The light of pre-dawn gave a dim haze to the indistinguishable shapes in here, The white of his haori and flash of movement being the only other thing than his noises to distinguish his position to anyone who happened to attempt a bit of mind reading.
Things had been simple enough at first, do what the witch told him, steal when ordered, and threaten people here and there. It was something that would have suited him, had it not been for the fact that he did not enjoy being ordered about by any being and the tasks that he carried out had little to no direct benefit to himself. Then she came, and brought forth a long buried part of himself, even giving back the name that he had been tricked out of. Now that he had his name, was missing the one that he considered his, and the disturbing fact that as time passed his balance was being thrown even further off, he had been pulled out of some kind of stasis and left a nice big mess even worse than the Big Tub.
The fifteen year old boy was desperately trying to come up with a new way of drawing Ko's (he refused to call him Kohaku unless it was necessary) attention to the fact that they had been fading in between this and the human world. At first, he too had thought they were just really nice dreams, but after several times of coming back with scratches on his back, and bruises in places, like just at the base of his neck, that thankfully he could hide, it hadn't been too hard to figure out that those 'dreams' were quite real.
If he hadn't egged her on so much, she would have been content to lay in the encircling of his spirit, instead of turning around and exchanging his caresses (albeit much more intensely). That was one of the few things he truly could say he felt guilty about, since he had no real way of knowing if she intended to do those things, and it was a very good thing he hadn't gone as far as he desired to with her. He had even 'borrowed' much of Chihiro's underwear in a desperate attempt to get his point across. He had also just finished leaving much of their saved gold as a method of reimbursement, and the poor girl was probably ready to call in the exorcist.
That also brought him to another problem that Ko was refusing to deal with and admit to completely. He didn't want to just be her guardian, inside the man he should be refused to consider the instances where a kami took a human bride, either through force or by wooing. Haku and Ko were the same, and what one wanted, the other did too, no matter how much the other would deny that it wasn't right. Haku knew it would nearly kill the heart that had only recently been discovered to beat within himself, to see her allow someone to pollute that purity of the pearl soul she was with the evils that often hid within another human soul.
Despite what Ko kept insisting, Haku knew that Chihiro would always be his. He had promised to protect her and to provide for her, and that was a vow that could not be revoked, even by the Council. If she could remember him, call his name consciously, he was certain the way to her properly would be opened to him, making his contract null as she was a prior obligation. She was like a little fish surrounded by sharks, her bright coloring drawing the eye just before a feeding frenzy, and he was terrified that he would not be there to protect her when her time finally came.
If she believed in him at all. He had the odd feeling that not only did she not remember him, she thought of everything as "some form of psychological construct brought on by too much studying." At least, that's what she'd been muttering after he had kissed her, and accidentally awoken her, getting graced with her wild eyes staring straight through him, although she had certainly felt his presence and calmed back to sleep. Ko wouldn't believe that he knew what she looked like either. Ko was infuriatingly more stubborn than Haku himself, and that was really saying something.
(Like a mule pulling a heavy cart when it's something he doesn't really want to fully face.)
The broken pipes in the building she lived in weren't his fault though. They were broken when he got there. The whole floor she was living on had probably been flooded, It had been a simple thing to shut off the water, and the water had been really eager to obey him.
He could just come right out and say it, something like 'Damn Kohaku, haven't you noticed that we've been phasing between two worlds and it gets harder to come out of the Dark every blasted time? And by the way, take a good look in your heart.' But that would be no fun, except for being the one doing the mental yelling for once, and oh-so-important Ko probably wouldn't believe him anyway. Seriously, listening to your Aramitama is like a human listening to their 'Left Shoulder Dweller,' or usually a bad idea in other words. Just his luck he happened to be the Aramitama, or said 'Left Shoulder Dweller.'
