Chapter one: Starting New

I walked into the main office, giving a small smile to the secretary. She smiled right back, as was quickly becoming our own little tradition, revealing perfectly white, and perfectly straight teeth that I secretly envied with every fiber of my being.

"Good morning, Suze," she said, her curly brown locks shining under the ceiling lights, "I haven't seen you in awhile."

"Hey Brenda," I grinned sheepishly, "I guess I've been keeping out of trouble."

She nodded knowingly—not that she knew why I came here so often anyway—or, at least she thought she did. "Father Dominic will see you in a moment," she said, pointing towards the door of his private office.

I took this time to look around for a moment, taking in my surroundings. The office had dramatically changed over the break; the Christmas wreaths, along with the nativity scene, now replaced with New Year's decorations; welcoming the year 2004.

But that only served to depress me. Because when you look at it that way, I haven't seen Jesse since last year.

Which would be the sad, sad truth. A month, actually, since the fifth of December. Not that I'm counting, or anything, but yeah, about 32 days. He didn't even come to see me on New Year's or Christmas Eve. Not even on my birthday! Though I'm not very sure he knows when it is.

But still, it would've been nice to see him on Christmas, I mean, I'm positive he knew when that was, he's not that out-of-date.

Plus he's religious, you know? Along with kind, dashingly handsome and fully equipped with a set of washboard abs.

But its funny, you'd think I'd be used to it by now. His disappearing act, I mean, not his abs. Because of course, he always does this.

Kisses me, and then disappears. Evaporates, it seems, into pure mist.

Hoping I'll forget. Maybe forgetting about it himself, (God knows I'm probably not the best kisser), which, I guess would be an ingenious idea if not for one thing:

I never forget Jesse's kisses.

So it doesn't make for a good situation. At least not on my part.

And for the past few months, he's been acting more distant than usual; he only shows up once a month—usually to pick up cat food for Spike, who moved into the rectory with him—and he hasn't spoken more than a few words to me since that night in the graveyard.

After that fateful day, he moved into the rectory, and hardly ever materialized in my room anymore. The very few conversations I've had with him were all too brief, and extremely awkward. He never revealed what he was thinking, never said too much. It was like Jesse was keeping himself in check, from doing what, I'll guess I'll never know.

But sometimes, more often than I can count, I can't help but wonder, what's going on. Was he simply busy, or did he decide he didn't like me anymore?

As I stood there next to the office door, watching Brenda twirl the telephone cord as she talked to animatedly into the speaker, a stray thought crossed my mind. Something, that incidentally, I'd been avoiding for the past three months. Or maybe he never did… and like always, I shuddered, and pushed it away. Locked it up, threw it into a tiny box at the back of my head...never to be opened again. That wasn't it. That couldn't be it.

I was in denial, and I knew it. I encouraged it. It kept me sane.

Or it did. But not anymore.

Not anymore, because I had decided, as part of my New Year's resolutions—along with getting an 'A' in math—that I wasn't going to let Jesse get to me. I wasn't going to mope. Anymore. I mean; if he didn't like me, well, then that was just fine. More than fine, actually. Perfect, because, despite ample evidence to the contrary, I don't need Jesse.

Anymore.

The door opened, revealing a man with graying hair, and clear blue eyes. Actually, even at age sixty, Father Dom looked pretty good. Kind of like Giles on Buffy the Vampire Slayer. "Susannah," he said, "please come in."

I walked in after him, and looked around. It was the same as I remembered it, simple, yet elegant. I sat down in the chair across from his, slumping down low and fiddling with a yo-yo I fished out of the top drawer, I said, "So, what's up?"

He looked kind of surprised I had asked. "Well," he said, "nothing is 'up,' I had just wanted to see how you were doing. After all Susannah, I haven't seen you for two weeks." He smiled at me, "How are you? And how is Jesse?"

The mention of his name, which used to cause something inside me to wilt, instead brought upon a very queasy feeling in the pit of my stomach. Obviously, I didn't know how Jesse was; I hadn't seen him for a month. "Umm. I'm fine, but I haven't heard from Jesse in awhile."

Father D's eyes, which are a startlingly light blue, widened the tiniest bit. "Oh," he said, his eyebrows raised, "I thought he would come to visit you a lot, considering that you two are officially 'together.' " He said this rather uneasily, and I could tell he wasn't entirely comfortable with the idea of me and Jesse yet.

Well, to be frank, he wasn't comfortable at all, seeing as how I have been receiving constant reminders of how stupid I am being, which, let me tell you, isn't too great for your relationship or your self-esteem.

Not that I have a relationship or anything, unless you can count pining over him. No wait, I think that's called 'unrequited love.'

But I'm not, remember? Pining over him, I mean. Because I don't need Jesse. Anymore.

I looked down, and the good father must've sensed the disappointment in my face, because he dropped the subject with a quick, "Oh, well I'm sure he's been rather busy at the rectory," and continued on. Which, wasn't all that convincing since, Jesse didn't have anything to do but read. There isn't much for you to do when you're dead.

"Actually Susannah," he said rather sheepishly, "I did call you here with a request."

I was surprised, "Oh?" I said, the father hardly ever asked any favors from me.

"Yes, there will be a new student coming in tomorrow," he said looking down at his paperwork, his brows furrowed in concentration, "a mister 'Jeremy Curtis,' he moved here from New York. You two should have a lot in common. I was wondering if you could show him around. He has all your assigned classes."

"Oh, umm… yeah, sure." Then a thought came to me, and I said, somewhat suspiciously, "Can't Kelly do it?"

"Well, normally yes, since she is the President," he said looking up from his files, "but, in case you don't remember, miss Prescott isn't back from a winter vacation to the Bahamas yet."

Whoops, I forgot. And she'd been talking about it nonstop before break. "Oh, yeah. Well, ok then. I'll meet him tomorrow?" I stood up from the seat, "Now, I should be going, it's almost second period."

Father Dom nodded, "Yes, yes, see you tomorrow, and don't be late." Then he added, just as I was walking out the door, "Oh, and say hello to Jesse for me then."

I sighed. "Yeah, yeah." If I even see him.

I stepped out of Father D's office, grabbed a pass from Brenda, and rushed out the door. Where I bumped into someone as they passed through the hallway.

I felt a strong grip on my shoulders. "Querida, are you alright?"

My heart skipped a beat.

Jesse.