Lives and Loves of Ravenclaw Girls
Chapter 16 – Megan's Sorrow
By: Julie and Megan with help from Soretta and Heidi
WARNING: THIS CHAPTER CONTAINS SCENES OF SELF INFLICTED BODILY HARM, IF YOU ARE AGAINST IT WE STRONGLY RECOMMEND THAT YOU DON'T READ THIS CHAPTER!
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Heidi and Will had decided to take a walk around the lake, despite the cold, snowy weather.
"You alright? You've been really quiet lately," Will said, glancing at Heidi.
"Hm? Oh ... Yeah. I'm alright. Just been thinking."
"About what?"
"Well ... Meg. The attack. Tag."
"Megan must be going through a lot," Will said, squeezing Heidi's hand. "I don't know what I'd do if somebody had taken you."
Heidi smiled half-heartedly. "Probably go insane."
"Probably."
They walked in silence for a few minutes. Will was just about to suggest they go inside when Heidi quietly said "I can't believe she lost the baby."
Startled, Will stopped walking and turned to look at her. "What?"
"I can't believe she was pregnant." Heidi said, oblivious to his question.
"Heid–" Will started, "What? Who's pregnant?"
Heidi seemed to realize she was being talked to and turned back to look at him. "What?"
"Who's pregnant?"
"Oh ..." Heidi shifted around uncomfortably. "Megan was. But then after the ... the attack, she lost the baby."
Will sighed with relief. "Oh, okay then."
Heidi frowned. "How is that okay? Megan lost her baby!"
"I know she did, and it's horrible, but I thought you were talking about somebody else."
"Like ... who?" Heidi asked, laughing as Will turned red. "You thought I was pregnant? How could I be? We haven't done anything like that. I couldn't possibly be."
Will shrugged. "Weird things happen sometimes."
Heidi laughed, walked up to him and wrapped her arms around his neck. "You're funny," she said.
"And you're cute," Will said, kissing her.
"Well, I'm glad you think so," Heidi said, gladly keeping close to Will for the warmth. "Think we should go in?"
"Nah. I'm fine out here." Will said, and then proceeded to snog Heidi silly.
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Meanwhile, in the Ravenclaw girls' dormitory …
Megan turned away from the window furiously. Heidi and Will were thoroughly enjoying themselves while she was miserable. It wasn't fair! Why did so many bad things have to happen to her? Heidi was perfectly happy but she, Megan, had to sit here and hope Tag wouldn't die. Shouldn't her friends be miserable with her? Keep her company?
Furiously, Megan spun around and punched the nearest thing, which so happened to be the mirror. The mirror shattered all over the floor, cutting Megan's hand badly. Wincing, she grabbed a towel from the bathroom, wrapped it gingerly around her hand and glared at the shards of glass covering the floor. She quickly got her wand out of her pocket with her good hand and flicked it at the glass and performed a repairing charm on it. The shards of glass flew back into place and the mirror became whole once more. Megan swore and left the dormitory.
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"There you go, Miss Docura," Madame Pomfrey said, "All better."
"Thanks, Madame Pomfrey," Megan got off the bed and looked at her healed hand.
"Now, care to tell me how your hand ended up like this?" she asked, motioning for Megan to sit back down.
"I don't want to talk about it, ma'am."
"Are you sure?" she asked softly, "I am a good listener."
Megan didn't know why she did but suddenly the whole story came poring out of her mouth like water.
"Well, it's just my boyfriend, Tag was taken by death eaters and I was unconscious," she started, "Then when I woke up I found out that he was gone and so was our baby." Madame Pomfrey looked completely unsurprised by that bit of news and merely nodded.
"Go on."
"And–" she swallowed, "And then, I come back to Hogwarts and it's as if everyone around me is rubbing my nose in their happiness. I know this is horrible, they shouldn't stop being happy just because I'm not …"
"Miss Docura. Megan. Can I call you Megan?" Megan nodded solemnly. "This is completely normal for someone in your position, now am I correct in guessing that everyone's happiness got to you and somehow glass was embedded in your hand?"
"Yeah, I saw my friend Heidi Singe and her boyfriend, Will Roberts down by the lake and they looked so happy together," she said, her eyes brimming with tears, "and I thought, Heidi is perfectly happy but I have to sit here and hope Tag won't die." This was too much for Megan and she burst into tears. Madame Pomfrey took her into her arms and rocked her.
"There, there."
"Sorry, Madame Pomfrey," she said, sniffling and wiping her eyes.
"Here," Madame Pomfrey held out a tissue, "Some women can cry and still look beautiful, you and I can't." This brought a watery laugh out of Megan.
"Red and blotchy, that's me," Megan giggled.
"See, Megan, laughter really is the best medicine."
"Thanks, ma'am," Megan said after she had blown her nose.
"You can call me Poppy, my dear," Madame Pomfrey told her, "Now; off you go, back to your friends. Take advantage of them; if you're feeling unhappy tell them, they'll cheer you up. They love you; they want to see you happy."
