Chapter 12 - Guilt and Punishment

Harry was staring at the wall when Hermione, Ginny and Ron walked in. He looked up at them slowly and noticed that they were smiling, but the smiles seemed fixed on their faces. The smiles didn't reach their eyes. He could see shock and pity and he hated them for it. He looked back at the wall.

"How are you feeling?" asked Hermione cautiously.

"Fine" Harry said, still looking away from them.

He didn't want to talk, he just wanted to be alone.

"They've sent us away" Ron blurted out, making Ginny and Hermione glare at him.

Harry looked up curiously.

"Ginny and Hermione went to Hermione's house for a few weeks and I had to go back to the burrow with Bill" he added, ignoring the glares from the girls.

Harry's interest waned and he stared at the wall again.

There was silence again. There was no one else in this ward. The other beds stood empty. There were footsteps coming towards them. Harry sighed as the mediwitch came in.

"Harry!" she said cheerfully. "Good to see you're awake. I'm afraid that I'm going to have to ask the three of you to leave so that I can examine the patient" she added, looking at Ginny, Ron and Hermione.

"We have to go back now. We'll come and see you tomorrow" Hermione assured him.

He merely nodded in response, not really caring one way or another as they left the room.

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Mrs Weasley and Remus were sitting in the doctor's office waiting for the doctor to talk to them about Harry's condition. Mrs Weasley was thinking about Bill and wondering if he'd gotten Ron back safely to the burrow in order to distract her from worrying about Harry. Remus was picking at invisible lint on his shabby robes. The cheerful witch that had just seen Harry walked in and smiled at them.

"Ah yes" she said. "You're here about Mr. Harry Potter, correct?"

They both nodded.

"So I take it you are his guardians?" she asked.

Mrs Weasley and Remus looked at each other uncomfortably. Mrs Weasley couldn't think of anything to say, so Remus spoke up.

"His guardians are unable to make it here. They asked us to come in their place. We're close friends" Remus said quietly.

The mediwitch looked at him suspiciously.

"I can only talk to you if you have a note from the parent or guardian of the patient" she said quickly.

"His guardians are Sirius Black and Emmeline Potter. We're the ones looking after him at the moment" Remus said quietly.

The witches eyes went wide.

"Right then, well talking to the guardians is out of the question. I guess I'll have to talk to you then, just don't tell anyone or my jobs on the line" she said quickly.

Remus and Mrs Weasley both nodded vigorously.

"Harry's fine physically. It's emotionally that I'm concerned about him" she said, and paused to let it sink in.

"How can he be fine? Look at him" Mrs Weasley said angrily.

The witch put up her hand to stop the raging that would otherwise have taken place. Remus put a hand on Mrs Weasley's shoulder to calm her. She sat back reluctantly and let the mediwitch continue.

"Yes, he look's terrible. He's been suffering. But I'm afraid that it's been self inflicted. He hasn't been eating and it's caused him to get sick. I think the reason that he didn't wake up for such a long time was more because he just didn't want to wake up" She said.

Mrs Weasley gasped and put a hand to her mouth. Remus looked grave.

"Has he been through any severe emotional blows in the last few months?" the witch asked, looking down at her papers, trying to make some sense of Harry's condition.

"Yes" Remus said quietly. "He lost a friend"

The witch looked up questioningly.

"What do you mean by lost a friend?" she asked.

"We all thought that this friend of his was dead until a few days ago, but by that time, Harry was already sick" Remus explained. The witch eyed him suspiciously.

"Does this friend have a name?" she asked, her eyes narrowed.

"Snuffles" Remus replied. "His dog" he added, noting the suspicious look that the witch was giving him.

The witch sighed and began tidying the pile of papers in front of her.

