Disclaimer: If you recognize it, I don't own it. The plot and any original characters, (specifically Claire) belong to me, but the rest is stuff I only wish I could take credit for.
A/N: Reviews make the world go round and they make for one happy Cara :) Hope this chapter satisifies you all for a little while.
Chapter 9: Say It Isn't So
Something wasn't right. Jess was well aware of this, and it was scaring him. He loved her so much. He dreamed of the day that he was going to get her back. Now he had her back, and something was amiss. Their relationship wasn't the same as it had been. He hadn't expected it to be. He hadn't expected them to fall right back into that relationship they'd had as teenagers. He hated the person he was then; all the things he did to her. It didn't upset him that their relationship was different. What upset him was what he kept seeing in Rory's eyes.
There was fear there, and there was doubt. Even when she was looking at him, he didn't feel like she was seeing him. He felt like she was seeing all the ways this could go wrong. He still felt like she was seeing all that he had been, and not who he was now. He was afraid that when she was trying to get him to make love to her, she was thinking of Dean. That fear was a little more ridiculous than the rest, but still plausible in his mind. He read Rory very well. He always had. She was holding something back. Something was wrong, and he couldn't fix it because he wasn't quite sure what it was.
Jess entered the apartment to see Claire, sleeping on the couch with a book resting on her chest. She had an old blanket wrapped around her legs and her purple hair was fanned out behind her. He smiled at her slumbering form and went over to the sofa. He picked the book from her chest and shook his head. The Fountainhead. What is it with girls and this damn book? He folded down the corner of the page and closed the book. He placed it on the coffee table. He pulled the blanket up to her chest, causing her to stir and her eyes to flutter open. One look at her roommate's face and she sat up, staring at him and blinking the sleep rapidly out of her eyes.
"What's wrong?" She demanded, yawning. "You look like you've had a rough night, and not in the good way."
Jess sat down next to her and shrugged his shoulders. "I'm confused." He confessed, staring straight ahead.
"About what, my love?" Claire asked, running her nails along his scalp to help him relax.
"This whole thing with Rory. It doesn't feel right. It's just…odd."
"Odd in what way?" Claire questioned softly.
"Odd in the way that it's extremely awkward. Rory's so different than she used to be. She's looking at me differently, and she's…I don't know, it feels like she's hiding something." Jess said, still not looking at Claire.
"She's probably scared." Claire said thoughtfully. "She's just reconnected with her boyfriend, who she's still in love with. Are you honestly trying to tell me that it surprises you that she's afraid of getting too attached and getting hurt again?"
"I guess that makes sense." Jess conceded, "But if this is going to work, she's going to have to trust me."
"I'm not arguing that, baby. But you can't force that trust. You hurt her. It's going to take a while for her to trust you again. Just make sure she knows you love her." Claire said, trying to be as helpful as she could.
Jess nodded. "I guess I can try. I just hope it hasn't been too long. I want this to work."
"Listen to you with all the honesty and emotion!" Claire exclaimed, swatting his shoulder lightly. "I don't know how to handle it."
"Neither do I. Don't think I like it though. It leaves kind of a chalky aftertaste." Jess said sarcastically.
Claire rolled her eyes. "You're so weird, Mari."
"Yeah, but you love me." Jess said. He kissed Claire on the cheek and stood up. He stretched and said, "OK, I'm going to bed. G'night, Claire."
"Night, kiddo." Claire said, smiling up at her friend. "Sleep well. Dream of Rory."
"Don't have to tell me twice." Jess responded, before walking into the bedroom.
"Mom, I have to tell you something. I'm seeing Jess again. I still really care about him. Please don't yell." Rory mumbled, staring straight into her mirror. She'd been trying to think of how to tell her mother. There was no good way to do it, and no matter what she said, she knew it would result in screaming and fighting.
Rory looked over at her cell phone as it began to ring, and saw the apartment's number flashing on the screen. She hesitated to answer it, afraid of talking about last night and everything that had happened. She flipped open her phone and said, "Hello?"
It wasn't Jess's voice who responded. It was Claire. "Hey, Rory! It's Claire. What's up?"
"Hi, Claire," Rory said, relieved for reasons she couldn't explain. "There's nothing much going on here. What's up with you?"
"Oh, I'm just bored. That boy of ours is at work and I don't feel like waiting for him to finish work to eat. Want to meet me somewhere for lunch?" Claire asked brightly.
"Sure." Rory replied without hesitation. "I haven't eaten yet today. Where should we meet?"
They ended up meeting at a McDonalds about halfway between their homes. They both ordered some terribly unhealthy food, and sat in comfortable silence for a moment while they ate.
"So," Claire started, wiping ketchup from her mouth with a paper napkin, "You and Jess are you-and-Jess again, eh?"
Rory nodded slowly, chewing on a French fry. "I guess."
Claire arched one perfect, dark blonde eyebrow. "What do you mean 'I guess'? Don't you know?"
"Well, we're together again, but…" Rory trailed off.
"Oh my God, don't do that trailing off thing!" Claire exclaimed good-naturedly. "I don't tolerate it when Jess does it, and I won't when you do it either. Finish that sentence, missy."
"It's different than it used to be." Rory said. "It's awkward and uncomfortable and I know it's all my fault."
"Why?" Claire demanded, taking a bite of her cheeseburger.
"Did he tell you about our date or whatever last night?" Rory asked.
Claire nodded. "Of course. Not too many details, but he isn't one for details. I got the gist of it though."
"Well, after he left I got to thinking. I couldn't figure out what I was doing or why I felt so…wrong. So I sat down and I made a few lists and I made myself analyze the situation. I'm absolutely terrified of letting this work. I don't want him to hurt me again. I told him I wouldn't pine or cry last time, but I lied. I cried, Claire. I cried a lot. I don't want that to happen again." Rory let the words tumble off her tongue and felt relief wash over her.
