Chapter 13 - confessions
Mel looked up at Sirius and sighed again.
"It's Megan" she said.
Sirius nodded.
"That much I gathered. What about her?" he asked gently.
Mel felt all the anguish and guilt from the past 4 years coming back to her as she looked into his eyes.
"She wont talk to me" Mel said softly, her eyes filling with tears once again.
"Teenagers get like that" Sirius said softly, reflecting on his past experience with Harry.
Mel shook her head.
"No, you don't understand. Before she went to school she was such a happy little girl. She was loud and boisterous. You would have been proud" Mel said, wiping tears away from her eyes as she gave a faint laugh.
Sirius smiled.
"But then everything changed. It was not long after she came home. She went all quiet. She started having nightmares. She wouldn't talk to me about what was going on" Mel said, feeling relief at being able to tell someone.
She had kept it inside so long, she hadn't known how much it hurt her. Sirius nodded understandingly.
"Then when she came back after her 3rd year, she was so depressed. She wouldn't talk, she wouldn't eat. I was so scared" Mel said, her voice ending in a whisper as she choked back tears.
She finally started sobbing and Sirius stood up and pulled her into an embrace. She clung to him, sobbing into his chest.
"I thought she was going to die" Mel said, at last voicing the fear that had plagued her for the past year.
Sirius held her tightly. Despite their past, he wanted nothing more than to take away any pain that she was suffering. He kissed away the tears on her face and she looked into his eyes again. He took this as an invitation and kissed her lips. Softly at first. Reassuringly. She melted into the embrace and the kiss became a little more passionate. Sirius pulled her closer to him, but she pulled away.
She looked up at him with scared eyes. Like a deer that is frozen, staring at the headlights of a car. She ran her hands nervously along her robes, straightening them. She looked up at him and saw the passion in his eyes that had been there when they first got married. Part of her wanted to run back into his arms, but the stronger part of her resisted. It remembered how he had left her. It remembered that she had Megan to think about now, not just herself. She couldn't do it.
"I'm sorry Sirius" she said softly as she walked out of the room and closed the door behind her with a soft click.
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Remus led Megan to Harry's room. When he got to the door, they both saw Mrs Weasley walking out. She looked very tired.
"Oh, hello dear" she said to Megan, giving her a warm hug.
Megan smiled shyly at her.
"Go on in, he's awake. I've just ducked out for a cup of coffee. Did you want to join me Remus?" Mrs Weasley asked.
Remus nodded and motioned for her to lead the way. With a smile and a wave, the two of them left Megan to go and see Harry by herself. She crept along quietly until she was just behind the curtain to Harry's bed. She peered around it and saw Harry reading a book. He looked very pale and thin. His face was bony and he had the look of someone who is constantly ill. She felt pity swell within her, remembering a time when she too, had thought the only way to make the pain go away was to disappear.
She crept forward and stood beside the bed. He looked up when he sensed someone else in the room and gave a start of surprise when he saw her standing there. He surveyed her curiously. Her dark hair had been pulled back into a braid, with a purple scarf tied around her head like a gypsy. She wore black robes, similar to the school uniform, but without the Hogwarts crest. Her eyes stared straight into his. They were dark, and deep. They reminded him of Sirius' and Sera's eyes. The most startling thing about her though, was that she was smiling.
He realised he had never seen her smile properly. He had to admit to himself, that smiling made her look quite attractive. He blushed slightly at this thought and looked back down at his book. She walked over to the bed next to him and pulled the book away from him.
"How are you feeling?" she asked in a quiet, but cheerful voice.
Harry looked at her suspiciously. In the whole time he had known her, he had never known her to be cheerful. Then again, he admitted. He hadn't known her for very long at all.
"I'm fine" he said, looking away as he had done with the others.
"No you're not" she said, staring straight at him. "You blame yourself. You feel like if you waste yourself away to nothing that the pain will ease up"
Harry look at her again.
"What do you know?" he said angrily. "You barely know me!"
"I know you better than you think" she said, remaining calm.
Her eyes were boring into his, making him feel extremely uncomfortable.
"Running away from the pain won't ease it Harry. I would know" she added softly.
"You don't understand" Harry hissed at her. "You don't know what I'm going through"
"No, I don't presume to know exactly what you're going through Harry. But I do know what it's like to have your world crumbling around you. To feel like there is no escape and you have no control over anything that goes on around you. To want so badly for the pain to stop that you will do anything, even harm yourself, to make it go away" she said softly.
Harry's expression went completely blank. He slumped back onto the pillows and looked at the wall, not saying anything.