"Well, as soon as Harry starts eating again, we can take him off the drip and he can go home. I suggest that you tell him that the dog is alive and well, in case that is the reason that he's acting this way. If he doesn't start eating soon, I'll recommend that he be sent to a muggle hospital that deals with these issues. I have a friend who's a resident psychologist there who can probably help him." She said, getting up. "If you'll excuse me, I have a lot of work to do. You can go in and see him now"

And with that, the witch left. Mrs Weasley looked very worried when she looked up at Remus.

"Self inflicted?" she said in a whisper.

Remus nodded sadly.

"We need to tell him about Sirius" Remus said quietly.

Mrs Weasley nodded.

"I'm going to go back to headquarters and talk to Sirius. You go and see Harry. Don't tell him anything yet" Remus said.

Mrs Weasley nodded and made her way to Harry's room. Remus sighed as he too got up and then apparated to the headquarters.

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Megan was humming as she read through her transfiguration book. She didn't need to, as transfiguration was her best subject at school, but she had decided to anyway. She adjusted the large handkerchief that was wrapped around her braid to keep her hair in. She started singing sweetly. She heard a noise from the door and looked up suddenly. She stopped singing at once and stared at the newcomer cautiously.

"Don't stop on my account. You sound lovely" Sirius said quietly.

She did not continue, but tilted her head slightly and raised her eyebrows at him. He chuckled a little.

"Quiet one aren't you?" he said, walking into the room.

Her expression darkened a little as he sat down beside her. She moved away slightly and he sighed.

"Did your mother tell you about me?" he asked, looking straight at the wall instead of at her.

This seemed to make her a little less apprehensive.

"She told me last night" Megan said in a shy voice.

"And what did she say?" he asked her, looking at her now.

She shuffled uncomfortably where she was sitting.

"That you're my father." She replied, staring at the wall.

Sirius smiled, noticing the same behavioural characteristics that his friends had always complained that he possessed.

"How's Harry?" Megan asked. "No one's told me"

"He's woken up. I haven't heard anything else" Sirius replied.

"Can I go and see him?" she asked.

Sirius nodded. They were both silent for a while.

"I'm confused" She admitted softly.

Sirius raised an eyebrow questioningly at her.

"About what?" he asked. Her deep brown eyes met his own.

"I was told you were worthless. That you were scum. That I was a horrid child for taking after you and being put into Gryffindor" she said, getting up slowly and walking towards the door.

His eyebrow furrowed. She turned as she reached the doorway.

"But you're not. Not that I can tell anyway. You seem to be a wonderful and caring man."

With that, she left the room. Sirius stared after her for a moment, broodingly, before getting up to go and find Mel.

"Sirius"

Sirius turned around just as he got out of the room. It was Remus.

"How's Harry?" Sirius asked immediately.

All thoughts of confronting Mel had vanished from his head.

Remus explained to Sirius what the mediwitch had told him. Sirius closed his eyes.

"This is my fault" Sirius said. "He's doing this because he feels guilty about me"

"He might be doing this because of you, but that isn't your fault Sirius. The important thing at the moment is to get him out of it."

"How are we going to do that?" Sirius asked.

"We'll tell him that you're still alive" Remus replied.

"NO!" Sirius said suddenly, then realising how loud he was, he lowered his voice. "I want him to find out when he gets here"

"I know you do Sirius, but he's in a bad way. I don't see any other alternative."

"I have an alternative" Mel said, walking up to them both.

Sirius stiffened at the sight of her.

"What did you tell Megan about me?" he demanded, the conversation that he'd had with his daughter coming back swiftly with the sight of Mel.

Mel looked at him strangely.

"Only that you were her father. I've never spoken about you before last night" she replied smoothly.

Sirius looked as if he was going to argue but Remus intervened.

"Now is not the time or place" he said. Sirius bit back what he was about to say and merely glared at her. "Now Mel, you had a suggestion?"

"I was going to suggest taking Megan to go and see him. She went through a similar experience when she was 13 and I think that she is in the best position to talk to him" Mel said softly.

"What caused that?" Sirius asked, confused. Mel's eyes became sad.

"I don't know. She never told me." Mel said quietly.