But come on, he wasn't a trouble maker all of the time. Just most of it. Ok, so it was a good deal of the time, but it was always so fun teasing himself and watching it get internalized so the argument wouldn't show, and he was never allowed out to play which even he would agree was probably a good thing. Well, he could get impressions of being allowed to have a use a few times, but something told him he didn't want to know about those times. He never had liked how reserved the dominant aspect was. But that was probably also brought out so often by the Yuna always seeming to have been throwing themselves at him.
(EW. Not even I need sating that much. Slugs. Blech, they stink.)
The repeated and violent self chastisement / primitive brain stimulation must have awoken Nigihayami, because shortly a large river of palest scale and aqua mane padded in to this central room, banging himself against the door jamb in his state still somewhere between sleep and awake, vision and balance obviously not quite working yet. Moaning muscles stretched his sword shrouded maw, and a large yawn escaped his cavernous mouth as he plopped in his appallingly elegant manner on a rug on the floor, blearily rubbing the sleep crust from his jade eyes with one massive paw.
((Stop that annoying banging! Get yourself in trouble again, Haku?))
(Didn't get myself in it, we just are. And I'm out of ideas.)
There was another yawn as Nigihayami gave up on holding his head erect and settled for resting his head on his paws. Thankfully, Haku had stopped the banging, allowing Nigihayami to attempt to pay attention to his foil in peace.
((You've noticed the fading too?))
(And you didn't say anything about the underwear I've been snagging?)
((What was there to say? If I did, and he'd heard, then he would assume I was in on it too. And it's not the underwear that I want, thank you. You know how stubborn he is when it comes to admitting personal problems. It was a good touch though, definitely something he would not be able to pass off as mere coincidence, well, after the 20th time of Lin yelling 'I didn't do it!' Although she never did say that when it really had been her.))
(What do we do though? It can't be healthy.)
((What can we do? If he still insists that Chihiro's bras are a prank pulled by Lin or even Yoruiki, and insisting that his visions are merely dreams, there isn't much that we can do, short of stomping him into a box and taking over our body, which we both know wouldn't work all that well since we rarely agree. Don't you find it curious that we've actually got forms in here now, when we used to be disembodied voices?))
(We're being pulled apart, aren't we?)
((Most likely, pup.))
(I could really use some sake right about now.)
((I could too, but I will wait until it is necessary. Need appeasement again to keep control of yourself? Buy some after work.))
(I would if I could, you annoyingly calm Nigimitama!)
((Here it comes. What now? I'm still tired.))
(Well, I got presented with a bill the last time I found myself visiting Chihiro. It was rather expensive. I'd been planning to reimburse her anyway, since 'Kohaku' keeps burning them, before I can give them back, but she charged interest too.)
((You are in it so very deep when he wakes up.))
(Yeah, I know.)
((For an Aramitama, you do your job a little too well sometimes. Maybe you should hide out in the caves in the back of the mind for a while. Maybe sift through some memories and be useful while you are hiding.))
A feeling of steadily mounting alertness swept through the room like an electric current, and the dimmed lighting began to brighten due to the sun beginning to spill through the open windows.
((Duck out now, I'll distract him.))
The adolescent scampered out of the room and jumped off the balcony, becoming a young dragon as he was caught by a current of air. He jetted across the familiar and known terrain into the area that they had discovered only recently on their searches for their lost piece or pieces, and the river that wasn't anymore soon formed before Haku's eyes. Allowing himself to fall from the sky like a stone, he entered the small river without a splash or ripple, diving past ghosts of things that once lived in him and seeking refuge in the deep caverns below, all still within the mind of the part of Kohakunushi that had found himself so long ago at the bath house.
Meanwhile, Nigihayami heaved a huge yawn, then began to snore loudly as he stretched out in the sun now flooding the floor. The sheer volume rattled and echoed all around, jarring Kohaku out of the final stages of his sleep and causing the young man to look around wildly for the source before realizing it was one of the annoying personas within himself.
'Must you snore so loud? It's time to get up. So lazy.'
Nigihayami, knowing that this other part of himself still couldn't see within himself, didn't even bother to crack his saucer sized eyes open, but merely rolled over and scratched his back on the floor within. The sound of steely scale scraping wood resounded within, causing Kohaku to grip his head, distracted for now from the note in his right hand.
