Disclaimer: If you recognize it, I don't own it. The plot and any original characters (specifically Claire)belong to me, but everything else is stuff I only wish I could take credit for.

A/N: Sorry this took so long to get up. I just started classes for my spring semester at college and things were a little hectic. Anyway, thanks for all the reviews and I hope to see more great ones soon. Also, I'd love to hear ideas as to what everyone would like to happen because I have a few ideas in mind as to how I want things to go. Yup,that's it. Review, review, review!!! 3 you all!

Chapter 6: Every Word Was a Piece of My Heart

"Jess, babe, I'm home." Claire whispered, peeking her head into his room. "Are you awake?" She asked as she walked into his room. He was wrapped up in his blankets. She could see his eyes were open. "Are you sick?"

Jess shook his head weakly. "No. Just tired."

"Long day at work, sweetheart?" Claire asked sympathetically, sitting on his bed and brushing his hair out of his face.

"Yeah. Then Rory was here. We talked." Jess said, looking up at Claire pathetically.

"What do you mean the two of you talked?" Claire squealed, jumping on Jess's bed. She bounced up and down excitedly. "Like, she came over and the two of you had a civilized conversation?"

"As civilized as one of our conversations could possibly be." Jess responded, sitting up in bed. "Can you stop that? You know how old this bed is! It is yours after all."

Claire jumped once more and plopped down into sitting position next to Jess. She wrapped an arm around him and said, "What happened?"

Jess shrugged. "She came over for her book. We fought a little. Then we almost had a real conversation about books. It was nice."

Claire smiled at Jess and lifted his chin with two fingers, forcing him to face her. "You miss her."

Jess nodded. "Yeah, I do. I lied to you the other day, Claire." He said.

Claire nodded. "I knew that. I always know, baby."

"I miss her, and I still love her. I can't stop. Seeing her feels like someone punched me in the stomach."

Claire smiled a silly smile at Jess, prompting him to demand defensively, "What?"

"You just told me she takes your breath away."

"That is not what I said." Jess responded indignantly.

Claire just stared at him, still smiling and waiting for an answer.

Jess sighed and leaned his head against the headboard of his bed. "If I looked at her for too long, I think I might suffocate." He said, dropping his sleepy head on Claire's shoulder.

Claire giggled at him again. "Congratulations, Mari. You're in love. I mean, I knew how much you cared about her. I always have. But until this very moment, I didn't know how much you love her."

"Don't call me Mari," came Jess's simple response. His cheeks were a light shade of pink.

"And you're blushing!" Claire squealed. "Oh, sweetie. So, what now?"

"She told me she didn't love me anymore." Jess responded, staring straight ahead.

"What?" Claire choked out. "She said that?"

"She didn't have to say it." Jess said, unreasonably calm. "She didn't deny that it wasn't true. The reason she didn't want to go with me was because she didn't love me."

"Nope. No way." Claire proclaimed, shaking her head fervently. "I absolutely refuse to believe that."

"Believe it." Jess responded, lying back down. "It's OK though. Now I know for sure that she doesn't love me. That's all I need. I can move on now."

Claire rolled her eyes. "Liar."

"I like being a liar." Jess snapped. "Can you just leave me alone, Claire? I hate having to be seen like this.'

"Hate admitting that you have emotions, you mean?" Claire asked, annoyed. "Baby, I'm gonna be straight with you right now. You're an idiot. You love her, and you keep letting her just walk away." She rolled him over to face her.

"Because she doesn't love me back!" Jess exclaimed, pulling from Claire's grasp and reverting to his original position.

"You don't know that!" Claire yelled, turning him over onto his back and pinning his arms above his head. "You keep assuming things. You made a ridiculous offer that she said no to. Big surprise there. I've hung out with this girl twice and I know she'd never give up Yale for something she wasn't positive about. You assume she doesn't love you because she didn't say she does love you. Not everything is that black and white, you ass!" Claire screamed into Jess's ear.

Jess cringed. "I hate it when you yell. You go all high-pitched and then only dogs can hear you. Besides, some things are that black and white."

Claire let out a groan in frustration and hopped off the bed. "You're scared, and you're an idiot. How's that for black and white?" She stormed to the door, but before she left turned back to him and said, "You're still my best friend though, and I'm sorry for this argument. I love you."

Jess didn't smile. "You're my best friend too. Now get out of my room."

