"Sakura, Sakura, Sakura-chan. Where are you?" He squinted into the distance and looked up and down the streets. Still no sign, even after two hours of searching. There had been no sign of her in the attic, but since there was a distinct lack of any signs of struggle in the attic when he checked it (and a distinct lack of blood, which made Naruto infinitely relieved, since he supposed that if Sakura got hurt by anything in the attic he would find blood or blond hair; however, that other little monkey that perched on top of his head and started calling him grandmother was a tad too much), he wasn't going to panic yet. When he came across Sasuke, the brooding Uchiha heir was hovering over a bramble bush in which two academy students had become hopelessly tangled. He was loudly contemplating various ways to free them, although all the ways he had suggested thus far consisted of catching the bush on fire. Such planning spoken out loud only served to make the students squirm uncomfortably, furthering their entanglement and misery.

"Neh, Sasuke! Have you seen Naruto?" Naruto asked.

At the mention of Naruto's name, Sasuke's hair stood on end and he stiffened as if someone wrapped ice-cold hands around his neck. He slowly looked over his shoulder at who he thought to be Sakura. "Don't mention that name to me," he muttered in an angry voice, his eyes narrowed into slits.

Naruto felt a brief flash of annoyance. What did I do this time? "I need to find him." He refused to drop the subject as Sasuke's body language demanded. Sasuke harrumphed.

"I have no idea where dead-last can be." Sasuke muttered something. Naruto frowned and leaned forward, concentrating to catch the words. "…the letch!"

"Who's a letch?"

Sasuke jumped and looked over his shoulder at Naruto again. There was something odd about the look, something almost panicked in his expression and twitching in the corner of his eye. "Sakura," he said, clearly struggling to be polite, "stay away from Naruto. He's been acting very, very strange. Not that he naturally doesn't, just more strange than usual."

Naruto considered punching Sasuke, but decided against it. "So you don't know where he is?"

"Hn." Sasuke turned back to considering his charges, and Naruto did a quick mental review of the various Hns he knew of. That one must be the I don't know and I don't give a damn, either Hn. Naruto stared at Sasuke's back for a moment, resenting how he was stuck in a weak, female body that he had to close his eyes to just so he could go to the bathroom (never mind the fact that he knew what the female body looked like and didn't care), while Mr. I'm-Too-Cool-To-Care contemplated setting brats on fire. What a creep; Sasuke was always up to something, always trying to prove how much better he was than others, and all the girls only cared how good looking he was and how well he fought. The jerk probably sat in the dark of his house and considered joining forces with insane psychopaths

Life was soooo unfair. Naruto spent his days training to become the Hokage (and he would, damn it! Even if he was stuck in Sakura's body for all of eternity, because if Tsunade could be the first female Hokage, than he could be the first male-turned-female Hokage! A little, silly thing like not being in his actual body was never going to stop him), and the only time Sakura ever noticed Naruto was when she actually became Naruto.

With a grunt, Naruto turned his back on Sasuke and continued his search for Sakura.

Behind him, Sasuke's mind was only half-attuned to the academy ninjas. Sakura didn't call me Sasuke-kun. It was a small detail and one that shouldn't have bothered him, but it did. Sakura is never so casual. Added to how Naruto acted just as he did earlier (in a small corner of his mind, a miniature Sasuke rocked on his heels with his head in his hands, chanting in a weak voice, "I've been violated! I've been violated!"), and Sakura not acting like Sakura, made Sasuke arrive to a calculation he wasn't liking. To Naruto's credit, the boy was always a little off, but pink flamingos and violation went above and beyond paranormal.

But the next time Naruto decided to infringe upon his personal space (which was a large, invisible bubble with a thirty foot diameter), Sasuke was going to chidori the runt from one end of Konoha to the other.


Naruto spotted Jiraiya at the women's bathing house. The white-haired shinobi squatted low on his heels, his face pressed against the wooden wall and his fingers flexing in a suggestive way. On the ground beside him was a notebook and a drill with a few wood shavings clinging to its bit.

