CHAPTER VII

Realizations

She couldn't believe him, after all they've been through he was willing to put it all to the side? And for what? What was he still fighting for?

Jill knew she wasn't being fair, she knew Chris was stubborn and determined. She shouldn't have expected any less when it came to Umbrella. It was just…she thought maybe he put all that to the side for her, for them.

As foolish as her feelings seemed in her head, her heart couldn't help feeling them.

After her argument with Chris, Jill went back into the office, the others, however, seemed to feel the same need of escape as Chris had. Jill decided that she needed to get out of the building too.

Outside the Seattle office Jill let the fresh air fill her lungs, things didn't seem as suffocating out in the open.

Enjoying the nice afternoon breeze Jill took the opportunity to take in her surroundings, when something unexpected caught her eye.

Standing a few yards from the F.B.I's main entrance was Carlos and Rebecca, surprisingly locked in a passionate kiss. Frozen in shock Jill uncontrollably watched the two of them until they parted and Rebecca reluctantly walked away.

With a smile Jill quietly approached the lone Carlos, from behind she said to him. "That's an interesting new development." Her intrusion caused the Hispanic man to jump about twelve feet.

A soft laugh followed as Carlos turned around to face her, his cheeks were thoroughly blushing.

"That wasn't kind chica."

"You'll have to forgive me," she said teasingly, though sadness was quick to once again take over. Trying to forget the battle raging inside of her she continued to put the heat on Carlos.

"So how long have you two been…been doing whatever you crazy kids been doing," she tried to sound light hearted, but she was fairly sure her attempt failed.

"We haven't been together that long," Carlos said slowly, but stopping there he suddenly turned the questioning around on her. "Jill, are you alright?"

Sighing heavily, Jill gave up on her façade and collapsed onto the curb. "Yes, no, I don't know. It's Chris; he's so persistent with continuing this war with Umbrella. Maybe I'm being selfish in wanting to back out…I don't know."

"Don't say you're being selfish, because that means we all are."

"But why isn't Chris?" She persisted. "Why can't he walk away like the rest of us?"

"Who knows, he must have some unfinished business."

Jill glared hopelessly at her friend. "What does that leave me to do?"

"Well I guess that leaves you with a lot of questions. Mainly, it leaves you asking yourself what you want."

"But what if I don't know?"

At this Carlos simply shrugged. "Who the hell does?"

To this Jill had to nod.

"Listen Jill, I'm not pretending to have all the answers, but what I do know is there are some things worth fighting for and some things that are not. You and Chris are defiantly one of those things that are."

With a small smile Jill replied with a quiet "thanks."

"No problem chica. The great Carlos is here for all your love troubles."

Ruffling his perfectly placed hair Jill said to him. "And what about your love situations, how is it that you and Rebecca got together."

"Charm chica, it's all about charm."

Having no doubt that was the case Jill grinned at her friend before parting back into the building.

Carlos, amazingly, was right. Whatever issues she and Chris were having it was nothing they couldn't get through.

With a new resolve filling her heart Jill knew she had to talk to Chris. Childish as it sounded, Jill needed to know that Chris was with her. She needed to know that he be there to catch her. At the moment Jill just needed him.

Back in the F.B.I building Jill didn't know where to find Chris; the federal office was so foreign to her. So she wondered the halls, hoping that the two of them would somehow collide.

And collide they did.

Eventually Jill's wandering led her to the basement, it was there that she found Chris, but Chris was not all she found.

In one heart-shaking, painful moment Jill stared at Chris…with his lips locked on Jamie McKenzies's.

As jagged knives started to pierce at her heart Jill at last found the strength to turn around and flee the scene.

It was painful enough knowing that she needed him, but at that moment it was even more painful thinking how she might need to be without him.


He was confused, utterly lost. All purpose and reason suddenly drained from his body. And all the while one solitary thought circulated through his clouded head.

What the hell should he do now?

Leaving the basement Chris took the elevator upstairs, as the carrier rose he became further absorbed into his troubled thoughts, before Chris even knew it the quiet tone of a ring echoed into the elevator and the doors slid open. There standing outside the doors was Jamie.

She smiled softly as she entered the elevator. "Are you going down?" She asked, her voice was so pleasing to hear.

"No…yes…" It seemed like he didn't have the answer for anything. Frustrated, Chris ended up shaking his head and muttering to Jamie. "I don't know."

With an understanding nod she said to him. "Do you want to talk about it?"

Slowly Chris nodded. With his answer Jamie shut the doors and leaned against the corner as the elevator began to descend.

During the ride down the two of them were quiet, though they did keep throwing embarrassed glances at each other. One time there was even eye contact, but they both quickly looked away.

Arriving at the basement Chris started for the office, but stopped when Jamie called his name. Turning around he found her sitting against the cold cement, leaning against a shelf of files. Chris joined her on the floor.

"I spend way too much time in that office," she explained.

Tilting his head towards her Chris asked. "But doesn't it feel good that you're out there trying to do something? I mean doesn't it feel right that your continuing on?"

An unreadable expression took over Jamie's pretty features and she told him. "I'm glad that I'm not giving up, there's a drive inside of me that can't be stopped, this is just one of those things that I have to see through to the end."

"Exactly!" Chris exclaimed, though he was a little surprised not to see Jamie jumping onto her own bandwagon.

"You can't blame them," Jamie quietly continued on. Chris just gave her a confused look. "Your friends," she said knowingly. "They don't want to continue on do they?"

Though he didn't speak any words, Jamie could read his answer through his eyes.

"So they're all ready to lay down their swords?"

"Yes, which is just so surprising. I would peg none of them as quitters."

"Maybe, they are just ready to say goodbye." Jamie told him.

