It hadn't been three days since Sami's last visit to Unzipped but somehow the club felt entirely different that night. The staged seemed higher, the lighting seemed brighter and harsher, the air conditioning seemed stronger, the music seemed louder and the dance floor seemed busier. With the music smashing against her eardrums and goose bumps prickling her arms, there was nothing she wanted more than to turn and fly out the door she had come in through. Unfortunately, Nicole and Crystal's presences kept her walking onward. They walked next to her on either side, encouraging and protective. It was only when Sami reached the familiar door leading backstage that those feelings of encouragement and protectiveness failed to be enough to move Sami forward.
She came to a halt in front of the door and resisted Nicole's attempts to push her ahead, "I'm not going in there. I don't want to see him."
"What is wrong with you? You're never afraid to tell people how you feel about them. I know from experience." Nicole gave Sami another push in the direction of the door, "You can handle Lucas. Now, get in there."
Sami clutched Nicole's arm to make her stop pushing, "The fight happened this morning. This morning, Nicole, and it was really bad. You want me to apologize to Jan? Whatever, I'll do that without any problems. All I want is to not have to even look at Lucas until our fight is further into the past."
Nicole racked her brains for motivating words. She wondered what Jan would say to Sami in this situation. Nicole thought for about a minute. Inspired, she patted Sami's hand reassuringly.
"Big fights happen," Nicole reasoned, "I mean, Phillip and Shawn fought over Belle for forever, and look at them now!"
Sami dug her nails into Nicole's arm in warning, "I already told Jan not to make that comparison. You can't do it either."
"You still aren't getting what I'm trying to tell you." Nicole ripped her arm away, exasperated, "It doesn't matter how huge the fight was. The sooner you make up, the better."
Instead of replying, Sami tried to make sense of the conflicting thoughts railroading through her mind. It was crazy to try and talk to Lucas when her insults from earlier that morning could still resound clearly in her head, which meant they had to be resounding in Lucas' head with even more clarity. She knew she had a habit of digging herself into deep holes when she confronted people without preparation, and she was not prepared to face Lucas.
She also knew Nicole and Crystal had no intentions of leaving her alone until she did what they wanted her to do. Not to mention that seeing Lucas was something Sami wouldn't be able to put off for long, not when they lived across the hall from each other. Maybe it would be easiest to get the worst over with right away. It was also a consolation to know that Lucas would be even more unprepared for this encounter than she would be.
Hoping they wouldn't notice how belated her reply was, Sami plastered a smile onto her face, "All right, you convinced me. I will go in there alone," she looked at Nicole and Crystal pointedly, "And I will apologize to Lucas. Then I'll find Jan and apologize to her after."
"Good," Nicole replied, "So, what are you waiting for? Go!"
Pushing the door open, Sami felt a heavy, sinking feeling wash over her as her eyes flickered around the room in search of Lucas. She saw Shawn, then Rex, then Patrick, then finally spotted her target. Lucas didn't see her; his back was to her while he talked to the other men. It would be easy to turn back around and run from Lucas and the club. It was so tempting that Sami could feel the muscles in her legs tensing.
Her hesitation lost her valuable time, so much time that she had lost the chance to choose between leaving without being seen and confronting Lucas. Rex had already spotted her and was nudging Lucas, mouthing something into Lucas' right ear. She watched Lucas' back go rigid and for what felt like at least half an hour, he was as motionless as she was. Then he turned around slowly, their eyes meeting. She registered the shock and anger in his expression instantaneously, but it took her a few more seconds afterwards to determine what else was wrapped up in that dark-eyed gaze. The sense of hidden hope she sensed in the look he gave her supplied her with the confidence that made her walk forward, made her walk towards him.
Shawn, Rex and Patrick must have known something about the state Lucas and Sami's relationship was currently in, because when Sami began walking over, they all backed away warily. Disregarding the three of them, Sami summoned up the rest of her courage and stepped in front of Lucas. He was rubbing the back of his neck, his head lowered so that his face was to the floor. Her thoughts tripped over each other, and when she opened her mouth to speak, an almost inaudible squeak came out. Even though she managed to recover quickly afterwards, her words still came out muttered and scared. She had grown used to being scared of her feelings for Lucas, but this feeling, this utter fear of Lucas' response to what she going to say, was completely new.
"Hi, Lucas," she forced out. She wished he would look at her again, but he stubbornly kept his face averted from hers.
"Why are you here?" he asked without returning the greeting. He made the question more inquisitive than intentionally rude, yet Sami's confidence began to dissipate anyway.
"I came here to tell you-" Sami fought back a shiver caused by the continuous stream of air conditioning hitting her skin, "I'm apologizing for what happened this morning." She finished stiffly, inwardly cringing at the lack of emotion in her voice.
She knew right away that Lucas wasn't taking her seriously. "Is that so?" He crossed his arms, keeping his posture closed off and his face stony.
"Yes!" Sami exclaimed, "I'm sorry, all right? I didn't mean what I said, and I shouldn't have said it in the first place. The last part, at least," she couldn't resist adding.
Lucas' arms fell to his sides and he finally raised his head to look at Sami. He could tell as soon as his eyes met her impossibly blue ones that her apology was heartfelt. There was too much genuine remorse in her voice and the pleading, sincere expression on her face was too realistic to be fake.
