Hey guys!! Its me again, this time with chapter 4.

I was compelled to update this earlier, (even though its not very long) because of all the awesome reviews I recieved. I finally hit 200!! That just makes me so; EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!

So I'd like to take this amount of room to thank all my really really cool reviewers.

Midnight Knight: Well, its here, pretty soon, I guess.

Ching: Thanks for reviewing. I know how HARD it is for you. Jk hunny. I love you.

Nadia: Thanks. I do have more chapters.

A Crazy Elephant: Nice name. Don't worry, it makes no difference, everything is pretty much the same.

Ellen: My bad. It is on, I know, I watched it. I edited this part a while ago, when it was on summer haitus. Don't sue. You can tell by all my disclaimers that I'm a bit uneasy about getting sued.

Crystal: I know the feeling. Skittles are cool. Especially the sour ones. muah to you too.

appleGumdrops42: I made you cry? Aww...I'm sorry. But I can't help but feel kinda proud. I like doing that with writing.

Christina: Hi hunny. I updated, see? And I added more Jesse. FOR YOU. That's right. Better be nice to me now. Lol. I know you are. Are you done with Haunted yet? Isn't it good?

Firtation101: Thanks for the review, dude. I did, didn't I?

Gooberballs and Chocolate: Hunny, you are just too awesome. Your reviews are really good for my ego. No. This is NOT Paul and Suze fluff. I am a faithful Jesse fan. I will never write Paul and Suze fluff. Plus, you know, my MEDiATOR BUDDY will kill me if I do.

Like you need to know: Really? You think? Awww....thanks. I like the musing too. I put it in chapter 1 especially for chapter 2.

PisxiePam: Thanks.

flonshoe: Thanks a lot. I like the new stuff too.

moovalous3: Chapter 19 is for this story. There are 21 chapters in all. Thanks for the review, hunny.

aet123: I'm sure its not. But thanks for the flattery.

Pens in potatoes: There WAS more to this. But, as part of my editing process, and because I didn't want people to ignore hte re-edited chapters(I did spend a lot of time on them), I decided to take the rest of and add on bit by bit. You are not going loopy, hunny, and thanks for the review.

cheekychik: I'm sorry for the long wait last time. I'm pretty sure I don't have admirers, but thanks again, for the flattery. All you hunnybunches are really good for my ego.

Angela: Sighs, Angela. What is there to say? I love you. Call me more often. And email me constantly.

StarryDreamer89: Dude, like the name. Sweet Misery is going to be 21 chapters long. I know I said the sequel would be up very soon, but unfortunately, my Modern World teacher does not wish that to happen. I am swamped with homework and extracurriculars, but I PROMISE that I will have finished updating this by Thanksgiving. I really need a holiday. The sequel will be up sometime before TWiLiGHT comes out. (For a preview, check my profile. I was really bored in Language Lab.)

Terriah: Omg, thanks.

x0SweEtkIssEzxO: Hey dude, like the new sn. I updated. Now update yours. Lol. No pressure, thanks for the review.

Screwball6: very creative name. Thanks for the review.

Okay. Wow. That took up a lot of room. Umm, if I didn't get you, please don't hate me. It is 9:11 and I have to play at church tomorrow. But I love you, and if you want a shoutout, let me know, and I'll give you TWO. lol. How about that?

Now, I have used up enough space already, so...

THE END.

lol. jk. On with the story.

Disclaimer: Take what you want, but I'm keeping the ipod.


Chapter four: Fireworks

The bell rang. And she walked away. Leaving me there alone, the sea of students walking through me as I stood, blank-faced in the hallway.

And I felt lost.

Everything that mattered to me was dissipating, wasting away, as I watched her retreating figure, which remained smaller and smaller, until she turned the corner, and I could see it no more.

-----

I was just finishing up the last chapter of Critical Theory Since Plato(a/n: hahaha…that book of his…lol.), when I heard sobbing, and looked up from my usual spot on the window seat. Thinking it was Susannah, I said, as gently as possible, "Querida, what's the matter?"

