Lives and Loves of Ravenclaw Girls

Chapter 18 – An End to Sorrow

By: Samantha, Julie and Megan

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Sam walked up the stairs towards a supposedly sleeping Megan.

A she got to the door with her hand on the handle she stopped.
What was she going to say to her?

"Oh, hey Megan just thought I'd check you were still alive ya know!"

"Geez that sounded so dumb," she whispered.

"What sounded dumb?" Came a voice.

Sam looked up into the puffy tired eyes of her friend Megan.

"Oh, nothing I just thought we'd come up to have a little chat I wanted to see how you were coping ya know?" Megan saw the worry in her eyes. Megan and Julie were the only ones that could really read Sam.

"I told you i'm fine, Sam nothing to worry about here," Megan tried to walk past her but Sam knew better and grabbed her arm, Megan Winced which didn't go unnoticed by the other witch.

"Megan, please tell me what's going on I will only listen not blab I just want to be your friend. I just want us to talk."

"I have nothing to talk about Sam, Tag's not here and I lost my child. But other than that everything is bloody hunky dory now bugger off," her eyes shot fire Sam had only seen once before but she couldn't place where.

"Megan, please," Sam whispered Megan noticed the tears in Sam's eyes but she just didn't seem to have the emotion to care.

"Please nothing, Sam. I am dealing with things my way; I just need to deal with things my way. Can you understand that? MY WAY!" Megan screamed and made a run for it bowling past a confused Shannon and Julie.

Julie watched Megan's racing form out of the passageway and looked towards the stairs to where Sam had disappeared too.

"Do you think they had a fight?" Shannon looked worried.

"I dunno. Do you think we should go check?" Julie replied.

Shannon was already making her way up the stairs she got to the top and stopped, making Julie bump right into her.

"Uhh Sam," For Shannon could hear Sam's sobbing in the corner.

"I'm sorry," Sam mumbled, "I was only trying to help."

"Sam it's us Megan has gone," Julie answered as she sat down beside her sobbing best friend.

"What's happening with you? What's up with Megan? Is there something you know that we don't? Is Megan in harms way? Sam please talk to us," Julie urged.

"I can't, I want to but Megan would never forgive me. She says she's dealing with it all on her own she doesn't want any help." Sam started to sob harder into Shannon's shoulder while Julie exchanged a dark look with Shannon.

"Sam, Julie and I would really like to know what's gong on. She's our best friend too; no one can deal with this much on their own. She just lost too much." Shannon started rubbing Sam's shoulders to try and calm her.

"W-w-well" Sam took a deep breathe before continuing. "Well I was with Megan in the Great Hall this morning and she reached across the table to grab something and her sleeve fell down her arm," Sam stopped for a moment to gather how she was going to put this to her friends.

"Please, Sam," Julie asked putting a hand on her shoulder.

Little did Julie know this was all the encouragement Sam needed.

"I think Megan is cutting herself," Sam said quietly.

Shannon and Megan exchanged very rare glances before grabbing Sam and taking off out of the common room.

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"What do you mean Megan's cutting herself?" Shannon asked in disbelief as soon as they had reached their dormitory.

Sam skillfully avoided Shannon and Julie's stare. "She just had cuts all over her wrist- I tried to talk to her about it but she ran away."

The dormitory door opened and the girls all stared, waiting to see who was coming in. Heidi walked in, smiling slightly after her day with Will and immediately noticed something was wrong. "What?" she asked worriedly. "Nobody's died, have they?"

"No," Sam mumbled, "Not yet."

Heidi frowned. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"Heid, you might want to sit down," Julie said quietly.

Heidi glanced at Sam and Shannon before complying. "What's this all about?"

Shannon, Julie, and Sam exchanged worried glances, as if deciding who should tell. "Well," Shannon began, "Megan has– well, she's been under a lot of stress, with the attack, losing the baby, and Tag missing, you know."

"Get to the point, Shannon," Heidi said warily.

"She's – Sam thinks she may be cutting herself."

Heidi stared at them. "What? You can't be serious."

"We're serious, Heidi, I saw the marks."

Heidi stood up. "This is ridiculous. Why on earth would you do something that stupid? I thought Megan was smarter than to resort to something like that!"

"This is really hard for her, Heidi!" Julie said. "You don't understand, you've never been through anything like this. Will is still here, safe and sound. You don't have to worry about him! Megan's not sure Tag is going to live."

"That's no reason to resort to cutting yourself!" Heidi said and before anyone else could try to contradict her, she stormed out of the room.

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Each of the girls in turn separated and began the hunt for Megan. Sam and Shannon made the trek down to the library to look for her in the shadowy parts, and in the secret room. Heidi went down to the kitchens, and onto the grounds, desperately hoping to find her. Julie walked the halls in hopes of coming across her as she traveled between hiding places.