Naruto smacked his alternate sensei across the back of his head. "Why am I not surprised?" he demanded hotly.

Jiraiya blinked in surprise at being attacked by a petite, pink-haired Genin who looked vaguely familiar. "Do I know you?" he asked, rubbing his head where the backhanded blow had struck him. What he loosely recalled of Sakura did not fit in with his view of her current physical movements or vocal tones.

"I — I have a favor to ask. I need some training."

Jirayia waved Naruto's comment away. "Sorry," he said dismissively with a crooked smile. "You're just a little too young to receive training from me."

"What?" He glared defensively. "What about m — uh, Naruto?"

"Oh." Disappointment and understanding were achieved simultaneously and both made clear in Jiraiya's face and voice. "You want that training." Naruto didn't want to know what the implied training from earlier was really supposed to mean then, so he avoided pursuing that line of thought. "I trained Naruto because of various reasons I have absolutely no intention of informing you."

"But—"

"Come back when you're gained another cup size, kid."

Naruto definitely knew what that meant, having Ino earlier that day try to pawn off several stuffed bras to "increase your cup size; you need all the help you can get if you want Sasuke to notice you over what I have." He smacked Jiraiya again just for the sake of principles and stormed off, muttering, "Just as well; you'd have probably groped me, pervert-sensei."

After Jiraiya peeled himself from where Sakura's blow had face-planted him against the wall, he shook his head and rocked himself on his heels as he considered what just passed.

Sakura acting like Naruto? This required investigation. Naruto and Jiraiya's old team of Genin had been the only ones who dared to call him anything other than Jiraiya-sensei.

Anyways, it wasn't as if she was unattractive or too young (although she was), but that a stuffed bra would greatly enhance her appeal. Ah well; can't have everything when you're stalking the ladies. There was some giggling; splashes. "Ooooh! I told you we weren't supposed to do that anymore! It was a one-time experience!" "Oh, don't be silly! What can one more time do any harm?" from the bathhouse. There were more splashes and a feminine squeak. Jiraiya found himself leering like the super-pervert that he was as he turned back to the peephole.

Investigation could wait, though. He had to catch up on his research. Yeah, that was it.


They sat in a distant seafood restaurant that bordered the Fire Country, preparing themselves for another expedition into its lands with all its volatile natives. Distant power blasts that had been detected demanded investigation since it most likely involved the Kyuubi brat. Akatsuki decided to send the two ninjas most familiar with that area of the world, so off they went, using just a small touch of Henge to hide their most distinct, recognizable features. The reasoning behind sending these two was that, after the trouble they left behind, no one would really expect them to come back. It followed such thoughts as, After what they did, they wouldn't dare show up! that those of Konoha would undoubtedly (or at least hopefully) be thinking.

Such reasoning on Akatsuki's part reached the far ends of illogic and came around the other end to logic, in a rather convoluted, twisted manner that only psychopaths and geniuses could attain, but usually only if both went hand in hand.

Contrary to most rumors, Itachi liked being paired off with Kisame. Aside from how the swordsman's skin color was probably a symptom of several different diseases, undoubtedly due to his bad habit of eating everything he could get his hands on and/or teeth attached to (and Itachi secretly suspected Kisame's parents weren't wholly human), the man did possess a sense of humor Itachi could appreciate. Kisame also did his job well, followed orders, and didn't argue in the middle of a mission for the sake of one-upping the person placed in charge. After putting up with ANBU in his early teenaged years, Itachi could appreciate such tactfulness.

Kisame sat down at the wooden table across from Itachi and peered at the order Itachi had placed when he had went to visit the men's room. "What're we having?" he asked as he poked the broth with his spoon.

"We're having shark-fin soup," Itachi replied. The one issue he had with pairing off with Kisame was that the swordsman ordered all the time. It was high time they had something he liked.

Kisame gasped in dismay and peered at the bowl, plucking it up just as a far-away blast rocked the ground and made all the furniture vibrate in an interesting manner. Itachi's soup splashed on the table, but Kisame's bowl was saved. "Mom?! Izzat you?"