((Must you always be so industrious? I'd prefer a peaceful walk by the river to the decreasing need for our services here. Or maybe a swim. Yes, a swim would be wondrous.))
'Well, we don't have a river anymore, so we have to keep busy somehow. There is less than a month until when we hear from the Council what is to be done with us. Maybe you'll get your walk after all.'
((That would be nice. But are you wanting to work so much because you are wanting to ignore a problem? Some things that need to be looked at?))
'I don't know what you are talking about.'
((Uh-huh. I felt that shiver of fear. I know that you know what I'm talking about. But by all means, keep deceiving yourself if you must. If you can. OH, and you really should give Lin an apology.))
The deep voice in Kohaku's head fell silent, even the snores abating to soft breaths, and Kohaku opened his eyes again and put his hands in his lap, trying to ignore that gnawing feeling that he knew something was wrong. At first, when he noticed no bras or panties that smelled curiously like Chihiro had, save riper, he was very happy. The relieved smile was wiped off of his face though when he realized that there was a letter clutched in his hand. Curiously, he read it.
Dear Strangely Perverted Ghost (if you aren't just a
figment of imagination brought on by too much
homework, or a sign of psychological breakdown,
or some weird archetype of what I want in a man),
I do thank you for the marvelous and highly pleasurable
stress relief services that you have been providing
during my sleep. However, as you have also absconded
with numerous articles of private wear, I have to charge you.
They are expensive. So, this is the bill for what you
have already taken. If you plan to take anymore, I
suggest that you include extra money and descriptions
of what you wish me to wear. I am getting really
tired of buying so much underwear, the sales people
are beginning to talk. If you don't pay, expect to help
me with my Statistics homework, every night.
Please remit 42,088 yen or suitable equivalent.
Sincerely,
One very broke Ogino Chihiro.
November 12, 2002
There was an addendum scribbled below the date and signature in his own handwriting. Now absolutely certain that something was highly amiss, he continued reading, waiting for the Pillars of Heaven to break and bring the Sky crashing into the Earth.
Paid in full. -Haku.
P.S. Don't kill me, I'm part of you.
'Well, this can't be too healthy. Wait a minute! If he's been taking her underwear, what else has he taken the liberties to do?'
((Take another look at that little bruise where your shoulder meets your neck.))
'Please don't tell me that Chihiro did that.'
((Alright, I won't tell you your Chihiro did it. Maybe you've been harassed by a Yuna.))
"This is going to be a bad day."
Getting out of the bed, he gave it a baneful glare, one that could turn petrified socks to cinder, maybe even put some color back in Yubaba's hair. Deftly, his fingers flew over the ties that held his clothing shut, loosening them to change into fresh clothing, and then retying them with skill just as practiced.
Then Kohaku himself, not Haku, or even Nigihayami, had a thought of what it would be like to lay beside Chihiro. It was one of those short thoughts that occasionally manage to slip past even the most stalwart of barriers, catching him by surprise. His reward for such negligence in the ordering of thought was a short nosebleed, swiftly healed, but still making him feel like he had shamed his dear friend thinking of her in such a way.
Kohaku opened the door to eat breakfast and then see if there was anything he needed to do, finding himself greeted by Lin. One hand had been poised to open the door, the other carried a bucket of chilled water, which she had taken to using lately as revenge for blaming her for the 'magic bras'. The confused expression was so like the one he always envisioned Chihiro wearing in his more coherent dreams, involving books and strange formulae that may as well have been ancient spells for all the sense they made, that he felt the threatening tickle in his nose. Without a word, he desperately bade his mind distract himself from the thought.
The water in the bucket began to roil, still chilled so that condensation formed on the outside of the wood. Gathering force and momentum, it sprang from the pail, eager to do the bidding of a water deity. However, instead of it landing on Lin as he had intended, he drenched himself.
