Sirius' POV
I can't sleep.
For some reason I feel guilty about what I said to Lupin.
He makes me nervous, though. It's like he can sense something in me that comforts him, despite what I keep saying to him.
All I can think is that his home life must be even worse than mine if he finds me comforting.
It's dumb, though. I'm a Black. I shouldn't be making friends with cry-baby Mudbloods.
I groan slightly and roll over, beating my pillow to try and get rid of my excess energy.
Then again, now I think about it, Blacks aren't meant to be in Gryffindor either.
Does that mean I should just give up on everything I've ever been told that I should be? I don't know.
One thing's for certain, mother won't be happy with me. Neither will father, or my cousin in year seven… Come to think of it I don't think any of my family will be particularly happy with me.
I glare up at the ceiling as I turn onto my back. Things would be so much easier if I had just been a Slytherin, except that I didn't want to be Slytherin, did I?
I toss and turn for hours before finally drifting off to sleep.
The Next Day
Great, now I am still tired from yesterday and lessons start today.
I take a long shower and get dressed, but am still ready to go by seven thirty. I watch Potter stagger out of bed yawning, he grunts a greeting and heads off to the showers. Pettigrew does similar when his alarm goes off at quarter to eight.
I'm beginning to think Lupin isn't going to get up.
I decide to check on him, to relieve my boredom. I pull his hangings back a bit and find him curled up in a tight ball and gripping his pillow. I can see that his eyes are red from crying in his sleep.
"Hey," I shake him gently, "Lupin."
His eyes flicker open quickly,
"Sirius?"
"Yeah, it's time to get up."
"Oh," he sits up, "what's the time?"
"Nearly eight o'clock," I tell him. "Don't you have an alarm clock?"
I look at his bedside table, which is bare apart from his wand. He's blushing.
"Remind me to buy you one," I mutter. "Come on. If you're quick I'll wait before going down to breakfast."
His face lights up as if the holidays have just come early.
I watch him scramble to gather his things together, then run to the bathroom. For some reason I feel better for making that promise.
Shortly Potter reappears towelling his hair,
"You still here?" he looks amused. "Breakfast has started if you want to go down."
"I'm waiting for Lupin," I reply.
"Oh," he looks surprised, "I thought you didn't like him?"
"I don't," I tell him, but I don't sound very sure, even to myself.
"Right," his eyebrows rise even higher, if that is possible.
"What?" I get defensive.
"Nothing," he grins, "I didn't say a word."
I find myself blushing, which just makes Potter grin wider.
I groan,
"Fine, maybe I like him a little bit."
He claps me on the shoulder, suddenly looking sympathetic,
"This is hard for you, isn't it?"
I try to scowl at him, but then shrug,
"It's unnerving," I admit. "Being here goes against everything I have ever been told that I should be."
He nods,
"Just try not to take it out on Remus."
"Why is everybody using first names?" I complain. "I don't get it."
He blinks at me,
"What?"
"We aren't family! The formal thing to do is call each other by surnames," I gesture vaguely.
He just laughs,
"But we aren't being formal!"
"This isn't funny," I sigh, then slip down to sit on the floor.
"I think it kinda is," he grins.
"You're a great help," I mutter.
He shakes his head,
"Ah, Peter! Great! Let's go eat. Sirius and Remus can catch up later."
So, with that, Pettigrew pivots on the spot and walks straight back out again.
After a few minutes Lupin walks back in. I spot him before he spots me, and I see his face visibly fall when he thinks I have gone without him. I jump up from the floor,
"Excellent!" I grin at him. "I'm starved."
His face lights up again,
"Thanks for waiting."
"No problem…" I look at what he's wearing. "Sheesh, Lupin! These robes are even worse that yesterday's!"
He blushes and drops his gaze. I notice that he bites his lip a little.
"I… I'm… I didn't mean to upset you…" I attempt to apologise.
He looks surprised,
"It's ok."
I scowl again,
"No, it won't do…"
"What?" he looks upset again.
"Take that off," I tell him as I walk back to my own stuff. I rummage through my trunk until I find one of my slightly older robes, which doesn't bare the family crest.
I pull it out and turn back to him. He hasn't moved.
"Come on," I roll my eyes. "Take that old thing off. You can wear this one."
"I…"
I roll my eyes again,
"I'll turn my back, will that help?" I turn sharply to face away from him and cross my arms over my chest.
I hear a rustle of clothing, then he taps me on the shoulder. I turn round and grin,
"Much better! Now, let's go."
Honestly the robes are a little big on him, as I'm a little taller and he is rather skinny, but at least they aren't threadbare.
He smiles shyly,
"Thanks, Sirius."
"You're welcome," the words are foreign to me, but I do mean them.
Later
I pause when we reach the Great Hall, but then Potter waves us over. I drop down opposite him, and Lupin sits opposite Pettigrew.
Potter stares at Lupin,
"No offence, but that doesn't look like a robe you could… afford."
He blushes slightly,
"Sirius leant it to me."
Potter shoots me a triumphant look,
"Really?"
"It's one of my old ones," I shrug.
"It's worth more than my entire wardrobe," Lupin looks at me.
"True," I admit, then serve myself some juice and a slice of toast.
We all look up as the post arrives. I wince when I spot my mother's owl ghosting towards us. It drops a howler in front of me, and continues on its way.
"Great…" I mutter, then open it.
My mother's screeching voice fills the room and Lupin clamps his hands over his ears.
"YOU WORTHLESS BRAT!" she screeches. "I ALWAYS KNOW YOU WEREN'T A TRUE BLACK! LUCIUS HAS TOLD US OF YOUR DISGRACEFUL BEHAVIOUR! A GRYFFINDOR! OF ALL THE POSSIBLE INSULTS…"
She goes on for several minutes about my failings over the last eleven years and, apparently, some from before then… When she finally finishes, and the letter burns itself out, my ears are still buzzing.
I notice Potter, Pettigrew and Lupin staring at me, wide eyed, and the entire hall is quiet. It is suddenly too much for me, and I crack up laughing. It seems to be enough to break the rest of the school out of its silence, and soon the room is rebounding with laughter.
I manage to get myself back under control and wipe my eyes with my sleeve.
"Is she always like that?" Lupin asks. He had laughed a little, but not as much as everyone else.
"Pretty much," I nod. "She's out of her mind; completely loony."
Potter grins,
"Well, that was an amusing start to the day."
I roll my eyes,
"I think she's permanently damaged my ears…"
"You have mail, Remus," Pettigrew tells Lupin suddenly, gesturing to the barn owl trying to get his attention.
"Oh," Lupin looks surprised, "thank you."
He reads the letter silently, then bites his lip. A tear rolls down his cheek and he sniffs slightly.
"What's wrong?" Potter asks.
He scrunches up the letter and shoves it in his pocket,
"Mum says that I should stay at school over the holidays, and that they'll see me next summer."
I scowl,
"Does she say why?"
He shrugs, blushes and looks down,
"They don't want me around."
I find myself with my hand on his shoulder,
"I do."
He offers me a crooked smile,
"Thanks Sirius."
"You guys are here over the holidays then?" Potter asks.
"Looks like," Lupin sighs.
"I will be," I nod, "but I'm here out of choice…" I glance at Lupin.
Author Notes:
I know Sirius is a bit irritable at the mo! It's just cos the poor boy's confused… He'll get over it ;) In this chapter he has it under control a bit more, but you'll see that he slips back into old habits for a while yet!
Thanks for the reviews.
P.S. Is it just me; or is this story not posting itself properly? I have to actually type the chapter number into the task bar because chapters 2,3 and 4 don't have their link… Shrug.
Thanks again
