7 - time.
Marco thought Cassie might only panic if he called to her, and try some stunt which would end up with one – or possibly two – broken necks, so as he shadowed her he stayed as silent as the owl's wings. He kept his distance, amusing himself with an ongoing tirade about how much he despised the Elŷrrics, and what he would to if any Elŷrric ever crossed his path in the future... not that it was likely. Not that he ever wanted to meet one again – they presence made the tiara stronger.
He flew until he feared he had passed his two hour limit, and began worrying that he would be trapped in his owl shape, and so would Cassie in hers.
He admitted to himself that life as an owl would not be too bad, and had already begun listing the upsides and trying to dispel the downsides when the owl he was following angled her wings into a spiral and descended towards the ground, in amongst dark shadows which to the owl's keen eyes proved to be trees.
Marco followed. By the time he had landed and demorphed – he had clearly not passed the limit, after all – he had spiralled too much, and had lost sense of direction, and did not know which way Cassie was. He had chosen a spot not too close to her, intending not to disturb her if she needed peace.
He had had no intentions of losing track of her, though, so now he muttered a choice curse beneath his breath. After a moment of consideration he stood very still and simply sharpened his ears, listening for sobs.
Not a sound he could make out, and reached the conclusion that Cassie was not sobbing. He was still trying to figure out if this was a good sign or a bad one when the problem was solved.
Two wise golden eyes on a wolf's ashen face came towards him, its black nose twitching.
#I thought I caught your scent,# came Cassie's greeting, and never had Macro heard such grief in a thought-speech voice. It almost brought tears to his eyes.
But at the same time, there was a clarity in her voice, which had not been there before, and which kindled hope. She was speaking almost like the old Cassie, and despite the grief she sounded aware in a way she had not done been from the time he had returned to Earth.
The wolf stopped and sank to its haunches at some distance from him. He sat down, cross legged, to seem less threatening, and held out a hand.
Cassie flicked her ears, hesitating, but then stood and sauntered towards him. She touched her nose to his fingers and then stepped in beneath his arm. Finally, she dropped to the forest floor beside him, and rested her head on his knee, looking like a large, grey dog. Marco scratched her neck.
#You said Jake was dead,# Cassie said lowly.
"Yes. I did. He is." Marco studied her: if she was interested in anything except her parents, Ronnie, or the imagined Tanya, that had to be a good sign.
#How did he die?#
"Shot."
#Dracon?#
"No. An Elŷrrian version. I don't know what it's called."
#Did he suffer?#
Marco sighed and shook his head, wondering if he should tell Cassie exactly how Jake had died at that time. Not the full tale, at least. "I don't know," he lied. "He looked like he was in pain first, but then... he was peaceful, and turned delirious."
#He spoke?#
"Yes," Marco said, more and more convinced now that Cassie was – somehow – feeling better. How? The tiara?
He refused to think any good of that despicable thing. But if did make people see what they did not want to see. Maybe, since Cassie had been suffering from delusions... just maybe the tiara had helped her come to terms with that which she had denied for so long.
Marco doubted it. No good could come of anything Elŷrrian.
#What did he say?# Cassie wanted to know.
Ceasing to stroke the wolf's head, Marco closed his eyes and again relived those last few minutes of his best friend's life. The peaceful, if somewhat groggy expression, the heavy eyelids, the mumbling voice...
A cold nose prodded his cheek. #Marco?#
Marco sighed. "He thought he was in the valley... the Hork-Bajir valley. In the evenings. Do you know what he used to say? He used to tell me... 'Marco, could you check in on Cassie? Make sure she's okay?' And I often agreed. Sometimes I even did as he'd asked.
"He must have thought he was back there. For he asked 'Marco, are the sentries in place?' I told him they were, and he didn't have to worry, and he nodded. Then, 'Would you check in on Cassie? Make sure she's okay.' I said I would. He made me promise. Then he died. Then... the Elŷrrics came."
#I wish Jake was here,# murmured Cassie.
"I know."
#I... Marco, I'm staying in morph.#
"You're what?"
#I'm staying wolf.#
Marco was silent for a while. Then he grabbed the wolf's ear and squeezed it hard in his fist until Cassie wailed in protest.
"That's nonsense," he growled, sounding much like a wolf himself. "Nonsense. Idiocy."
#I'm staying wolf. I'm sick of being human. I'm –#
"Giving up, that's what you're doing. And I'm not letting you."
#Not letting –# began Cassie angrily.
"You wished Jake was here. So do I. He'd put a stop to this lunacy."
#How?#
"He'd talk you out of it!"
#You don't understand what –#
"I don't understand?" snarled Marco, so sharply that the wolf flew up from his lap with a yelp. He had known nothing good could come of that vile tiara! "I don't understand what? I don't understand what the Elŷrrian tiara does? I've worn it for infinitely longer than you did. I've lived with it day in and day out. And I don't understand the despair it leaves behind? I don't understand that despair leads to idiotic, insane ideas of self-destruction? Tell me what I don't understand, Cassie."
#It's not the tiara.#
"Of course it's the tiara. It's always the tiara. It did the same thing to Jeanne – sent her over the edge, made her kill herself. And now... no. No, no, no. I'm not allowing it."
#You can't stop me. You can't make me demorph,# Cassie told him softly. #I'm staying wolf.#
"You're running away."
