Well this was certainly interesting, but not exactly what harry would call fun. He'd never been particularly great at handing out emotional advice to his friends, let alone to inanimate objects.

"A faggot..?"

More sniffing was heard from the bush.

"Look you can't take it that seriously, you know their taking the piss"

"I am not gay, can't they see that a guy can wear two outfits a day, and manicure his nails and not want to shag men"

"Well the outfits are a little suspicious".

Harry was beginning to have his doubts as to whether this bush actually was gay, it wasn't exactly seen as normal for a teenage boy to change that regularly.

"Shut up".

"You planning on staying here all day then? You not planning on eating at all…"

"I don't need food"

"Well I'll admit that I don't know much about the eating habits of shrubbery, but I'm pretty certain that you do need to eat."

"I haven't eaten in three days I'm above food."

"You haven't eaten in three days! What are you mad? You could get seriously ill you twat"

"My actions are not your concern"

"What the hells wrong with you, you can't have got that wound up about being called a faggot"

"Memwellm maybe I'm mememmattmmractemmd to a gmmuymm"

"I'm sorry what was that?"

This really was verging on the ridiculous he could now barely comprehend the bush

"Maybe I'm attracted to a guy"

"Oh…so you are gay"

"No! I'm not gay I just fancy Potter"

This was getting a little too interesting for comfort, but harry was intrigued.

"You planning on showing yourself anytime soon" harry questioned the bush.

"Are you mad people might see me with twigs in my hair"

Harry was beginning to tire of this he had to meet Ron soon and wanted to see who his mystery admirer was. I mean it was his right his told himself I mean he was Harry potter.

"Ok you leave me no choice you come out or I'll get you out"

"You wouldn't dare"

"I wouldn't count on that theory, I know some pretty handy stink hexes"

"Oh god"

"I'll give you 10 seconds"

"No look you don't understand"

"9"

"I'll do you a deal, what do want, anything"

"8,7,6"

"Oh come on you must need something"

"5,4,3,2"

"Please…."

"1"

With that harry plunged his hands in the bush groped blindly for the mystery person, managing to grab the scruff of their collar, and gave a hefty tug. The person squawked and was unceremoniously dumped on top of Harry.

"Malfoy!"

"POTTER!"

"EUGH, god get off me you hefty lump"

"I can't" a very pink Malfoy replied indignantly. "You're still holding onto my collar"

Harry quickly released the offending object, pushed him off him into the edge of the lake and legged it; leaving a wet, cold Malfoy struggling with his emotions of embarrassment, hurt, hatred and pure unadulterated blood lust.

"Oh harry, wait up"

Ron called out

Harry's face was thunder, as he walked over to a grinning Ron.

"What's up mate, you look like you got a stick up your arse"

"Malfoy", harry mumbled

"He giving you trouble again"

"Yeah something like that", harry murmured not entirely keen on telling Ron the whole truth.

"You just got to annoy him mate and hope he gets himself killed someday soon, he's not worth the bother"

"Yeah listen Ron, I might just go and try and finish that extra potions essay, I don't really feel like dealing with Snape on Monday."

"Sure mate I'm meeting Hermoine in ten minutes anyway."

It wasn't until much later, when harry was staring at the ceiling of his dorm, that he realised that he might in fact be able to turn this situation with Malfoy to his advantage. All those years of taunting, all the shit he'd had to put up with, it was time, time for a little revenge.

The only flaw with his elaborate plan to tell the entire school about Malfoy's sexual preference and his apparent attraction to harry himself, was that this then dragged harry into the whole sordid affair himself. No, there was only one way harry was going to go about this, and that was a thorough emotional mind fuck.

This next term was going to be interesting, there was no doubt about that thought harry as he drifted off with a smile on his face.