Chapter Four
"Back To Basics"
He was sitting with his back up against the wall when she finally had the time to walk down and check on him. His eyes were half closed and he had a knee drawn up to his chest. She tried to be quiet, but he knew she was coming. He always knew. He smiled slightly, opening his eyes and pushing his head from off the wall.
"Hey. Sorry. Hope I didn't wake you." she said softly, trying to sound normal. She laughed at the thought. Normal? In the Summers house? It had been a long time since normal happened.
"No. S'alright. Wasn't sleeping." he admitted, pushing his body to the edge of the cot and letting his feet drop to the floor. It was only then that he noticed the mug she was holding. He hated that. He hated her having to feed him. For some reason, it just seemed strange and...repulsive to him. At least at that moment. He felt like he should be doing things on his own.
"Brought you some blood. In case you were hungry." she cocked the little mug slightly before setting it on a stack of boxes near the cot. Spike nodded and smiled half-heartedly. He was grateful for the gesture. He didn't want to tell her 'No'.
A moment of silence ensued. Spike hated silence. He always had to be moving or talking. One or the other. He couldn't be doing nothing. It wasn't in his nature. So, he remedied the issue by breaking the cold sharp nothingness that hung in the air.
"So," he began, looking at Buffy and curling a foot back up onto the bed. "The girls coming back tonight?"
Buffy shook her head, "Actually, Giles called. They'll be here within an hour." she said matter-of-factly. She saw Spike visibly tense. She looked him up and down. Was that pain?
"Right." he sighed, his foot finding the floor again. No. It wasn't pain. He was uncomfortable. He was fidgeting. Realization hit her like a mack truck. It was that same mack truck that propelled her to Spike's side. As she sat down on the edge of the cot, she watched Spike's nervous eyes follow her.
"It's O.K. They wont bother you."
"Not worried 'bout that, pet." he said, his voice letting her know exactly what he did mean. He closed his eyes and turned to face the stairs. He tooka deep breathe before opening them again.
"I know what your worried about, " she said simply, watching his eyes dart back to her in a flurry of blue. "And you don't have to be."
"You don't know that." he replied, a hint of anger tinging the edges of his voice. Buffy sighed.
"Spike, listen to me..."
"Buffy..." he steamed. Impatience was taking over his tone. She tried to speak again. He cut her off by launching off the cot and pacing toward the far end of the basement in visable anger.
"I'm dangerous, Buffy," he paused for a moment, trying hard to find the words. "You know it, I know it. And I'll be damned if I'm gonna hurt anyone. I can't. Not again." he sighed, placing his hands at his hips and looking down at his bare feet.
"It was killing you, Spike." she replied gently, determined to make him see. He just shook his head.
"You don' understand. I'm not helpless anymore. You let Spike off that leash and now I can be killer. I can" his eyes slammed shut and he was suddenly silenced as a wave of nausea overtook his body. His head swam. He felt his knees go weak and he quickly found the wall to steady himself. He flinched when he felt her warm hands ancircle his arm.
"Spike?" she reached out and touched the side of his head. There was nothing sensual about the gesture. It was purely to check for injury. But even as she did it, she knew what was wrong with him. Major brain surgery would make anyone dizzy. he was getting angry/excited/pissed off. That wasn't exactly prescribed.
"I'm fine...I just...I'll be fine." he said, struggling to be free from her touch. Buffy didn't let go.
"Go sit down, Spike."
He complied. Anything to be free of the comfort she provided. The comfort he desperatly wanted, but knew he shouldn't have...
She helped him back to the cot. When she released him, he fell back against the wall with a sigh. He was still to out of it. It had only been less than a day. What thehell happened to vampire healing? He wondered, angrily.
"I jus' don' want you takin' chances." he said, opening his eyes to face her look of concern.
"I thought you said you trusted me."
"I do..."
"Then stop."
Spike was suddenly hushed as he had no counter for her words. He didn't know what to say. Maybe he was too tired. Or maybe there simply was nothing to be done. Or maybe she was right. Maybe he needed her trust. Maybe they needed to trust each other.
With a final sigh, he yielded. He was too tired to fight. She knew it. They both did.
"We don't have to talk about this anymore. It's done and over with." Buffy replied, making her way for the stairs.
"Buffy..."
She stopped, looking back at him. His eyes were pleading.
"I don't remember. I mean, anything at the Initiative. I was...I just don' remember. But, uh," he stopped, looking down at his hands momentarily. "Were you...were you there with me?" he asked finally. Buffy smiled slightly, relieved.
"I was." she whispered.
"Will you still be there?"
"I will." the words had simply spilled from her mouth. She didnt even know what he was talking about. She wondered silently what the question meant exaclty. But, some small whisper inside her told her that it didn't matter. It told her that she should be there with him. Even if she didn't know where that was.
Because that's what trust is all about.
