(L-Space)
(In front of you is Mr. Towel who is typing the story on an old keyboard)
I do not own yugioh, southpark, or Garth Merengi's darkplace,
Oh and {} now signifies thought as kept cutting out the hash's.
FYI Isis is the spirit of the millennium necklace
I'm Edd, A.K.A Mr. Towel, author, genius, dream weaver, plus actor. You are about to enter the world of my imagination; You are about to enter: My 'Stoner's realm'
(Pulls paper off typewriter and throws it behind him.)
Cue the theme music
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(Intro scenes)
(Explosions!)
(Duels)
(Yami jumping from an exploding ambulance with a baby in his arms)
(Yugi and Yami reaching for each other)
(Kaiba smoking cannabis and laughing)
(Big Explosion)
YUGIOH,
ENTER THE STONER'S REALM
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(Boat 30)
Tanto dropped the gun into the water and walked over to Miswim's limp body, he picked it up and dropped it in the clear plastic box that was suspended from the ceiling, then he took her deck and fed it into a slot in one of the machines on the wall. The machine regurgitated Miswim's deck after making some terrifying noises, so he slipped it back in her duel disk, this done, he shut the door to the box and slipped a lock through the clasp.
Tanto reached behind him and pushed a large button on the wall.
The box started to rise.
He picked up a walkie talkie.
"Jim, Tanto here, everything is ready, I'll see you bright and early tomorrow morning."
And with this he headed to his cabin, while the plastic box rose to the roof of the small dock.
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(????)
"I SUMMON THE SPIRIT OF THE DEPARTED PHAROH IN ATTACK MODE."
The card materialised on the field and out climbed a figure that looked suspiciously like Yugi.
"AND THEN I PLACE TWO CARDS FACE DOWN AND END MY TURN."
Isis, normally confident in a duel, was a little shaken, though she took pains not to show it, she could foretell the future, but then Death could remember everything, the past, the present, the future, he was infallible and her necklace had been wrong before. Each person knew what cards were face down and which cards were in each others hands, Isis glanced into the future and saw a draw, but if Death had done something to tip the balance in his favour, then her necklace couldn't see it, her only possible course of action was to follow her necklace's predestined fate and hope it didn't get her killed.
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(Boat 2)
"Haha, one of my favourite combos right away!"
Rex shouted at Robert across the duelling field.
"You're going down straight away, so I put 2 cards down on the field, then I play tribute to the ancient beasts, which makes me sacrifice my hand to the grave yard to summon any monster from my deck which has less stars than the total from the monsters sacrificed, and it includes ritual monsters, so, I think its time you said herro to my rickle fliend."
Rex Raptor inserted his entire hand into his graveyard;
"Now I summon my mightiest creature in my entire deck, you ginger freak, you can not hope to defeat me! Say hello to......."
He selected a card from his deck and slipped it onto the monster card zone, it materialised on the field and above it, white lines began to form, first one way, then the other, cris-crossing until there was a solid circle made out of white light, solid, that is, apart from a pentagram of darkness, in the middle of the disc of light. The light turned first from white, to red, then to blue, then finally to purple. A low rumbling noise started to raise in tempo as the deck under the duellists started shaking while a dinolythic being began to rise from the 5 pointed star of pure darkness.
Rex Raptor began a croaky maniacal laugh as his monster rose further and further from the circle, obscured by purple light. The monsters Rex had discarded, appeared on the field herding what looked like the souls of children towards the circle. As the souls were absorbed one by one into the circle the rumbling increased and the audience, as was collecting started to lose there balance, one, a small child wearing an orange parka, slipped over the edge to be crushed between the boats in the sea below. From the back of the crowd some Japanese could be made out:
"Ara mai tentei otaku ryuu Kenny!"
Rob unthinkingly shouted;
"You bastard!"
At the same time as another child shouted:
"Otaku yarou!"
The ghosts of the monsters Rex had discarded filed into the circle as well, the rumbling was now so loud and so fast it was forming a rhythm.
The last monster filed into the light and the circle disappeared, all that was left was the pentagram, made blindingly obvious by the fact that no-one could see it.
4000 / 4000
Robert looked at the pentagram, he couldn't see it, but then he couldn't see anything behind it, the absence of light, formed the picture on his eyeballs of a hole in space cut out as a child would cut shapes into paper. His eyes panned up the monster, no, it couldn't be, purple feet, a long purple tail, the rumbling had changed into a haunting melody, he tried to keep it out of his mind as his eyes panned up, past the scaly green belly, past the round jaw (which looked scarily like a blue eyes white dragons') then he let his gaze fall on those big spaced out eyes and he knew that his worst fear was coming true, in the back ground he heard singing;
"I love you, you love me, we're a ha-py fam-i-ly"
"It's Barney the fucking purple dinosaur!"
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(????)
A bell went off, Death looked inside his robe and pulled out a lifetimer which had jut emptied, it was wrapped in an orange Parka, and Isis could just make out 'kenny...' on the name plate.
"OH BUGGER, I'LL BE BACK!!"
Death ran through the door without even bothering to open it, Isis sat down and looked around;
"Wow, I haven't been in a body for thousands of years, things sure have changed."
She pulled open the top of Marik's trousers and looked down.
A red blush rose to her cheeks.
