I know I'm evil. I prefer killing or putting the characters through hell. This piece only proves it. The title comes from a song by Cold that I thought was perfect. Hopefully, there's someone out there who is not completely disgusted with me to leave a review. I promise I'll try to write happier and lighter things in the future. Please R&R.

Disclaimer: Don't own anything. Bobby and Alex belong to Dick Wolf and the title belongs to Cold. I'm only borrowing them for a while.


Bobby Goren was pissed

Actually, pissed would be an understatement.

Bobby Goren was furious.

Looking through a window to the small, frail form of his partner only made him want to go beat the shit out of whoever was responsible for this even more. The bastard didn't deserve to live, at least to Bobby he didn't—he hurt his Alex.

The doctors spent 4 hours in surgery, removing the bullets from Alex's chest. They did some major damage to her: hitting an artery, piercing a lung, cracking a rib. The damage was so extensive, her doctor had told Bobby, in his exact words, "It'll be a miracle if she survives the night."

A miracle . . . that's what Alex needed. Alex was a miracle herself—bringing light into Bobby's dark world. Could a miracle be a miracle unto itself?

As he stared through that window, he wondered. Wondered what he had done to deserve this. Wondered what he could do to help her. She looked so small, almost lost amongst the machines keeping her alive. She was on life support with a breathing tube inserted in her throat. The steady beep of the heart monitor could be heard through the wall. It was the only sign he had that she was still alive.

Oh how he wished he could be in there with her, right by her side; holding her hand, reassuring himself that it would be all right. That she would be all right. Unfortunately, since her condition was classified as critical, the doctor wouldn't allow anyone in to see her. No matter how much Bobby begged and pleaded, he wasn't allowed in, reduced to watching her life ebbing away through a dusty window.

People came, people went, but Bobby would not leave that window. At one point, Deakins tried to get him to at least get some coffee. That idea didn't last long. His partner, his friend was hurt and needed him . . . he wasn't going to leave her anytime soon.

Alex's doctor walked past while making his rounds. He looked up and to his amazement, saw that Mr. Goren had not left his ever- vigilant post. There had to be some strong kind of bond between them for the detective to not leave her. It was touching. After a brief chat with him, the doctor decided—against his better judgement—to allow Mr. Goren to join Miss Eames in the room. Who knows? Maybe he will be able to pull her through this ordeal.

Bobby finally was able to be with Alex; to do all those things he wanted to do before, but was unable to. Taking her tiny, petite hand in his large, manly one, he tried to someone transfer his life-force into her.

The heart monitor beeps still kept slowly decreasing.

There were so many things Bobby wanted to tell Alex – things he could never bring himself to say before, when she could actually hear him. To confess to her the hidden feelings he has had for her all along. How much he loved her, how much he felt guilty not being able to protect her, how much he hated himself for being a coward.

After nearly eight hours of waiting, the heart monitor finally slowed to a stop. The inevitable had come . . . Alex had died.

Bobby let out an inhuman sounding cry and, releasing the hand that was entwined with Alex's, turned and punched the wall. He could hear the bones in his hand snap, but was too enraged to care. Alex—his Alex—was gone. She died never knowing the truth.

Without warning, hot tears started flowing from his eyes. The deep brown eyes that could see through any façade, now rendered soulless. Collapsing into the hard plastic chair he had occupied for hours, he cried. Cried like he had never cried before. Deep inside, a part of him died along with her.

It was a personal tragedy through Bobby's eyes.

A tragedy that not even God himself could cure.


I'm going to go hide for a while until it's safe to come out.

Silvarius