Disclaimer: All hail the ingenious owner/creator of the Teen Titans...who is not me. I also do not own "Mambo No. 5" by Lou Bega.
Note: I received a few reviews suggesting that B.B. Rae should...well...make love. Though I don't mind it if it just comes up in a fic I'm reading (just so long as it doesn't go into much detail), I don't think I could actually have that as a part of my fics. I'm just not that way. To put it simply, I'm a whimp. I apologize to all of those people whom I have crushed with disappointment for my cowardice just plain lame-ness, as well as my usage (again) of non-existent words my constant apologies. Oh, and Jess, I would LOVE to join! Anyway... LET US CONTINUE WITH THE FIC!
"Hey everybody! What did I miss" Bumblebee asked as she stepped out of the elevator. Cyborg smiled a little.
"Hey, Bee. Nothin much...just the slap of the century!" he said, smiling.
"So I heard. What's been up with you guys" she asked, sitting down between Jinx Aquafag. (Positioning on the couch in order from left to right is as follows. There are two couches On the right couch: Cyborg, Jinx, Bee, Aquafag, Terra. On the left couch: Raven, Beast Boy, Robin, Starfire.) "Hey" she exclaimed, realizing who Jinx was. "Isn't she a villain" Cyborg glared at her evilly moved a bit closer to the girl in mention.
"She's on our side, now. She's gonna help us track down Blood, the HIVE members a buncha other baddies. Isn't that right, guys" The other Titans nodded.
"Well, it's nice to meet ya'. Do you remember me from my time in the HIVE" Bumblebee asked.
"Yeah, I do. I must admit, I was pretty impressed" Jinx said almost reverently. It was clear that she wasn't easily impressed. This immediately won Bee over, who smiled proudly.
"Hey guys! A piece of paper just fell from the sky" Beast Boy exclaimed, holding up a crumpled piece of paper.
"What's it say" Robin asked, anxiously. "DOES IT SAY WHO SLADE IS" He looked like he was about to pass out with anticipation. Raven threw a book at him, which hit him in the head. He slid anime-style onto the floor, where Starfire picked him up. Giggling, she hugged him. Instantly, he went all goo-goo eyed melted onto the floor.
"EEW! I am not cleanin' him up off the floor" Cyborg exclaimed. A little light-bulb appeared over Beast Boy's head he zoomed out of the room, the light bulb still floating in mid-air. Curious, Starfire poked it and it blinked out. Her face fell for a moment before B.B. came rushing in with a Robin-shaped box. He put on an apron a fancy French mustache carefully swept Robin into a bowl.
"First: you take 'zee Robin ant you put him in 'zee mold" he said, donning a cheesy French accent, causing eyebrows to raise Raven to laugh. "Zen, you turn 'zee heat way up! Wait for a momant, and 'zen press 'zee mold closed. Make sure 'zee doors are closed tightly, you do not want 'im dripping all over 'zee floor. You wait five zeconds, and 'zen open 'zee mold and voila! You have a freshly baked Robin" Beast Boy said, opening the box. Immediately, out stumbled a still-steaming Robin. "Careful" Beast Boy added. "He will be very hot" Raven was practically crying due to laughing so hard by the time everyone was back in their proper seats.
"Um, guys? What the heck did the stupid paper say" Terra asked in a highly annoying voice, which happened to be her normal one.
"Oh yeah" Beast Boy said, snatching up the paper. "Truth or dare" he read.
"Hey! That's a great idea, B.B." Bee exclaimed. "You pick first"
"Okay" Beast Boy said, eyeing the Titans. After a moment, he pointed to Aquafag. "Aquafag! Truth or dare"
"Did you just call me a fag" he asked, receiving a nod from Beast Boy. He shrugged. "Oh. Okay then. DARE"
"Just 'cuz you annoy me, I dare you to go into the freezer, take out the fish sticks, thaw two of them out shove them up your nose, where they will stay for the rest of the game" Beast Boy said, receiving a few strange looks. Aquafag glared, but did as he was told. A minute later, he reappeared with two fish sticks shoved up his nose. Terra roared with laughter to the point where she literally fell off the couch, choking. (The others had laughed hysterically, but not as hard as the blonde little wench. And I'm a blonde, so I have nothing against blondes unless they're preps.) Her face turned blue Aquafag was the only one to do anything. He patted her hard on the back until she could breathe again, and then it was Fag's turn to t. or d. someone. Grinning wickedly, he looked over at Robin.
