Disclaimer: If you recognize it, I don't own it. The plot and any original characters (specifically Claire)belong to me, but everything else is stuff I only wish I could take credit for.

A/N: Again, I have nothing but love for you all and your amazingly sweet reviews. Keep them coming :) This chapter would've been up last night but my internet connection was down. I apologize for the wait. I've started Chapter 6 and it should be up later today or tomorrow. Reviews make me smile!

Chapter 5: Never Say Goodbye

"So I told him, "Sure, I could tell you which one is the better book…if you sign an autograph for me."" Claire told Rory with excited eyes. The two were sitting in a place called Café Del Sol, enjoying lattes and each other's company.

Rory's eyes widened and she laughed. "So what did he do?"

Claire shrugged. "He autographed a piece of register tape for me. It's hanging in the apartment, and I told him that I preferred the Dickens to the Bronte. And he bought the Dickens."

Rory shook her head in amazement. "I can't believe Johnny Depp was in the bookstore. I'm in awe."

"You're in awe?" Claire responded. "The man is the father of my future children; he just doesn't know it yet."

"Well, we'll have to move to Utah and become Mormons because I've had stakes on him since I saw him get sucked into a bed in Nightmare on Elm Street, and I was only like five." Rory said, sipping her coffee.

Claire laughed. "I'm sorry, but I refuse to share the unrequited love of my life with anybody, even someone as delightful as you."

Rory set her cup down and said, "So I'm almost done with Blind Spot, and I'm suffering through it. It really is just her whining. She's not even making a statement."

Claire sighed deeply. "I know. It had such great potential too. I thought it was going to be so good. It wasn't."

"So have you read anything good lately?" Rory demanded. "I'm so desperate for something to keep me busy."

Claire nodded excitedly, fiddling with a lock of hair that had escaped from under her tie-dyed bandana. "Oh my God, I just finished reading this amazing book called The Holy Barbarians. Jess turned me on to it. It's amazing! It's about-."

"Venice Beach beatniks." Rory finished. "I'm the one who gave it to Jess. Well, I lent it to him and he left before I could get it back."

Claire nodded. "When he went out to California."

Rory nodded and said, "I never finished it."

"It's good. Maybe you should…ask Jess to give it back."

Rory shook her head. "I couldn't. It'd be like a rabbi going to Hitler and saying, 'Hey Adolf, remember that twenty dollars I lent you? I need to be repaid.'"

Claire laughed. "That's quite an image. He doesn't hate you. He's just angry."

Rory nodded. "He has every reason to be angry with me." She agreed.

Claire looked up at Rory with as much timidity as she could muster. "Dare I ask what happened between the two of you?"

Rory hesitated. "You aren't going to tell him, are you? I mean, I know we aren't in middle school or anything, but seriously, you aren't going to run to him and go 'This is what your Yale Girl said!' Are you?"

"Of course not!" Claire exclaimed. "I mean, it's a valid fear. But this isn't about Jess and me being friends. This is about me and you being friends. And I wouldn't betray that. Honestly." Claire exuded sincerity because she was indeed being sincere. She had no intention of sharing any of her conversations with either of them. There were other ways to play matchmaker.

"I believe you." Rory said with a smile. "Well, Jess came to Stars Hollow, and that's where I live. Fast forward through a lot of drama and cut it down to this: I was with someone at the time, and we ended up breaking up because he saw how much I cared about Jess. So Jess and I were together, and well, he was a lousy boyfriend. He, he didn't treat me well at all." Rory smiled sadly. "But we were happy. I fell in love with him so hard and so fast."

Claire smiled. "I remember when Jess was back here for that short time after that accident he got in. You're the girl who found him in Washington Square Park, aren't you? You're the reason he went back."

Rory blushed and shrugged. "I might be. That was before we started dating though." She said, "But things fell apart. He flunked out of school and he ran to California. It hurt so badly. Then he came back again. He wanted me to run away with me. I said no. I just didn't feel that way about him anymore."

Claire nodded. "But you miss him." It was a statement, not a question.

Rory hesitated, but then chose to be honest. "Yeah, I do. I miss having him to talk to and to make short, sarcastic comments before slipping into silence. I miss discussing books and music. I miss his unpredictability. And the way he smelled. He had a very particular odor."

"Leather and laundry detergent?" Claire questioned.

"That's the one." Rory responded. "And after a day at the diner, he smelled like French fries too. That was nice. Made me hungry."

"Looking at that boy makes a lot of women hungry." Claire said suggestively.

Rory gulped before she asked, "Has he been with anyone?"

Claire raised an eyebrow at the question.

"Not that I care!" Rory exclaimed. "I don't. I'm just hoping he got over it. I'd hate to see him left pining or something. God that sounds arrogant. But I did the pining for a while. I know what it's like."

"He's not dating anyone now." Claire responded, patting Rory's hand gently. "But he's been on a few dates or…something resembling dates."

