Chapter 12: Samba of Passion

"Love Survives"

...I peered thru life
Ever avoiding strife
But now am undone
My barriers broken
For one has found me

Reached in and unbound me...

...The darkness of my solitude is done...

- Robert K. Charron -


Faye's POV

Sleep had hardly ever been so good. As soon as my eyelids had closed over my eyeballs, things weren't the same. I went somewhere no ship could have ever taken me. I drifted on a gentle breeze to a place where I had only visited once before, when I had been frozen to last years ahead of my time. I was comfortable in every way, completely disconnected from my physical surroundings…and it was in that place that I found peace.

My worries over Spike's actions left. I didn't consider him anymore. I forgot about Ein needing his dinner, leaving that to the only other person who would notice, Jet. He had been my mentor, everyone's mentor, since we arrived. He could look after us while I was here, wherever here was. As for Ed, she would have to learn how to contain herself, how to use her "tomato" without announcing all her advancements to me, because this place was too good to leave. I would stay here forever…forever in sleep.

It was kind of a morbid thought, parallel to death, but it didn't bother me. I was safe here, with no needs, no problems. I only wished I had found it sooner. If I had, I never would have had to see him come back, or hear how she had died, or…there was just so much that I knew now, more than I had ever wanted to know. Perhaps that was what was changing me…the knowledge of Spike, as the mystery man unraveled, perhaps that was the true cause behind it all.

I had seen a change in him to, more emotion than ever before. He had always been so casual, never caring for details unless it was to aid him with a bounty. Sure, there had been moments when his anger had come unharnessed, or points were he truly laughed alongside of Jet, but those places in time were few and far between. Spike was just simply an enigma, and with a paradox, such as himself, I couldn't be sure what to expect from him next.

That was why I was surprised to wake up, only to find him sitting there against my bed. At first, I didn't breath, for fear he'd notice that I was awake. I took in every inch of him, noticing how he slouched on the side of the bed, where his back was propped up. His hands hung limply from over his kneecaps and his eyes were focused on the floor in front of him. He was waiting….waiting for me awaken.

I sat up and I saw a slight movement come from him. I picked up a brush from my bedside table, running the coils through my short hair, which was becoming long. I'd have to get it cut soon. I wondered briefly if we'd be stopping by Saturn anytime in the near future.

"What are you doing here, Spike?"

There was never a point in my life after I had met him where I didn't want to be with him. Seeing him like this now, in this state, that could almost resemble depression, it moved me. Yet, I couldn't just ignore the fact that he had made a fool of me in front of the others. Ed was a kid and was too young to understand, but Jet had been there as well. I didn't want to know what type of comments he would be making. This was all wrong!

"I wanted to talk." His voice was hoarse, as if he had been shouting.

The only other person I could picture him yelling at was Jet, and that was just simply out of the question. They were buddies again. Jet and Spike had fought on numerous occasions, many either right in front of me, with me, or close enough that it kept me from concentrating on whatever it was I was suppose to be doing, but neither man had ever showed regret after the battle…with one exception. The final night when Spike had gone off…off to die only to be reborn as this new Spike, who was still the old Spike, only more mysterious, Jet had blamed himself. I had never seen a man so defeated, with such a hopeless look in his old eyes. That was a factor that had beaten me. That was one of the reasons I had become hopeless, without a will to live.

"There is nothing to say," I told him, setting my brush down with a rather noisy clunk. "You thought you loved me, but in your heart, you know the truth." My tear-filled eyes lifted up to meet his expressionless orbs. "You could never truly love me….because you are still in love with a ghost, a shell of a woman who used to be called Julia." His hands tightened, the fingers curling under the palms, clenching into fists, as I had assumed they would upon the mentioning of her name. He didn't say anything, another feature I had expected from him. I stared at my toes, holding my knees up to my chest. "It's fine. I didn't ever anticipate so much from you in one day." I took a breath, hoping not to lose it again. Anger, sadness….anything that I could dish out I didn't want to. So I held the breath until I was sure, then let it out slowly, carefully. "If you don't have anything else to say, leave."