"Birdie-boy, t. or d.?" Robin looked like he was about to kill him. Gritting his teeth, he answered dare. "Good," Aquafag said, rubbing his hands together in an attempt to look sinister and only succeeding in looking like a retard. (More so of one than he already was, that is.) "Robin, I dare you to…go upstairs, put your underwear on your head, dunk your face in whipped cream, and dance around singing "I lick feet!" after every sentence…WITHOUT YOUR MASK! Muwahahahahahahahahahaha! The Titans stared in shock, they'd never, never seen the boy wonder without his mask. Starfire's eyes lit up with secret hope. Robin, not one to back down from a challenge, accepted angrily. When he came back downstairs, the others gasped in shock. Robin's eyes were exactly the same shade as…mud. All the guys, plus Terra, burst out laughing. Starfire looked utterly disappointed, Bumblebee looked like she was having a seizure from trying not to laugh, Jinx rolled her eyes Raven had to keep from smirking. She'd heard people talking on the streets, trying to guess at the boy wonder's eye-color. Their favorite choice was always sapphire blue. 'If they could only see him now,' she thought to herself. (I had to do it. Ever since I started reading fanfics, I've heard people say that he had to have blue eyes. Well TAKE THAT PEOPLE! And if you're one of those who support the blue-eyes theory, I did not say that to offend you. I merely stated it because I like going against the normal flow of things. I was going to suggest that his eyes be the color of something else, but I don't swear.)
"Bumblebee, truth or dare…I lick feet!" Robin said angrily.
"Dare me," she said, smiling smugly.
"I dare you to cover your head in pudding, jump on the table, and start tap dancing, while singing 'My Goodies' by Sierra…and I lick feet!" he said. (A/N: I HATE that song. That's why I made him say that. Not because I don't like Bumblebee, but because I wanted to think of something that I would find embarrassing.) Bumblebee grumbled and walked into the kitchen, while Starfire muttered angrily about defiling the divine pudding. After the dare was completed, Bumblebee was redder than Robin's gay little uniform.
"Cyborg, t. or d.?" she demanded, looking thoroughly embarrassed.
"I ain't no idiot!" he said. "I'm takin' truth, man." Bumblebee looked slightly disappointed, but recovered quickly.
"Do you, or do you not, have a crush on Jinx?" she asked, grinning menacingly. He turned as red as a tomato before grumbling something none of them could hear. "Louder," Bee sang. He growled in his throat turned to where his back was facing all of them.
"Yes," he snarled. Jinx blushed, but looked extremely happy. "Starfire, t. or d.?"
"Um…t?"
"Who, not that we don't already know, do you have a crush on?"
"Um…um…um…um…um…" she stammered, blushing furiously while casting glances at Robin, who was also red-in-the-face.
"Answer already!" he said.
"Robin," she squeaked, looking down. Robin took her hand in his. "I…do not have only a crush on him…I…I love him," she whispered, looking into his dirt-colored eyes.
"I love you, too, Starfire…or I lick feet!" The others roared with laughter.
"Terra, t? Or d?" she asked shyly.
"Dare," Terra answered, trying to look tough. Starfire burst out in evil, manic laughter for a moment. The others stared at her, wide-eyed.
"Oops," she said, regaining her innocent giggle. "I dare you to…kiss Aqualad on the lips," she said, a hint of evil still lingering in her emerald eyes. Terra smiled, as did Aquafag wrapped her arms around his neck. They started making out, much to the disgust of the others. Raven literally had to hold her hand over her mouth as she gagged. About three minutes later, they stopped, gasping for breath, but smiling widely.
