Disclaimer: If I owned then a certain person in the English dub would have a different voice.(coughenvycough)

Note-o: Oi...another chapter As you can guess the main character Nao isn't fond of Edward even though they've never met...anyway hope you like and review please! (Also, if I've got any spelling/grammar mistakes that is because half was written at 1 in the morning and the other half with me lacking my glasses. So I'm blind in other words...)

Chapter 5: Pain is Fun

I check my watch for the fifth time since I got off the train. It's been nearly an hour since I got here and I swear if someone doesn't show up soon, I'm going to beat someone into a bloody pulp. No, correction I'm going to beat Roy Mustang into a bloody pulp. That bastard should have been here or at least sent someone like Havoc or Hawkeye or even Sparkle Boy...I mean Armstrong. But nooo, what does Nao get? Nothing. That's it, if I have to sit around here I might as well start plotting Roy's death. First, I'll make sure he can't get those damn gloves on then I'll use alchemy to transmute something into a sword. Then I'll decapitate him, stick his head on a...well, stick then parade around with his head on the stick while everyone celebrates. Or I could...

"Excuse me." I'll choke him to death...ooo, better yet I'll use his own gloves to burn him to a crisp. "Um, excuse me Miss..." A suit of armor says. Wait, backtrack...a suit of armor? I look up at it and blink. A suit of armor is talking to me. Luckily, I'm not stupid so my guess is either there is an actual person in that suit or someone soul is bound to it by the anchoring seal.

"Um...yeah?" I reply, still kind of shocked. If it is a soul bound to armor, this is a first for me. I've never seen a soul-binding experiment that has succeeded. Of course if he is a soul in armor, only one thing comes to mind : CAN I POKE HIM?

"Did the train already come?" I nod. If he expected to get on that train, he is way late.

"Damn...come on Al." I look at this short blonde next to the armor. I didn't notice the kid before..guess I was too caught up with the armor. Wait..did that kid call the armor Al? As in Alphonse Elric? AS IN THE SUIT OF ARMOR, ALPHONSE ELRIC, YOUNGER BROTHER OF EDWARD ELRIC? That would mean...no. It couldn't be. Edward Elric wouldn't be that short would he?

"Wait." The blonde turns around and sighs. Well, sorry if I waste your time shrimp. "Aren't you Edward Elric?" The blonde grins. Oh shit.

"Yes." I blink. That's Edward Elric with the stupid grin on his face. The armor is his younger brother, Alphonse Elric. The Elric Brothers are here which only means one thing...

"I'M GOING TO KILL MUSTANG!" HE KNOWS I HATE ELRIC! THAT IDIOT EXCUSE OF AN ALCHEMIST! THINKS HE IS SO HIGH AND MIGHTY JUST BECAUSE HE DOESN'T NEED AN ARRAY TO TRANSMUTE OBJECTS! I WILL TEAR MUSTANG LIMB FROM LIMB AND FEED HIM TO..TO...TO HAVOC!
Wait...the Elric brothers are still standing there...they look terribly confused. I'm going to be as polite as I can and introduce myself. "I'm Nao Walters. The Black Feather Alchemist." Woah, that came out a little colder than intended. Oh well. Hey, why do they look so surprised?

"YOU'RE THE BLACK FEATHER ALCHEMIST?" No. I'm not. I just said that for kicks. Despite what I want to say, I just nod and look at the idiot and his younger brother. "I THOUGHT YOU WERE A HE!" Why am I not surprised? Hmm, let's see is it because I tell them (meaning Hughes, Mustang and anyone associated with me) to tell others who have never even seen a lock of my hair that I'm a guy? It's easier to deal with people if they don't know who you are. Maybe I should have worn the military uniform...at least I would have been identifiable.

"Well, I'm not. So you are the Full Metal pipsq-..I mean alchemist?" I ask hotly. The stupid shrimp glares at me before nodding. "I assume that bastard Roy sent you?" He continues nodding. "Okay, one more question before you win the grand prize shorty."

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING A MICROSCOPIC ATOM THAT ISN'T VISIBLE TO THE HUMAN EYE?" Edward yells, flailing his arms insanely as his younger yet taller brother holds him back. Man, he sure has a temper. I didn't say any of those things...where the hell did he pull that phrase out of?

"I did not call you a microscopic atom that isn't visible to the human eye Elric. I called you short. S-H-O-R-T."

"You're one to talk, we're the same height." Edward mutters, glaring daggers at me. Good thing looks can't kill. Good thing his brother is holding him back too.

"Whatever. Anyway, back to my question." I narrow my eyes at the Elric Brothers. "Why are you 45 minutes late?" Edward loses all color in his face as Alphonse laughs nervously. Oh this is going to be good.

"Uh..you see...I...and then..." Edward stumbles over the explanation, leaving most of it out.

"It's not Nii-san's fault. It's mine. I made him stop at this pet shop so I could look at the kittens. I guess we got caught up and forget the time. I'm really sorry Nao-san." Alphonse says, bowing a little. I frown. It's obvious that the boy is covering for his elder brother but I don't question it. Kittens? Really, what an excuse.