Remus, deciding that this was a sensitive topic, continued.

"So do you think that she'll want to go?" he asked.

"Yes she will" Sirius said quickly.

Mel gave him a strange look.

"I was talking to her before and she said that she wanted to go and see Harry" he added.

Mel nodded.

"Right then. Now that's settled, I might go and get her now" Remus said.

"No, you shouldn't" Mel said.

Remus stopped and stared at her questioningly.

"I'd best go with you. She doesn't like men very much" she added quietly.

Remus raised his eyebrows at her, but didn't object. They both left Sirius to go and find Megan.

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"There you are Megan" Mel said, walking into the drawing room with Remus at her side.

Megan's smile turned to a frown and she stared warily at Remus. Mel saw this but didn't comment. She knew there was no point. She had never been able to understand the way her daughter treated men, and though at times she was thankful, she couldn't help but wonder what had brought the behaviour about. She sighed.

"Sirius tells me you wanted to go and see Harry" Mel said. Megan nodded, not taking her eyes off Remus.

Remus felt quite uncomfortable under her gaze, but tried not to show it.

"Remus is going back to the hospital to see Harry now. If you want to go, he'll take you. I have to run an errand for Professor Dumbledore" Mel said.

Megan paled a little, but folded her arms and nodded resolutely.

"Lead the way" she said to Remus in a small timid voice.

She was still staring warily at him and he frowned, but motioned for her to follow him and walked out the door. Mel watched them as they headed downstairs and sighed again. She wished that she could understand her daughter, but knew from painful experience what would happen if she pressed her daughter for answers. She was so deep in thought that she didn't notice that someone else was in the hallway, making their way towards her.

"Mel?" Sirius asked softly.

She started.

"I'm sorry, I didn't see you" she said.

His eyebrows furrowed.

"What's wrong?" he asked.

Mel realised that she was crying. She plastered a smile on her face and wiped the tears.

"Nothing at all. I'm fine, just being silly" she said.

Sirius looked at her sceptically and put a hand on her shoulder. She felt a jolt of electricity run through her as a result of the contact and felt furious with herself for still being affected by him.

"You're not fine" he said, leading her into the drawing room and pushing her down into a chair.

"Now, tell me what's wrong" Sirius said as he pulled up a chair and sat opposite her, his eyes boring into hers.

She sighed, knowing that even after 15 years apart, he could still tell when she was lying to him and knowing that she would have to explain everything.

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"We're going to need to take the car. Tonks is asleep, so I'm going to have to drive" Remus explained to Megan.

Megan's eyes widened a little, but she nodded. Her lips were pursed together and she was quite pale, as if going to face her worst fear.

"Why are you so scared around me?" Remus found himself asking.

She looked up at him again warily, then her expression dropped a little and she relaxed slightly. Remus felt relief flood over him.

"It's nothing personal" she said tightly, as if it cost her to speak.

Remus surveyed her for a moment, then sighed. Shaking his head, he led her to the car and opened the door for her. He quickly got in his own side and noticed that she wasn't wearing a seatbelt. He reached over to put her seatbelt on her, but she stiffened, then shrank back from his touch. His eyebrows raised, and she suddenly looked panicked.

"I'm not going to hurt you" he said softly, looking hurt and confused.

"I know, it's just I can do it myself" she said, a little more confidently than she looked.

Remus thought for a moment.

"Is it because I'm a werewolf?" he asked quietly.

Her eyes widened and she looked him dead in the face.

"I didn't know you were a werewolf" she said, surprised.

Remus was suddenly worried. He didn't know how she'd react to the news, but she smiled and he relaxed.

"Alright then, so what's wrong?" he asked, immediately regretting it.

The faint glimmer of friendliness that he had gotten out of her vanished without a trace. Her eyes became dark and her expression cold. He was instantly reminded of Sirius.

"It doesn't matter" she said in an icy tone, and he knew that the conversation was over.

Remus nodded, still looking a little confused as he started the car.