Claire nodded. "I will. Sleep it off, sweetie."

Claire shut the door to the bedroom. What the Hell is the matter with those two? She asked herself. I just don't get this love thing.


"Hi, mom." Rory said, sitting on the couch in the living room.

"Hey, kid. How's the New York life?" Lorelai asked her daughter.

"Good, good." Rory responded. "I've only gotten mugged twice."

"See, right now the nervous mother in me is overpowering the woman who'd appreciate that joke." Lorelai responded.

"Sorry, mom. I'm fine. The renovations on the house are going good. I've been getting some great reading done."

"Great. You aren't too bored?"

Rory had to bite back a laugh. "Nope. I'm keeping myself busy. I've actually been hanging out with this girl I met in the Village. We're getting to be good friends."

"Well, that's great, kiddo." Lorelai said, sounding somewhat distracted.

"Yeah, look mom, I need to tell you something." Rory said nervously, preparing to tell her mom about seeing Jess again. In the background, she heard the doorbell ring.

"Oh! Luke's here." Lorelai said. "I'm sorry to cut this short, Rory, but I'm going out with Luke. Can what you have to say wait?" Her voice was hopeful.

"Of course it can, mom. It isn't important." Rory lied. "Have fun. My love to Luke."

"Of course. Bye baby." Lorelai said cheerfully, hanging up the phone.

Rory closed her cell phone and put it on the end table. Her mother sounded so carefree and so happy. Mentioning Jess would ruin that for her, and Rory didn't want to do that. Yeah, that was why she didn't press the issue.

Rory looked around the room thoughtfully. There was still tarp down on the floor from the painters who were painting the walls. Two were a nice cream color while the other two were still a harsher shade of beige. Rory considered calling Claire, but wasn't really in the mood to be around anybody, particularly Jess's best friend.

Rory picked up The Holy Barbarians from its place on the coffee table. She opened it to the first page and looked at Jess's scrawled script in the margins. She smiled softly and ran her fingers over the words. She continued to leaf through it, snickering at some of his funnier notes. Then, about halfway through the book, she came across a folder, lined piece of paper wedged between the pages. Curiously, Rory removed it from the book and unfolded it. What she saw almost made her heart stop.

THINGS TO TELL RORY

1.)I made a list to organize my thoughts.

2.)I still love her

3.)I never stopped loving her

4.)I never will stop loving her

5.)I want to be with her

6.)I want her to come to New York

7.)I'll move to Connecticut for her

8.)I will NOT move back to Stars Hollow

9.)I got my GED

10.)I'm going to go to community college

11.)I'm holding two jobs steady

12.)I did it all for her.

13.)If she really wanted me to, I probably would go back to Stars Hollow. (don't tell her that)

Rory couldn't breathe as she read and reread the list. She didn't know what shocked her more. She didn't know if she was more surprised that he made a list like she so often did, or by the things he'd put on his list. He loved her so much. She was a complete and total fool. She touched the last number with her fingertips. It was still legible even though he'd crossed it out. All of a sudden there was a feeling deep within Rory's heart that she hadn't felt for a very long time. She couldn't quite figure out what it was at first, but as she read the list for a seventh time, it dawned on her. It was a strong feeling, and one she hadn't felt in a very long time. It was only there for a moment, but it was happiness, and it was pure.

Rory picked up her cell phone and scrolled through her phonebook until she found the number to Claire and Jess's apartment. The phone rang three times before the answering machine picked up.

"Hey, you've reached Claire and Mari-."

"Claire, did you just say Mari in the outgoing message?"

"No…"

"Yes you did. I told you, it's bad enough that you call me Mari! I don't want anyone else doing it too. Change it."

"Fine. Whatever. Hey, you've reached Claire and JESS. We're either not here or screening our calls. Leave a message, clearly stating who you are and your number, and if we like you we'll get back to you…Are you happy, you big baby?"

"Yes, I am."

Rory giggled at the outgoing message. When the machine beeped she said quietly. "Hey, Jess. It's, um, it's Rory." She paused for a moment, wondering if he'd pick up. After no one did she continued, "I want to come over. Just call me back when-." She was interrupted by the sound of someone picking up on the other end. For a moment, all Rory could hear was deep, ragged breathing. Then, a single word filled the heavy silence.

"OK."