Looking down at his own soup, Itachi suddenly remembered why Kisame had always been the one to order.


The fallen oak had once been large and grand. Now, years and years after it was knocked down (it might have been the victim of some stray shinobi practicing his deadly art; it might have been just another loss in the great battle against the Fox Demon), it was spongy and covered with thick, springy moss. It would have been one of the most comfortable seats Sakura had ever had the privilege of sitting upon, if she had taken the time to contemplate how many years it had taken for the oak to grow, and how many years passed after it had been yanked out of the ground and tossed aside like a useless match. It must have been decades for time and weather to make this perfect seat for her butt to grace.

Sakura didn't care. Strangely enough though, this fallen oak was all that was left in the surrounding that Sakura had accidentally cleared.

She had arrived here in the far middle of nowhere, where only animals and trunks that shouldn't eat Sound-nins but did preyed. The worry had pushed her far beyond the village, and finally she tried Henge once more. She tried to summon the chakra, but each time she did the bloodlust and hatred would return in increasing amounts. The chakra came easily enough on her fourth try, but then it had exploded as if bursting past her fragile dams of control, to wipe out everything in the vicinity.

In a corner of her mind, Inner Sakura said, "You idiot. Are you going to sit here in the open and just wait for others to come investigating? How many of them will be Leaf shinobi who know all about the fox demon."

Let them come, the subject of Inner Sakura's last sentence said, somehow sounding smug and petulant at the same time, I could use some entertainment.

Sakura's hand shook and moved on its own accord, to the little knapsack strapped to her thigh. With a yelp, she grasped the moving hand with her other hand. The nine-tailed fox sneered at her attempt and the hand moved further against her will.

"Oh no, you don't!" Inner Sakura's strength slammed into Sakura and the hand froze, twitching as two different wills clashed. The kyuubi finally conceded.

You are always ruining my fun.

"Now you're starting to sound like a pouting child!" Inner Sakura told the nine-tailed fox with a shake of her finger.

The nine-tailed fox sniffed. That's to imply a human-like characteristic to something as immortal and as superior as I to mankind.

"Denial if I ever heard of it!"

The nine-tailed fox sputtered angrily and muttered wordlessly under what constituted as its breath. It sounded suspiciously like "blasted vixens." Unnerving as it was, both Sakuras managed to ignore the grumbling. With a dejected sigh, Sakura stood up, quickly dusted herself off, checked for any visible injuries, and then set off running away from her scene of the crime. She moved faster, the ground seemed to fly beneath her feet. How long would it take to train her body until she moved like this? How long would it take to become strong, if she practiced long and hard everyday with people to push her onward, like Naruto? She didn't want to be Hokage, but what was the point of being a ninja if she did nothing to be good at it?

If she ever got — no, when she got back into her body, she was going to start gathering training tips from Naruto, Sasuke, and even Ino.

Her legs pumping faster, the countryside a blur as she hurried onward, Sakura made the silent vow to improve herself or die trying. If the voices in her head were any indication of what her future would be like, it may just come to that. So she ran, instead, as if she could somehow leave them behind, to escape them and all that they entailed. They were almost gone... Almost...

A soft voice, almost too soft to distinguish in the roaring despair that filled Sakura's mind, amongst the grumbling of a demon whose power was beyond comprehension, and a split personality brought to life by a single desire for a sister, whispered. The fork in the mountains. Without really knowing why, perhaps because the masculine voice was smooth and kind, in a world that was harsh and demanding, Sakura steered east to where the mountains dipped into a sharp V. She slammed into the surrounding forest and foliage like a bull on a rampage, breaking through underbrush and branches as if they were mere twigs beneath her feet.

The nine-tailed fox sighed and sneered in frustration. Some ninja you are. I've pulverized those far worthier than you'll ever be.