#I'm making a choice.#
"You can't face the world so you're hiding behind fur and teeth," corrected Marco. He reached out, took hold of the wolf's fur, and pulled her back into place beside him. Over the last three days, he had grown used to her presence beneath his arm. She leaned her head on his knee again, looking up at him. "Why?"
#I don't ever want to morph again. I don't want to be human. I don't want –#
"Shut up, Cassie. Enough of the self-pity."
The wolf peered curiously at him. He sighed heavily. "Well, I suppose I better morph, too." He grimaced, and amended: "No, I suppose I better find a male wolf to acquire, cause I have no plans on ending my days as a female. No offence."
It did not take Cassie long to figure out what he was saying. Her golden gaze grew almost accusative. #You wouldn't.#
"Oh, yes I would. I'm coming with you, like it or not."
#But... why?#
"A slight promise I made to a dying best friend. See, I told him I'd make sure you were okay. A lone wolf out in the wilderness is not okay. So I'd either have to put you on a leash and keep you as a pet, or I'll have to go with you. If you prefer the leash, tell me, I'll arrange it."
Marco supposed she must have heard the sarcasm in his voice, for she stated plainly: #You're not serious.#
"Yes I am," he corrected, scratching her behind the ears. "About as serious as I'll ever be."
#But you've got –#
"No reason? Only about five years worth of memories from Elŷrrian slave camps that I would love to drown in some animal instincts. That's as good a reason as any. Too much to stay human for? Well, so do you."
#Me? I have nothing,# she said, bitterness and grief making her howl. #I've lost my parents, my fiancé, my – oh god, my child. I morphed my child away.# She whimpered. #I killed my own –#
"And fleeing into wolf morph won't bring that child back," Marco reminded her sharply. "Sure, you can go off, find a pack, and have lots of wolf puppies, but that child will still be just as un-born."
Cassie whined, and then howled, and licked her nose before howling again.
"Besides," Marco added, more kindly, "you'd been shot. Who knows if the child was still alive when you morphed?"
#I shouldn't have morphed.#
"Bullshit. Cass, morphing saved your life. Otherwise, you'd have been just as dead as Ronnie. And that wouldn't have helped your child, either."
#I still shouldn't have morphed. Perhaps...#
"Perhaps you should demorph, now." He grimaced. "Or no – stay in morph. If you demorph, I'm going to make another damn promise, and the first one causes me enough trouble as it is. Have you always been so difficult?"
Cassie let out another howl. #I shouldn't have morphed,# she repeated again, almost like a mantra. #I shouldn't have –#
"You shouldn't have needed to," Marco amended fiercely. "There should have been someone to look after you at that time."
#Ronnie –#
"A lot of good he turned out to be!" Then, realising what he had just said, he mumbled an apology and started over: "You shouldn't have needed to morph."
The wolf whimpered, perhaps in agreement.
"Demorph, Cass. Please."
#What for?#
"If for nothing else, then for me," Marco pleaded. "I've travelled for months trying to get back home to the other last Animorph. I find her a wreck of her former self, delusional and broken. Then, although I'm still not clear on how, she appears better. And tells me she's running off to hide in some forest. What do you think I feel?"
Cassie only looked at him with her sad, golden gaze.
Marco shook his head. "Please, Cass, just demorph. I'm not exactly looking forward to life as a wolf. And if you demorph... you're still young, there's a whole life ahead of us. And I swear to you, next time you're pregnant, you won't have to morph. Not for anything." He shook his head wryly. "Damn it. That second promise just slipped out."
#Marco...#
"I wish Jake was here instead of me," Marco muttered. "You'd have curled up in his lap and he'd have talked you out of this nonsense in no time. Me, I'm..." He glanced down at the wolf, curled up in his lap. "I'm no good at this." He sighed, please, Cass, just try life again before giving it up. I was really looking forwards to going to a movie again, or playing playstation, or..." another sigh. "Jake would be so angry with me if he knew I'd let you turn nothlit."
#He'd be disappointed – in me,# Cassie corrected in a murmur. #And mostly, in himself. He always blamed himself.#
"If he'd been here you'd have demorphed just to be spared the pained expression on his face."
The wolf freed herself from Marco's arm, resting over her back, and stood up. She backed away. #I would have,# she agreed softly.
"Then I'm sorry I'm not Jake." Not having anything better to do, and running out of things to say, Marco hid his face in his hands. But when he looked up, he saw not a wolf, but Cassie, coming out of the wolf's grey shape with all her usual adeptness. She had a gift for making morphing look beautiful. She looked beautiful herself.
All he could do was smile, in pure relief.
Cassie moved in beneath his arm again, hugging him, and kissing his cheek. On an impulse, Marco turned to meet the kiss, and felt her lips brush past his own before they both pulled away.
"Sorry," he murmured awkwardly.
"Don't be," Cassie whispered, watching him intently. "Don't be sorry, and don't apologize." She reached up to kiss him again, now directly on the lips, only softly and only for a moment.
Marco was too surprised to do anything but blink. Cassie, though, relaxed beneath his arm, fitting there perfectly, as if she had been there all her life.
"Thank you," she murmured. "For everything."
Marco found nothing to say. He was still flooded with relief, and gratitude. They sat together in silence. The wind was cold against his skin, but it brought with it the scents of forest, of his home planet, so he did not mind it.
"Marco? I forgot something," Cassie said finally.
"What?"
"Welcome home."
...and on to the last chapter for a very extensive Author's Note.