But Susannah did not reply. Instead, it was another ghost, some strange girl crying her heart out. I do not think it was wise of me to have called her 'querida', because she took it as term of endearment and threw herself at me.

Literally. She ran straight into my arms and started babbling on about her boyfriend, and about how he didn't love her anymore, and how her life wasn't worth living.—Santa Maria, do all girls talk as fast as Susannah?—I found this ironic, because she was already dead. But seeing the state of shock and sorrow she was in, I didn't mention it to her.

Instead, I sighed and patted her on the back, the way I did to my sisters when they were distressed, trying to calm her down. I had no choice but to comfort her. I would have to talk to Susannah some other night.

"Shhh…" I whispered, "calm down, just tell me your name…"

She sobbed into my shoulder, "… C-clar-risse…"

"Clarrisse, please tell me, what is troubling you?"

"…M-myy boyfriend… he dd-doesn't… he ddoesnt…."

"He doesn't what?" I asked, pulling her away from me and wiping her eyes.

"HE DOESN'T LOVE ME!! He doesn't love me anymore… he cheated on me!!! He made out with Kristy, even though he said… he said she's just a friend." He eyes flooded again with tears.

I took out my handkerchief and wiped her eyes again. "Forgive me for saying so, but this boyfriend of yours, doesn't sound like a very honorable young man, perhaps you are better without him."

She looked up at me from her tears, eyes glistening. "R-rreally?"

I smiled at her. "I'm sure of it. Now… tell me, how is it that you came to be dea—" Only I was unable to continue, because all of a sudden she forced herself on me, and kissed me.

And, as if by accident of fate, that's when Susannah came in.

-----

Sometimes it takes all of your constructive energy to restrain yourself from jumping on somebody and punching their lights out.

This was definitely one of those moments.

I couldn't believe it. So it was all a game.

This, this—whatever the hell we were doing. All of it.

All a lie, all a joke. Just some sick ploy to keep him occupied in his spare time. So this was why he had been gone for a month!

Well, I wasn't going to just stand there and let myself get played. I walked right up to Jesse and his amore, and pulled the plug.

I ended it, right then and there.

Game over.

Just kidding. That never happened. I could only hope that I was strong enough to do that. Instead I just stood there, trying to come up with something to say, something distant, aloof. Anything, really, when out of my mouth, in a voice that cracked, came the only words I was capable of uttering.

"Jesse? Oh my gosh…Jesse."

-----

I pushed her off me immediately. No, not pushed, shoved. Shoved as hard as I could. As if by shoving, I would rid myself of the wave of guilt that fell upon me as I heard her heart shatter to pieces. As if by shoving, all the anger, all the hurt, everything, would go away.

If only it were that easy.

Clarisse, noticing my gaze, started to smirk.

-----

That bitch started to have this real satisfied look on her face. "Oh, you must be the mediator. I've heard so much about you. Sorry for what you had to see. My boyfriend and I haven't seen each other for a while and we missed each other." She nodded toward Jesse and smiled sweetly. Sweet my ass.

And then she continued to chatter on incessantly. I know this, not because I had heard her, I had blocked out all sound around me, but because I continued to see her mouth move. Boyfriend, what boyfriend?? She wasn't talking about Jesse was she?? WHAT THE HELL WAS GOING ON HERE??? After I go and confess my undying love for him—well, maybe not literally, but still—he goes and does THIS?

I looked at his face, trying to read his thoughts. Trying desperately to find some hint, some clue, something that told me that it was a lie. That he liked me. Maybe even loved me. That he wouldn't do this.

He quickly glanced away.

But I caught a glimpse of his eyes. They were filled with guilt. His eyes were filled with guilt, because what this bitch was saying was true.