"Excuse me for a moment," Raven said suddenly, teleporting out of the room. They could hear her heaving in the bathroom. When she returned, more pale than normal, Terra chose her victim.
"Jinx, t. or d.?"
"Whaddaya take me for, an imbecile? I'm pickin' truth, girl," she said, raising her eyebrows at the girl's stupidity.
"Who was your first kiss?" Terra asked. Jinx thought hard for a moment. All of the sudden, she jumped up, kissed Cyborg on the cheek, and sat back down, blushing.
"He was," she said, grinning. Cyborg blushed and Terra rolled her eyes.
"Robin, t. or d.?" she asked. The boy blunder thought for a moment, and then answered truth, as a foot licker, of course. "Word for word, what are the top three thoughts that most occupy your mind?" The others rolled their eyes, already knowing the answers.
"Who is Slade? ...I'm foot licker…God Star's pretty…I'm foot licker…and 'NO! DON'T LET THE EVIL HAMPSTERS TAKE OVER THE WORLD! … or I lick feet!" The others stared in disbelief. "I'm passing my turn…I lick feet!" he said, blushing. "It goes to Cyborg…or I lick feet!"
"And now, for the ultimate moment in t. or d. history" Cyborg said. "Raven! Truth or dare!" (In case you're wondering why there's always five of everything punctuation-wise in my fics, it's because five is my favorite, if not lucky, number. Just thought I'd let you know. I'm sorry for boring you interrupting your fanfic.) She raised an eyebrow, thought for a moment, looked at B.B., and then answered.
"I hate to spoil your party, but…I'm going to have to say…truth," she said, her voice a solid monotone. A window rattled at her nervousness and she bared her teeth at it. It stopped.
"Aw man! You are NO fun! Do you realize that?" Cyborg whined.
"Why yes I do. But, if you don't mind my asking, what would you have dared me to do?"
"Oh," he said, laughing. "You'd be angry that you didn't choose truth if you hadn't. I was gonna dare ya to run around in Starfire's hot-pink bikini for the rest of the week, for B.B.'s sake," he said, laughing until he was hoarse. The others laughed, too. All except for Raven Beast Boy. Raven was glowering, obviously glad that she didn't have to do it, but Beast Boy looked thoroughly disappointed. "Anyway, since you chose truth, I'll hafta think up somethin' else." He thought for a moment, eye narrowed, before another light bulb made an appearance. "AHA! How far have you Beast Boy gone?" he asked, grinning. Raven rolled her eyes, but couldn't help but blush.
"Well, that bit of making out on the couch was it. But… I did have a dream once…or twice…that went farther than that…," she said, her voice trailing off. She smiled devilishly, the other Titans wide-eyed at the thought. Beast Boy smiled, congratulating his dream self but wishing that she hadn't only been dreaming about it… (I cannot believe that I just typed that. That was probably the most perverted thing that I've ever actually typed. I think that it has something to do with those evil little purple bunnies that dancing around inside my head. DIE EVIL PURPLE BUNNIES! ) "Beast Boy, truth or dare?" she asked, smiling. He grinned.
"Dare," he answered, hoping that she would dare him to kiss her, or something along those lines. The others held their breath in anticipation. She smiled.
"I dare you, for one whole month, to do whatever I say," she said, grinning wickedly. His face fell in disappointment. "But," she added, "if you're good about it, I might just go through with Cyborg's stupid little dare… on my own terms, of course." He smiled triumphantly as the others looked mortified.
"Bee! T. or d.?" Beast Boy asked.
"D. me!" she said enthusiastically.
"I dare ya to act like you're being chased by psychotic termites for the rest of the game!" he said, punching the air w/ his fist. She rolled her eyes, but did as she was told. She jumped up and ran around the room, screaming almost ramblingly about psychotic termites.
