Disclaimer: If you recognize it, I don't own it. The plot and any original characters (specifically Claire)belong to me, but everything else is stuff I only wish I could take credit for.

A/N: Wow. Thank you all so much for all the amazing reviews! You're all fantastic and fantastic readers make me want to write quicker! (That was my subtle way to tell you all to keep reviewing!) Anyway, this is just a little chapter about Jess and Rory's thoughts. Things will be picking up very soon, I promise.

Oh, to answer a question asked in a review, Literati is the term given to both the Jess/Rory pairing and the intelligent, fabulous people that support said pairing :) On to the chapter...

Chapter 4: I'll Sleep When I'm Dead

Jess was reading silently in his bed. He tossed the thin volume, Howl, aside in frustration. What had started out as a very normal day had gone to Hell extremely quickly. First, seeing Rory standing there in his apartment, looking sad and tragic and absolutely beautiful. Then, he had done the unthinkable: he lied to his best and only friend.

Jess still loved Rory. A day didn't pass when he didn't think about her, picture her smile, remember funny things she said. On the days when it was the worst, he even pulled out the single photograph he had of her. He'd snapped it quickly at the diner, before she'd realized he'd taken it. She was wearing her ghastly Chilton uniform and looking up at him, smiling softly. It was a beautiful picture of her and he loved it. He loved her. This wasn't about love though. It was about pride.

Jess had put himself on the line when he told Rory that he loved her, which was the reason he'd run away right after. He was terrified that she was going to reject him. Then, it became even more apparent to him that he just couldn't live without her, so he asked her to come to New York. Despite what she had said that day, his request hadn't meant for her to throw away her life. In his wildest dreams, he had hoped that she would want to start over again with him. That she'd want to move to New York and give up everything for love. But he wasn't a fool. Well, he was, but not about this. He had assumed that when she heard his seemingly outlandish offer, she'd be shocked and instead make him a counteroffer. If she had asked him to move to Connecticut, as long as it wasn't that damned Stars Hollow, he'd have done it for her. He'd have done anything for her. But she'd said no. He threw all of his emotions on the line for her, and she's said no. That was all she said. Who knew that one word was capable of destroying you? No.

He was brokenhearted. Jess Mariano, eternal bad boy who cared about absolutely nothing and no one was nursing a broken heart because of Rory Gilmore. He'd told Claire all about it as soon as he'd gotten back and hadn't said a word about it since. Claire knew him though, and she knew that he still cared for her. Jess was perfectly aware that Claire read him better than she could read a book and he really wasn't sure why he lied to her. It wasn't fear that Claire would blab to Rory. He knew her well enough to know she'd never do that. But he'd worked so hard to put on this façade of anger that he didn't want it to be ruined now. He didn't want anyone, even Claire, to know that this wasn't anger bubbling over. It was heartache.

A soft knock came on the door, and Jess looked up confused. Claire never knocked. "Come in."

Claire entered his room. Her deep purple hair was up in a ponytail and she was wearing a short-sleeved black and green button-down shirt with 'Kwik-Mart' emblazoned on it. She was wearing a fresh, clean pair of jeans with no holes in them. In her hands, she held her black hat that she was required to wear. She worked full time at an all-night convenience store from 12 am to 8 am.

"You knocked." Jess said, raising one eyebrow at her. He sighed. "I'm not mad."

Claire laughed. "Don't lie to me, Jess. I always know when you're lying to me." She said pointedly. "You're mad." She walked over to his bed and sat down next to him.

"I am." He agreed. "But not at you. At her, and at the situation. Why the Hell did she have to come here? Why the Hell did your bleeding heart have to feel for her and bring her up?"

"Of all the gin joints in all the world." Claire said, nodding.

"Exactly!" Jess exclaimed. "Why is she here?"

Claire shrugged. "Call me crazy, but I'm guessing it's Fate."

"No, not this Fate stuff again!" Jess said, knocking playfully into Claire with his shoulder. "Man controls his own destiny. Besides, she doesn't want me remember? And I don't even want her anymore. I'm glad she said no to me. It would've have worked out. I would've gotten tired of her and she would've hated me for it."

Claire shrugged and said, "Maybe you're right. Why are you so mad at her then, Jess?"

Jess tried to formulate a lie in his head, but honesty won out. He'd already lied to Claire enough for one evening. "Because she should've given me the chance to prove that I loved her and because she didn't love me back."

Claire nodded. At last, she thought, honesty. "Well," She said, "I guess everyone needs an unrequited love. Mine's Johnny Depp, and yours is Rory Gilmore."

Jess gave a short laugh. "Yup. I've been there, and now I've moved on. What's so great about love anyway?" He demanded.

Claire shrugged and put her head on her best friend's shoulder. "If I ever figure it out, I'll tell ya." She picked up Howl. "Again?" She asked.

"What can I say?" Jess demanded. "It's a great book."