"Will you shut up, already?" Inner Sakura demanded, hands on her hips and her jaw clenched. "You're not doing any better than I am and a great deal worse, too, since you got sealed into the bellybutton of the number one loudest, most hyperactive ninja in the village."

The nine-tailed fox sniffed. He's infinitely more amusing and skilled than you two will ever be, even if there's barely any room to think in here, what with the size of your ego, alter ego, and cowardice.

Sakura froze as the world suddenly came crashing down about her ears.

Cowardice.

The word echoed through her mind, drowning out Inner Sakura's response and the fox demon's sniping.

Cowardice.

That's right, she thought to herself as her eyes stung. Tears dribbled down her face. She was a coward. She hid behind Naruto and Sasuke. No wonder they moved beyond her reach; she could never walk before them when she took refuge in their strength and their skill, potential blotted out in their shadows. She was nothing compared to them because she was too scared. Too proud.

She thought she was stronger than them because she was so much smarter and knew so much more, but in her vanity she fell short, and she was scared of using skills other than her intelligence. Her wit amounted to little when the enemy's strength outmatched her brains.

What are you doing now? The nine-tailed fox demanded in angry disbelief. Sakura sniffed and wiped her wet eyes and runny nose with the back of her hand.

"Y-you're right," she cried between sobs and sniffles. "I am a coward. I c-can't do anything. (sob) I'm w-weak a-and I'm (sob) worthless!"

Like so many other conscious males faced with a crying female, though it could be argued if the nine-tailed fox qualified as male, the demon floundered nervously.

N-now that's enough! Quit blubbering like a baby! Er…

"Good grief." Inner Sakura bustled past the nine-tailed fox, whose nervousness was becoming quite clear. She descended upon Sakura like a rainbow reaching from the heavens as a sign that the worst of the storm was over. "Sakura," she said gently, "if you were such a coward, could you have protected Naruto and Sasuke during the Chunin exam?"

Y-yeah! Wait, I wasn't there for that one, was I?

Inner Sakura swatted the nine-tailed fox, but it had no more effect on it than a mosquito's bite on a crocodile. It again muttered something about blasted vixens.

"B-but if Lee hadn't saved me, I'd've b-been killed (sniffle sniffle) and so w-would've Naruto and S-Sasuke (sob), and if Ino hadn't shown up, (sob) we'd've been killed, and th-the same thing (sob gasp) if Sasuke h-hadn't woken up!"

"This," Inner Sakura muttered to the nine-tailed fox, "is all your fault."

Taken aback by the accusation, the fox demon nonetheless recovered its easy arrogance. What? Am I supposed to apologize now? I can't help it if she falls apart under the least amount of stress. Pathetic excuse of a ninja you are, let alone human.

Inner Sakura reared up. "Least amount of stress? Least amount of stress?! How would you feel if you were a girl put into a boy's body, sneered at and hated by everyone, forced to recognize your own limitations and see them as far more exaggerated than what they are, and realize you may never, ever go back to being what you truly are?"

You're asking methe nine-tailed fox asked resentfully. I've only been sealed inside the number one loudest, most hyperactive excuse of a ninja in a rancid village of abominable humans for the past twelve years. I only went from a great demon, with power virtually that of a god's, to this. How about what I feel? If this body dies, so do I. I was immortal. I had female demons falling over themselves for my attention. Male demons respected and feared me. But nooooo. I had to get stuck in someone's bellybutton! At least you've got a body!

"And it serves you right," Inner Sakura said petulantly.

Does not.

"Does so."

Does not.

"Does so."

Does not.

"Does so."

Not.

"So."

Sakura pulled the hem of her jumper's top from where it was tucked into her trousers and wiped her nose and eyes with it. "I may be crying like a baby, but at least I'm not arguing like a bunch of toddlers." The nine-tailed fox and Inner Sakura fell silent. If they were corporeal, Sakura had a feeling they would be glaring at one another and shoving each other with their shoulders.

Kind of like Naruto and Sasuke, really.