"CYYYYYYYYYYYYBOOOOOOOOOORG!" she screamed, running past his chair looking over here shoulders. "TRUUUUUUUUTH OOOOOOOOR DAAAAAAAAAAAARE! Aaaaahhhhh! Don't let them get me!" The Titans were practically in tears due to laughter.
"D-d-d-dare!" he stammered, rolling on the floor clutching his stomach. The fish sticks in Aquafag's nose quivered violently as he laughed.
"IIIII DAAAAAAAAAAAAARE YOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUU TOOOOOOOOO SIIIIIIIIINNGGG AAANNNNND DAAAAAAAANCEEE WIIIIIIIIIIIIITH THEEEEEEEEE OOOOOOOTHERRRRR OOOOORRRRRRRIIIIIIGIIIIIIIIIIINAAAAAALLLL TIIIIITAAAAANSSSSSS TOOOOOOOOOO THEEEE SOOOOOONNNG OOOOOOOOF JIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINX'SSSSSSS CHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOICEEEE!" she screamed. "NO! SOMEONE BRING ME SOME BUGSPRAY!" she shrieked, slapping imaginary termites off her arms. Jinx smiled, ran to the stereo, picked out a c.d. told the Titans to get in their places on a stage that magically appeared in the middle of the floor. A disco ball dropped down from the ceiling as the Titans grudgingly stepped up to the magic stage. Suddenly, a familiar song burst out of the speakers Cyborg's microphone flew into his hands. (A/N: NOW YOU WILL ALL PAY! Every time I hear this song, I laugh uncontrollably…literally. I usually don't laugh a lot, but when I hear this song I just lose it. I can no longer listen to this song w/o picturing what I'm about to read. Even now, I am trying to contain my mirth…so now the curse is on YOU to make you pay for your non-existent crimes against me! Now you too will laugh uncontrollably when in the presence of this song. )
"Ladies and gentlemen," he began, "this is Mambo No.5!" The music began Star, Rae, BB Robin all formed a line and did the can-can. Step, kick, step, kick. They looked like total idiots up there.
"One, two, three, four, five
Everybody's in the car, so come on
Let's ride to the liqueur-store around the corner
The boys say they want some gin and juice
But I really don't wanna," Cyborg sang, dancing around the stage. Jinx, Bee, Fag Terra were dying from laughter. Suddenly, Beast Boy grabbed Raven's hand, lead her to the other end of the stage, and they started doing the salsa! They were even in the little outfits! (They too had appeared out of nowhere. ) Raven was in a dark red dress B.B. was in a tux with a little red rose held in his teeth. As they were dancing, Starfire and Robin waltzed around the stage, literally.
"Beer bust like I had last week!
I must stay deep
Because talk is cheap.
I like Angela, Pamela, Sandra and Rita,
And as I continue you know
They're getting' sweeter!" Cyborg was now dancing around like James Brown, and Jinx was turning blue from laughing. Bumblebee had the hiccups, so every other time she laughed, she hiccupped. Terra was lying on the floor, punching it with her fists. Aquafag laughed so hard that his fish sticks fell out, all covered with snot. Grimacing, he shoved them back up his nose. Terra, who'd seen, looked like she was going to throw up on him.
"So what can I do I really beg and you my Lord
To me flirting it's just like sport, anything fly
It's all good let me dump it
Please set in the trumpet!" Raven and Starfire ran up behind Cyborg and started doing the high-step in the same outfit as the Radio City Rockettes. Beast Boy and Robin started doing the can-can in the red black dresses and Cyborg was dancing like he was born to do so.
"A little bit of Monica in my life!
A little bit of Erica by my side!
A little bit of Rita is all I need!
A little bit of Tina is what I see!
A little bit of Sandra in the sun!
A little bit of Mary all night long!
A little bit of Jessica here I am!
A little bit of you makes me your man!" Cyborg did a split, jumped back up, and formed another chorus line. Star was on his right, with Robin on her right, and Raven was on his left, with Beast Boy on her left. They looked like something out of a demented Broadway musical.
"Mambo No.5!" Cyborg shouted and started to tap-dance.
