Disclaimer: I don't own the characters, but I love them anyhow!
Squall rubbed his eyes, he was still reading the words on the paper, but couldn't even remember what he had just read. He couldn't focus on this. He sighed and pushed himself away from the desk to lean back in his chair.
He had been trying his hardest to keep distracted, but nothing seemed to be working. He had been training and running excessively as of late to keep his mind focused. The only consolation he had was that he had usually spent most of his time in Seifer's dorm, so at least his own dorm didn't remind him of Seifer.
Fuckā¦
Seifer. He couldn't stop thinking about him; his words were like knives lodged in his chest, preventing him from being able to breathe properly since.
Squall sighed and covered his face with a gloved hand.
He missed him.
The only other time he had ever missed someone this much was when Sis left without warning.
Squall grew angry at himself; he was fucked up. How could he have treated Seifer that way, treated what Seifer gave him with such coldness? Why had he done that?
He really hadn't deserved the beautiful blond. Seifer was everything Squall always wanted to be; he was strong, smart and honest; everyone was drawn to him.
Seifer had won over his students so easily; it was as if he had never had a dark past. He was always so open; Squall would never be able to speak from the heart like Seifer. He could never be as honest and noble about his feelings as Seifer was.
He just couldn't give his feelings the attention they so yearned for.
Sometimes, Squall wished he could just disappear.
Disappear with a new identity and go where no one knew him, where no one expected him to act a certain way. He felt so trapped by his life. He didn't want to be here, doing this, feeling this way when there seemed no cause for it.
Why couldn't he just be happy?
Squall laughed out loud, he was pathetic. His lips twitched with a bitter smirk.
He hated how weak he was.
Just shut up, he told himself.
A soft knock on his door made him straighten in the chair, "Come in."
Quistis smiled as she walked in, a set of papers in her hand, "Hello Squall," she set the papers down on his desk, "these are the grades for the middle classes for the term. You should be pleasantly surprised," she titled her head, "they did a lot better than expected."
"Thanks," He said absently and reached for them, "I'll have a look over."
He froze when Quistis reached for his hand and enclosed her long nimble fingers around his wrist. His eyes jumped to her face in surprise, and widened a little at the seriousness he saw there.
"Let go," he said quietly, feeling like a child being scolded. She did not have any anger in her face, but a graveness that seemed not to fit on those delicate features. He hated that he sounded breathless.
"Squall," she said softly, her eyes holding his till he had to force a breath through and regain control. He was a wreck, and knew he shouldn't be showing her this.
"Squall," she said again, seeing the struggle plain on his face as he started to shut down emotionally, "don't, please."
He gritted his teeth slightly, "don't what?"
"Don't do this to yourself," she thankfully let his hand go and he pulled it protectively into his lap, curling his fingers tightly.
"I don't know what you're talking about," his voice sounding normal again as his control won over. What the hell was wrong with him anyhow?
"No one is blind," she said gently, "I know something happened between you and Seifer, I can see it on your face. Why do you always think you have to be strong and show no emotions?"
Her tone was almost pleading, and for some unknown reason he decided to be honest. Maybe he was just too mentally tired to struggle anymore, to fight everyone and everything, even himself.
"Because it makes me weak," his voice foreign to him.
"No it doesn't," she narrowed her eyes, leaning forward on the desk to peer down at him. She almost stopped when he visibly shied away from her closeness and sank back into the chair to get away from her.
Squall, she wanted to shake him and scream at him. Why did he do this to himself?
"Do you think Seifer is weak?" she asked suddenly.
He looked up confused, his beautiful large eyes uncertain, "No, why are you asking?"
"Does Seifer ever shy away from his feelings?" she continued, ignoring his question.
"Not normally," Squall answered slowly, seeing what she's getting at now.
"Then how can you say it makes you weak?" she grated out, feeling her frustration get the better of her.
Squall blinked, confused as he bit his lip, "I- I don't know," he answered sincerely.
"Stop trying to make yourself feel nothing," she looked at him sadly as he looked away, she could see he was tensing at her words.