"I've never seen you do that Dragon-Boy. Maybe you should go lay down before you hurt somebody, most likely yourself."
He was right. It was just one of those days. Breakfast was already eaten up, and everyone wanted to know why water was drenching him every time he got too near. Good fortune shined on him for one moment, when a frog postulated that it had something to do with the moon, which hid the fact from the others that his older self was deciding to be a pain. On top of that, he had to go and find some Sea Sword or such that had been lost 16 years ago after some battle, purported to have defeated a powerful dark spirit. Yubaba wanted the power of this legendary sword for herself, and the fate of the owner was unknown, just as most of the lost relics that had turned up since he'd entered her service. At least it was in the area that he had once come from. If he was lucky, he would get a glimpse of Chihiro as she went about her business in her world that ran so closely and infuriatingly parallel to his own.
Something good came of the day though. Once he recovered (and only Lin knew he was having a supremely bad day) he managed to apologize to Lin. Of course, now she too was getting worried about how the bras had been showing up and why. Secrets traded make for solid friends, and she may be a weasel, but she was a weasel with a conscience.
A few days later, in the apartment that Ryu, BlowingWind, and Chihiro shared, Ryu was puttering in the kitchen preparing the dinner meal. His richly brown eyes, like two holes in the earth where treasure lay hidden and giving only an occasional glimmer was one came near to unearthing the whole, twinkled in satisfaction as the meal came together. His hair was a mass of unruly black, tamed somewhat by a hairnet that he only used during food preparation. Sometimes, he would call out to the Miko who was up to her eyeballs in one of the most dreaded of college subjects.
In the living room, a very exhausted Chihiro was sprawled on the couch, her prim Miko robes a stark contrast to the extremely casual pose she struck. Her knees had hooked themselves over the back of the couch, leaving her feet to dangle loosely like shoes that some impish teen had tossed to hang over a power line, dainty feet clad in puffy white twin dragons that had blue tufted manes doing poor imitations of rivers. Likewise, her head lolled off the front of the couch, an under-ripe berry that absolutely refused to understand the statistics problem she was trying to solve, having suffered that most dreaded malady, the brain fart. Beside her, a book lay open to the exercises for the chapter, homework only half-way finished and due the next day. While she had been laying in this unlikely position in an attempt to get much needed blood to her brain, she had also been sipping a large mug of Student's Aid tea through a straw.
"So, Chi, had anymore 'late night visitors' lately?"
"Funny Ryu. No, I've slept quite well the past few nights, and nothing has been missing. The bag of gold and sweet apology letter sitting on my course books three days ago was a great prank though."
"Bag of gold? Apology letter?"
"Yeah."
"Can I see them?"
"Sure, hold on while I get them."
Chihiro was a fleeting mass of white and red as she went to her room, richly fertile hair spilling cascades about her shoulders as she had let it down for the day. Only a moment later, she returned with a small blue pouch filled with gold nuggets. Handing her best friend's boyfriend the blue pouch that had the Kanji for 'Haku', she watched a thoughtful frown spread over his face like gloom across the classroom right before a pop test. His nose, though it tried to stay still, flared the nostrils like the wind liked to do with her robes, and she had the distinct impression that he was searching for a smell or something.
"Chi, I've never seen this pouch or letter before."
"Does that mean this ghost is real?"
Chihiro didn't miss how carefully he regarded her, as if he were weighing whether or not she were ready for a sizable revelation. She felt like he was looking into her very soul, as if her thoughts and feelings were ruffled like the pages of a book. The feeling made her afraid, not of her friend, but of something precious being found where her soul had hidden it away. He continued on, but she had the distinct feeling that she wasn't being told something very important.
"It's possible. So, you like poetry?"
"It's a sweet haiku."
"Passionate River, Forgiveness beseeches now, Yearning my Sweet Sea? There's some hidden meanings in there, Chi. It reads like love poetry. Sappy love poetry."
"Tadaima minna-san! Who's giving Chi sappy love poetry? Anybody I know? Can't be one of your perverted pals."