"Oh." Rory said. "Good. Good."

"Let's talk about something else!" Claire exclaimed. "So what's Yale like?"

"Yale is really great. It's a lot of work, but I really like it. I manage to balance fun and work. Did you go to college?" Rory asked.

"I was an art student at NYU for two years. But I got bored with it, so I dropped out." Claire said. "I get bored easily. It's why I can't keep a relationship going. I like too many different things."

"See, I've always been really focused. I want to be a journalist." Rory responded. "But I have to admit, I kind of wish I could just drift like that. It's not me though. I can't do it."

Claire laughed. "Sometimes I wish I could just have a goal and stick to it. But that isn't me."

"It's not Jess either." Rory responded somewhat bitterly, taking another sip of her latte.

"I think you'd be surprised. He's matured a lot lately. He got his GED and he wants to do the community college thing. He's working two jobs now to pay for it. Gotta respect that. It was really cute actually. One day he just said to me, 'I'm better than this, Claire.' And he was right. He is better than it."

Rory smiled. "I always told him that he was. He's so smart."

"I'd never argue that." Claire agreed. "No one reads more than he does, and his math is amazing too. When the kid took the SATs he got a 1500, did you know that?"

Rory's eyes widened in shock. "I had no idea. He never told me that. That's amazing. It doesn't surprise me, but at the same time it does. He hated school."

"No, what Jess hates is being forced into things. He hated that people made him go to school. Once it was voluntary, he loved it. He was so excited about his GED. I had to go to his graduation ceremony. It was adorable. There are pictures." Claire proclaimed.

"You know him so much better than I ever did." Rory whispered.

Claire had to try not to smile at Rory. She was so transparent. At the same time, Claire felt terribly sorry for both her and Jess. They were so perfect for each other, and both had let something get in the way of them being happy.

"Let's stop talking about Jess." Claire proclaimed. "Let's talk about music. Are you a Clash fan? I have an amazing early recording of 'London Calling'."

Rory smiled at the subject change, even though it was a topic that still made her think of Jess. She made a concerned effort though, and for the rest of the day neither girl mentioned Jess Mariano.


Jess entered the apartment and sleepily tossed his keys on the coffee table. He glanced tiredly at the clock. It was about 4 in the afternoon, and he had just gotten back from working all day at a warehouse a few blocks down where he ran the forklift. He sank onto the couch and closed his eyes tiredly. He kicked his shoes off and sighed. If he ever found the energy to move, he was going to go to his room and sleep for a very long time.

A soft knock came on the door and Jess sighed deeply. "Come in!" He called, not opening his eyes.

Jess heard the door open and shut again, and lazily opened one eye. Through hazy vision he saw Rory standing there, and he immediately opened both eyes. He sat up straight, but made no move from the couch.

"Claire isn't here." He said shortly. "She's working a double."

Rory nodded, fiddling nervously with the hem of her white, off-the-shoulder sweater. "I know. I came to see you."

Jess repressed a smile and continued to look coldly at Rory. "Oh, you did? What is it? Cuz the offer has long since been retracted."

"The Holy Barbarians, Jess. I want it back." Rory said, still not looking up at him. "That's why I'm here."

Jess felt defeated and saddened by her statement and by the nonchalant tone in her voice, but didn't let that show in his demeanor. He nodded to her. "Fine. I'll go get it."

Jess stood with great effort and went into his bedroom. As soon as Rory was out of his line of vision, he took a deep breath to steady himself. He grabbed the book from its place on the shelf and went back to the room.

Jess walked over to where Rory stood, looking at the portrait Claire was painting of him. It was more complete now than it had been. Rory could see now that it was Jess's profile as he looked out a window at the city skyline. The look in his eyes was thoughtful and almost wistful.

"She's good." Rory said with sincerity. Her next comment saw that sincerity replaced with bitterness. "She really managed to capture something that isn't there."

Jess's jaw dropped in shock. "Excuse me?" He said angrily. "What the Hell gives you the right to be mad at me?"

Rory rolled her eyes and crossed her arms across her chest. "How about the fact that I was abandoned by the boy I loved not once, but twice?" She questioned, raising an eyebrow at him.

"You knew how it was, Rory!" Jess exclaimed, throwing the book down on the bare wood floor. "You knew how I was!"

"Correction. I know how you are." Rory retorted. Where is all this coming from, Rory asked herself. She hadn't come here to fight with him. Just to see him one more time and to get her book back. Why was she picking a fight?

"You don't know anything about the way I am now!" Jess exclaimed, throwing his hands in the air. "I tried to tell you I was different. You wouldn't listen. God knows you wouldn't let me prove it. But that's OK, because I don't need to prove it to you anymore."

The two stood there, glaring at each other and fuming with anger. Jess stared at Rory through narrow eyes.

"Are you happy?" He demanded in a softer voice- not gentle or even without anger, but softer.

"Are you?" She threw back, annoyed at the question and at the answer she knew was true.