"You're not a robot Squall; you have emotions like the rest of us. It doesn't mean you're weak when you need someone, nor does it make you weak to be open about it. On the contrary, it makes you strong, because you're not ashamed to admit what you are," her eyes piercing the side of his face.
He closed his eyes, sighing deeply, "why are you saying this to me now?" he asked in a small voice.
"Because you've needed to hear this for a long time, and I don't care if you never forgive me for it, or resent me for it," she suddenly smiled sadly, "this is too important Squall. You can't let him go like this."
Squall looked up at her, searching her eyes before a small light came into his grey eyes, "but I already lost him."
She shook her head, smiling, "Nothing is over yet, but it's not going to get fixed on its own."
Squall narrowed his eyes, she could see the determination there now, and the hope slowly seep into them.
"Squall, please," she squeezed his hand, "you two need to be together."
Squall looked up at her, his eyes damp and breathtaking as he looked at her with desperation and pain.
She almost gasped at the emotion there, instead she squeezed his hand again, "You love him, don't you?" she said quietly, and was surprised when she felt a wince of pain at her own words. Deep down, somewhere within her, she had always felt for Squall, and now that last remnant of hope died finally. She would never have him, she knew now, and was glad for it.
"Y-yes," Squall swallowed, nodding.
"Then what are you waiting for?" she grinned at him.
He stood immediately, and she held her breath in surprise when he hugged her fiercely, whispering softly, "thank you, Quistis."
He was never open like this, and she was touched that he initiated physical contact. She squeezed him tightly; glad he couldn't see her face. She swallowed down her own pain, she was saying goodbye to a part of her heart now, but never would she be selfish about it as she let him go.
She returned the beautiful smile he gave her before he left quickly. She stood staring at his desk for a few moments, and shook her head before leaving. She wished them both the best.
The days seemed to drag by for Seifer; his class was the only break from the monotony of it all. Talon had not said a word about what happened, and Seifer was glad for that much.
The Garden festival was in a week and Selphie had managed to assemble a panel to judge the various students applying. Some of them were terrible, and she wondered how they would even think they could sing. Some of the others made up for their lack of talent with creativity. Either way, this was going to be an entertaining show.
"Squall!" She yelled in surprise with a huge grin as he trudged over to where she sat along with several others, taking a break from the organization.
"How are things going along?" he asked. He looked worse for the wear as of late, but when she had questioned him, he responded with his usual secretiveness.
"The set up is almost complete, and we've gotten a wonderful response from everyone. So far, we've got an interesting line up," she beamed, "this is going to be the most memorable festival ever!"
"That's good," he seemed nervous, shifting to one foot to another, "can I speak to you in private for a moment?"
"Yeah, of course," she blinked in surprise and excused herself from the group to walk with Squall till they were out of earshot. She could barely contain her curiosity.
"I can't believe you're teaching," Fujin shook her head.
"Yep," Seifer grinned, "been doing so for weeks now."
Fujin and Raijin had decided to come by for a couple of days, seeing as it had been nearly two months since they last saw the tall blond. Fujin surveyed the room appreciatively; this was a nice dorm.
"Funny how Squall set you up as an instructor," Raijin added, "he must have had a lot of faith in you, ya know?"
Seifer stopped himself from visibly wincing at the mention of his former lover, and shrugged, "Guess so."
Fujin always had a good eye for Seifer's moods, and touched his shoulder, "You okay?"
"Yeah, I'm fine," Seifer said with a forced smile. She didn't buy it, and he dropped his smile, adding with a heavy sigh, "A lot has happened."
Fujin dropped her hand and watched him with her one eye, frowning a little.
Seifer was reluctant to talk about it, but he thought he might as well. He was slowly feeling better about it; actually the word would be numb. He didn't question what made him not feel, and thanked his conditioning that had left him quick to become numb to deal with pain. He had not seen Squall since then, but that had been because he had avoided him at all costs. He had been with Squall long enough what routes the Commander took, and what his routine was like.