"It is." Claire agreed, thumbing through it. There were notes all over it. Some were in Jess's handwriting, and some belonged to a much more delicate hand that matched the one used on the pad of paper in the living room.

"Did you check out the Steinbeck I gave you?" Claire demanded.

"Yeah." Jess said. "And I just can't get into him. His style is so mock-epic and it's annoying."

Claire rolled her eyes and swatted him with the book she was holding and responded, "This from the guy who thinks Hemingway's use of the vignette is the best thing since Tolstoy."

Jess shoved her again. "Just because you can't appreciate the man's genius doesn't mean that he wasn't brilliant. He was." Jess slipped into silence then, remembering similar fights between himself and Rory. Claire and Rory were very similar people. In fact, what first drew him to Rory was that she reminded him of Claire. One conversation with her though, and Jess knew that Rory was so much more than Claire was though. He loved Claire, but he was in love with Rory. He had been since he met her.

"OK, I've gotta get to work." Claire said. She leaned over and kissed Jess on the cheek. "I love ya, kid." She said with a smile.

"Yeah, yeah." Jess said, smiling weakly at her. "I love you too. See you tomorrow."

Claire walked out of the room and shut the door quietly behind her. Jess picked up the book again and took the picture of Rory from where it was, wedged between the last two pages. He looked at it with a small smile before replacing the picture, putting the book on the end table, turning off the lamp, and going to bed. He knew though, that sleep wouldn't come easy tonight.


Rory looked at the red numbers on her alarm clock. 12:07 screamed back at her from the small device. Rory sighed deeply and sat up in bed. She switched on a lamp and let herself think about the events of the day. She let herself think of Jess. Jess.

Looking at him still sent a shock of electricity straight down her spine. His eyes still sparkled and his hair was still messy and adorable. He was still messy and adorable. Seeing him had pushed so much to the surface, so many things she hadn't wanted to think about.

He had come for her. He had come to her dorm and practically begged her to go with him. He said they were meant for each other and that he wanted to start over with her. And she said no because she was scared. She was scared that if she said yes, they'd both regret it. She was scared that she'd throw it all to the wind for him and for love and that he'd change his mind. She was scared that she'd have to tell her mom and her family and they'd disown her and she'd have nothing to come back to when Jess let her down.

She was even more scared that he wouldn't let her down. She was terrified by the determination and love in his pretty eyes. When he said that he changed and that she could rely on him now, she believed him. She had never felt anything like what she felt for Jess and it was absolutely terrifying. She was scared that actually taking that step and going with him would result in something bigger that she couldn't control. She was scared because she had really and truly wanted to go with him.

Rory gasped as she allowed the thought into her head. I wanted to go with him. She thought to herself. She hadn't allowed herself to think about it before, but she'd wanted to go with him. She wanted to move to New York with no plan for the future and nothing but Jess and their love. It was a silly desire that she had squelched before she even realized it existed. She heard him talking about love and being meant for each other, and she automatically made herself believe that he was wrong without really listening to him. She sent him away without thinking about what it meant. Now she knew what it meant.

He hates me, Rory thought to herself. He hates me and he has every reason to. She had sent him away, pretending that she didn't still love him. Then what had she done? She'd gone and thrown herself into the arms of her married ex-boyfriend because he was safe and sweet and reliable. And where was he now? At home with his wife. Where was Rory? Alone in a New York townhouse thinking about Jess.

She knew he was back in New York, or at least she had assumed. But she never expected to see him. Or at least, she hadn't wanted to think about seeing him. She knew maybe it could possibly happen, but she didn't want it to. Actually, she didn't want to want to see him. She wanted to forget all about Jess Mariano's existence. She didn't want to be in love with him.

Claire was an interesting character. Her personality was amazing and Rory was actually very excited about making friends with the outgoing girl. She was funny and had good taste in books and it was obvious why she and Jess were friends. What Rory couldn't understand though, is why they were just friends. They'd make an amazing couple and Rory couldn't understand why Claire wouldn't be attracted to Jess. Claire had said it herself, "meant to be immortalized in paintings and poetry." Why weren't they together? Why hadn't Jess made a move on her. It never occurred to Rory that she might be part of the reason.

Rory looked at herself in the mirror and said to her reflection, "It doesn't matter. I'll call Claire and hang out with her, but I know Jess isn't going to want anything to do with me. I wouldn't want anything to do with me either. He hates me. Hell, I hate me."

Rory switched off her lamp and curled back up in her bed. There were no tears this time, but there was a heavy sadness that was overwhelming her. As Rory laid there, she wished she could talk to her mother about this. Even if they were on good terms, which Rory didn't feel they were, Lorelai would hear the name Jess and go off on a tirade. She would never understand.


A/N again: As I said, just a brief chapter to whet your appetites. coming next, Rory and Claire interact and finally, a real Jess/Rory conversation :)