She sighed. "I know I'm a coward. I know I am weak. But that's going to change this time! I won't stand for it any more! I will become strong! I will become fast! I will become a ninja among ninjas, and nothing —- not incorporeal voices, not fox demons, not snake humans, and not anything else — nothing is going to stop me!" With such brave words uttered, given life by her determination to change so that she could no longer be ashamed of herself, Sakura leapt into the tree branches and hopped off to the V in the mountains, moving swiftly and quietly so that no one not an experienced ninja could hear her.


Naruto lay on his back, heaving in fresh breaths of air, and stared up at the clear blue sky. He had only done two hours of training, and already his body shook from weariness. Every surface of his skin was covered with bruises, scrapes, and smudges, as if he had gotten into more than dozen street brawls with fighters up to par with his own abilities. As exhausted as he was, Naruto still had enough strength and energy to think.

It seemed to him that something was wrong. Sakura's body shouldn't be this weak; he had seen her to more things in greater periods of time without getting so utterly exhausted.

Heh. I'm probably just wasting chakra as I usually do, Naruto thought ruefully. I can't control it in this body any more than I could in my last. He sighed; he couldn't do it so well on his own without help. Sakura's body couldn't withstand what he demanded so freely of his own. This time, there was no fox demon to demand rent from. Naruto steeled himself to sit upright; if the pervert sensei was refusing to teach him, then he was going to find someone who would. Kurenai-sensei, or maybe Hinata. If they could give him some hints of how a girl's body trained, then maybe he might be able to get somewhere. He just had to do it so they didn't suspect that it was a boy who didn't know how to handle a girl's body that was asking.

As his hands clutched the few blades of grass within his reach and he took a deep breath to lift himself upright, a loud voice declared, "You!"


Ino stormed up the walk and slammed open the front door. The lock shattered under her grip and the door banged loudly into the wall as it was flung open. "Where is she?" she roared into the empty house. In it's clean peacefulness - discounting the kitchen, of course - it was oblivious to the angry blonde on a rampage. "Where is that stupid forehead girl!"

Ino ran up the stairs, taking them three at a time, and down the hallway until she reached the bedroom door. "SAKURA!" She flung that open too, and then looked around, her face scrunched up in rage. Nothing. No one. She had looked all over Konoha and had seen neither large forehead nor pink hair of Sakura. Here she had gone out of her way to girl-bond with Sakura, and the witch had to run off, leaving her with the short stick and having to pick up afterwards. If Sakura had spoken her scorn and had thrown such kindness into Ino's face, Ino might have forgiven her. But no; trickery and subterfuge. She would have none of that from someone she might have once called a friend, and maybe still did when no one was listening.

Fuming silently, she turned to walk out of the door, but a ragged, old book cover caught her eye. Ordinarily, Ino would have ignored books, but since it read, "Love Potion #9" across the cover... When you're in competition with the owner of the book over the best bachelor under the age of fifteen in the village, it's not something you wanted escaping your notice.

Ino snatched it up from off the surface of the table the book rested upon, and flipped through the pages until she found the recipe for the Love Potion #9. "Hmm. 'This potion is a dangerous mixed substance meant to induce infatuation of the drinker upon the first of its kind possessing pheromones.' Oooh. 'Use to your own discretion, dear reader, as embarking upon the journey of this potion's use may cause much hardship. It is recommended that this potion be used as a last resort when your love has ignored you to the point of you taking your own life.' Ooooh." Ino skipped the rest of the warning and went directly to the recipe, running her finger along the column of ingredients and checking the availability of each one off in her mind.

At the very bottom of the directions for mixing and simmering, she read: Results vary in the length of time the potion's effect lasts. A potion mixed correctly will smell like turpentine and look like Indian ink. Ino made a face, but she supposed when one was desperate enough to resort to these measures, one was willing to drink it.

While she didn't feel desperate enough to resort to such measures, Ino was, of course, always willing to try something new.

The hard part was going to be trying to talk Sasuke into drinking something that smelled like turpentine. Maybe if she baked it into cookies...