"Jump up and down go and move it all around
Shake your head to the sound
Put your hands on the ground!" Cyborg sang. The other Titans followed his instructions while suddenly becoming dressed in the outfits that Vegas show-girls wore.
"Take one step left
And one step right
One to the front and one to the side
Clap your hands once
And clap your hands twice
And if it looks like this
Then you're doin' it right!" The girls actually started dancing like they were Vegas show-girls, causing B.B. Rob to stop dancing and drool.
"A little bit of Monica in my life!
A little bit of Erica by my side!
A little bit of Rita is all I need!
A little bit of Tina is what I see!
A little bit of Sandra in the sun!
A little bit of Mary all night long!
A little bit of Jessica here I am!
A little bit of you makes me your man!" Cyborg strutted around the stage with an Elvis-style outfit on.
"Trumpet!
The trumpet!
Mambo No.5!
A little bit of Monica in my life!
A little bit of Erica by my side!
A little bit of Rita is all I need!
A little bit of Tina is what I see!
A little bit of Sandra in the sun!
A little bit of Mary all night long!
A little bit of Jessica here I am!
A little bit of you makes me your man!" Rae, B.B., Rob Star suddenly started ballet-dancing in little pink tutus.
"I do all
To fall in love with a girl like you
You can't run and you can't hide
You and me gonna touch the sky!" Cyborg sang, the girls flying above his head in little fairy outfits.
"A little bit of Monica in my life!
A little bit of Erica by my side!
A little bit of Rita is all I need!
A little bit of Tina is what I see!
A little bit of Sandra in the sun!
A little bit of Mary all night long!
A little bit of Jessica here I am!
A little bit of you makes me your man!" The music died off and applause rose from an imaginary audience. "Than you! Thank you!" Cyborg shouted, bowing deeply. "Come on, y'all! Rae, Star, take a bow!" The girls did as instructed, blushing. "You next Rob and B.B.!" The guys bowed, and they all walked off the stage as rose-petals were scattered along their path. Raven took Beast Boy's arm they sat down on the couch, exhausted from so much dancing. Both of them were smiling brightly, and, without warning, they just started to make. That wasn't the only focus of attention, however, because across the room Robin Starfire were doing the same thing. Sighing to himself, Aquafag shrugged, looked over at Terra, and started to make with her. Jinx smiled shyly at Cyborg, looked around at the three other couples, laughed sat down next to him. Needless to say, they too started making out. Bumblebee stood in the middle of the floor, looking thoroughly disgusted. Suddenly, a light bulb appeared over her head.
"I wonder whose turn it is next," she thought aloud.
"Nobody's!" Grey Rain's ethereal voice shouted, choked with laughter.
"What! Who said that! What the heck is goin' on here!" Bumblebee shouted, only to receive a slip of paper that fell from the sky.
"I did!" it read. "And it's nobody's turn next because I only wrote this scene to be used as comical relief. Oh, you can go now, you're not needed for my plot anymore. But take the fag the traitor with you." Bumblebee looked utterly dumbfounded for a moment, but only for a moment. Then she shrugged, grabbed Terra Aquafag, and walked out the door. Manic laughter filled the air as we end this chapter.
I must be the biggest freak in the history of freaks. For a full year now, that dance scene is what I've picture whenever I've heard that song. I know that I'll never get over it, but now I won't be alone! Every time this song comes on, I COMMAND YOU to think of me this fic and either laugh hysterically or run away screaming. I realize that I've probably lost all my readers by this point due to excess freakiness, but I still would like some reviews…even if they're only confirming my hypothesis. Well, if you can still stand the freakiness, I would like some suggestions for the next chappie. I'm thinking of making everybody go on a double-date, but I know that I was supposed to do something else…something that involved the plot…too bad I can't remember it. Oh, well. I guess this is…THE CASE OF THE LOST PLOT! (Beast Boy appears in Sherlock Holmes costume.) I apologize for my bizarreness. Love,
Grey Rain