"Thanks, Poppy," Megan stood and reached over and gave Madame Pomfrey one last hug before setting off towards the doors of the infirmary.
"Remember, Megan, Happiness can be found in the darkest of places, when one only remembers to turn on the light."
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"Have you told her?" James asked Shannon.
Shannon looked down at the windowsill that they stood by. She thought furiously for a way to phrase her answer. "Well. No, I haven't. I mean, the attack just happened. Besides, you know Sam ... well, maybe you don't know her that well, but I do," she told him, "She's not going to accept the idea of the love of her life being evil. She's so stubborn; she'd just hate me for thinking like this."
James nodded empathetically. He said nothing, silently urging her to go on.
"Besides, how do you talk about something like that? 'Hey Sam, what did you get on Malfoy's essay? Oh and please don't hurt me, but i'm pretty sure your boyfriend is a death eater.' Yeah, that won't work."
James laughed slightly at her joke. "So are you going to say nothing?"
"Well, I can't now, can I?" Shannon sighed. She flecked a spec of dirt before continuing. "She's my best friend, and she's in danger. I know I could prevent it by intervening now."
"So why don't you?" asked James.
"There are two outcomes I can see. One, she will hate us for thinking that, causing a fight. We just got over a fight with Julie, we don't need that again," Shannon looked out the window, into the tips of the trees in the forbidden forest.
"The second outcome is she breaks up with him and she falls into a depression. She does so in love with him that ending it can't just happen without causing her a lot of pain."
"Compare those situations to the one that could happen if you don't tell her now," James said quietly.
"You're acting very mature right now. It's sort of scary," laughed Shannon, trying to lighten the mood.
"Hey! I can be mature!" said James indignantly.
"Of course you can, Potter," said Shannon, patting him on the arm. She grinned maliciously as he put on a hurt expression.
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Julie stared absently into the fire, not paying much attention to the people talking around her. She sat on the Gryffindor couch, in Remus' lap, with her head on his chest. She had been here for a fair few hours. At first she had talked and laughed with the others, but soon enough her mind and troubles had caught up with her. She fell into a silence as the Marauders talked of their newest prank to pull, to try and help raise people's spirits.
Remus rubbed her side unconsciously as he talked with his friends. She stared helplessly into the fire, as thoughts of the attack, of Megan, of Tag and the others floated around in her head. She sighed quietly and sunk even deeper into Remus.
He nuzzled down into her head, by her ear and talked to her.
"You okay? Do you need anything?" he asked, wrapping his arms around her.
"I'm fine Rem," she said, looking down at his arms absently.
"You don't seem like it," he said, the worry was obvious in his voice.
"I'm just thinking about what happened. I can't believe what happened, it's just so surreal. Everything's going wrong," Julie broke off as the people around her laughed at a joke told by Peter. No one noticed them talking.
"Things will get better darling. Your fine and out of the hospital, Megan recovered, Sams fine, Shannon's great, and Heidi's okay. You're all still alive, no one died in the attack, so that was a plus –"
"Yes. Someone did." Julie cut him off.
"What? Who did?" asked Remus, puzzled.
"Megan's baby," Julie whispered. She blinked back a few tears. The Ravenclaw girls were best friends, when one was hurt, they all felt it. Everyone was upset about Megan's baby, albeit no one could be more than Megan herself.
"She was pregnant?" asked Remus, puzzled. Julie nodded sadly against his chest. "Oh. I had no idea."
"Neither did she. The healer told her she lost the baby after she woke up," Julie said quietly. She didn't bother telling him the whole story about reading the strips wrong.
"That must have been horrible," said Remus, unsure of what else to say.
"I'm so worried about her now."
"Shh, its okay. Tag will be found soon. He and the others will come back, and Megan will be better." Remus cradled her gently, trying to cheer her up. In the end he felt just as bad as she did.
"You know, i was so scared for you back then. I ... I thought you were dead. I was so scared about losing you. I don't know what I'd do without you still with me," Remus whispered onto her tear-stained cheeks. A lump had formed in the throat, stopping any words from coming out. She reached up and pulled him into a kiss instead.
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Megan wrapped her arms around her bare arms as she walked around the castle aimlessly. Tears still streamed down her face as she wished Tag were there to cheer her up. She cried harder at the memory of loosing the baby. Unconsciously she wrapped her arms around her stomach, hoping that if she held it tight enough the baby might just come back to her.
"Why can't you be here now Tag?" she whispered out loud in vain.
She traced the path she was so accustomed to, hoping against hope that she could round the corner from the arithmancy hall and find Tag waiting for her from after Muggle studies.
She walked the dark halls, not caring about those who came across her path. Twice she ran over a few unlucky first years, who moved in packs through the halls.
She thought about going to see her friends, to seek comfort from her aching heart, but stopped short at the remembrance that they didn't want to be with her, they wanted to be with their boyfriends. She spit vehemently at the word. She hated the idea of being with someone, while Tag was out in the world somewhere, tortured ... or worse.
