Dear Journal,
I sent George a letter. I asked him if he had access to a computer. He replied yes, that he could probably find access to a computer if he looked really hard.. I told him to be on the computer this afternoon.
And I got him to install an instant messager and we started talking. About glue being made from horses. I say it's not true. He says it is.
Then he had to leave because he had a long way home.
-Tammy
Dear Journal,
I lost you. Then I found you.
-Tammy
September 1st
Dear Journal,
I'm in Hogwarts again. There's going to be a triwizard tournament this year. When we were 8 years old, Tyler told me that he heard of this tournament they used to have in Hogwarts called the Triwizard Tournament. He said that people have died in it.
Nobody's going to die this year.
-Tammy
September 6th
Dear Journal,
I wrote a poem. It's horrible, but I'll write it down here anyway:
Maybe I could find a way to tell you who I am.
Maybe I could change my name; I'm getting tired of Tam.
Maybe I could find a light, and realize what's real.
Maybe I could try a bit to change to your appeal.
I don't know what's right, what's wrong.
Don't know who's where, who's weak, who's strong.
But I don't care,
'Cause I don't think.
I just know one thing, one thing forever…
For you, my friend, I'd do whatever.
-Anyone other than Tamara Anderson
September 19th
Dear Journal,
I paid George 25 galleons (which is 96 dollars and 43 cents) to brush my hair for me, because I haven't brushed it for 2 days and it's already all knotted up and tangled. He wasted half and hour on brushing my hair, just for 25 galleons. Wow.
-Tammy
September 26th
Dear Journal,
Some guy tricked George and Fred out of 37 galleons, 15 sickles and 3 Knuts (182 dollars and 68 cents). They're gonna try to black mail him someway. I want to help.
Whoever is stupid and mean enough to trick the Weasley twins deserves to die.
-Tammy
October 2st
Dear Journal,
I'm not beautiful. George says I am. He's not saying it in a flirting kind of way, just in a friend way, in a different way.
I'm not beautiful. I feel like I'm only half a person. When Tyler was alive, I felt so whole and I felt like he was part of me. But ever since he died, it's been like there's a part of me missing, that there was something I didn't know.
I'm going to ask George what makes me beautiful.
-Tammy
October 6th
Dear Journal,
George says I have beautiful hair and I have great eyes. And I'm not fat and I have beautiful skin and I just look beautiful. I tell him that he has awesome, soft hair. Then I mess up his hair and skip back to the Slytherin common room.
But we weren't flirting. We were just talking.
-Tammy
October 16th
Dear Journal,
I wrote a letter to Kirk, just because I was bored. I don't expect a reply!
-Tammy
October 23rd
Dear Journal,
I drew a picture of a 7 year old Tyler, which George saw. He asked me if that was me when I was 7, and I nodded and told him that it was part of me.
-Tammy
October 30th
Dear Journal,
I never noticed how hot Viktor Krum looks. When Durmstrang was walking in, I was standing behind everyone, leaning my back against the wall. I looked bored. The people walked by. Krum was surrounded by fans, which made me smile.
Once the crowd was gone, I went down to the Welcoming feast and sat down at the Slytherin table. I glanced down the table and saw Krum, who was talking to some people. I smiled and looked back at my food.
After the feast I started to walk back to the common room. I walked past Krum and he smiled at me!
Yay!
-Tammy
November 8th
Dear Journal,
George told me to go get some fresh air, so I went outside and sat by a big tree, watching people.
-Tammy
November 14th
Dear Journal,
I said Hi to Krum today. He said Hey. Then he walked away.
-Tammy
November 17th
Dear Journal,
I suddenly started crying and I cried for half an hour, and I don't know why.
I miss Tyler.
November 19th
Dear Journal,
Bad Things That Have Happened to Me1. My twin brother died.
2. My mother landed in Azkaban thrice.
3. I lost (and forgot about) my personality.
4. I lost all my friends.
5. I choked on a pretzel.
6. I started dating Kirk.
7. Stuff.
8. I forget to thank George for being my friend.
9. I am here.
I am here right now and I'm thinking about stuff. If Tyler were alive, he wouldn't've liked Kirk at all. He would have thought that Kirk was just…not good. I don't know how much Tyler would have changed if he never died, and I'll never get to know either.
I'm just glad that when Tyler died, he still liked me.
November 23rd
Dear Journal,
I'm glad I still remember him. Maybe if I hold on to the memory, I'll be able to pull through. I spend a lot of time, sitting on a chair; my eyes closed shut, trying not to cry. It's like I'm scared to open my eyes for some unknown reason.
I take out my CD player and listen to some music. It just makes me mad, so I throw it into the wall.
I'm trying so hard to hold onto all my memories of Tyler, but they seem to be slipping out of my fingers and no matter how hard I try to keep them in my hands, I can seem them flying away from me. And I can't stop them.
-Tammy
November 25th
Dear Journal,
I keep wondering why I wasn't there when he died. Why did I have to go to the carnival that day? Why did I have to get him cotton candy? And why did I have to stay longer to go on a few rides? Why wasn't I home to stop her from killing him? He was my only chance of living, and he died.
I can't go any farther like this. I feel so dishonest and I feel like everything is my fault. I can't do anything anymore without wondering if Tyler would be doing it to if he were here. I wonder if Tyler would've been in Slytherin. I wonder if he would've been a Quidditch player. I wonder a lot of things but I'll never find out because my horrible mother killed my twin brother.
-Tammy
November 29th
Dear Journal,
What did Tyler do that made my mother want to kill him? I'll never find out because I would never want to go within 5 miles of my mom. If she killed Tyler, then she definitely would want to kill me. I was his twin. I was just like him. There weren't that many differences.
-Tammy
December 1st
Dear Journal,
I started wearing make up when I was 8 years old. I freak myself out.
-Tammy
December 5th
Dear Journal,
I don't know why, but I keep having this feeling that I have some mental problem. It can't be normal to want to suddenly kill everyone around you.
It can't be normal to tackle down a girl in your dormitory and hold a knife up to her.
I almost killed.
-Tammy
End of Chapter 6
