Keith Scott desperately fought back the bitter tears of regret. He sat in a parked vehicle around the corner watching the scene from afar. He watched as his nephew and the woman he loved more than anything helped an otherwise helpless Lucas from the handicap accessible medical van. He winced in pain or something else and it broke Keith's heart. The look on Karen and Nathan's faces, the forced smile of Haley as she held her daughter tightly. Then they all loaded into the house.
A family celebrating a bittersweet homecoming. On one hand glad and grateful that Lucas was alive and able to come home. On the other hand, the harsh reality of a once vital young man, less than half the person he used to be. In the blink of an eye, mere seconds, life had changed so quickly and so tragically. The events played over and over in Keith's mind. It was all he thought about in his waking hours and in sleep the haunting presented its form in nightmares. The sound of the crash and its the bloody aftermath. Karen had blamed him and he even blamed himself. How could he not when he had managed to walk away relatively unscathed with just a few cuts and bruises while Lucas, partially and temporarily paralyzed, had been confined to a wheelchair?
For so long he had been a part of their lives. He had been a best friend to Karen and a father to Nathan when Dan wasn't. In good times and bad, over the years they had survived because of each other. Now he was shut out. Cast away. No longer wanted. Biting his lip, he did the only thing he could…drive away. At least Lucas was alive. Keith was thankful for that but even more, he wanted him to be okay. Was he okay? Keith would never know. Karen had made it abundantly clear that he was no longer welcome. So with his heart breaking and tears spilling, he drove away, leaving his heart on their front lawn.
Getting inside the house was a struggle in itself. The doors were hardly handicap accessible. Nathan and Karen had struggled with the wheelchair and fitting it in while Luke's cheeks had burned crimson with shame and frustration. Finally he was in and the house he had grown up in, the home he was once so familiar with, seemed like that of a stranger. The hallways were too narrow and he was too clumsy with his new form of transportation to make it better. Any one of them would have gladly helped him at anytime but Lucas would have none of it. He was still a man, a human being. He had pride and as long as there was breath in his body, he'd be damned if anyone treated him like an invalid.
"Want something to eat?" Haley offered.
"I'll find something", he shrugged as he looked onto the counters.
"Easy there, tough guy", she smiled. "Let me help you."
"Haley, I'm not helpless."
"I know. No one said you were. It's just that…I don't know. I guess it could be awkward for a while and…"
"It's fine, Hales. Really. I'm fine."
Obviously he wasn't but his voice harbored a tone that warned Haley the subject was no longer up for discussion. She watched nervously as he wheeled up to the kitchen table, struggling to move a chair and fit comfortably. Finally, he got it and she tried to ignore his embarrassment as he reached across the table for the fruit dish his mother kept. He grabbed an apple and stared at it, then at the faucet, which seemed miles away.
"Lucas…"
He ignored her, putting the piece of fruit on his lap as he backed up and tried to maneuver to the sink. Just the simple task of washing off an apple proved to be a debilitating chore. Lucas was nearly breathless when he made it back to the table. He'd always loved apples sans the peeling. He could never seemed to eat them any other way. A small paring knife lay near the dish and Lucas picked it up, holding it in his right hand, with his snack in his left. It was his lower body that had been paralyzed but some of his motor skills had been affected as well. His hands shook and it was hard to maintain a grasp. He bit the inside of his lip until it was raw, concentrating with all his might to do something a five year old could. He knew Haley was standing behind him, ready to take over and help at any given second but he could not and would not allow that. It was an apple. A simple, stupid, fucking apple. Luke's hands kept shaking despite his silent willing for them to stop. Then it happened. With just the corner of skin removed, the apple went sailing out of his hands onto the floor.
"Goddammitt!"
"It's okay, Luke", Haley said, immediately morphing into "mom mode" as she went to pick it up and wash it. "I can peel it. I…"
"Never mind", he grumbled.
"Luke…"
"Hales, it's fine, okay?" he said in a voice slightly louder and angrier than he intended. "Look, I'm not that hungry anyway."
She nodded, trying to understand and sympathizing with his frustration as he awkwardly maneuvered back to his bedroom. The chair actually fit without hassle or struggle in the wider doorframe. Relieved, Lucas let it slam behind him. All he really wanted was to climb in bed, his own bed but that, yet another simple task one might take for granted, was impossible. He couldn't get in bed, not without physical help from someone. So he sat there in his chair in the middle of the quiet room and sulked.
There was a knock on the door and he cursed out loud. Dammitt, why couldn't they just leave him alone? All of them. Didn't they know their hovering and overkill of concern only made things worse? Didn't they know it only made him feel worse?
"Hey man", Nathan said quietly. "Um, just in case you need anything, Hales and I are gonna stick around for a while longer."
"I'm fine. You should go home."
"I know and we will but…Haley's hanging out with your mom and Brittany just fell asleep so we put her down and…anyway, we'll be here so just holler if you need anything, alright?"
"I'm good, bro", Lucas said. "I think I'm just gonna play a game of NBA Shootout."
Nathan's eyes brightened at the prospect of Playstation 2. He and his brother could spend hours vegged out on the couch playing games.
"That's cool. Mind if I stick around? I haven't had the pleasure of whipping your ass lately."
"Nah, I…well, if you don't mind, I'd just rather be alone."
Nathan nodded, pretending not to be hurt. It pained him to see his older brother in that position, that situation. He couldn't even begin to imagine what Lucas himself was going through. The last thing they all wanted was for him to shut them out but at the same time, he needed his space. As his family, they would have to learn to respect that.
"Okay. Um, that's cool. Like I said, we'll probably be sticking around so if you need anything…"
"Alright. Uh, we'll play later…"
"Whatever, dude. If you feel up to it. If not, we'll play another day. Besides, you need all the practice in the world to smoke out your little bro."
"Yeah right", Lucas laughed.
"Anyway…just keep playing. Maybe it'll keep you in the game until you can come back."
The words were meant to be those of encouragement but for Lucas it was as painful and annoying as nails scraping across a chalkboard.
"If I get back", he whispered. "Doctors don't think that'll happen."
"What do they know? It's not up to them, Luke. Ultimately, it's up to you, right?"
Lucas looked up at his brother's hopeful blue eyes.
"Come see me about basketball when I can hold an apple in my hand longer than two minutes."
Lucas geared up the Playstation and began to play his favorite, a game he had played so many times before, sometimes for hours on end. His hands were fine with the controllers but it wouldn't always be that way. It would come and go, the doctors said. One day he might be able to operate the controls hour after hour. The very next day, his grip might become so unsteady he could hardly hold them. Worst of all, he would never know when it was going to be a good day or a bad day. They would just happen. When they did, it was up to him to deal with it. It was part of recovery. It was part of his new way of life.
Not really interested, Lucas halfheartedly played for an hour or so. His thoughts were elsewhere, somewhere he didn't know. He just knew that he was tired of being trapped in that shell of a body. It was more than depressing. Everyone kept telling him how lucky he was just to be alive but Lucas didn't feel so lucky. What was the point? And it wasn't like he could express those thoughts to anyone else. Nathan wouldn't understand and his mother and Haley would have a fit. So he sat there staring into space, his mind jumping and running all over the place even though his legs would have no such a thing. Looking on his bed, he saw the laptop. He opened it and logged on, going to a site that had become one of his favorites.
He couldn't take his eyes off the picture. Lucas could not resist. It was like he was drawn to her, absolutely captivated and smitten by a mere image. No matter how much he fought it, it was a losing battle. What was it? What was it about her? What was it about Brooke Davis?