"We were both mad," Lucas shrugged, dismissive and understanding all at once, "It's okay. Thank you for coming over here to talk to me."
Sami gave a slight nod, then waited to see if Lucas would say anything else. A part of her still hoped now that Lucas had accepted her apology, he would reconsider his decision to continue working at the club. She had wanted to believe that the hours they had spent apart would convince Lucas that he didn't want to work at Unzipped anymore, but judging from the way Lucas stood before her awkwardly without talking, Sami could tell that wasn't the case.
Before she could say anything else, an angry voice carried across to their side of the dressing room.
"Well, looks who's here," Phillip had re-entered the room after doing a dance on stage and was now walking towards Lucas and Sami, "Is she back to insult you some more, Lucas? What's the matter, didn't get your fill already, Sami? Between Jan and Lucas, how could you not be finished treating people badly?"
Sami shot a stunned glare at Lucas, "You didn't waste any time telling Phillip all of our problems, did you? Do you tell him everything about us, Lucas?"
"No!" Lucas quickly returned, "Just that." Lucas faced Phillip, "It's okay, bro. Things are fine between me and Sami now."
Liar, Sami thought viciously, biting her lip to stop herself from saying something that would restart their entire fighting cycle from that morning. She didn't know how Lucas could say that they were 'fine' so easily when it was obvious that they were anything but fine. She couldn't to understand why it was so important to Lucas that he kept his job and Lucas didn't understand her feelings either.
She stared hard at Lucas, wanting him to feel the same fear of losing her that she felt over the prospect of losing him. She knew if Lucas went on working at the club, she wouldn't be in the audience. They would see each other less and less, and that terrified her. Not knowing what was going on at the club would be just as painful as seeing Lucas with another woman would be. At least if Lucas was with another woman, Sami would know where she stood with him. If she left the club without getting Lucas to quit tonight, then she might never know where she stood with him again.
Phillip sent Sami one last scowl before walking off in Shawn's direction, allowing Lucas and Sami to lapse into the same intimidating quiet. Frustration bubbled up in the pit of Sami's stomach like molten lava. There was nothing else she could do if Lucas couldn't find anything to say. Before everything was going to be 'fine' again, they had a lot to talk about and, this intrusive club was the last place Sami do that in.
"I think I should go," Sami said, abruptly shattering the silence. She didn't wait for his reaction before swinging around to leave, but he grabbed her hand, forcing her to turn back to him.
"Sami, don't leave," his eyes bore into hers helplessly, "Please?"
His hand encompassed, his thumb brushing against her knuckles tenderly. Sami wanted to shy away from his grasp, but he was standing too close to her and she couldn't move.
"You have to do your job." Sami whispered bitterly, her body language begging, Quit your job.
"I want to talk to you," his body language sounding back, I can't.
"Not here," she scanned the dressing room with distaste, even hatred, then pulled her hand from Lucas' and clenched it into a tight fist, "I'll see you later." she finished, even though later wasn't a very promising thing in their situation.
She left the dressing room, only to find Nicole and Crystal waiting outside for her with Jan. Dammit.
"Jan," Sami took a deep breath, "I'm sorry if you thought I was deliberately trying to hurt you with what I said at my apartment. I wasn't even thinking and I certainly didn't think to assume it might upset you, but I'm sorry."
Jan gave her a small, yet authentic smile, "Don't worry about it." She let it go easily, changing the subject, "Are you and Lucas okay now, too?"
Sami shook her head, "After I apologized he didn't seem angry anymore, but I don't think we're ever going to be okay as long as he works in this shit palace."
"Poor Sami," Jan gave her a hug, "We'll think of something."
"Don't bother trying that physical crap on her, Jan." Nicole scoffed, "She already turned down the pity sex offer Crystal and I made."
Jan's eyes widened and she gaped at Sami incredulously, "Are you crazy? Do you have any idea how good they are?"
"If you like them so much, then you can take my turn for me," Sami suggested sarcastically, "Look, I'm sure you three want to get back to watching the strippers, so I'll let you get back to that."
"What do you mean? Aren't you watching with us?" Jan asked.
"Not anymore," Sami unceremoniously kicked the wall to make a point, "I hate this place."
"But it's like our tradition to watch them together," Jan objected, "I'll be sad if we don't do it anymore, because then we'll never see you."
"I doubt it will be that bad. We'll see each other sometimes." Sami replied.
"But not as much, especially now that I've turned nocturnal," Jan told them, "I sleep late, come to Unzipped for a couple hours, then stay up for a looooong time every night. I'm not doing that tonight though. I have something big planned for me, Phillip and Shawn tomorrow, so we're going to sleep early."
The devilish smile brightening Jan's face warned Sami not to ask just what she had planned for the next day, "Whatever it is, I'm sure you'll have a great time. Thanks for trying to help me and Lucas tonight. It was a really nice thing to do."
"And you made progress, right?" Jan checked hopefully.
"A little bit, I think," her voice was drenched with uncertainty that made the hopeful look on Jan's face die, "I'm just... tired. I'll talk to you some other time."
"Bye," Nicole, Crystal and Jan murmured, watching Sami push her way out of the crowds and walk over to the door leading outside. Disappointed but not despondent, Jan headed for her seat.
"Come on," she called over her shoulder to Nicole and Crystal, "We have some serious brainstorming to do."