He didn't know what he would do if he were to see Squall again; most likely he would wrap his arms around him and beg him to forgive him. No, he couldn't do that. He knew now Squall wasn't ready for him, and might never be so. He couldn't be selfish about it.
He couldn't do that to Squall. He loved him too much for it.
Whatever Squall wanted, he would do.
Seifer smiled bitterly, he was such a sucker for the lithe brunette. Sighing, he forced his heart to not ache at the memory of him, and returned his attention back to the only two people in his life who have always stood by him.
His smile was sad, and his eyes empty as beautiful green glass as he looked them over, "It's good we have a lot of time for this."
-
"Are you going to the festival tonight?" Stephanie asked excitedly.
"I don't know, maybe," Seifer answered distracted. He was leafing through a textbook, looking for a particular enemy she had asked about. The festival was in a couple of hours and class had been rather unproductive, Seifer himself not being in much of a mood to teach either.
"You have to!" She seemed appalled by his lack of interest or enthusiasm. A couple of her friends joined in, finding reasons as to why he should show up.
He smiled indulgently, "I'll think about it."
"Do you have a date for tonight?" Stephanie was too forward sometimes.
"No, I don't," he said with a smile. That seemed to shock them. Seifer then felt very aware of a pair of sandy brown eyes burning into him, he avoided turning that way.
"Can I be your date?" the girl rocked on her heels, smiling shyly. It was a good thing most people left the class already, only a few stragglers stayed behind to chat. One of those though, Talon, was reading through his book, half listening.
Seifer laughed, "I don't think so."
"Why not?" She looked completely put out by laugh.
"There are rules against such things," he said simply. His heart wasn't there, so he mindlessly entertained her with half hearted attention.
"You always said rules don't matter," she was pretty insistent.
"Tell you what," he just wanted to leave already, "I'll show up for a couple of hours, if you happen to be there, then we'll share a dance, deal?" he caved. Why not? He had nothing better to do.
"Okay!" She giggled and ran off with her friends, chatting excitedly among themselves.
Seifer collected the few things he brought with him, and set to go. Talon, coincidently, chose that time to leave as well. Seifer waited for the youth to exit first, trailing behind him to avoid speaking to him. Talon stopped and turned, causing Seifer to stop too.
"I'm sorry to hear things didn't work out," his eyes told Seifer otherwise.
"Thanks," Seifer said and continued on, feeling eyes on his back. Talon was eerie sometimes.
-
Selphie could hardly contain herself. Everything was set and she couldn't wait to see the performances.
Seifer had decided to give it a shot, he wasn't in a mood to socialize, so he just sat down at a bench set up outside not far from the stage. There were rows of benches surrounding the stage, allowing for people to not be too crowded.
Seifer sat by himself, a drink in hand.
The first performer was setting up; the turn out was quite large, and there seemed to be an air of expectation. Seifer watched dully, dressed in a white long sleeve shirt and black pants.
He hadn't seen any of the old group, although a number of his students greeted him. It seemed he must have made an impression, since he could hardly recall teaching some of them. He was civil about it, and stopped himself from growling at them.
It was odd to actually be nice, for the most part. He just didn't feel like trying much either way. Sighing, he downed his drink.
Funny. I don't think I drank at all when I was seeing Squall.
The memory stung, and made him wince. He forced his train of thoughts to stop.
The benches all became occupied now as the performances started, although a lot of people ended up standing.
Seifer vaguely paid some attention. They weren't half bad, although he wasn't too keen on the songs they'd chosen. The crowd seemed to like them, and he suddenly felt his age.
After several performances, Seifer's attention was captured when he saw Selphie bounce onto the stage.
Don't tell me she's going to sing
He cringed at the idea.
"Hope you're all having fun so far," she yelled into the mic, which really wasn't necessary. The crowd hollered in approval.
"This is going to be the last performance, so it's going to be a special one," she giggled, hopping from one foot to the other as she looked to the side of the stage, nodding to whomever. Seifer raised an eyebrow in mild interest.
"Your commander Squall Leonheart!" She announced happily as the mentioned stepped on the stage.
Seifer's eyes widened in shock, his mouth hanging open. Squall? Singing? In public?