"But you don't see what you're doing to the people around you. You don't see how much the people who care about you are suffering" she added softly.
He looked back at her.
"They won't suffer for long. They just feel sorry for me" he said quietly, pulling his knees up to his chin and wrapping his thin arms around them.
Megan jumped up on the bed next to him and leaned forward until her face was merely inches from his own. She looked deep into his eyes, as if searching for something.
"I don't feel sorry for you" she said softly. "And I don't believe that the only reason they care is because they feel sorry for you either."
"All I do is cause pain, wherever I go. They're better off without me" Harry said, his eyes filling with tears.
He looked away to hide them.
"And yet these people love you in spite of that. Why do you think that is?" she asked him gently.
Harry shook his head, not wanting to talk.
"Because despite the pain that you bring as a result of things you can't help, you bring happiness to those around you in the things you can." She said.
He looked up at her confused. She smiled at him.
"You make people happy Harry, whether you want to believe that or not" she whispered.
"I killed Sirius and Cedric. It's my fault that they are dead. I don't want to cause any more deaths" Harry said in a very quiet voice.
Megan shook her head.
"You didn't cause those deaths. The blame lies with Voldemort" she said.
Harry looked up at her surprised. Not many could say the name without at least a shiver, but she seemed not to care.
"It's not your fault" she said.
Harry covered his face with his hands. She repeated it louder and he began to sob. She pulled him out of the ball and hugged him tightly as he cried, repeating the words over and over until they finally sunk in. When Harry finally stopped crying they looked at each other for a moment.
"Now then, I'm hungry. What have you got around here to eat?" she asked with a grin.
Harry grinned back in spite of himself. He felt a lot better after talking about what had been on his mind the entire holidays. Megan managed to find a box of chocolates underneath a pile of get well cards on Harry's bedside table.
"Now, they're your chocolate's so you have the first one" she said, offering him the box.
Harry laughed and took one. They continued to talk and to eat the small chocolates, unaware that there were three figures in the doorway, staring at them. Mrs Weasley and Remus were smiling, but Mel had a look of utter astonishment on her face. She had not seen her daughter in this type of situation with a boy since she was 11 years old. She felt a hand on her arm and noticed it was Remus.
"I think maybe we should go up for another coffee" he whispered with a small smile.
Mel nodded, taking one more look at Megan and Harry before allowing Remus to steer her towards the elevator.
Mel looked up at Sirius and sighed again.
"It's Megan" she said.
Sirius nodded.
"That much I gathered. What about her?" he asked gently.
Mel felt all the anguish and guilt from the past 4 years coming back to her as she looked into his eyes.
"She wont talk to me" Mel said softly, her eyes filling with tears once again.
"Teenagers get like that" Sirius said softly, reflecting on his past experience with Harry.
Mel shook her head.
"No, you don't understand. Before she went to school she was such a happy little girl. She was loud and boisterous. You would have been proud" Mel said, wiping tears away from her eyes as she gave a faint laugh.
Sirius smiled.
"But then everything changed. It was not long after she came home. She went all quiet. She started having nightmares. She wouldn't talk to me about what was going on" Mel said, feeling relief at being able to tell someone.
She had kept it inside so long, she hadn't known how much it hurt her. Sirius nodded understandingly.
"Then when she came back after her 3rd year, she was so depressed. She wouldn't talk, she wouldn't eat. I was so scared" Mel said, her voice ending in a whisper as she choked back tears.
She finally started sobbing and Sirius stood up and pulled her into an embrace. She clung to him, sobbing into his chest.
"I thought she was going to die" Mel said, at last voicing the fear that had plagued her for the past year.
Sirius held her tightly. Despite their past, he wanted nothing more than to take away any pain that she was suffering. He kissed away the tears on her face and she looked into his eyes again. He took this as an invitation and kissed her lips. Softly at first. Reassuringly. She melted into the embrace and the kiss became a little more passionate. Sirius pulled her closer to him, but she pulled away.
She looked up at him with scared eyes. Like a deer that is frozen, staring at the headlights of a car. She ran her hands nervously along her robes, straightening them. She looked up at him and saw the passion in his eyes that had been there when they first got married. Part of her wanted to run back into his arms, but the stronger part of her resisted. It remembered how he had left her. It remembered that she had Megan to think about now, not just herself. She couldn't do it.
"I'm sorry Sirius" she said softly as she walked out of the room and closed the door behind her with a soft click.
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Remus led Megan to Harry's room. When he got to the door, they both saw Mrs Weasley walking out. She looked very tired.
"Oh, hello dear" she said to Megan, giving her a warm hug.
Megan smiled shyly at her.