It was as if he took my heart and broke into two. All of a sudden I felt suffocated. Really, like I couldn't breathe. The world around me grew deafly quiet, and all I could hear were my breaths, that were coming in gasps. My lungs felt like they were filled with lead. My feet grew weak, about to collapse under me at any moment. Clarrisse was still opening and closing her mouth. Jesse was still standing there, face turned away from me, not denying it. Not denying it.

All at once, my emotions swiftly turned from heartbroken to mad. I wasn't just mad, I was fucking furious.

The stupid son-of-a-bitch doesn't think that I'm good enough for him. He has to go rut around with some blonde with big tits. I mean, Come on Jesse! Did that kiss mean nothing to you?

"Susannah, this…" he started to say.

I cut him off. I tried to start off as calm as I could, I tried to be rational, but eventually my talking turned to ranting, my ranting into hysterical screams. "Shut the hell up, Jesse. What the hell is this? Is THIS why you've been gone for a month? You son of a bitch…"

And then it was hard to continue, since Clarisse kept on yakking, interrupting my thoughts. So I showed her a piece of my mind. I launched myself at her and started to pound on her. Really, just let out all my rage. Channeled it, actually, into something resourceful, that something being breaking her nose, and a part of her jaw. And when I calmed down, her face was all bloody, and it looked like she had a black eye.

Even so, I couldn't help a bit smug. Ha! Have fun kissing THAT, Jesse.

That's when she dematerialized, coward. Leaving Jesse and me alone.

Silence took over the room. Silence that, after all the commotion pierced through me like a scream. Jesse said nothing. Just stood there, looking at me with those fathomless eyes. I hated those eyes.

Hated everything about what he'd just done. Hated everything that he put me through. I hated all the lies, all the fights, all the kisses…and—

I hated myself. For all the love wasted.

"Listen, Querida, I …" he started to say.

Only I cut him off again. The ache in my heart was back, only worse, and I was shaking with rage. I clenched my fists and counted to ten, the way my psychiatrist said I should do when I was mad.

Didn't work.

"Don't you dare call me that," I spat. "I am not your 'querida, Jesse. Not anymore. You know what? I get it." I laughed, a laugh completely devoid of humor. "I finally see the real you underall the formalities, under your little façade. You're nothing. You're just some stupid little ghost. You're the gum on the bottom of every fucking shoe," I spat.

Trust me, when I'm mad, I'm mad. I got into this real passionately. I started calling him all kinds of words. I conjured up every bad word I could think of.

And Jesse just stood there, hanging his head. He looked down at the floor. And then, when I paused to take a breath, he gazed directly at me.

I stopped ranting. There was something in his eyes that paralyzed my senses. It looked like sadness mixed with—something—something I couldn't define. His eyes were glistening… with tears?

Wait a minute, Jesse never cries.

It was probably because I had just done a number on his girlfriend.

"I'm sorry, querida," he choked out. And then he dematerialized.

Sometimes it takes all of your constructive energy not to jump on someone and punch their lights out. The same goes for trying not to cry.

But the thing was, after everything that had just taken place, I don't think I had an ounce of strength left in me.

So instead, I did the only thing possible to do. The one thing that, though it felt horrible; set me free.

I sank down onto the floor and cried.


Well, that was slightly depressing, wasn't it?

Don't worry hunnys, I'll update again with Chapter 5 tomorrow, if I can get home early from dance.

Now, in case I don't...here is a preview.

"So," said CeeCee, as she and I split a cannoli and a Diet Coke, "what's the deal with you and Jeremy?" she looked over across the courtyard to where Adam and Jeremy were trying to feed a bunch of seagulls, only to be yelled at by one of the nuns. "And what about you and Jesse?"

"What are you talking about?" I asked, trying to hide my blush, "there's nothing going on with me and Jeremy, and there's definitely nothing between me and Jesse."

She looked at me rather curiously, "What are you talking about? I thought you and him were finally 'together.' "

"Well," I said, tersely, "let's just say he doesn't appreciate what he has sometimes."

"Who doesn't appreciate what he has?"

And that's it.

You know what to do.