BlowingWind closed the door behind her, returning for the night from her winter job at the local rest resort for stressed salarimen. Slowly, she removed her green heavy duster, leaving it on a convenient hook to dry in the entry. Slipping slothfully out of her black and red snow boots she wore for the winter commute, she put on her fuzzy black dragon slippers that she wore around the house. Chihiro always found it hilarious that her friend's obsession was black dragons while hers was white dragons. They seriously clashed with the old style of her work kimono, and the wild windswept look of her jaw-length hair combined with those made her look absolutely ridiculous. After the proper exchange of foot gear, she promptly hurtled across the living room, landing with a satisfied plunk on her favorite cushion that had been waiting for her, complete with piping hot cocoa that had been waiting for her arrival, compliments of her considerate beau.
"The ghost paid her for the stolen underwear and even wrote her an apology poem. But it sounds like a barely veiled love poem."
"Really? Actual manifested communication from the undead? Lemme see!"
Something inside Chihiro balked at this supposed 'ghost' being called 'undead' like some kind of zombie, but she didn't say anything. It was a silly notion, and this was one elaborate prank her friends were playing. On the other hand, it was rather nice to pretend that she had somebody chasing her that she didn't want to see hang upside down from a window for trying to get a kiss. However, on yet another hand, it could all be an elaborate scheme to get her to believe her grandfather's stories about kami being hidden in plain view, demon exterminations, and the few 'possessions' she had assisted with exorcizing. Occam's Razor came to mind, something like, when presented with multiple theories, the simplest is usually the correct one. So, it was most likely just something to get her to believe his stories.
Little did she know that somewhere nearby, although on a different level of reality, was a young spirit who was still fighting himself over something he thought he had dealt with already, swamped with a possessiveness that only his Aramitama seemed to freely admit the full scope of.
A/N:
Chihiro billed Haku the equivalent of 400 US.
Reviewers:
Lost-and-lonely-phoenix: Ya, you probably should update someday, huh:Peeks in on Phoenix's fics, gets hit with a flying shoe.: Wanna borrow a shield?
Mangaboylover: Yup. Just for you. Fractured spirits are confusing entities.
Fyraga: Close enough! Are you sure it was really Lin? Maybe it was one of those red herrings I love so. :ducks a school book.:
KatsyKat: Haku's getting really annoyed at Kohaku right now for not listening. And really, what screams 'pay attention' louder than magic bras?
Kohakunushi Aspect Recap:
Nushi - the Aspect that possessed most of the memories and magic. Part of the Light / Yin / Nigimitama. Stuck inside Ten's spring right now.
Kohaku - The part that went to Aburaya after 'The Incident.' Composed of Nigihayami, Haku, and Ko, who thought of himself as Kohaku. Began to age after Chihiro had given back his name and unlocked him from the stasis his mother had put him in.
Haku - Remember the annoying teenaged 'head voice' with the dirty mind? Kohakunushi's Aramitama or dark / wild aspect, and the part that Yubaba was able to turn into her obedient (or so she thought at times) thief and henchman. He only started getting affected by male pubescent hormones after Chihiro left the bath house, and drove 'Kohaku' near crazy, gaining power as more and more of his river was unearthed.
Nigihayami - Both Potential and part of the Nigimitama (peaceful soul), he attempted to keep Haku under tabs, although he also had his less-than-pure thoughts about the human he had come to love (although in these thoughts she had also aged appropriately relative to his maturity). Often took over when 'Kohaku' was occupied with 'Haku.'
Ko - His innocence and peace of mind, which Nushi had noticed he had lost after the Split. If pressed to give Ko a separate face, he would have been the little guy who hung out in the shadows of what was presented at Aburaya, but really he thought of himself as 'Kohaku'. Also part of the Nigimitama.
Kohakunushi - What the others around him see as his self. Also in the internal plane his properly balanced state, where both 'halves' are working in sync. This spelling is the whole being, while Kohaku Nushi denotes an acknowledged incomplete state.