"Then why?!" Chris yelled in frustration. He jumped up from his spot on the ground and started to pace the basement hallway. "Why can they all say that's it while I can't? Why can they all so easily move on while I can't let myself get past the horrors? I mean is this Umbrella's final curse that I must live with?"

As Chris paced frantically Jamie got up from the ground and gently placed her hands on his shoulder. Stopping; Chris found himself being pulled into Jamie's captivating emerald eyes.

"You can't blame this on yourself either Chris. Everyone had their reasons, for you, I think you're still trying to find your own."

"What about you?" He asked, his tone was bitterly firm. "What are your reasons?"

With a dead expression she told him. "I continue because Umbrella took away my reasons for anything else."

"Jamie,"- he began sympathetically before she cut him off.

"It's alright, Chris, really. I have a purpose, even though it isn't the one that I set out for."

As the words poured out of Jamie's mouth, Chris watched as she started to break down. With instinct taking over Chris wrapped his arms around Jamie as she sank into his chest.

"It's alright Jamie," he told her "soon it will all be over."

"And then what Chris?" She sniffled. "I don't have the comforts that you have. Umbrella took everything from me."

Feeling Jamie's sobs against his chest Chris tried to comfort her. "Jamie, Umbrella might have scarred you, but you're still standing. I say that's something to be left with."

Pulling slightly away Jamie stared desperately not into Chris' eye, but beyond them into his soul. "Shouldn't you be saying the same thing to yourself," she whispered her face now only a breath away. Before either of them knew it their lips were pressed against each other.

For one brief moment Chris wanted to let himself give into her lips, but it only took one solitary thought to pull him immediately away. Jill.

Stepping away Chris quickly tried to apologize to Jamie, but one glance at her expression made something horrible stir inside his stomach. Turning around Chris caught a familiar figure storming away into the building's staircase.

Suddenly all reason seemed to obliterate.


She shouldn't have been so cold towards Leon. Despite being so inarticulate Claire knew he had the best intentions at heart.

Inwardly cursing herself Claire jumped as she heard the phone ringing. Praying that it was Leon, Claire raced towards the phone, and though the caller wasn't who she had hoped, the phone call was still pleasantly received.

"Sherry, my god, it's good to hear you," Claire spoke happily into the receiver; she listened as the aging teen giggled at the other end.

"Well tell me something that I don't know," the girl joked in return. At this Claire found herself giggling.

"I'm glad teen angst hasn't gotten the best of your sense of humor," she told her friend.

"I try." Sherry replied cheerfully. A roll of silence preceded their laughter, a silence that the younger speaker boldly broke.

"So how's it going Claire?"

"Fine," Claire answered flatly.

The tone did not fool the tenacious Sherry Birkin. In a concerned voice the sixteen year old asked her. "Is everything alright?"

Hearing genuine sincerity in Sherry's unevenly pitched voice Claire just broke down. She relayed her whole conversation with Leon to Sherry, who listened silently. When she had last finished Claire waited with baited breath to hear Sherry's response.

At first Sherry didn't say anything, but soon carefully chosen words came from the receiver.

"I know Leon sometimes lacks tact, bur Claire if you don't mind me asking, what was your relationship with this Steve? You've always been sensitive about the topic."

Staying true to Sherry's opinion Claire was ready to take the immediate defensive stance, but something made her think better of it. So instead she gave Sherry the plain and simple truth.

"Steve was another victim of Umbrella's cruelty, so immediately we bonded in that sense. We helped each other out too, so another bond was added. It was sooner then I even realized that I had developed feelings," Claire found herself pausing for a moment before being able to continue on. "I know I had feelings for Steve, though they were nothing tangible, they were something that I could only feel in the moment. If that makes any sense?"

"More then you think?" Sherry answered knowingly, and Claire had to once again remind herself that the girl was seven years younger, though, in the conversation you would never be able to tell.

"Anyway," Claire went on. "When he was killed this overwhelming amount of guilt took over every other feeling. I mean it was beyond reason…I guess that was my drive these past years, and then everything else happened and slowly the guilt started to slip away. Until the recent news, suddenly those old unpractical feelings came rushing back to me."

"So…where does Leon fit in all this?"

To this Claire had no answer; she didn't even realize Leon had a part in all this until she had the words spoken to her.

"This might be a bit of a stretch Claire, but you think Leon may be part of your guilt too?"

Again, Claire hadn't thought about it until Sherry pointed it out.

"Sherry, I don't know what to make of anything anymore. Steve is a guy that I desperately wish I could have helped; I wish we could have gotten through the nightmare together. Because knowing that we didn't has made it a never ending nightmare for me. Knowing that his fate has created a whole new set of nightmares…I guess, maybe, I'm afraid to have Leon become a new nightmare."

"Claire, I know that my estimation of love comes strictly from a sixteen-year-old stand point, but I have to ask. Do you love him?"

"Jesus Sherry, how the hell"-

"You're blushing, aren't you," Sherry cut her off with a giggle.

Ready to laugh at anything Claire did exactly that, especially when her own realities were starting to blind that innocents that once made her who she was.

It was at these times of light heartedness that Claire allowed herself to open the door to all those things that she sometimes forgot about.

Still talking to Sherry, Claire walked over to Grace's crib. Looking at her daughter Claire smiled.

AUTHORS NOTE:

Well done with another chapter. This was a fun one to write. I love writing interactions with Carlos. Rarely do I get to use such arrogant charm with my characters.

Anyways, to anyone out there reading this, sorry for the spaced chapters. I'm facing my first set of college finals and am finding myself a bit dazed. What a bitch.

Well thanks again to whoever reads this. Hope everyone has a great holidays.

Always,

Leah