O0o0O
September 4th
Dear Journal,
I'm horrible! I'm absolutely horrible! I wish somebody would just kill me and would put me out of my misery! Or maybe I should just do it myself and not let anybody else accomplish that great deed, and not let anybody else have the pleasure of stabbing me in the back.
I slept late today and George probably thought that I didn't wake him up on purpose, because now he's ignoring me. I hate this so much! George was the only thing keeping me alive and without him… Well, I might as well find a knife somewhere.
Tyler, I need you so much! Why did you let her kill you? You were so strong, no matter how young you were! Even if you were nine years old, you still had a bigger personality than I'll ever have.
Tamara
O0o0O
September 7th
Dear Journal,
I feel like this everyday. I hate myself everyday. I die in my dreams every night. I cry myself to sleep every night. Every second of my life, I'm screaming inside. I might have a totally calm face, and I might just be staring at the wall with a bored look on my face, but underneath all that, I'm screaming my lungs off and repeatedly trying to kill myself, but it doesn't work. I feel the pain of dying but it's not working… I hate it.
Tamara
O0o0O
Dear Journal,
Why don't I know how to check for a pulse? If I do know how, I don't have one! Which means I'm dead… Or that I'm dreaming and I'm in a nightmare.
Tamara
O0o0O
Dear Journal,
I got a letter from dad today. He said that we were getting a new house and giving the old one to Mallory.
Now the first thing I'm thinking is: What about George? We haven't talked for two months and if neither of us talk soon, I might never see him again.
And I want to see him again. I want to see him everyday. I love him. I need him.
Last time I talked to George, he liked me. I wonder if he still does.
Every night I dream about what it would be like if George and I were going out. They start out good, but then it turns into a nightmare.
I shouldn't have reacted like that. But I really like it when we're just friends. It's so perfect and no matter how much I like him, I don't want to ruin that.
But I guess I ruined it already, didn't I?
Tamara J. Anderson
O0o0O
Dear Journal,
Now that George and I are friends again, maybe he'll ask me to go out with him. That would be cool.
But seriously, I'm just glad that we're comfortable around each other.
And George, can you please stop reading this?
Haha. I make myself laugh.
Tammy A.
O0o0O
Dear Journal,
MERLIN! George and I are actually going out now, which means I don't need you anymore. And no, I'm not kidding!
O0o0O
Dear Journal,
MERLIN! A werewolf nearly killed me. I know I said I wasn't going to write anymore but I thought you should know.
O0o0O
Dear Journal,
I need you again because I left tonight. Right now, I'm sitting here, staring at the wall, and it's like my life's falling apart again. Dad came in and asked if I wanted something to drink, but I said no. And I wonder…
The strange thing is that having a house in another country never stopped me from going to Hogwarts before, so why should it now? I hate my bloody life and I miss the twins.
O0o0O
Dear Journal,
I ran away today. I somehow ended up in Diagon Alley. I got a room in the Leaky Cauldron.
He took me away from Hogwarts just because I'm getting too close to somebody. I hate him. I want to kill him. I really do.
How do so many bad things manage to happen to me?
O0o0O
Dear Journal,
Suicide. It's really a funny thing if you think about it. People kill themselves to feel relief, but if you're dead, you can't feel it. They're bloody stupid. I'm bloody stupid too.
And now I can't stop staring at the stupid scar on my wrist, and wondering why I hadn't been able to go through with it. I'm not looking for relief, but running away from pain. There's a huge difference between the two. You might not understand; You're just a book filled with writing, but I swear that if you were in my place, you would be tired of crying and tired of constantly drowning in lost hopes and broken dreams. Ever since Tyler died, I've always known that I was going to end up walking alone.
Hello.
O0o0O
Dear Journal,
I dyed my hair. I was getting SO sick of all that black stuff in my face so now it's strawberry blonde!
(I was SO close to making it pink!)
O0o0O
Dear Journal,
I'm living with George now. I love him so much. Right now, he's all I need, and all I want, and all I'll ever have.
O0o0O
Dear Journal,
What kind of a person leaves town the second her boyfriend proposes to her?
I am such an idiot. I'm probably atleast two miles away, and there's no turning back now. I have to go all the way back home, no matter how much I don't want to, no matter how much I don't want to go there.
I don't want to marry George. I don't love him as much as he thinks he does. I love him, but not so much that I'll marry him.
If George knew all my secrets, he would kick me out anyway. I needed to leave right then, before he found out anything about everything, everything meaning…. Mum…. Kirk…. And how much I've been lying to him recently.
I can't use my magic. He could track me easier if I use it. And the farther I get, the more muggles there'll be. I can't risk standing out in the crowd.
I will quickly say that I don't regret that I left. I don't. I did what I wanted to and I'm glad.
The train is here. I have to go. The only reason I'm writing this is so I can look back tomorrow and see what I thought today.
Me. Shall I say more?
O0o0O
ONE MORE CHAPTER AFTER THIS! And don't forget to read 'Notice Me.'