Megan swallowed the lump in her throat, caused by the idea of Tag dying. She finally drifted back down to the Ravenclaw cellar. She mumbled the password, and stumbled through the opening into the common room.
She tried to ignore the other Ravenclaws who whispered as they looked at her. It was common knowledge that she and Tag were dating, and now it was know that he was missing.
She passed by the looks of sympathy, she ignored the pity filled eyes, and she drowned out their incessant whispers. She acceded the girls' staircase to the dorm rooms. She entered the dimly lit room she shared with the other girls. No one was around so she sat on her bed alone and let herself sob slightly. She pulled out an old and dusty picture frame from her trunk and looked at it.
The sight of Tyler smiling and hugging herself made her stomach turn. Vile built up in the back of her throat and she felt as if she were about to heave at any moment. She slid the picture back into her trunk and sat back on her bed.
She hated her life; it was sad, and dreary without Tag. Everything was better than it should be, it wasn't fair. Everything needed to stop. She knew it, why didn't everyone? She wanted the world to stop turning, she wanted the sun to stop shining, and she wanted everything to go on pause until Tag returned.
But it didn't. She was willing to cry and beg and plead for everything to stop, for him to return at that minute. It just wasn't right! The day shouldn't be so nice and welcoming when she was alone and suffering.
She slunk down onto her knees beside her trunk. She rummaged around inside for the things she had purchased at Hogsmeade for Christmas. She sorted through the gifts she had gotten the girls, through the ones for her brothers, and one for her dad until she found Tags gift.
She clutched it desperately in her hands as she crawled up against the wall. She opened her hands and store down into them. She prayed for the strength to do what she felt had to be done.
She took the pocket knife into her fingertips and examined its details. Crafted solely of silver, with bronze lining, the handle had twisted around into the shape of a glorious coyote. She pulled the ruthless steel edge out from its tucked away place.
She gripped the handle tightly in her hand, her knuckles going white. Few tears escaped her eyes and rolled down her cheeks. She lowered the blade to the center of her wrist, not deep enough to penetrate the surface.
She pushed the steel deeper into her skin. Satisfied that she had split the surface in two, she dragged the cold blade across her wrist up to the corner. She winced slightly and dropped the pocketknife, yet a smile appeared after, as a dark red colour formed like pools on her wrist. She watched a single droplet of blood escaped down her bare arms.
She felt some tension leave her body as she picked up the knife again and drew another line of blood.
Like a painter she took her brush to her easel, and left a trail of red behind every stroke.
She sat alone in the dimly lit room for a while more, painting her arms red over and over until walking to the bathroom to wash the red away. She cleaned the knife in the sink and magic-ed the blood out of the carpet. She donned a long sweatshirt, hiding her left arm.
What her friends didn't know wouldn't kill them.
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Sitting
alone in the darkest corner of their secret room sat Samantha with
her favourite glass of wine. Tears streaming down her face as she
looked upon the photos of the old days. One particular picture
caught her eye as a tear fell and splashed the paper. It was of her
and her friends Julie, Shannon, Megan, and Heidi all smiling looking
as if nothing cared and al that mattered was then and there. No
Death Eaters, no Voldemort, no dark times and dreary places, Just
them.
Julie and Heidi where sitting up against the green house
wall while Megan was lying on her back resting her head on Julie's
legs.
Sam and Shannon where pouring over their potions work trying to find the missing ingredient in their sleeping draught. Sam remembered that day clear as glass.
What had happened to them the care free days the days of singleton where they were all so happy and didn't have the stress of boyfriends and school exams and fighting for their lives.
Sam looked at the smiling face of
Megan and more tears feel.
"I'm not going to pretend I
understand what your going though, Megan," She said to the empty
room.
A knock on the door snapped Sam out of her thoughts.
"Sam, are you in there? Sam!" Its was Shannon's voice.
Sam pulled her wand out and lowered the wards she had set up that weren't as good as her other ones but they were personal to her and no-one had broken a ward of hers yet.
Shannon came in slowly and walked over to Sam kneeling down and looking at the puffy eyes and red cheeks of one of her best friends.
"Sam, what's the matter honey, why are you crying?" Shannon asked
"Do you remember this photo Shannon? I mean really remember it," She looked up barely seeing her friend.
"Yea we were really happy that day weren't we?" she asked
"Yea! Shannon?"
"Yea?" Shannon answered
"What's happening to us?" New tears started to fall and Shannon hugged her letting her let it all out.
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"Heidi, Heidi," Will called to her.
"Huh, sorry babe just thinking," came Heidi's reply
"About?" he asked
"Well Just everything really I mean there's Megan and Tag and Sam and Sna-Severus. Then there's you and me and just everything is getting so scary I can't even imagine what Megz is going through right now losing you to me would be heart wrenching. What would have happened if we had lost each other Will what would you have done?"
"We don't have to worry about us Heidi babe we have not lost each other I will make sure that never happens and as for your friends if you are there for them I will be too," Will kissed her cheek making a tears fall from Heidi's eyes
--End Chapter 16
