To Be a Jedi

The padawan had induced a healing trance for Raven and left, leaving Qui-Gon with strict orders that she was not to leave her bed or move excessively. The Jedi had replied that he would try, but she was given to being willful. The padawan seemed to miss the humor, just shaking his head as he left the room.

Qui-Gon had procured a chair from somewhere and settled down next to her bed, propping his feet up on the corner of it. He watched her for a short while, although boredom soon over took that task. With a yawn, Qui-Gon shifted to his feet, deciding to find something to read while he waited for Raven to awaken from her trance.

He never made it past the door. The shorter, red-haired Jedi from the Council was on her way in the room, her face looking mildly amused. "You know," she said to a surprised Qui-Gon, "I'm not surprised that she should end up here. I always figured she'd return in a whirlwind of controversy and strife. Raven was never one to pass up a fight, especially an honorable one." She shook her head and clucked her tongue in amusement.

"You seem to know her rather well," Qui-Gon answered with a suppressed smile.

"Some days I wonder. Master Daré Shioc, former master to that one there," she stuck out her hand, looking the taller Jedi confidently in the eye.

"Knight Qui-Gon Jinn, although you were already aware of that," he replied, grasping her hand and shaking it. He had an impression of strength and a very fiery spirit. Qui-Gon couldn't help but smile, understanding where Raven's conviction and strength of character came from, although she didn't seem to have her master's boisterous behavior.

Daré put her arms in her sleeves, crossing them over her chest. "I figured she'd be back one day, given the circumstances of her leaving. She let her conscience get the best of her, although having such a demanding conscience is hardly something I can condemn her for. That's what made her such an excellent Jedi." She gave a short laugh. "Still, I thought she'd come here of her own free will, not dragged in by her heels by someone else!"

Qui-Gon shrugged. "Perhaps she saw herself impossible to forgive for leaving, as she couldn't forgive herself for making the mistake that cost that padawan his life."

"Whoever put her in charge ought to be have his head stuck in a bucket of icy cold water," Master Shioc replied bluntly. "That girl lives a charmed life, and her arrival here only reaffirms my faith in that. She's sustained more serious injuries than any padawan I've ever known, and still she's alive. Raven ought to be dead at least a score of times that I have personally witnessed. She shouldn't be behind a desk, directing Jedi in dangerous situations. She ought to be in the field, taking the risks herself. She can handle it and has the scars to prove it. Her mind for connecting events is extraordinary, and she fights as hard and as well as a bounty hunter backed into a corner. But being an administrative leader?" She laughed again, leaving no doubt as to her opinion on the matter.

"I detect a hint of pride in your padawan," Qui-Gon said softly, raising an eloquent eyebrow at the Council member.

Daré smiled at him. "You'd be correct in that statement. Has she told you much about her time under my tutelage? I have never met a student who learned slower or tried harder than she. Raven fought in every one of her Force manipulation and academic classes. And when she wasn't fighting there, she was fighting in the arena, proving herself in the one matter in which she was very successful. When Nathaniel turned, she had a rough time of it because he was a close friend, her cover in the Intelligence. But she endured and was elated at her promotion to administrator in the Intelligence Corps. Then that mission happened, and it shattered her. I wasn't surprised to find that she had left. I knew she had to find the pieces of her life somewhere else, on a new battleground where Raven hadn't already drawn the lines as she had here in the Temple. She had already fought too many struggles here. I knew she would leave, although it nearly tore me apart to know she was suffering so greatly, but I also knew that if she succeeded in her task, she would come home again."

"Some lessons must be learned on one's own," Qui-Gon concurred.

"Wise Jedi," Master Shioc replied with a satisfactory nod. "And now will you excuse me? I have some catching up to do with my padawan when she wakes, as well as some Council business to discuss with her. I'd like to meditate here before she does, and also watch her sleep like I did when we still shared chambers."

"Of course," Qui-Gon said, making a respectful bow and heading towards the door. He paused in the door with a concerned look. "Try not to break her heart," he added, searching her face.

"I will do my duty, as we all must," the Jedi Master replied enigmatically.

