Here's chapter two.
Because I don't like waiting either.
Disclaimer: 73 days. You can't sue me now.
Chapter two: There and Back Again
It was as if all she could do was look at me. Her startling emerald eyes were widened in shock; her mouth sort of hung open. I saw her open and close it repeatedly as if she was trying to say something, but the words could not escape her mouth. We stood there for a while, staring at each other, rather awkwardly, until finally when it became truly evident that she was incapable of saying anything, and I opened my mouth to speak.
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I don't know how I stood there with my mouth hanging open, the words caught up in my throat. What was he doing here? How was I supposed to react to his sudden appearance in the hallway? And most importantly, why had he left?
Was I supposed to be happy, now that he had chosen to deign me with his presence? To run into his arms and kiss him? To fall down upon his feet? A rush of feelings came over me; love, anger, hate. I didn't know what to feel, I didn't know what to do. So I settled for freezing on the spot, until finally Jesse said, "Hello Susannah."
I swallowed; my throat was closing up. There were probably a million things I could have said in a situation such as this, quotes from famous plays, Shakespeare, even that weird thing I saw Juliet say in the balcony scene, but the one thing I didn't plan on saying was, "Ummm...hi."
That was it. After all the millions of times I had enacted this moment in my head, in my dreams, my tiny little brain couldn't think of anything other than, 'hi.'
I loathe myself.
He laughed; a laugh that sent pleasant shivers down my spine, and pulled me close to him. I swallowed. His chest was very hard against my cheek. Lord, help me, I think I'm gonna faint. "I've missed you, querida."
That did it. The way he said it caused my blood to boil. I pulled away. All of a sudden I was furious. I swear to god, I was seeing red. He missed me? Did he have any idea how much I missed him?
Jesse just looked at me, and said, way too surprised than the situation warranted, "What's the matter?"
I am very ashamed to say that I went a little hysterical after that.
"What's the matter?" I shouted, "What's the matter?" Little? How 'bout a lot. "Jesse, I haven't seen you in like a month! Where the heck were you?"
His eyebrows rose. "I was staying at the rectory," he said, as if stating the obvious.
I glared at him. "You could've came to visit you know, my room isn't exactly off-limits just because you moved out."
He looked at me guiltily. "Well... yes... but---"
I cut him off. "But what? So you don't wanna see me anymore?" Well, that was nice. I glared up at him, expecting an answer, watching the color flood into his face. He looked very uneasy.
All of a sudden my vision began to blur, and I felt something wet in my eyes. And just like that, I was bawling.
Because even as I was standing there in the hallway, my eyes filling with tears, I still could make out those strong shoulders, and the vee where his billowy white shirt fell open, revealing dark, olive toned skin, some chest hair, and of course, his magnificent rock-hard abs. And all I had to do was take one look at those abs and realize that all that stuff I had decided, all of my New Year's resolutions—except for maybe the math one---were a total load of bull. I need Jesse. More than anything.
But it was apparent that he didn't need me.
I was just about to wipe my tears when he pulled me into another one of those tight embraces.
"Querida," he said, his voice sounded husky, "I never meant anything like that!"
Normally, if there were any place I could count on to make me feel safe, to make me feel loved, more than loved, needed, it would be in Jesse's arms. But not this time.
This time I felt only profound angst. And nothing he did could change that. I couldn't forget. Or let him think that I was okay, because I wasn't. I was so far from it.
Did he have any idea what I'd been through? What he'd put me through? How many nights I spent crying myself to sleep? No, he was at the rectory. The 'rectory.' Tell me, what's that code for?
I pulled away, pushing him on the chest, exactly the way I'd done to Paul. He fell back, shocked. His dark eyes were hooded. I couldn't read his expression.
I never could.
My voice cracked, as I whispered, my voice hoarse, "So what did you mean?"
He opened his mouth to answer, when the bell rang.
And I turned to leave.
"Que---" Jesse started, but I stopped him. "I gotta get to class Jesse, bye."
Except I didn't go to class, I went into the girl's bathroom and cried my heart out.
Some people pointed out that they thought Suze was being too dramatic with the crying in this chapter. And I seriously took that into consideration. I reread this chapter like, 10 times. But really, if the love of my life were treating me like shit, I would be disconsolate too.
So I made it 'cried my heart out', instead of 'cried until third period.' I figure that way, it's left open for interpretation.
The button's right there. (Hint, hint. Wink, wink. Nudge, NUDGE.)