"Shit!! I'm in a man's body, a big man's body, but still a man's, this wasn't what I thought was going to happen."
Isis paced the room;
"I heard from other prophets that you can never see your own death, I guess they were right."
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(boat 2)
"Yes, that's right, the most powerful dinosaur in the entire game, I can not attack this round, so I end my turn, your go tub-tubs, hurry up and make whatever pathetic move you can make before I win!!"
Rob just gave Rex a funny look;
"Ok, I guess I've lost then, I suppose I'll just play mirror magic to copy your magic card you played last turn, and sacrifice the 5 monsters in my hand to summon my most powerful monster."
A golden orb fell out of the holographic card that rolled out onto the field.
0000/0000
"That's it?"
Rob nodded.
"Oh, ok, are you done?"
"Not yet."
The Orb rose off the field, and cracks began to appear around it, as they grew bigger, golden light streamed out of them, the orb seemed to be unfolding, the cracks turning into different parts of the emerging monster, its attack power began to rise, while rob did some quick calculations in his head.
{Ok, so that's Jinzo, tri-horn, 7 coloured fish, kuriboh, and my summoned skull sacrificed.}
As the orb gradually unfolded, Rex gasped in amazement, he knew what it was;
"Wheeler lost it? Jeez, what a loser he is."
The creature was completely unfolded now, and a row of fins unfolded from its head.
9850/6600
"Now I win straight away if I use its effect to give it half my life points;"
1350/1600
Rob raised his arm to point at Rex.
"Winged dragon Of Ra, ATTACK!!"
The Egyptian god monster flew towards Barney the dinosaur, which ran away, but the flying god chased it around and around in circles until it got bored and fired 'la-zer' beams at the purple monstrosity from its eyes until the singing dinosaur caught fire.
"Now don't you wish you hadn't summoned that demon to begin with?"
Asked Rob.
Now that Barney had stopped running around, Ra swooped in and grabbed Barney in his claws, flying up into the air again, Ra spun around and slammed the dinosaur into Rex, causing him to fall over, his life points began to drop quickly until there was none left.
Rex lay there for a bit, then the purple clouds of the fake shadow realm faded away to leave him sprawled on the deck of boat number 2.
Rob walked over to the loser;
"Rex, can I have my new cards now?"
"Yeah, but Barney's a ritual, and the card I'm giving you is a dark grey, the crappest card known to man, so you won't be able to use Barney even if you did take him."
Rex passed his deck to the victor of the duel.
"I'll take this fossilized amber."
Rob, not liking the younger boy, dropped his cards on the deck of the boat and headed off to find Edd and Ollie.
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The fleet of boats gracefully motored away from the setting sun as it sunk into the sea, the light tinting the sky green as it was filtered through the depths of the Pacific Ocean.
Kaiba watched the sunset from the back of boat 1, the luxury qualifiers lounge opened up onto the back of the ship, he could not appreciate the beauty, 5 times, 5 times Joey had emptied the snack bar indoors, 5 times Mai had said that he should get another jacket, 5 times had Joey challenged him to a duel, and 5 times Joey waited till Kaiba was in the water then swam up to him and stolen his swimming shorts. His sister Serenity was taking up his favourite sun lounger, the one that he had got the tournament officials to make especially for him. This tournament was turning into hell.
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(????)
Death walked through the door without opening it again.
"SORRY I TOOK SO LONG, THERE WAS AN OUTBREAK OF DISEASE IN IRAQ, THE AMERICANS SAY IT WAS BIN LADEN, BUT I SAW JEB BUSH HURRYING AWAY FROM A GAS CANISTER IN THE MIDDLE OF THE CAPITAL CITY."
Isis stood up;
"Shall we get this thing going then?"
"CERTAINLY, WHERE'S THE HOLOGRAM?"
"What? Oh, I understand, in about 10 minutes you are going to go back in time to when you ran out of the room to reap souls and finish the duel because otherwise it would have been counted as a forfeit, and therefore I would have won and Fate's deal would have been off."
"OH YES, I REMEMBER NOW."
"But I won anyway so you have to return any souls you have collected from the items and leave me alone."
Death pulled down his hood and looked at Isis.
"YOU WON? REALLY? I CAN REMEMBER THE DUEL YOU KNOW."
"Well it was worth a shot, oh well."
"WOULD YOU CARE TO SAY SOME LAST WORDS?"
The Egyptian thought for a second.
"Yep, um, how about; 'The one thing I regret is never regretting anything."
"OK THEN."
Death swung his scythe towards the thin blue line attaching Isis to Marik's body.
"No wait I......."
But it was too late.
Death walked into the room.
"YOU'RE EARLY."
"YEAH I KNOW, BUT THERE'S NOTHING YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT NOW."
"TOO TRUE, I TAKE IT YOU LOST SOME LIFE POINTS?"
"ALL BUT 1 AS A MATTER OF FACT."
"DID SHE PLAY WELL?"
"AS WELL AS CAN BE EXPECTED, I JUST WANTED TO EXPERIENCE BEING STONED."
"FAIR DOS."
And with this the slightly younger Death (though time doesn't affect him) took several steps in a direction that was neither up, down, left, right, forwards or back.
While the second Death walked off to find some munchies.
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(L-space)
(The room is empty, you see nothing, a hamster speeds across your vision, leaving your only 1 exit, the review button.)