Julie walked down an empty corridor, it was getting towards curfew and many people had already made their trek to their common rooms. She shivered slightly from a draft coming from down the hall somewhere. The hair on the back of her neck prickled a bit as she had the sudden feeling she was not alone. She glanced around nervously, but saw no one.

She walked a bit further before turning around slightly, thinking she heard something. When nothing was out of the ordinary she began walking again, but ran straight into someone.

She and Remus tumbled to the ground as Sirius, James and Peter laughed at them. Remus joined in laughing but stopped as Julie looked down at the ground, clearly upset.

"What's wrong hun?" he asked, peering down at her.

"Nothing," she said quietly, not meeting his eyes.

"Why are you out and about?" he asked, tilting her head up to face him.

"Looking for Megan," she sighed sadly.

"What happened to Docura?" asked Sirius, looking down at the two.

"Nothing," Julie snapped. She instantly felt bad for being so harsh, "Sorry Sirius. It's just ..." she trailed off.

"Hey, you can tell me," said Remus, pulling her up to her feet. She still kept avoiding his eyes.

"Why are you guys out here?" she asked quietly.

"We were going down to the kitchens," replied Peter.

"Hmm," she said quietly as means of acknowledging his answer.

"Look, you said you were looking for Megan right?" said Remus, looking at James pointedly.

"Yeah, all of us are," she said despondently.

"Are you ever gonna tell me what happened?" asked Remus quietly. James unfolded a piece of parchment from his pocket, and tapped it with his wand, but Julie took no notice.

"Maybe. I have to find out for myself first," she replied sullenly.

"Feel better, okay?" he said, pulling her into a hug. She nuzzled her forehead into his neck and stood like that for a moment. James voice stole her attention though, as she pulled away suddenly, looking at James as he said,

"She's in the Room of Requirement." She looked at him puzzled, yet happy.

"How do you know? Are you sure?" she asked, eyeing the four boys.

"Eh, we can talk about it later, but yeah he's sure," said Remus.

Julie grinned happily as she pulled Remus into a sudden kiss. When she pulled away she yelled thank you as she sped off down one flight of stairs. The boys shrugged at her sudden departure as they threw the cloak back over themselves and continued on their quest.

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Julie stood outside the blended in door to the room of requirement. She opened the door quietly and slipped into the dark room inside. The only light in the room was the dying fire in the grate to the side of the room. Julie rubbed her arms, hoping to warm up from the freezing cold.

As her eyes adjusted she looked around the room frantically for any sign of Megan. A shape caught her eye, a crumpled up figure leaning against the wall opposite the fire. Julie studied the room closely and found herself standing in Megan's old room from her home. She glanced at a picture on the table at the end of Megan's bed. She walked around the bed and slunk down onto her knees and put her hand on Megan's back.

Megan was startled at the sudden contact and dropped the knife she was holding in her hand. Blood splattered off of it and lay on the hardwood floor. Megan looked up hesitantly, her green eyes full of fear and sadness. Julies eyes drifted down to Megan's arm and let out a curse she would never say in front of any teacher.

"So they were right," she muttered aloud to herself. Megan hiccupped and let a few tears loose.

"I'm sorry," she said quietly, looking down at her freshly cut arm.

"Don't apologise to me Megz, you did nothing to me. You did this to yourself, but it's got to stop."

"You don't understand ..." said Megan before getting cut off.

"You're right, I don't understand. This has never happened to me, and I know I don't know exactly how you feel. But I've known you since we were five, Megz. I have known you for so long, i know how much of a fighter you are, we all do. What I don't understand is why you did this. It's not like you at all."

Megan sighed, before standing up and walking into the adjoined bathroom. She turned on the water and began to wash off the blood. Julie followed after her and sat on the counter, like she used to whenever Megan got ready to do something with her.

"I know it's not like me. But things have changed so much! I just want Tag back, is that so wrong?" she said, rubbing her arm franticly.

"No sweetheart, it's not wrong, that's normal. But cutting yourself won't bring him back, you know that."

"Yeah, I know. But I thought ... if I was in pain ... maybe I could take his suffering too. I don't know what I was thinking. All I knew was that what I was doing was right. I had to do it. For him," Megan starred into the mirror after she replied. She tugged at her frayed, dark curls that hung around her uncharacteristically pale face. her green eyes looked dull and lifeless. She resembled the demons inside herself. She swiped at the dark bags under her eyes, cursing her insomnia. Her normally tight shirt looked oddly loose on her.

"Do you see yourself?" asked Julie quietly. "Do you see why we are worried about you?"

"Be worried about Tag! Not me! I'm not as important," she looked back down at her arm sadly.