Claire nodded. Rory had just confirmed everything she'd told Jess last night. "Well, sweetie, I don't think there's a way to guarantee that you won't get hurt. But you do love him, right?"
Rory hesitated before answering, causing Claire to choke on a fry. She took a sip of diet coke and cleared her throat. "You do love him, don't you? I heard you say so that night at our place."
Rory still hesitated, and then chose her words very carefully. "I do love him. I have no doubt in my mind that I love him. But I don't know if I can let myself love him the way he loves me."
"Explain." Claire said simply.
Rory shrugged. "I dunno. I just don't think I can let myself fall for him the way I did when we were seventeen. I don't think I can let myself be that much in love. It's too much. It's too scary."
Claire smiled slightly. "We're a lot alike, you and I. I don't know what to tell you, sweetheart. Do you want to be with him?"
Rory nodded. "I do."
"Well, then in the end that should be the only thing that matters." Claire responded.
"Yeah." Rory whispered, knowing that even though it should be the only thing that mattered, it probably wouldn't be.
"OK, I can do this. I'm doing it. I'm doing it now." Rory flipped through her cell phone to her mother's number, before slamming the phone closed again. "I can't do this."
Jess told Luke. Jess told Luke. Jess told Luke. Jess had told Luke the night it happened. Jess was being braver than her. It was that shot to her pride that finally got Rory to dial her mother's number.
"Hello, daughter." Lorelai said cheerfully.
"Hi, mom." Rory said, biting on her lip nervously.
"How are you?"
"I'm OK, mom. I have to tell you something." Rory said, taking a deep breath.
"I'm all ears." Lorelai said, sounding concerned. "Are you OK?"
"Yeah, I'm alright. But, are you sitting down?" Rory asked.
"I am." Lorelai said.
"OK, well, here's the thing. My friend Claire has this roommate and I'm dating him."
Lorelai released a rush of breath. "I was so afraid it would be a female roommate. Not that there's anything wrong with that, but thank God. So, what's the guy's name?"
"Jess Mariano." Rory said quickly.
There was a loud crash and thump on the other end of the phone, and Rory knew her mother had fallen. "I thought you were sitting."
"I was." Lorelai snapped. "I fell off the couch. You're dating Jess again. Are you serious?"
"Yes, mom. I still love him." Rory said, but her voice was shaky.
"One dumb decision after another." Lorelai said, sounding angry and disappointed at the same time.
"Mom…" Rory started.
"No! I don't want to hear it, Rory! I think this might be dumber than sleeping with Dean! What the Hell do you think you're doing? Jess? Jess! Do you remember Jess? Irresponsible, undependable, annoying, broke your heart. Does any of this ring a bell? Wait, let me guess. He's changed! Don't make me laugh! Why are you being so stupid?"
Rory's eyes filled with tears and she began to sob.
"And now you're crying? Are you surprised? How the Hell did you think I was going to react?" Lorelai demanded harshly.
"Mom…" Rory started again.
"No!" Lorelai shrieked again. "You're too old to be acting like such an impulsive little kid! Everything has consequences! Call me when you grow up."
Then, something happened that had never happened before. Lorelai Gilmore hung up on her daughter.
Lorelai pushed open the door to the diner and stormed over to Luke, who was taking Kirk's order.
"Tell me you didn't know." She commanded in a quiet yet dangerous voice.
Luke turned to face her and was taken aback by the anger and fury in her eyes. "What?"
"Don't even dare ask me what, Luke. Just tell me you didn't know." Lorelai barked.
"Um, and I'd like a side order of fries…" Kirk said, helplessly.
"Not now, Kirk!" Both Luke and Lorelai snapped at the same time.
"Can we please do this in the back?" Luke asked, grasping Lorelai's elbow.
Lorelai pulled away with the anguish building in her face. "You did know! You knew and you didn't tell me!"
"In the back, please?" Luke pleaded as he dragged her to the back. Once they were in the storeroom, he closed the door and said, "We're talking about Rory and Jess, I assume."
Lorelai just nodded and Luke responded, "Yes. I knew."
"You knew! How could you not tell me?" Lorelai demanded.
"Calm down! I didn't think it was my place to bring it up. I thought Rory should tell you. She just told you?" Luke asked, taking off his baseball cap and running his hands through his hair.
"Just told me? How long has this been going on? How long have you known?" Lorelai demanded in a scream.
"They got back together like two weeks ago, I guess." Luke said. "Yeah, that sounds about right. I called Jess that night and found out then."
"Two weeks." Lorelai said, suddenly deathly calm. "Two weeks and I found out today."
"Lorelai, I know you don't want to hear this, but Jess is a good kid. He's changed. He's got a GED, he's holding two steady jobs, and he loves Rory."
Lorelai looked up at her boyfriend and snapped, "You're right. I don't want to hear it."
"He loves her." Luke repeated. "He wants to change."
Lorelai narrowed her eyes and stared at Luke. "You're in favor of this. You think your hoodlum nephew is good enough for my daughter. You want them to be together!" She accused, crossing her arms across her chest.
Luke sighed and shook his head. "This isn't about me."
"Admit it!" She commanded.
"Yeah, I think they're good together. I always have. They're in love and they're good for each other. Are you happy now?" Luke exclaimed, annoyed.
Lorelai shook her head in amazement, before pushing past Luke and running out of the storeroom, past where all the customers were staring at her.
Luke calmly walked out of the storeroom and saw all the faces looking at him. "This is a diner, not a museum." He snapped. "Eat your food."