***

Daré perched herself on the end of Raven's bed, watching as her former padawan slept on in the healing trance. She could sense that very soon, the young rogue would begin to wake up. The Jedi Master enjoyed the few quiet moments, just watching Raven's blank face as she contemplating unknown things in her dreams, probably fighting the forces of evil.

A steadiness had settled over Daré's emotions, one that belied her earlier struggles between relief at Raven's homecoming and resentment at her leaving in the first place. What she had told Qui-Gon was not inaccurate, although she hadn't give voice to the many hours of meditation and struggle that had accompanied the final conclusion. Still, with Raven here now, admitting to her mistake of running away, Master Shioc didn't find it very hard at all to forgive her.

Raven's awareness was beginning to return, and Daré waited patiently for her padawan to open her eyes. It should only take a few moments from this point for her to awaken and be fully conscious, a testament to her years and training within the Temple. Daré smiled indulgently for a moment, aware that however long it may have taken Raven to learn something, once she learned it, she had mastered it completely.

Her eyes fluttered open, and Raven shifted slightly to be able to look at her master. Then, she moved to sit up, but Daré raised a hand, suspending her padawan's motion. "I'm sure it is in your best interest to remain where you are," the Jedi Master said, moving to pull up the chair that Qui-Gon had found to the edge of the bed. She smiled kindly. "It is good to have you home, padawan."

Raven returned the smile a little faintly. "It's good to be home, master. I suppose it is too much to ask that you aren't angry with me for leaving."

"You were never one to mince words," Daré replied, settling herself more comfortably. "First, let us get the business part done, then we can catch up. Raven Suul, you have been returned your rank of Jedi Knight in this Order. However, this rank is probationary for one standard year. The conditions of the probation are that you fulfill the missions and tasks assigned to you to the best of your ability, and you exhibit all the qualities that are inherent for a Jedi. If you have any problems, you are to report directly to a Council member to work them out. Periodically, you will be summoned to appear before the Council to report on your progress in various matters. The High Council of the Jedi Order welcomes you back, Knight Suul."

Raven looked at her master incredulously, tears filling her eyes. "Master!" she choked out, elated and shocked.

"I know, Raven. I can hardly believe it myself. Congratulations. Now, we must discuss more unpleasant things," Daré said quietly. She watched her former padawan closely for her response.

"I knew that was coming," Raven replied, her eyes still shining from her master's revelation. "I do owe you at least an explanation."

The Jedi Master shook her head, shifting a little restlessly from the chair to stand at the end of Raven's bed. "Jedi Knight, you don't owe anyone anything," she said slowly, "however, I would like to know what's become of you the last few years."

Raven shrugged as well as she could, lying on her back, and replied, "I left. I guess I thought there would be something glamorous or life changing about it, but there wasn't. At heart, I was still a Jedi, with the same skills, morals, and ideals. I found a niche by being a runner," Daré gave her a droll, inquisitive look, "and earned enough money to rent an apartment I made friends with a family nearby and tried to remake my life. But I couldn't. That padawan haunted me with his death, and I ignored it. Then Qui-Gon came along, and it was almost as if he were my second chance to prove myself. I could save him, if not Demian."

The Jedi Master pursed her lips for a moment. "Perhaps it was not so much that you could save him but you realized you might have made the wrong decision?"

Considering for a moment, Raven looked at her former master. "You are probably right, as always," she sighed.

"Experience will do that to you, and being right isn't always good," Daré smiled back to Raven. "You haven't really changed, you know? You're still the initiate I chose for your expansive heart and high morals. I knew you would make an incredible Jedi, if someone had the patience to teach you how."

Raven laughed then grimaced from the pain of it. "You didn't always have the patience though. I can remember you talking long walks in the Temple around midterm and finals."

Daré moved back to her chair and sat down. "You've made me proud to call you my padawan, Raven, both in having the courage to leave to find yourself and then having the courage to come back. I sincerely believe that the Council has done you no favor, only giving you what you deserve, in welcoming you back."

"It feels good to be home, to be a Jedi again."