"Don't ever say that. You hear me? We are worried about him, you know that. But we can't see what's happening to him, unlike you. We are watching you kill yourself ever so slowly and it's torturing us. You don't sleep, you don't eat, and now this!" she said, motioning to Megan's cut up arm.

"I know. Life sucks," she said sullenly. She looked down at the running water.

"You've been through alot Megz, but you always make it! Life's a jerk, we've had this talk before."

"I... i don't want." stuttered Megan. "I don't want to loose him like i lost her." Megan started crying fully now.

"I know you miss your mom. You were only four, but you can't change what happened to either of them."

"No one can replace either of them. Look what happened with her! Dad fell in love with that ... Urg. You know her! She's so picky and controlling! Someone great was taken away and replaced with someone so awful. I don't want that to happen with Tag. Don't I deserve a break?" she said angrily.

"Fate wavers for no-one. We don't know anything Megz, for all we know Tag is fine."

"For all we know Tag is dead," Megan retorted in anger.

"You don't know that. Don't assume the worst."

"I hate your optimism. Have I ever told you?" Megan asked, grinning slightly.

"Several times. Like when you pushed me down that day in the park when we first met." Julie laughed openly. Megan finally gave in and laughed slightly with her.

"I was such a jerk," she laughed.

"Was? Hunny, you still are," grinned Julie.

"Hey now, do we want a repeat performance of our first meeting?" she said in mock concern.

"No, ma'am," Julie said, fake saluting her as Megan cracked up laughing. "It's good to see you laugh again Megz."

"Good to laugh again," she said, looking down.

"Being happy doesn't make you a bad person Megz. You can miss him and still be some-what happy."

"Your right," was all she said.

"So. The knife ...?" Julie asked, letting Megan finish her sentence.

"Won't be used on my skin again." she said, smiling slightly.

"Because ..."

"It's not helping him, or anyone. It was stupid."

"Excellent! Now, let's make our way up to the common room. We will be dead if we get caught."

Julie slung her arm around Megan's shoulders as Megan did the same back to her. The two girls left the room happily. A burden was lifted as they left the room and entered the hall. The knife lay dully on the floor, not to be used again.

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Julie and Megan continued back up to their common room and found Shannon, Heidi, and Sam all there.

"Hey guys," Megan said giving them a small smile before being enveloped by her friends.

"We were so worried." Sam said tears in her eyes.

"How could you be so stupid?" Heidi said swiping at her eyes.

"You can't scare us like that, Megz," Shannon said letting the tears come.

"I'm sorry," Megan whispered, "I'm sorry." her eyes were puffy and tears were flowing out of them. "I didn't know what to do. I was scared, I didn't think you guys would understand."

"And it was my problem to deal with," Megan wiped at her eyes furiously. "I didn't need you guys involved."

"That's where you're wrong, Megan. You needed to get us involved, before you started this." Sam said jerking her arm out and pulling up her sleeve to reveal the numerous cuts and the 'WHY' engraved on her arm. Megan visibly cringed at the damage she had done to herself. She pulled her arm away. "Did you carve the word 'why' in your arm?"

"Yes," Megan said, "I was asking myself why all this stuff kept happening to me."

"All this stuff? Megan we all have problems."

"Yes, you all have problems," Megan snapped back, "That's why you all still have your parents, you still have your boyfriends, you've never lost a child. You all have problems? What's so hard about your life now?"

Sam was speechless, "Megan ..."

"Don't even start, I know what I did was stupid. I'm not going to do it again."

"Okay then let's go get you healed," Heidi said.

"No," Megan said, "I get rid of them and then I don't remember why I started in the first place. I keep them and then I have a daily reminder of why I did it. And now I know why." Megan smiled at Julie, "sometimes bad things happen and we can't do anything about it, but it doesn't mean that I'm a bad person, it just means that I'm human."

"You guys don't have to worry about me anymore, if there's a problem then I'll tell you guys, k? No more cutting, no more hurting myself."

"You'll start eating more?" Shannon asked, "And get more sleep?"

"I'll try, I can't promise I'll change right away but I'll try and that's the best I can do right now."

"It's all we want, Megz." Julie said tears forming in her eyes, "We just want you to try to get better."

"I want to find him," Megan said sinking to the floor, "I don't care if he's alive or not, I just want to find him. Get some closure."

"We'll find him, Megz. Dumbledore is making up some missing signs. And they're going to publish it in next week's Sunday Prophet."

"Kay," Megan said laying on Julie's legs and closing her eyes, "Okay." Within minutes Megan had fallen asleep and slowly one by one so did the other girls, not caring that by morning all the Ravenclaws would come down and find them asleep. They were content with being with each other, and for the first time in a while they felt they truly knew what each other was going through.

--End Chapter 18