He finally looked at me with those brownish eyes, completely mismatched. I was still watching my toes, though I noticed the change in him out of the corner of my eyes. My chin was resting on the top of my knees as I tried to regulate my breathing and the rushed pace of my heart. He stood up, accepting what I hadsaid and walking over to the door. He stopped there, watching me, taking in all the motion I dispersing , which was only the light breathing I was forced to keep constant. Then suddenly he came over, yanking my arms away from my body. I was shocked at his motions, gawking at him as if he was mad. Out of nowhere, he picked me up, and carried me out of the room.

He used his foot to kick open his bedroom door, and did the same to slam it shut. He half dropped me, half set me down on my own two feet. I opened my mouth to yell at him and was drowned. The air in which I had saved up to shout was shoved back down my throat as his lips covered mine for the third time in the last 24 hours. There was no hiding the passion he possessed in that kiss. I was still gasping for air when we pulled apart minutes later.

Reaching out, I traced his face with my fingertips. "Why?"

"I told you. I believe I love you." He drew me to him again, closing his eyes, but I placed my hands in between us, keeping him at a distance, no matter how small.

I thought of all those nights I had spent the entire evening waiting for him to come back. The long hours had drifted by, not blessing me with the release of sleep, but prolonging my agony until I had to drink myself into a stupor. It was hard to believe that Jet and I had nearly worked off my huge debt in the last year before Spike's arrival. With his help, I had managed to make more than three-quarters of the money I owed disappear. But no one else knew that…not even Ed.

"What about Julia?"

He stood back, sighing. "I loved Julia, I did…but she's dead now. All things happen for a purpose, Faye. She died and I lived. There was a reason for that. I was suppose to come back to protect you."

"So destiny is to blame?"

He had never been one to believe in anything, least of all destiny. If Spike Spiegel found spiritual guidance in something that this universe had to offer, Julia would have been it. However, I couldn't overlook his strong companionship with those he had fought alongside. Though in the end, he had been forced to kill Vicious, perhaps that was the true moment in which he had died. Was that the sudden reason for the change in him? Had all the death, the blood, the decay finally given a light upon the world in front of him?

"I don't understand it all, but you're my reason for being here…you're the reason I'm still alive."

The lining of skin underneath my eye began to twitch with a burning pain. I didn't understand at first, I thought I was just angry at him, but then I realized I was crying. "You're full of shit," I told him, trying not to let him see the tears as I wiped them away roughly. How many times had I cried in front of him in the past month?

"Maybe," he shrugged in response. Bending his head down, he lit a fresh cigarette. He breathed out, exhaling a whiff of thick white cloud in the room. Using his left leg to prop him up, he leaned back against the cool metal wall near to the door. Not a word escaped his lips.

"What are we doing in here, Spike?" I asked, softly, already knowing the answer. He was a man after all. I couldn't assume that he had brought me here to chit chat over tea. I wasn't naïve. Sitting down on his bed, I brought my legs up to me again, wrapping my arms around them.

"Let's not play dumb. I know what your silence almost did to you." He leaned over to me, dipping his face particularly close to my own. "You could have died if I hadn't tagged your bracelet." My eyes widened as I recalled his sneaky attack. I moved to slap him, but he easily dodged it, going back to his position against the wall, looking as causal as ever. He chuckled. "I know how loyal you are. Thieves usually don't look out for anyone but themselves."

"I told you why I did it!" I snapped. "I was protecting my family!"

"But that's not all of it," he commented with a sly grin. Snuffing out the butt, he approached me again. "You care about me and it's killing you on the inside. It makes your Romani blood boil." I snorted, disgusted at his idea, but he only grinned wider. "It explains why you always run away instead of facing your problems."

"Bastard," I hissed, pushing past him to the door.

He let me past. There was no other way I would have gotten by. He was just a bone thin, lanky person, but he had strength. He knew how to use my own force against me. There was no doubt that had he wanted to, he could have forced anything out of me. I wouldn't have minded, but that was what repulsed me about it even more, and I bolted down the hall.

"Think what you want, but you know it's true." His voice reached my ears, despite the decreased decibel. I stopped there, in the middle of the hall, just listening. "Don't live in denial, Faye." I closed my eyes, waiting for the end of it. When there was no more, I opened my eyes and went into my room, but not before I heard him whisper, "Please." Pausing, I glanced back at him, peering out his doorway, then I locked my door and went to bed.