"Whatever. Can we just get to the HQ without anymore stops for kittens?" I ask, walking past them.

"Sure." Edward replies as the two start walking with me.


"How long have you been a State Alchemist?" Alphonse asks me. I hate small talk. Does it look like I want to talk?

"Two years." I really hate small talk.

"Oh. And how old are you?" Did I mention I hate small talk?

"15." At least Edward isn't talking. The last thing I need to hear is his overconfident, annoying voice.

"Oh...is it true you didn't have to take an entrance exam?" I snicker. Who the hell has been feeding Alphonse this information? Who am I going to have to kill in order to avoid the explanation that I didn't take the exam?

"What the hell? Of course I had to take it. What idiot told you that I didn't?" I look at Alphonse who is staring accusingly at his older brother. Oh. Of course, Edward would say such things. Wait who told him that? I'm betting Mustang...or Hughes...okay, someone is going to go through a lot of pain today. "Anyway, I took it. I got in like every other state alchemist." I hear Edward snort and glare at him. He glances at me and glares right back. I'm starting to dislike Full Metal more and more. What a stupid name too. Full Metal, why he isn't even full metal! He doesn't appear to have any metal limbs either. I mean, I know he has got an automail arm and leg but you can't see it. "Hey, you know I would have mistaken you for the elder brother and the Full Metal Alchemist, Alphonse."

"W-who m-me?" I nod vigorously as Edward glares at me even more.

"Sure, you're in a metal suit of armor hence the connection to 'Full Metal' plus you're taller." Edward growls.

"I'm right here you know." He states in an angry tone. I didn't know that someone could get so worked up about their height.

"I know." I reply smugly, walking ahead of the two into the building. Now that we are here, first step: FIND ROY MUSTANG AND BEAT HIM INTO A BLOODY PULP! I run off to find the office room, having no trouble locating it. After all, how difficult is it to find his office? I'm sure he's the only one around here who causes trouble. "ROY! MY LOVE! I'VE ARRIVED!" I yell rather evilly as I burst into the office. Astonishing enough, I see Hawkeye with a grin on her normally serious face, Havoc with a evil smirk, Fury looking quite scared of me and Breda who was just standing there. "So where is the bastard?" I ask. Havoc points to another door. With glee, I open the door and throw my suitcase at Roy's head.

"OW! DAMN WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT FOR WALTERS?" Roy howls as my very heavy suitcase hits the ground and he clutches his head in obviouspain. Mwahaha, I enjoy seeing others in pain.

"WHAT DO YOU THINK THAT'S FOR YOU TWIT?" I yell as I enter his office and slam the door behind me. "Why the HELL did you send Full Metal to 'welcome' me Roy?" Roy smirks at me. Ooo, I hate that smirk.

"I thought you two would get along." Along my ass! I despise Edward Elric. Sure, I've never met him but I've got my reasons. Stupid alchemist with his stupid no-transmutation-circles alchemy. With all his praises from people, other military personal. I heard that the Fuhrer adores him. Says he has 'great potential' and whatnot. Load of bull. "Are you angry Nao?" I slam my hands on the table.

"Damn STRAIGHT, I'm angry. What in the name of alchemy, possessed you to send him?" I hiss. Roy, who is grinning, just shrugs a response. His eyes though, tell me the whole story. "It's because I transmuted your uniform into a skirt and burned the rest of your clothes the last time I came isn't it?" Roy narrows his eyes. A-hah! I've got him. I think.

"Black Feather, it just so happens that Full Metal was the only available one at the time." Sure. What Roy doesn't know is that I know THAT HE HAS A BUNCH OF SLACKERS UNDER HIS COMMAND. I mean really, they couldn't have been all busy. Maybe Hawkeye but Havoc? Fury? Breda? I doubt it. I seriously, seriously doubt it. Damn bastard sending Full Metal. Damn Full Metal. I hate him. I HATE HIM. I HATE ROY, I HATE THE MILITARY! I glare at Roy who was smirking...again. He has officially pissed me off. I reach for the nearest metal object (a lamp) and grab it. Twitching, I grin madly at Roy and raise the lamp.

"I'LL FUCKING KILL YOU!"

"WALTERS DON'T YOU DARE!" Thunk.


OMAKE (a/n :because I can..written in third person! Some obvious Roy/Ed)

Roy Mustang stands upon his desk, yelling. Nao sits in front of it, clearly bored. "Do you KNOW who I am?" Nao rolls her eyes.

"Roy Mustang, Colonel, Flame Alchemist, pompous idiot."

"YES...wait, NO. I AM THE FLAME ALCHEMIST! MILLIONS OF PEOPLE WATCH MY SHOW JUST FOR ME!"

"You're show? And here I thought it was called FULL METAL ALCHEMIST not FLAME ALCHEMIST."

"The Full Metal Alchemist? I have more fans than that pipsqueak. It SHOULD be changed to the Flame Alchemist. For I have millions of fans..."

"Millions of fans eh? You do know that your fans would love to see you and Edward in bed together spooning..." Roy's face turns a slight red otherwise losing all other color. "And you know what they say Roy...spooning leads to forking.."