It took him a moment to snap out of it before he realized it was true.
The crowd seemed to have the same reaction, but soon there was loud hooting and wolf calls once the said brunette stood in front of the mic.
Seifer swallowed. Squall looked breathtaking.
His hair seemed wilder, framing the pale face that shone in the light of the stage. He was almost luminescent, the light loving his pale skin as it caressed every line and curve. A black vest showed off the sculptured musculature, and Seifer had to bite his lip. He seemed to also be wearing several pieces of metal bracelets, his griever necklace, but from this distance, Seifer couldn't tell if he still wore the ring he gave him. The tight black pants hugged the strong long legs, showing them off. His eyes looked touched up by make up.
Seifer almost audibly whined at the sight.
He then felt just how much he'd missed him, his heart surging with emotions that he hadn't felt ever since they had last fought. He just wanted to run onstage and steal him away.
He sighed, reprimanding himself inwardly for his stupidity. He couldn't do this anymore, it was over.
Squall leveled the mic, as the rest of the crew set up. Zell was on the electric guitar, Irving on an acoustic guitar, while Selphie's energy was well suited for the drums, and Quistis on the keyboard.
"The next two songs are for someone very special to me," Squall's voice filled the space. Quistis smiled, she and Zell were probably the only ones who knew who he meant. "I've never been very good with my words, so I thought this would be the next best thing."
The crowd was getting anxious as Zell started playing a quick rip, showing his skill. The drums followed, picking up the pace; a heavy grungy start, as the keyboard kicked in and calmed it a bit before Squall's voice rang clear as he began; his face reflecting the emotions behind the words, making it even more sensual.
He had Seifer's full attention.
Yet a day is dawning
I am sad but also strong
this gift that I've been given
tells me where I do belong
falling, I'm falling down
His voice was masculine, yet clear, Seifer was entranced; Squall was amazing.
and you recall my strength
time will slowly pull me under
but you will catch my breath
this is a praise to all of you
cause the light I shine on you
is what you gave to me
I'm crystal clear and true
I'm your cairn and creed
you think that I'm a mountain
but there's a price I have to pay
for the love I have forsaken
can never be replaced
Seifer couldn't miss Squall gazing at him deliberately as he sang the next words.
crying I'm crying out
be careful with my soul
unbounded I'm like water
but so fragile in the cold
and this is a praise to all of you
cause the light I shine on you
is what you gave to me
I'm crystal clear and true
I'm your cairn and creed
falling I'm falling down
into your open arms
each and every gathered glow
maintains my shining star
this is a praise to all of you...
Seifer felt people turn to him, following Squall's eyes. He then felt them disappear, and all that existed was Squall and himself. With the last words, Squall closed his eyes sensually.
With Zell's rip ending the song, Squall held onto the mic, his hair spilling out over his face; he seemed so at home.
Before anyone could cheer at the end of the song, Irvine began playing a much softer song. While the first had been fast and loud, this was a softer purer sound.
I see you when it snows
in crystals dancing down
from a sultry sky
when silence is pure and unbreakable
I can see you smiling
in every frozen tear
I can hear you whisper "You and I?
Seifer couldn't move, he just held his breath as he listened, his mind and heart confused. What was Squall doing? Was he doing this on purpose to rub it in Seifer's face? Or, was he reaching out to him?
He swallowed as he watched the performance.
little did we know
that they were life itself
the days passing by
we both had our share in the sacrifice
once upon a time
we had something beautiful
once upon a time
I thought "you and I?
Seifer narrowed his eyes, as his mind helplessly drifted back to when they fought.
take me wherever
the answer lingers in the sand
show me the way as the story unfolds
love is remote
in this wailing winter wonderland
show me the way to the temples of gold
Squall's eyes softened and Seifer couldn't help but follow suit.
bless me with a kiss
across the universe
when day and night converge
and whisper my name till I fall asleep
tell me tales from days bygone
tell me little lies
tell me once again it's just "you and I?
The song ended, and the crowd applauded loudly, pleasantly surprised.