"Well, this is significantly awkward." Rory said, holding her hands in her lap. She and Jess had been sitting across from each other in silence for about ten minutes now. Rory was dressed nicely in a pair of tan corduroys and a pink blouse. Jess contrasted her in the way he always had, wearing faded jeans and a white T-shirt.

"You're the one who wanted to come over." Jess responded, staring at her. "What did you want?"

Rory sighed. "Yeah, I figured if I came over then we'd have to talk about that." She stood and pulled the folded paper out of her back pocket. She crossed the space between them and handed it to him. "I found this in my book."

Jess raised his eyebrows at her and he took the paper. As soon as he held it in his hands, he knew what it was. With shaky hands, he unfolded his list and confirmed what it was. How had it gotten in that book? Why didn't I throw the damn thing out? Why did I write in the first place?

Jess refolded the list and placed it on the table in front of him. "So what?" He demanded, trying to sound cool.

Rory's eyes widened. "So what? So what? Jess, you made this list?"

"It sure wasn't Dean." Jess snapped.

Rory's face crumpled. "Was that necessary?"

Jess shrugged and crossed his arms over his chest. "So you found a list I made. My original question stands. So what?"

Rory took a deep breath. "I'm going to ask you a series of questions, and I want honest answers to them. Can you agree to that?"

Jess hesitated. "Honesty's not my strong suit. I prefer vague and non-committal."

"Believe me, I know." Rory said bitterly. "Please? Just answer honestly for me?"

Jess took a long moment to contemplate her request. Finally, he gave a quick nod. "Fine. Honest answers."

"Ok, good. Let's start easy. How'd you really get that black eye the night you met my grandmother?" Rory demanded, leaning forward intently.

"What?!" Jess exclaimed. "What does that have to do with anything?"

"Hey, I have your promise for honesty. Did you think I wasn't going to exploit it? Answer the question!" Rory said insistently.

Jess rolled his eyes. "God, fine. I got beaked by a swan. Happy?"

Rory let out a little laugh. "That's so ridiculous I know you didn't make it up."

"That served no purpose except now I'm reliving that awful day." Jess said, annoyed. "If you aren't going to ask me something that matters, just leave."

"Did you mean what you wrote on this list?" Rory questioned, nodding to the piece of paper in question.

Jess stared at her for a moment. It took everything in him to remain calm and collected. "I meant every word." Jess said, evenly.

Rory took a deep, shuddering breath. "Why didn't you tell me any of this stuff that day in my dorm?"

Jess shrugged. "I wanted to so much. I really tried to. But seeing you with Dean made me so mad, and you looked so pretty. I just completely panicked and blanked."

Rory nodded. The time for games was over. Now it was time to ask the question that was plaguing her. "Do you still feel this way?"

Jess just stared at Rory for a very long, painful moment. He wanted to lie, but nothing hurt him more than deliberately lying to Rory.

"Yes. I still feel the same way. I love you so much it hurts." He tried desperately to keep his voice even, but it was cracking with emotion.

"Oh." Rory said, her gaze falling to the floor. "I was afraid of that." She muttered.

Jess was pained by her reaction, but refused to reveal that. "So, can I play this honesty game with you?" He demanded.

Rory looked up at, and pretended she didn't see the tears he was blinking back. She nodded. "You can."

"Does your mom know you're here?"

Rory shook her head. "I haven't told her I've seen you. She's so happy with Luke. I don't want to ruin that. Besides, I know what she'd say."

"Are you with Dean?"

Rory shook her head again. "No. We…I thought we were going to be again. But he's not going to leave his wife for me."

"Was there any part of you that wanted to go with me?"

"Yes." Rory responded simply.

"Did you say no because you didn't love me?" He held his breath as he waited for an answer.

Rory shook her head. "No."

Jess's reaction was one of shock. His jaw dropped, and he quickly tried to compose himself. "Why did you say no?"

"I was scared."

"Of me?" Jess demanded.

"Of myself." Rory responded, finally looking up to meet his eyes. The look he was giving her was one of fear and nervousness. "One more. Do you love me?"

Rory couldn't verbally answer him, so she just nodded.

"So… what now?" Jess demanded.

The silence hung heavily in the air, suffocating both Rory and Jess as they stared at each other, looking scared but at the same time somewhat hopeful.

In Jess's bedroom, with her ear to the door, Clair was mentally patting herself on the back for wedging that list into the pages of The Holy Barbarians.