"Go on in, he's awake. I've just ducked out for a cup of coffee. Did you want to join me Remus?" Mrs Weasley asked.
Remus nodded and motioned for her to lead the way. With a smile and a wave, the two of them left Megan to go and see Harry by herself. She crept along quietly until she was just behind the curtain to Harry's bed. She peered around it and saw Harry reading a book. He looked very pale and thin. His face was bony and he had the look of someone who is constantly ill. She felt pity swell within her, remembering a time when she too, had thought the only way to make the pain go away was to disappear.
She crept forward and stood beside the bed. He looked up when he sensed someone else in the room and gave a start of surprise when he saw her standing there. He surveyed her curiously. Her dark hair had been pulled back into a braid, with a purple scarf tied around her head like a gypsy. She wore black robes, similar to the school uniform, but without the Hogwarts crest. Her eyes stared straight into his. They were dark, and deep. They reminded him of Sirius' and Sera's eyes. The most startling thing about her though, was that she was smiling.
He realised he had never seen her smile properly. He had to admit to himself, that smiling made her look quite attractive. He blushed slightly at this thought and looked back down at his book. She walked over to the bed next to him and pulled the book away from him.
"How are you feeling?" she asked in a quiet, but cheerful voice.
Harry looked at her suspiciously. In the whole time he had known her, he had never known her to be cheerful. Then again, he admitted. He hadn't known her for very long at all.
"I'm fine" he said, looking away as he had done with the others.
"No you're not" she said, staring straight at him. "You blame yourself. You feel like if you waste yourself away to nothing that the pain will ease up"
Harry look at her again.
"What do you know?" he said angrily. "You barely know me!"
"I know you better than you think" she said, remaining calm.
Her eyes were boring into his, making him feel extremely uncomfortable.
"Running away from the pain won't ease it Harry. I would know" she added softly.
"You don't understand" Harry hissed at her. "You don't know what I'm going through"
"No, I don't presume to know exactly what you're going through Harry. But I do know what it's like to have your world crumbling around you. To feel like there is no escape and you have no control over anything that goes on around you. To want so badly for the pain to stop that you will do anything, even harm yourself, to make it go away" she said softly.
Harry's expression went completely blank. He slumped back onto the pillows and looked at the wall, not saying anything.
"But you don't see what you're doing to the people around you. You don't see how much the people who care about you are suffering" she added softly.
He looked back at her.
"They won't suffer for long. They just feel sorry for me" he said quietly, pulling his knees up to his chin and wrapping his thin arms around them.
Megan jumped up on the bed next to him and leaned forward until her face was merely inches from his own. She looked deep into his eyes, as if searching for something.
"I don't feel sorry for you" she said softly. "And I don't believe that the only reason they care is because they feel sorry for you either."
"All I do is cause pain, wherever I go. They're better off without me" Harry said, his eyes filling with tears.
He looked away to hide them.
"And yet these people love you in spite of that. Why do you think that is?" she asked him gently.
Harry shook his head, not wanting to talk.
"Because despite the pain that you bring as a result of things you can't help, you bring happiness to those around you in the things you can." She said.
He looked up at her confused. She smiled at him.
"You make people happy Harry, whether you want to believe that or not" she whispered.
"I killed Sirius and Cedric. It's my fault that they are dead. I don't want to cause any more deaths" Harry said in a very quiet voice.
Megan shook her head.
"You didn't cause those deaths. The blame lies with Voldemort" she said.
Harry looked up at her surprised. Not many could say the name without at least a shiver, but she seemed not to care.
"It's not your fault" she said.
Harry covered his face with his hands. She repeated it louder and he began to sob. She pulled him out of the ball and hugged him tightly as he cried, repeating the words over and over until they finally sunk in. When Harry finally stopped crying they looked at each other for a moment.
"Now then, I'm hungry. What have you got around here to eat?" she asked with a grin.
Harry grinned back in spite of himself. He felt a lot better after talking about what had been on his mind the entire holidays. Megan managed to find a box of chocolates underneath a pile of get well cards on Harry's bedside table.
"Now, they're your chocolate's so you have the first one" she said, offering him the box.
Harry laughed and took one. They continued to talk and to eat the small chocolates, unaware that there were three figures in the doorway, staring at them. Mrs Weasley and Remus were smiling, but Mel had a look of utter astonishment on her face. She had not seen her daughter in this type of situation with a boy since she was 11 years old. She felt a hand on her arm and noticed it was Remus.
"I think maybe we should go up for another coffee" he whispered with a small smile.
Mel nodded, taking one more look at Megan and Harry before allowing Remus to steer her towards the elevator.