Seifer blinked when he saw Squall hop down from the stage and head straight for him, and to make matters worse, a light followed him.
Squall stood in front of the blond who was too surprised and uncertain to say anything. Squall had gone this far, nothing was stopping him from taking it up the final path. He smiled as he pulled up the blond to him and captured his lips in a passionate kiss.
Seifer was shocked at first before his lips moved against the others, mildly aware of gasps coming from around them, with whistles and lewd comments being directed at them.
When Squall pulled away to take Seifer's state in, he waited in worry and anxiety.
Seifer stared at him, "I thought you didn't want the whole Garden knowing?"
"I realized what's important to me," Squall looked down, his voice soft, "would you give me another chance?"
"After that serenade, how could I refuse?" Seifer grinned, he wanted to yell out in happiness all of the sudden, "sides, I'm going to be the envy of everyone here, having the hot singer's attention."
Squall blushed as he looked at him; how Squall managed to do that after a performance like that was amazing to Seifer, and he wrapped his arm around the brunette's slender waist as he led him to a more quiet and less public area.
-
The next day, Seifer actually joined the group for lunch. He and Squall made no attempt to hide their relationship as they headed there. It finally felt like they could open up, and feel free. They both felt deliriously happy, and didn't care who looked at them, nor how it appeared.
"Hey guys!" Zell waved them over as they joined the rest. Both seemed so different, it was amazing. The transformation was most obvious in Squall, who actually smiled.
"How did you two sleep last night?" Selphie's eyes hinted at the real question.
"Great," Seifer smiled genuinely, "Didn't sleep much, but it was great," he chuckled with Selphie, though Squall blushed a little, he managed to smile.
"I'm so happy for you two," Quistis was so proud of them both.
"Thanks Quisty, for everything," Squall softly replied.
"That was pretty brave of you, Squall," Zell shifted, he seemed anxious now, "kinda makes me think of things."
"Like what? Besides hotdogs," Seifer smirked, but even that seemed to show he was just teasing and Zell wasn't affected.
"About things and people that matter to me," His bright blue eyes trailed to Quistis who's own widened in surprise.
Seifer whistled, laughing, "Live it up, you're only around once." He wrapped his arm around Squall's shoulder, giving him a reassuring squeeze as they shared a look only they understood.
A lot had happened in a short time, and they knew they still had ways to go but that didn't seem to worry either of them. Squall leaned against Seifer's shoulder, to which Seifer whispered something in the other's ear. Whatever he had said, Squall smiled and gave himself up to the wonderful contentness he found like this.
Zell took a deep breath and stood then, "Quistis, do you want to go for a walk?"
She looked surprised but nodded, "Yeah."
Zell offered his hand to help her up, "Remember when you asked me why I got this tattoo?"
"Yeah," she wondered.
"Well, I've never told anyone why before," they grew out of earshot.
Irvine shook his head, "Looks like everyone's hooked up, funny that, eh?"
"I'm starving, lets eat," Seifer announced.
Squall nodded, and wanted to grin like an idiot, he just felt genuinely happy for the first time.
He could get used to this.
THE END
AN: Well, thats it guys:D I hope you enjoyed it as much as I enjoyed writing this for you. I wished to make the ending a little better, but this will have to do.
Thank you guys for all your wonderful support -bows- I really am touched and surprised by how many of you supported me through this, and I'm always going to feel grateful to you. I love you guys! -grin- Thank you soooooo much! All of you! You guys are the best..you really are :)
hands out cookies and hugs to every single one of you- Take care, and I will miss hearing from you.
Song credits : The two songs I put lyrics up from were 'The Light I Shine On You' & 'Temples Of Gold' by Kamelot. They own all the rights and stuff. I just really like the songs - grins- I would recommend you guys give it a listen if possible, so you see the feel of the songs. Off their "Karma" album.
Oh! Also...
I have another idea I'm thinking of, the setting would be in Greece in classical times. It would have to be a more serious one though, as this one was pretty light. But I'll see if I ever write that one. Hehe..
Thanks again guys! -waves-