"I asked you first, Gilmore." Jess responded in the same soft, even voice.

"No." Rory responded, practically daring him to make a remark. "Does that make you feel good? To know that I'm not happy?"

"No, it doesn't make me 'feel good.' Well, maybe a little." Jess responded. He didn't want Rory to be unhappy. He didn't want her to be happy with someone other than him, but he didn't want her to be unhappy either.

Rory let out a small smile at his honesty. "Are you happy?" She demanded again.

Jess shrugged and stuck his hands in his back pockets. "I'm not unhappy. I've got Claire. I've got my books. I have Luke when and if I need him. I'm not unhappy." The words rang false in his ears, and Rory's as well.

"Jess." Rory said, staring intently at him.

"No! I'm not happy." Jess responded, boring holes into her with his eyes. "I haven't been happy for a long time."

The silence hung heavily between them, enveloping them in smothering arms. They continued to stand there, staring intently at each other. Their anger had melted into a puddle on the floor, and they both stood there looking defeated.

Rory looked down on the book that was lying on the floor. She bent over and picked it up. She opened it to the inside back cover and read what was written there. In Jess's handwriting were the words, 'Maybe you were right. Maybe his son does take off his clothes and party'

Rory looked up at Jess with tears in her eyes. Jess gulped and said awkwardly, "No. Don't do that."

Rory sniffed back the tears and said, "God, I can't even control them anymore. All I do is cry. I'm leaving now. Thank you, Jess. Goodbye."

"You have an obsession with that word." Jess called after her, smiling when it had the desired effect and she paused before her hand touched the doorknob. She turned to face him again, clutching the book to her chest.

"Goodbye. You're obsessed with goodbyes." Jess said, collapsing onto the couch and looking up at her. "You were obsessed with the fact I never said goodbye. You made such a big deal about saying goodbye when I called you at graduation. Do you know why I never say goodbye, Rory?"

She opened her mouth to respond to his question and he cut her off. "Don't say because I'm a coward. That might be part of it, but do you know what the rest is?"

Rory shook her head, looking afraid of the answer.

"I never said goodbye to you because goodbye would mean that I'd failed you, that I was that guy who let you down. I never wanted to be that guy. I was terrified of being that guy."

A tear slipped down Rory's cheek and she had to look down so he wouldn't see her smile.

"Why'd you come for the book, Rory? You could've just gotten another copy." Jess asked, not commenting on the smile on her face.

Rory looked up at him. "And miss your notes all over it? Never." She was smiling at him.

Jess allowed himself to return the smile. "You should see my notes I just made on Farewell to Arms." He said, forgetting himself and his anger.

Rory made a disgusted face. "Ick, Hemmingway? Haven't you gotten over that phase in your life?"

"Never." Jess responded. "You can't get over greatness."

"But what does that have to do with Hemmingway?" Rory asked innocently.

Jess held back a sigh. God I've missed this, he thought to himself. All of a sudden the fog that had enveloped his brain lifted and the mask of anger slipped back into place.

"You should leave now." He commanded gruffly.

Rory nodded. "Yes." She said coolly. "I really should."

Rory pulled open the door and shut it quietly behind her.

Jess inhaled sharply and asked himself, "What the Hell just happened?"


Rory took a deep breath as she closed the door behind her. Her knees were shaky and she sank down to the floor and rested her head against the door. "What just happened?" She asked.

All she had wanted was her book back, at least that's what she'd told herself all the way to his apartment. She hadn't wanted to see him or talk to him or argue with him… She hadn't wanted to see that intense look in his eyes, or that sexy, smug smile of his. She hadn't wanted to go in there and come out with her heart beating so fast in her chest. Yet it had happened.

Oh, my God, Rory thought to herself as she looked at the words Jess had written in the back again. What's happening?

All of a sudden, the door was pulled open and Rory collapsed into the apartment, her head banging against the floor. She dizzily looked up at an upside-down version of Jess. "Hi?" She said with a weak smile.

Jess shook his head at her and tried not to look amused. "What's up with you and Dean?" Jess demanded, looking down at her.

"Dean's married." Rory said weakly, pushing herself up and dusting off the front of her black skirt.

"I saw the way he was looking at you." Jess retorted. "Don't tell me that he's married like that explains it away. Are you with him now?" Jess asked, afraid of the answer.

Rory tilted her head to the side, "You were coming after me to ask me that? Why?"

Jess shrugged, "No reason."

Rory matched his shrug with one of her own. "No reason then no answer." She responded.

Jess sighed and demanded, "Is he the reason you said no?" He held his breath.

Rory shook her head. "No."

Jess nodded. "Then it was just because you didn't love me." He said softly.

Before he let Rory had a chance to respond, Jess put his hands on her shoulders. Rory looked up at him, scared and excited. Jess lightly pushed her entirely out of the apartment before closing the door in her face.

"No." Rory whispered to the closed door. "It was because I did love you."